Broken Beginnings
by AmberSavage1234
Summary: Teen Stendan. AU Ste and Brendan when they are fifteen, set in Dublin. Based on them meeting at school and becoming friends, eventually becoming more. Warning - It has both Seamus and Terry in so will obviously have some upsetting scenes... starting from the first chapter. *Complete*
1. Chapter 1

**AN- This is basically teen Stendan. Cheryl is Brendan's older sister, she's around 18-20 and they both have the same mum. The mum is not mentioned in this chapter but should be in the next one. Seamus and Terry abuse Ste and Brendan in the same way they did on Hollyoaks, that's a warning to say there is going to be some upsetting scenes. Both Ste and Brendan are fifteen. Set in Dublin, erm I think that's it really. Thank-you for taking your time and reading! Oh and I may vary the POV I haven't decided yet but at the moment I'm sticking with Brendan's. Also the * is the beginning of a flashback, it also ends with a ***

**Brendan's POV-**

Every day in Brendan's life was the same. He would wake up and go to school, see the same people, do the same lessons and talk about the same things; day in day out. Every day he would work in the pub, tolerating his dad's sneers and gibes before walking the three miles back home and every day would end in the same way. His dad coming in through the front door, pissed out of his skull. He would struggle to walk up the stairs before opening Brendan's door and creeping in, locking it as he did so. Next the worst part would come, the part Brendan always tried to block out, the part he could never tell anyone about.

Brendan couldn't understand it. Couldn't understand why his dad treated him like pure shit, why he acted as if he was the lowest of the low, as if he was so much worse than _him_. He had done nothing wrong in his life, all he wanted was to be loved, cherished, but it wasn't to be and he has been living this way for fifteen years. Everyone else seemingly oblivious to what his dad was doing to him and he had prayed for help, had silently wished for someone to figure out what was wrong but no-one ever came to his rescue.

He only ever managed to escape his pitiful life, his nightmares and ultimately his dad through reading. He would read anything he could get his hands on, whether it be tragedies, classics or mystery stories. The only thing he wouldn't read was romantic novels, even if Romeo and Juliet was his favourite book and play. He had learnt what happened if his dad caught him with such '_filth_'. Seamus already finds his reading habit ridiculous and repulsive, claiming reading is for girls, Brendan hadn't argued, especially when his dad said reading made him _a dirty queer_. When he had eventually told his dad it wasn't, had finally stuck up for himself, Seamus had snapped, beating him black and blue until it was difficult for him to move for over a week. That _incident _had happened two years ago and Brendan hasn't disagreed with Seamus since.

"Brendan!" this is the second time Seamus has called him this morning. Brendan knows if he doesn't move soon then he's bound to get another black eye. His ribs are still burning from Seamus' most recent beating. "Brendan! Don't make me come and get you!". He shoots out of bed, body aching and protesting but it's either move with the pain he has now or face even worse in the near future.

"I'm coming dad!" he shouts back, throwing on some loose tracksuit bottoms and a white t-shirt, before quickly checking his bruised ribs. The swelling has gone down quite dramatically over the last few days, but the battering Seamus dished out to him last week, was still one of the worst Brendan has ever had to suffer. He walks down the stairs, tolerating and hiding the pain as best as he can, taking care to mask how much it hurts to do the simple task of breathing. He can hear Cheryl before he sees her, her bubbly laughter filling the kitchen and as he walks through the door she turns, a beaming smile on her face.

"Brendan!" she walks towards him and pulls him into a hug. He has to bite down on his lip to prevent himself groaning in pain and as he looks over Cheryl's shoulder, he can see Seamus smirking, looking extremely pleased with himself. "Brendan, I haven't seen you in so long!" she's being a bit dramatic considering she saw him last week, just before she moved out. Brendan hated it when Cheryl got in her car and drove to her new flat. Hated how his only protection, his big sister and pretty much his closest friend was leaving home. Most of all he hated the fact Seamus could do as he pleased, without the fear of Cheryl hearing Brendan cry out when his dad hit him.

"It hasn't been that long Chez" he mumbled, looking away from Seamus and finding a spot on the floor to look at. Seamus always managed to scare Brendan, even being in the presence of his older sister didn't comfort him and he was terrified. Constantly.

When Cheryl released him, he walked over to the kettle, politely saying excuse me to his dad as he filled it with fresh water. He could feel Seamus' and Cheryl's eyes on him as he stirred his tea and turned around to see what they wanted.

"What?" he questioned, voice laced with unmasked suspicion.

"Brendan, listen" Cheryl walks up to him and places a comforting hand on his shoulder. This only adds to Brendan's worries. "Me and dad…we're worried about you. You don't really go out much and a young lad like you should be up to all sorts by now…".

"I do go out Chez, I go to school every day. How do I not go out?" he doesn't need her worrying over him and he certainly doesn't want his dad's concerns. Although he suspects that is just another way Seamus is fooling Cheryl. He plays the supportive, loving and caring dad so well.

"I'm not talking about school Bren. I'm talking about after school, you just stay in your room all day, reading God knows what". Cheryl and Brendan look over at their dad, he's nodding and all Brendan wants to do is walk away. He can't be dealing with this today.

"I see Pete all the time and Malachy!" he's not lying; he _does_ see them…sometimes. Just not as often as his dad thinks, most of the time he is just walking around town, clearing his head and escaping for a few hours.

"Brendan, you don't go out often enough. I _know_ you don't, me and dad have discussed it and I just want you to know, you can talk about anything with me okay? Can tell me what is bothering you" he wishes he could tell Cheryl _exactly _what is bothering him, how he is terrified of the man who is supposed to love him unconditionally. How his dad sneaks into his room at night. How he's constantly in pain, constantly covered in bruises and constantly has his dads words in his head, calling him all of those vile, nasty names. He wishes he could tell her that, but one look at his dad tells him he cannot.

"Chez, I am_ fine_ okay! I'm going to do revision" he walks past Cheryl and makes his way up the stairs, before she can say anything. He loves his older sister more than anything in the world, but he feels like she's smothering him. Always wanting to know what he's up to, who he's with or what he's learning at school. It's infuriating. It's Sunday and he knows he is behind on his maths homework that is due in tomorrow but he just can't be arsed to do it. Instead he lies down on his bed and lets sleep take him once again.

-X-

It was just gone six when Brendan next awoke, the house was silent, the usual noise his dad makes no longer there. He was grateful because it only meant one thing, Seamus was out, probably getting pissed with his cronies but at least he was _out_.

He peels back the covers and pulls himself out of bed, sucking in a breath as his ribs once again immediately object, screaming for him to lie back down and rest. Brendan ignores them and walks down the stairs, thankful for an empty house for once, so he doesn't have to try and conceal his pain. When he gets downstairs he instantly walks over to the cupboard, trying to look for some pain medication; he's not surprised when he doesn't find any. After all, it was only last month when he overdosed…before he can even think; his mind has taken him back to that dark place.

*_Brendan has the pills in his hand, his dad's pain medication for his sciatica. He doesn't know if it will work, doesn't know if he will still be here to receive a bollocking from Seamus but he doesn't care. Just wants all of this to end and to grant his dad's wishes of him being dead, because after all- he is just an abortion that should have happened, someone who doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as other human beings. _

_Seamus has been taunting him all day, calling him every name under the sun and merely stating what he believes to be true, that Brendan is a little, weak faggot, deserves what he gets and should be dead…hopefully as soon as possible. Brendan has held back tears, he knew when he woke up that today would be the day, the day he would finally get away. Permanently. _

_He managed to steal the bottle of pills when Seamus was in the shower, taking them from the cupboard and sprinting into his bedroom. _

_That is where he is now, pills in one hand and a note to Cheryl in the other. He doesn't explain why he has done this, just telling Cheryl how much he loves her and telling her its better this way. He knows deep down only his dad will understand why he has done this, and a tear trickles down his cheek when he realises Seamus simply will not care, won't even feel an ounce of guilt._

_Brendan squeezes the pill bottle before emptying it onto his bed, he's not getting cold feet or procrastinating, he just needs to know this is real, that he is actually escaping the life he wishes he never had. He walks over to his wardrobe and takes out the bottle of vodka he had hidden there, then returns to the bed. He hears Seamus step out of the shower and rushes to lock his door, he does it just in time because at that moment the door handle begins to move and he can hear his dad screaming for him to let him in. Seamus starts throwing his weight against the door, profanities spilling from his mouth and Brendan grabs the pills, stuffs as many into his mouth as he can manage, swallows them down and repeats until they are gone._

_He quickly hides the vodka and pill bottles under his pillow just as Seamus smashes the door in, walking over to Brendan and dragging him to the floor by his hair. He doesn't even make a sound as his dad's foot smashes into his ribs and a fist flies into his face, he's too used to this, has been dealing with it for too long to even flinch anymore. He just takes it, lays down and lets his dad do what he wants, can feel the pills rattling in his empty stomach and he just focuses on that, the fact he's going to be gone soon. _

_His dad jolts to a stop when they both hear the front door close and Cheryl's voice filling the house. Seamus bends down and roughly picks Brendan up, he's in no fit state to walk by himself, can already feel the pills and his dad's 'punishment' having an effect on his body, can feel himself losing consciousness. The note is still scrunched up at the bottom of the bed as Seamus hurries to clean up his face, wiping away blood and tears as violently as he wants. When his dad thinks he has done as much as he can, he smirks and leaves, leaving Brendan holding his stomach and whimpering in pain, the medication ripping through his system and already hurting his organs._

_The next thing he knows Cheryl is walking in through the door, takes one look at Brendan, one look at the scrunched paper and tells her dad to call an ambulance. That is the last thing Brendan remembers before he lost all consciousness…*_

The sound of the front door closing shocks Brendan out of his daze and he hastily wipes away the tears that have formed in his eyes, doesn't want his dad to see him being so weak and feeble. He closes the cupboard door and turns, is greeted by Seamus' cold smile and narrowed eyes and Brendan instantly backs away as his dad steps closer, shrinking into himself when he knows what is coming.

"Brenda, do you want to know where I've been?" He cannot speak, just looks away from his dad, absolutely petrified. He doesn't want to know because the way Seamus is looking at him can only mean bad things; he has that glint in his eye, the one that tells Brendan he is out for blood. "I've been out with Nolan", _Nolan. _His godfather Nolan, the man who frequently enjoys watching Seamus beat his son until he's begging for it to end; he seems to get a sick pleasure out of it, like it _does it _for him. "And do you want to know what he said Brenda?" he's moved backwards until his back is pressed against the kitchen side, he has nowhere to go now, can only cower and pray for this to be over quickly. "He said my son is a pansy, a disgrace. That you're sick and you know what? He's right, look at you! Snivelling like a little girl, you are no son of mine!" Seamus emphasises each word by jabbing Brendan in the chest, so hard that the boy is sure another bruise will pop up in the next hour. It takes all of Brendan's strength to talk, terrified at what may happen now that he has spoken.

"Please dad…don't, please" he watches as Seamus lifts up his arm and pulls his hand back, closes his eyes as the closed fist comes towards him, ready to embrace the wounds that he is about to be given.

Seamus doesn't relent in his punches, keeps his strength throughout the whole beating. Punch after punch after punch. Aiming straight for his face and already battered ribs, hitting him and releasing all of his anger onto Brendan's body until his arm eventually tires.

Brendan lies on the floor. Completely broken, and as he hears the familiar sound of his dad's belt buckle open, the feeling of his bottoms and underwear being tugged down, he doesn't do anything. Knows that struggling will only make it one hundred times worse and moving will make it more painful. All he can do is pray and beg for it to be over quickly. When he feels his dad's body on top of him, his smoky and whisky breath in his face, he clamps his mouth shut. Doesn't want Seamus to relish in the pained cries Brendan releases as his dad rapes him.

-X-

It's been three hours since Seamus' attack and Brendan is curled up in his bed, skin red raw after his recent shower, after he had tried to scrub himself clean, washing and rubbing until his skin bled, but even that wasn't enough. He will never be clean again. He thinks back to his dads actions, wonders how his dad can do _that_ to him, not the just the beatings but _that_. Brendan knows it's sick, that no dad should ever do that to their child but he can't help and feel like he deserves it. Deserves it because he is weak, brings shame to his family, and humiliates them constantly. Most of all, and no matter how much he hates himself for it, no matter how much he doesn't want to have these feelings; he deserves it because his dad is right, he is a _queer_.

Brendan sniffs into his pillow and wipes away the stray tear that slips down his cheek. He wonders why his dad didn't wake him up earlier to work in the pub, then he remembers the beating and realises that's probably why. If he was in the pub Seamus couldn't have done _that _to him. His stomach grumbles and he realises he hasn't eaten all day, he doesn't leave his bed though, too scared to move at this point in time. He doesn't see a point in crying anymore, all it does is prove his dad is right. He is pathetic. He eventually falls into sleep, plagued with nightmares of his dad coming to get him.

-X-

"Brenda! Fucking get up NOW!"

He gets out of bed and shuffles over to his mirror, what he sees looking back at him makes his stomach churn. He has open gashes all over his face, his right eye is swollen so much he is surprised he can see out of it, his cheekbone is bruised and his lip is split wide open. He looks like he has done ten rounds with Muhammad Ali. He doesn't look at his ribs as he throws on his school uniform, doesn't want to see the devastation that will so undoubtedly be there, doesn't want to see how broken he truly is. He averts his eyes and sprays on some deodorant before straightening his tie, making sure everything is perfectly lined up. Brendan always has to feel smart, look a certain way to prove to people he is not feeble, has to act in a way to prove he is strong. Outside of this house he wears his bruises with pride, makes people believe he got them in a 'normal' fight and jokes about them seeing the other guy. He can't let them know the truth.

Brendan takes a final look at himself then walks out of the room, grabbing his bag off the landing before making his way downstairs. He turns the corner and finds Seamus draped over the sofa, glass of whisky in one hand and remote control in the other. He takes one look at his bloodied face and sneers, a grimace crossing over his face.

"Ah Brenda, hurry up and get out of my slight will you?" Brendan quickly walks into the kitchen and grabs a packet of crisps for breakfast, he's glad the school provide lunch because now he doesn't have to hang back and prepare it himself. He doesn't look at his dad as he walks out of the door, thankful for the hours away from him.

-X-

"Brendan, you're late. Care to explain?" The teacher says, shooting Brendan a look full of venom. She's always hated him, tries to find any excuse just to have a go.

"I'm sorry, I overslept…" Brendan says, grimacing when the pain ripping through his body becomes too much as he sits down in his place. He can feel everyone's eyes on him, probably gawping at the cuts on his face, maybe even wondering why he is always getting into fights. He knows what the teacher thinks, that he is just another little shit, bullying people and starting fights that he can't finish. If only she knew the truth.

"Well, don't let it happen again. Next time will be detention" she points her ruler and gives him a levelled look, narrowing her eyes and not even attempting to hide the disgust on her face. "Now class, we have someone new joining us today-" just as she says that the headmaster walks in, ushering a boy into the room.

Brendan feels his breath hitch when he sees the boy, marvelled by what he is seeing. He is perfect. Sun-kissed skin, light brown hair styled to perfection and from where he was sitting Brendan could tell the boy's lips were plush, soft and kissable. He trailed his eyes down, caught sight of the boy's unbuttoned shirt and the tie hanging loosely around his neck. Eyes' lingering on the boy's slightly toned, pliable body and he gulped, immediately feeling that rush of need coursing through his body. He dragged his eyes away and returned his gaze to the teacher, before his body started showing signs of his desire.

"Here he is" the teacher takes hold of the boy and brings him towards her, making him stand in front of the class. "This is Steven-"

"Ste" the boy interrupts and Brendan feels his body burn up at Steven's voice. An accent Brendan hasn't heard of before, sounds strange to his ears but God it's doing stuff to him right now. If just hearing Steven does this to him, he wonders what he would feel like if he was actually _touching _the other boy. The teacher audibly sighs and it takes Brendan away from his state of daydreaming.

"Okay then, _Ste_." Brendan watches as she looks around and rests her gaze on to the empty seat next to him. "You can sit next to Brendan, okay?", Steven looks up and stares at him, an unreadable expression on his face but Brendan is sure he can see a strange glint in his eyes, something he's certain is also being portrayed in his own eyes.

"Sure" Steven says, a slight smile playing on his lips as he walks over and takes his seat next to Brendan. They both look forward and listen to the teacher as she explains the lesson.

-X-

It's halfway through the class when Brendan realises he cannot take Steven's quick glances at him any longer, it's making him feel paranoid that Steven can see something he can't.

"Can I help you with something?" Brendan says, not looking up from his work and continuing with his English coursework. Steven audibly stutters as he tries to explain away the looks he has been giving him. It causes Brendan to smirk.

"N-no, sorry…I were just w-wondering if you could 'elp me? Don't want to make the teacher think I'm stupid…" Steven slumps in his chair and it is only now that Brendan is so close to him, sitting inches apart that he can really appreciate the other boy's beauty. His hair in a slight quiff, skin visibly soft and Brendan was right, he can tell Steven has the most kissable lips on this whole God damn planet. Steven looks at him and Brendan sucks in a breath, looking into Steven's ocean blue eyes makes him feel like his insides are melting…but he shouldn't feel like this, _can't _feel like this, it's simply not _right_, not _normal_. Even Seamus says so. Brendan clears his throat before talking.

"What do you need help with?"

"Can you just read this…make s-sure it's okay?" Steven's eyes are wide, nervous and clearly embarrassed with what he is asking Brendan to do.

"Sure.." Brendan leans over and takes Steven's work, bringing it over to his side of the table so he can read it. He's already read the first paragraph and he can't understand why Steven thought the teacher would think he was stupid, what he has written suggests the exact opposite. "Well, the teacher certainly won't think you're stupid Steven…".

"What's that supposed to mean?" once again Steven is looking at him, all nervous and fiddling with his hands.

"It means this is good" he passes the work back to the other boy and smiles lightly, he feels like he is being too nice, is never this pleasant to anyone and he feels the need to say something, _anything _to prove he isn't soft. "Just not as good as mine, eh?" he smirks as Steven rolls his eyes and smiles. It's strange how only half an hour together has immediately made Brendan feel light, especially as they have hardly spoken. "So, Steven…how did you get here then?"

"It's Ste and what do you mean?" Steven questions, brow furrowed in confusion. It only causes Brendan's heartbeat to increase in speed.

"Well I prefer Steven and I mean how did you come to Dublin? You're clearly not from around here?" he _clearly _isn't from around here, his accent is far too pronounced.

"Well clearly" the other boy looks at Brendan, expression light and teasing slightly. _Christ_, Brendan feels strange. "I came here with my mum and _Terry_" Brendan doesn't miss the way Steven practically spits the name out, voice laced with disgust but Brendan can sense there's more to it, something Steven is scared of. "He has business here…dragged us here so he can 'work'…". He does that funny thing with his fingers, the one that tells you 'work'is the last thing this _Terry _really does. "So what about you?", the question knocks Brendan for six, what does he mean '…about you?'

"What?"

"Well who do you live here with? I'm guessing you are from Dublin? Can tell by your whole 'Steven' thingy!" he tries to imitate an Irish accent and fails miserably, it does cause Brendan to laugh though, something he isn't used to doing very often.

"Yes I'm _obviously _from Dublin" Brendan snorts, holding back laughter before continuing. "I live with my dad…my sister just moved out" Brendan tries to manage the dark memories of his dad, doesn't want to go there while he is in the presence of Steven, and doesn't want the two of them things to clash, they are the complete opposites of each-other. He knows his eyes have clouded over, trying so hard not to picture the things his dad has done to him, and how he's made him feel small and frail. As he looks into Steven's eyes he knows, he hasn't contained the darkness and Steven can see, knows something's amiss but he doesn't push it, doesn't try and delve into Brendan's issue with his dad, all he has in his eyes is…understanding. Steven hasn't even asked about the cuts on his face, has just ignored them as though they are not there and it's only then Brendan notices the cut on the side of Steven's cheek. "How did you get that?" Brendan points to the gash and Steven lifts his hand to it, shaking his head.

"Scratched myself in my sleep didn't I?" Steven laughs but its hollow, emotion creeping up his throat and Brendan knows he is lying, it's clearly got something to do with _Terry _but he won't ask any more questions, he knows what it is like when people try to get involved. However, the thought of Steven being hit, being scared and cowering away from whoever the abuser is, makes Brendan's stomach knot, his mouth dry and his heart ache. He barely knows Steven but he already feels so attached to him.

"Hmm, so how do you find Dublin then?" he not-so-subtlety changes the subject, steering the conversation away from the dark path it was taking.

"It's alright, bit boring though aint it?"

"Depends on what kind of people you hang around with. Dublin is only what you make of it" Brendan smiles, it's genuine for the first time in ages. He strangely feels content talking to Steven, he's just making conversation so freely and naturally that it feels weird, but somehow feels _normal_ at the same time.

"E'yar, what do you do then? If Dublin is so 'great'" Steven is doing that little sarcastic hand thing again, it's funny because it's so childish, makes him look as if he is about ten. Brendan doesn't know how to reply to him because he doesn't _do _anything, Cheryl was right, he hardly goes out and when he does he isn't exactly socialising.

"I never said Dublin is great Steven, I'm just saying maybe you should give it a chance? Could be better than you expect?" Dublin won't be better than he expects, Brendan knows it, knows how shit it can be sometimes but he has new hope. Now that he has met Steven maybe they can be here for each-other? The look Steven is giving him suggests he is thinking the same.

"Maybe…but-"

"Ste, Brendan! Care to tell everyone else what is so important that you can't listen to the teacher?!" they had been so caught up in their own conversation that they had failed to notice the teacher addressing the class, telling everyone something that was clearly important. Now everyone was gawping at them as though they were just discussing their plans to steal the crown jewels.

"Sorry miss, won't happen again" Brendan says after noticing Steven open and close his mouth, not being able to get his words out while everyone's attention was on them.

"This is your last warning Brady, next time I'll be taking you to the principle" Brendan doesn't know what he did to make her hate him so much, must have been bad though to make her treat him like shit every day. As if he doesn't get enough of that at home. She turns back to the whiteboard, about to carry on with teaching when Steven pipes up.

"Wait!" he says and as the teacher turns around Brendan can see the sudden spout of confidence leaving Steven's body. "I-it's not his fault, I…were talking to him, and it was my fault…I'm sorry".

"Steven…" Brendan doesn't know why he speaks, but the thought of Ste getting into trouble for _him_, no, he won't have it. The teacher doesn't say anything, doesn't apologise to Brendan, just simply nods her head and turns back around. Everyone else isn't so quick to avert their eyes, still staring at Brendan and Ste as though they have two heads. However, the two boy's do not notice, too busy looking at each-other and smiling, Brendan silently thanking Steven and Ste silently telling him he's welcome.

-X-

Its lunch time now and Ste and Brendan are eating separately. Ste with his new friends Coleen and Alyson, and Brendan eating with Pete, Malachy and Aidan. They can see each-other in the lunch hall, every now and then lifting their heads and secretly smiling, Brendan hopes no-one has noticed the way he looks at Steven. The way his eyes trail up and down the other boy's body, smiling appreciatively. How his eyes lit up when the boy spoke to him in class and the way he is just _happy _when he is around him. If people noticed that then he would be fucked.

"Earth to Brendan?!" Aidan's suddenly talking to him, although the way his friend is glaring at him, Brendan guesses he has been trying to get through to him for a while. "What do you know about the new boy?", Brendan is taken aback by the question, do they suspect how he feels about Steven? Why else would they think _he _knows stuff about him?

"Why would I know anything about him?" Brendan asks, watching as Aidan averts his eyes and glances to Steven who is now putting his tray away behind them, he lowers his voice before speaking.

"Well…you two seemed pretty _close _earlier…I just thought-" Brendan can feel his blood boiling, was he suggesting…? Even if Brendan does feel like that, no-one…_no-one _can ever know.

"What the hell are you saying Aidan?" Brendan says through gritted teeth, barely concealing his rage. "Are you suggesting I'm queer or something?!"

"What? No, Brendan…it's just, everyone can tell Ste is _that way_ and I just thought-" Aidan is panicking, has seen Brendan lose his rag before and he doesn't want to be on the receiving end of his temper.

"Thought what Aidan? That I'm like him? A disgusting faggot? I'm nothing like Steven!" Both Aidan and Brendan hear a sharp intake of breath and both boys turn to look at the culprit. Steven is stood behind Brendan, tears in his eyes and shaking his head furiously. Brendan can tell he is more enraged then upset, can tell by the way Steven's eyes are swimming with anger and his fists are clenched at his sides. The sight of him actually makes Brendan ache in his chest.

"Steven…" He goes to stand up but Steven shoots him a look full of venom, spits out _'fuck you Brendan' _and walks away, a purpose in his step. To get as far away from Brendan as possible. He watches him leave, doesn't know what to do with himself. He's just hurt him, hurt Ste, called Steven what his own dad calls him and if Brendan's suspicions are correct then he knows Steven gets enough shit at home. Why does he always have to break everything? His dad is right, he's just a waste of air. He sits back down, mind cleared of anything but Steven's face when he heard what Brendan was saying about him.

"Brendan…that was harsh, you didn't need to blow your top…"

"Fuck off Aidan!" Brendan snarls, not in the mood for his 'friends' words. The rest of lunch is in silence.

-X-

It's the end of the day and Brendan has found it increasingly hard to concentrate on school work, being in the same room with Steven and not talking to him has killed him. All he wanted to do was apologise, prove to Steven that yes, he had said that stuff but he didn't mean it! Not in a long shot. Steven wouldn't have it though, every time Brendan had tried to talk, Steven simply told him to _'fuck off' _or stated _'I don't wanna hear it'. _Brendan was at a loose end, there was no way he could fix this if Steven wouldn't even let him talk. That boy had made Brendan happy when he hadn't felt that emotion in so long, now after only a day of knowing him Brendan had fucked it up. Massively.

Brendan sighs as he walks out of the classroom, everyone else had left over ten minutes ago but he always hung back, wanted to stay away from Seamus for as long as possible. As he walks out of the school entrance he can hear whimpering, the sound of laughing and the unmistakably noise of punches. Brendan walks around to the side of the building and the sight he sees makes his heart break and causes anger to fill his body. Steven is on the floor, the school bully 'Gaz' laying into him, calling him a "cock sucker" and a "shit licker" with every punch. It makes Brendan's body burn with rage.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" Brendan screams, running over to Gaz and punching him clear in the face, the bully stumbling backwards in shock and from the force of Brendan's fist. "Don't you ever touch him again!" Gaz doesn't reply, just stands gawping at him, bewildered. Brendan stands up and grabs him by the scruff of his collar, snarling in his face and tightening his grip. "You ever touch him again and I'll kill you, do you understand?!" Gaz manages to let out a choked 'yes' and Brendan releases him, pushing him away with all the energy he has. "Good, now fuck off" Gaz doesn't need telling twice, scarpers as soon as he can.

He leans down to touch Steven, check if he's okay but the other boy moves away from him and stands up, glaring at Brendan as though he is the one who has just caused his cuts.

"Don't touch me Brendan, I don't need your pity. Especially not now, I know what you _really _think of me. You know what? You just think I'm disgusting too don't you! That im a, what did you say? _Faggot_? Fuck you and stay away from me!" Ste is walking away before Brendan can even say anything, he knows he has a right to be angry but if he would just let Brendan explain.

"Steven, please…just let me-" He takes hold of Steven's arm but he manages to shrug out of the grip and push Brendan away before getting in close, nose to nose and speaking through gritted teeth.

"Don't you _ever _speak to me again Brendan, right? I've had enough of _your _kind" Steven walks away and this time Brendan doesn't follow, just watches him go, his head filling with the words, _your kind_. What is _his_ _kind_? He will have to ask Steven tomorrow, he will not let this go and as Steven disappears around the corner Brendan can't help feeling a pain low in his gut.

**So, first chapter done…tell me what you think :) x**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN - Wow, I would like to thank everyone for their reviews and I'm really glad you liked the first chapter. I hope you like this one just as much!**

**Brendan's POV –**

Brendan walks into the house, mind still focused on the argument he had with Steven. Why did he have to be such a dick? He always manages to push _everyone _away, there was no bloody need to speak about Steven like that, he could have just brushed Aidan off, told him to shut the fuck up but no. He had to lose his shit, slag Steven off and treat the other boy the way his father treats him. He had over-reacted and now, now he may have let everyone know about his dirty little secret. The way he had protested, saying he was nothing like Steven was too much, too over-the-top and he inwardly curses himself for being such a delinquent. He walks up the stairs slowly, being careful not to over exert himself and makes his way into his bedroom. Seamus will be waiting for him at the pub and he already knows he is late, will probably get yet _another _beating for not being there on time to pull pints for Seamus and his 'chums'. Brendan gets changed as quickly as he can without hurting himself, changes his school uniform for his grey trackie bottoms and black t-shirt, grabs his beanie and goes back downstairs. He doesn't grab anything to eat, doesn't have enough time and he takes one final look around the living room before walking out the front door.

-X-

"Brenda, where the fuck have you been?!" Seamus spits. He has Brendan pinned up against the wall, down in the cellar away from prying eyes. He's snarling and baring his teeth, knowing his son shrinks into himself when he looks like this. Brendan can't do anything, feels boneless because his body is crippling with fear. He just has to take what his dad gives him and hope its only torturous words.

"I'm sorry dad, I-I was held back at school…" Brendan is shaking with fear, tears glistening his eyes and when Seamus lifts his hand, to injure Brendan once again, he closes his eyes, awaiting the punch with a sense of _just-get-it-over-and-done-with_. The punch never comes.

"What are you flinching for? I'm not gonna hit you Brenda" Seamus likes playing these games, often makes it look like he is going to hit Brendan just to see the young boy brace himself. It's like he enjoys the fear he can make Brendan feel, the control his has over his son when he hits him. The older man moves his hands up until he is grabbing Brendan's T-shirt, scrunching it up in his fist before dragging Brendan to the stairs. "Move boy, and don't you _dare _make a fool out of me," he pushes him and Brendan stumbles to regain his balance, nearly falling over with the force of the shove.

He walks up the stairs, his dad pressed close behind him and he tries to control the slight tremble of his body, can't let his dad's 'friends' see how scared he is. When he reaches the bar, he immediately steps behind it, pulling pints and making drinks for everyone at a lightning-quick speed, ignoring his pain because the quicker he does this, the quicker the punters leave, the quicker he can go home and the quicker the next day comes, the quicker he can see Steven again. He keeps going, everyone asking for the same drinks; either a pint of Guinness or a glass of Whisky, always the same. Seamus and his buddies are sat in their usual seats, the far right-hand corner and they don't speak to Brendan until their drinks run out or they need something. Occasionally saying things like _"Princess, another drink" _or _"Fairy, come and empty the ashtray"_, never saying anything nice but in all honesty what did Brendan expect? Them to be kind to him and treat him like a normal human being? _As if_.

He can see the four men clearly from his place behind the bar; can see all of their expressions as though he is stood directly in front of them. Nolan is sat next to his dad, face like a bulldog-chewing-a-wasp, waistline expanding and every so often he takes a drag from his cigarette or sloshes a gulp of Whisky. Colman, being the 'underdog' out of the group is sat at the far end of the table, face the colour of beetroot and smoking his way through a twenty pack of cigarettes. Brendan reckons he will have smoked them all by the time the night is through. Fergal, probably the 'nicest' out of the lot is seated at the other end, laughing and joking with Brendan's dad about God knows what. They are more than likely sharing the crude jokes about women they have collected, each one being viler than the last. Just hearing them makes Brendan shudder.

Then there is Seamus, sat in the middle of the group, the other men hanging off his every word because he is the 'leader', the head of the bunch, the king of the nest. It makes Brendan sick, seeing his dad sitting in a haze of smoke, drinking without a care in the world, when really he is a sick, sick man. Someone who can beat a child, do _that_ to his own son and feel no remorse, no guilt; ultimately he is a psychopath. Seamus looks at him then, sneering and standing up, about to walk towards him but the pub doors open and a tall, skinny man walks in. His dad turns and a smile creeps on his face as he steps forward and shakes the man's hand.

"You alright mate?" Seamus asks and the other man nods, before taking a seat next to Fergal. Seamus stands and looks at Brendan for a few seconds before speaking. "Get Terry a drink Brenda!".

_Terry_. Brendan can't move because that name is just going around and around in his head, _Terry_. It couldn't be the same...? No, it couldn't be…but Brendan has never heard Seamus talking about a Terry before? Surely it can't just a coincidence? This man looks like he could be _that _way, the type of bloke Seamus is. The type that would give you a slap and not think twice about it but Steven's _Terry_, here in his dad's pub? He doesn't know what to do, just stands, gawping at this man; that is until Seamus yells at him to get a move on.

-X-

It's been two hours since Terry's arrival and Seamus is ushering the rest of the punters out, so he can have a lock in with his cronies, of course Brendan cannot go, he is the one managing the bar, this way the men do not even have to move. He looks over at the newest member of the group, Terry seems to be fitting in nicely, laughing with the other men as though he has always been there and it makes Brendan uneasy. Makes him want to leave this pub and never look back. The idea of this being the same man who hurts Steven is making Brendan enraged, he hardly knows the other boy but he wants to protect him and if this is the same Terry then all he wants to do is walk over to that table, grab the man and kill him.

"Boy, pour me a Whisky" Seamus snarls and Brendan does, tears his eyes away from Terry and makes the drink, passing it to Seamus within thirty seconds. His dad takes it off of him and walks back over to the other four men, not one of them even looking at Brendan to see what he is doing. Just as Brendan is about to put the Whisky bottle away he hesitates, turning it over in his hand and subtly reaching for another glass.

He's had a good night, hasn't messed up once, and even though he has been rushed off his feet, he has gotten every single order right. He has done exactly what his dad has told him to do and without even questioning anything. He pours himself a glass, watching as the amber-coloured liquid goes in and he's fifteen years of age, a little shot of Whisky can do no harm, what's the worst that can happen? Maybe this will prove he isn't the 'fairy' or 'daddy's little girl' that everyone says he is. He lifts the glass to his lips, knocking the drink back and grimacing as it burns his throat. The burn being so much worse than the Vodka he has drunk in the past and before he knows what is happening his dad is behind him, watching him feel the aftershocks of the alcohol.

Brendan freezes in place, terrified of what his dad is going to do to him. This is it; this is just the excuse Seamus needed to give him another black-eye, another punch to the ribs, or worse, another round of _that_.

"Well Brenda, is that all you can handle? One measly glass?" Seamus turns and orders all of his cronies to step up to the bar, telling them all to put their drinks in front of Brendan. "If you want to be a man, you're gonna have to prove it" Seamus sneers, that deadly smile creeping on his face again. Brendan knows what he has to do and moves his hand forward, picks up a glass and downs the liquid, does it again and again until his stomach is churning, until he feels like he cannot go on anymore but then he swallows another glass and that's the end of it, that's when he proves to his dad he cannot handle it. He's sick, all over the bar, the floor, himself and Seamus is laughing, they're all laughing at him, sneering and poking him as he spills his guts. So violently that Brendan feels like he is dying, his stomach knotting and flipping, twisting as his body releases the alcohol he has just consumed.

"Ah lads, look, he's no man. He's still that same, silly girl. From now on you don't call him Brendan, he's Brenda." Seamus taunts, he has always called Brendan the female alternative of his name but now he is making his friends do it too. As though them calling him a princess isn't enough and Brendan can't take it, he runs to the toilet, tears streaming down his face and vomit coming from his mouth…

Even when Brendan is at home, throwing up in his own toilet, the only thing he can hear is his dad. Chanting, Brenda, Brenda, Brenda over and over again.

-X-

"Brendan, get up! For Christ sakes, your GCSE's are in _three _months!"

Brendan groans and rolls over, lifting his pillow over his head to block out Cheryl's voice. It's seven am, he's had three hours sleep, he's sporting the hangover from hell and he smells like sick, to put it bluntly he feels like pure shit. Luckily, the state he was in last night was enough punishment, according to Seamus and he didn't have to endure his dad's beatings. Every cloud after all.

"Brendan, seriously don't make me go and get a bucket! I swear to God if you don't-"

"Okay Chez!" Brendan interrupts, he has no idea why Cheryl is here, screeching into his ear at _this _time of the morning and he sits up abruptly, getting ready to question her and completely forgetting about the bruises on his ribs. Cheryl obviously cannot miss the ones on his face and he tells her the same as he tells everyone else, that he gets into fights, little scuffles that all teenage boys engage in. Cheryl being the trusting and naïve person she is believes Brendan, never questioning him or trying to delve deeper.

"Bren…what is that?" Cheryl gasps, pulling the duvet down, enabling her to see the bruises in all their glory. Brendan tries to hide them from her, covers them with his hands but Cheryl bats them away, refusing to let him conceal anything from her view. She trails her gaze up and down his torso, eyes widening as she takes in the deep purples marks and the finger-tip shaped bruises on Brendan's chest, left there from Seamus' last attack. "Brendan? Who did this to you?", she says, trying to hold back the tears that are threatening to fall. This is why Brendan didn't want her to see his body, his face she can deal with, but his body is one hundred times worse.

"I got in a fight…obviously they won" Brendan says, chuckling and feigning indifference. The look of concern that was on Cheryl's face quickly turns to anger, her tears vanishing and her face splitting into a grimace. Brendan knows he has fooled her once again.

"What the _fuck _Brendan?! Why are you _always _getting into fights?" Cheryl questions, slightly exasperated. Brendan knows what she must think; probably thinks he is out of control just like everyone else does.

"I can't help it if he started on me Chez…" Brendan mumbles, unable to look Cheryl in the eye, knowing he'll only see a face full of disappointment.

"Violence is _not _the answer Brendan! What is wrong with you?!" she's shouting now, flailing her arms in the air and sighing on each breath.

"Don't shout at me! And _don't _get all high and mighty! You were twice as bad when you were my age!" Cheryl was _more _than twice as worse, she was off the rails. Always drinking, smoking, starting fights, getting arrested…all Brendan has done was drink a little bit of Vodka and thrown a few punches here and there.

"That was…different" she visibly deflates, obviously going back to that dark time but Brendan won't let it go, not after she just had a go at him.

"Why Cheryl? Why was it different? I have done _nothing _wrong, whereas _you _did!" Brendan shouts, rage radiating from his body.

"You know it was different Brendan!"

"Why? Because of mum?! IT WASN'T JUST HARD FOR YOU CHERYL!" Brendan roars, all of the anger he has stored up, all of the pain is spilling out of him; causing him to take it out on Cheryl.

"Don't bring her into this Brendan!" Cheryl sighs, no longer having the energy to shout. It's always the same, whenever she and Brendan argue it always ends on the same subject. Their mum. She knows it wasn't just upsetting for her, that Brendan took it hard too but he was only nine years old and Cheryl was fourteen, he didn't have that connection she shared with their mum, was nowhere near as close. It didn't rip his heart out like it did Cheryl's and just thinking about it causes her to well up, a tear escaping down her cheek. Brendan lifts his head to look at Cheryl when he hears sniffing, can see how upset his sister is by the talk of their mum and no matter how angry he is, he won't let her stand there crying with him comforting her.

"Im sorry Chez" he moves over in the bed, making enough space for Cheryl to squeeze in next to him. "Come here". Sometimes it's strange to think Cheryl is the eldest, the way she and Brendan are with each-other suggests the exact opposite. Brendan always being the strong one, looking out for his sister, comforting her when she needs it and sticking up for her when things turn sour. Cheryl is the one who seeks comfort, always needing Brendan's reassurance for anything and everything, but most of all she is the untainted one, free and innocent. She is the one who doesn't carry the demons out of the two.

"I'm sorry for having a go at you Bren, it's just…I don't want you getting into trouble. Look what happened to me when I got into that fight with Caoimhe…". _Caoimhe_. The girl Brendan still despises for trying to press charges against Cheryl, if you had asked him then he would have said the little bitch deserved the punch Cheryl gave her. Saying stuff- _evil stuff_, about their mum, luckily there were plenty of witnesses to prove she had provoked his sister.

"You don't need to worry about me Cheryl, I promise okay? And anyway, that tart deserved a smack!" Brendan jokes, smirking at Cheryl's disapproving face before she too, breaks out into a smile.

"Brendan…" he can tell he isn't going to like the next part of this sentence, the way Cheryl has a serious expression on her face and her eyes cold…distant.

"What?"

"I'm…" she sighs and takes hold of Brendan's hand, trying to prepare him for what she is about to say. "I'm going to see mum today…" Cheryl feels Brendan tense underneath her hand, the subject of visiting their mum is still upsetting for Brendan, it still reminds him of what happened the last time he went to see her. "Do you want me to tell her anything for you? Give her a message or…?"

"What's the point Chez? She doesn't care" Brendan sighs, standing up from the bed and grabbing his towel off his desk. Even if he need give Cheryl a message, he knows 'their' mum wouldn't care, would barely bat an eyelid.

"Brendan, of course she cares! You're her flesh and blood, you just need-"

"Cheryl! Drop it okay, I'm going for a shower…"

Cheryl looks at him, can see he isn't in the mood to talk about their mum, probably never will be and she walks towards him, kisses him lightly on his forehead, tells him to behave and leaves, letting Brendan get ready for school.

-X-

"You're late again" the teacher mumbles, she doesn't even look up at Brendan when she speaks, "I'm giving you detention". He doesn't argue, doesn't have the energy to do so anymore, as if seeing Steven and trying to get him to listen wasn't enough today, now he has to deal with the knowledge of Cheryl seeing their mum. He can't be dealing with a petty squabble with Mrs _I-hate-your-guts _right now.

"Okay…" he looks over to his desk and realises Steven isn't in his usual seat, instead William Savage has taken up residence and Steven is on the other side of the room. Brendan cannot contain the sigh of disappointment as he walks forward and sits down, he can feel Steven shooting daggers into his back and it makes him slightly uncomfortable…although it could just be the fact he is sitting next to Will. Last time Brendan and Will were sat together it had ended in Brendan announcing Will's plans to ruin Texas and his brother Dodger, to Brendan's amusement he was then pushed out of his chair by Texas' best-friend Leanne. The whole thing was hilarious and now everyone knows how much of a slimy worm Will actually is. "Ah, William…what are you doing in Steven's seat?"

Will looks at Brendan, face full of unmasked disgust and hatred. "He said he can't sit here anymore" Will sneers, tone barely above a whisper, "said he doesn't want to sit anywhere near _you_!". That stings Brendan, he didn't want Steven to feel like that, for the first time in his life he actually _cared _about having someone there, to be friends with that person and now he has completely fucked it up.

"Really?" Brendan asks, not because he doesn't believe Will, but because he doesn't want to accept it. Will nods, so Brendan carries on. "But why did he have to swap with _you_?" he says, looking at Will with distaste.

"Because Brendan, his friend sits in the seat that is next to mine…God". He looks behind himself again and sure enough Will was telling the truth, Steven and Alyson are laughing at something on one of their phones, Steven's eyes wide with happiness. "What did you do Brendan? What did you do to make him hate you?" Will asks and Brendan looks at him, ready to see the other boys smirking face but instead Will looks genuinely curious.

"I did nothing…okay?" Brendan mumbles and Will laughs, actually _laughs_ before speaking again.

"Brendan, since when do you just do _nothing_?" he says, laughing at Brendan's expense, but then his face changes into something else. Knowing. "This is about him isn't it?".

"I don't know what you mean?" Brendan says, but he does know, can guess Will is comparing Steven and the other boy.

"Everyone knows what you are like with gay people Brendan, what did you say? Did you do the same to Ste that you did to Macca? Eh?" Will mocks, pressing on as he sees Brendan tense at the name, saying he knows what he said to Macca, how he had 'bullied' him apparently. How was Will supposed to know Brendan had only pushed his old best-friend, his confidant away because he liked him. Had to push him away to stop himself from acting on his feelings. Brendan knows the way he feels about other boys is an act of the devil, God testing him and seeing if he will give in to temptation, seeing if Brendan will burn in hell for being a _queer_, just like Seamus says they do. Will keeps going on, continues to push, telling Brendan he can't treat people like that, how it's no wonder he has no friends when he can't even be nice to the new kid. He has no idea and Brendan just _can't _listen to what he is saying or his fucking voice anymore.

"Shut up William!" he says, gritting his teeth as he tries to maintain his composure, doesn't want Steven seeing him lose his temper _again_. He knows if he does then the chances of Steven forgiving him are going to be even slimmer.

"Why Brendan? Truth hurts eh?" Will gibes, and he just _won't _let it go, _keeps _going on even now, Brendan's willpower to not do anything has completely vanished and as Will says Steven's name again, Brendan stands up, grabbing Will's water bottle and squeezing it over his head. It's either this or use his fists and he can't do that with Steven there.

"I told you to shut up, you fucking freak!" Brendan shouts, as Will splutters and water drips down his face. The room goes deathly silent and Brendan looks around, can see everyone staring at Will, gawping and whispering. The only person who is looking at Brendan is Steven, his face clear of any emotion and Brendan feels a pain in his chest, pure disappointment washing through his body, once again making himself look like a thug who can't control their temper. Brendan opens his mouth to say something, to ask Steven just to listen to him, to apologise and say he's sorry he had to see that but he can't; there is too many people around, too many people to see how desperate Brendan is just to get Ste to hear him out and after yesterday the risk of people guessing how Brendan feels is too high.

"Brendan Brady!" the teacher suddenly screams, making everyone in the room jump with the abruptness of it. "Get out of my classroom!", he walks towards the door and when he reaches it, takes another look around the classroom. Everyone's eyes are now on him, awaiting his departure but Steven's are downcast, he can't even look at him and Brendan has to swallow the lump that forms in his throat, before walking out and shutting the door behind him…

He's stood outside the classroom now and he can hear the teacher asking Will if he's okay, Brendan laughs because it's only water, it's not like he has _hurt _Will. Maybe made him look like a dick and bruised his ego but compared to what Brendan _could _have done, a bit of water is nothing.

He can't stop thinking about Steven, the way he didn't even look at Will and just kept his eyes focused on him the entire time. The way he couldn't look as Brendan left the classroom and the way he showed no emotion what-so-ever. Nothing to show Brendan what he was thinking or how he feels about him. If he hates him or just has no feeling towards him at all and Brendan can't deal with it. He's never met someone who has had the ability to get under his skin like this, crawl into his brain and set up camp there, make him think of nothing or no-one else. It's a strange feeling, thinking about someone this much; with Macca, Brendan _wanted _him, wanted to see what his lips felt like against his, but he never felt like he _needed _to feel him. _Needed_ to taste him or touch him, whereas Steven…Brendan just can't get his thoughts in order to even process how he feels. He hears the classroom door open and stands up straight, doesn't want the teacher to see him slouching around.

"Brendan, what was all that about?" the teacher asks, she doesn't look angry anymore just tired, tired of Brendan's 'bad' behaviour.

"Nothing miss…it won't happen again, I promise…"

"If you keep this up, I'm going to have to call your dad in" She says and Brendan feels the colour drain from his face. The last time his dad was called into school, the consequences were deadly…

_*"Brendan, you know why you're here today don't you?" the teacher asks, looking slightly concerned at Brendan's paling complexion. He does know why he is here, for apparently 'bullying' Macca, but he can't be here. Can't be here because that means his dad is coming in and he can't, he can't face his dad again. It was only yesterday when he had received a smack, just for getting a question in his homework wrong. The teacher tilts her head to look at him closer, "Brendan? Can you answer me please…"._

"_Huh…oh yeah, I do…", Brendan replies, although the simple task of talking is hard to do when he is so terrified of what his dad is going to do to him when they get home. _

"_And Mr Brady, do you know why we are here?" the teacher says, this time directing her gaze onto his dad. Seamus looks in-between her and Brendan, his eyes cold and stony, making Brendan tense with fear as his dad's eyes penetrate his body. Seamus looks at the teacher and smiles. One of those smiles which hides all of the rage he is feeling, conceals the sick thoughts he is thinking._

"_Yes miss, I know why we are here. It seems my son-" Seamus grips Brendan's shoulder-hard and squeezes, hard enough to make Brendan wince. The teacher pretends she hasn't noticed. "-Cannot keep his thoughts to himself, doesn't it?"._

"_Sir, we would like to discuss the way Brendan has been treating Macca. His parents have complained, claiming your son has been making Macca's life hell for the past three weeks". The teacher says and Brendan can feel himself getting smaller, wanting to run away but knowing he can't, there's no escaping this._

"_Okay" Seamus says, in a tone that's reeking disappointment and anger. "What do you expect me to do about it? Boys will be boys after all"._

"_Well, you do whatever punishment you see fit, we are only here to tell you, we won't stand for bullying or targeting behaviour.". The teacher says, not caring about what she has just said, how she has just told Seamus to 'punish' him in 'whatever' way he seems fit. What she's just done is offer the predator, the prey on a silver platter._

"_Is that all then?" Seamus asks, seemingly eager to get away and Brendan knows there is only one reason for this._

"_Yes that is all," the teacher replies and Seamus stands up, thanking her for her time and telling Brendan to move out of the door. Brendan looks back, a pleading look in his eyes but the teacher looks away, cannot look at him as Seamus leads the way outside…_

_When they reach home Seamus unbuckles his belt, telling Brendan he is a disgrace and an embarrassment, how he deserves what he is about to get for bringing shame to the family name and as he brings the belt down onto Brendan's body, the young boy whimpers in pain, not containing his cries as the belt rips into his skin, over and over again.*_

The school bell rips him from his thoughts, alerting him and telling him its break time, although he doesn't have a break thanks to Will. He gives the teacher a parting smirk before making his way to the detention room.

-X-

"Brendan, Brendan, Brendan…" the principal mumbles as he passes Brendan a piece of paper and a pen. He hates this man, everything about him. His greasy, slicked-backed-with-gel hair, his overweight form that causes his suit to strain against the fat and the way he patronises _everyone_. "What are we going to do with you then?".

"I can't help you there, _sir…_" Brendan says, picking up the pen and inspecting the top of it, the way the end has been chewed by various different pupils.

"Whatever Will said to you…there was no excuse for that behaviour Brendan. How many times do we have to tell you?" he sighs, slumping down in his chair and looking at Brendan intently.

"I don't know…but Will…he was-"

"I don't care what he did or said Brendan, you _cannot _live your life behaving like this!" he says, looking at Brendan with more anger in his eyes.

"I know…I'm sorry okay?" Brendan says, even though he isn't sorry in the slightest. Will deserved what he got and anyway he can't understand why they are all fussing over some water, it's pathetic. The principle glares at Brendan before sorting through the papers that lie in front of him, marking and checking through other peoples work.

Brendan looks down at the paper and wonders why the principle gave it to him, was he meant to write lines? Was he meant to write an apology letter? _Fuck that_. His mind travels back to Steven, the way he is making him feel, the way he looks, the way he just _is _and the way he has never felt like this before. He needs to make him listen, will not let Steven leave after school before he has spoken to him. He has nothing good in his life and this other boy, he could be it, he could be the one to help Brendan and the one to listen to him, the one to…love him. Brendan looks back down to the paper and begins to draw, anything just to pass the time…

-X-

It's lunch time now, the previous lessons were filled with unresolved tension. Will was giving Brendan death glares, not concealing the loathing and rage he felt towards him and often snorting when Brendan walked past. Steven was quiet, would barely make a sound and whenever Coleen or Alyson tried to joke with him, he just brushed them away and glanced at Brendan. Their eyes had met many times but neither of them had spoken to the other. Ste simply because he was still furious and hurt by what Brendan had said and Brendan because he wanted to apologise, and talk to Steven in private. Didn't want giggly girls or inquisitive eyes to witness, which will so undoubtedly be a heated argument.

Brendan is sat with the usual boys, talking about girls, drink, work, just the normal things and Steven is with Alyson, he keeps glancing over at Brendan, looks like he wants to do something and whatever it is, it doesn't look good. Brendan tries to ignore him and carry on talking to Pete but he can feel Steven's eyes on him, can feel the _heat _radiating from the other boy and he just can't take it anymore, he needs to do _something_, anything just to stop those daggers. He looks back to see Steven stand up and make his way to the tray holder, Alyson is tagging along so Brendan decides to leave it, still doesn't want her around when him and Steven talk. He turns his attention back to Pete to carry on their conversation.

"So, what do you think of that Eileen then Brendan? She seems to have the hots for you" Pete says, speaking around a mouthful of jacket potato and beans.

"She's not my type Peter, you can have her…" Brendan replies, he knows this is going to please Pete; Brendan is always the one to have the girl's attention, they're constantly throwing themselves at him and poor Pete is left with no-one. This to Pete, will feel like Brendan is handing him the holy grail. Especially as Eileen is one of the most beautiful girls in the school.

"Thanks Brendan, hey but what about-" a loud crash interrupts Pete and the whole lunch hall turns silent, everyone looking out for the cause of the noise.

"You fucker!" _Steven_. Brendan turns around when he hears that voice and stiffens at the slight, once again Steven is on the floor and Gaz is towering above him, baring his teeth and holding up a clenched fist. Brendan doesn't even need to think about what he is going to do, before anyone can move or any words are spoken, he is out of his seat. Walking towards Gaz and pulling him back by the hem of his hoodie.

"What the _fuck _did I tell you?!" Brendan yells, everyone in the room is deathly quiet, drinking in the sight before them and barely breathing just to hear what is being said. Brendan doesn't even care about the eyes on him, wondering why he is protecting the boy he called a 'faggot', he is too enraged, too caught up in helping the boy he can't get out of his head. Gaz audibly stutters, shaking in Brendan's grip as the latter moves closer and closer towards him.

"I'm sorry Brendan…he just…" Gaz stammers, nearly in tears with the way Brendan is looking at him. Steven is stood up by now, wiping the blood of his lip and smoothing down his clothes. He can't understand why Brendan is doing this, why he helped him with Gaz yesterday and why he is helping him again now. Yes they need to talk, yes Brendan tried to speak to him yesterday and yes they have been looking at each-other all day but this 'protecting' is going too far.

"He what Gaz? Hmmm, he what?" Brendan cannot contain himself anymore and he lets go of Gaz, pulls back his arm, getting ready to hit the bully again but Steven stops him, grabs his wrist and pulls him out of the cafeteria. It all happens so fast that Brendan cannot stop himself being dragged, just allows Steven to pull him away from the situation they were in. When they reach the doors Steven lets go of his wrist, turning on Brendan and getting right up into his personal space.

"What the _hell _are you playing at?!" he says, anger laced in his voice and Brendan doesn't understand, he just stopped the other boy getting hit again and now _he _is the one Steven is angry with.

"What Steven? I just stopped that thug hitting you again!" Brendan replies and Steven backs away, sighing and rubbing his forehead.

"I know that Brendan, but _why_? I disgust you, remember?"

"Steven…I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean-"

"Then why say it Brendan?! Why fucking say it? Do _you _even know what that's like? To hear someone say that about you? I've fucking had _enough _of it, okay?! I'm _gay_, not a fucking faggot, queer, or whatever the fuck you guys call it!" Steven yells, flailing his arms in the air and narrowly missing smacking Brendan straight in the face.

"What do you mean, _you guy_s?"

"I mean Brendan, the homophobic guys! Because that's what you are isn't it?!"

Brendan clears his throat, he thought he could just apologise to Steven and that would be it, they could go back to talking the way they did yesterday when they first met. He didn't think Steven would be like this, all feisty and questioning. It knocks Brendan for six and he can't speak with the shock of it.

"That's what I thought" Steven starts nodding his head and smiling like he's just discovered all the secrets in the world, "you know what? When me and you first spoke I thought you were gonna be a good mate! And then I overhear _that_! What is wrong with you?"

"I don't have a problem with gay people Steven…I don't, it's just…I'm just sorry, please, just forgive me?!" Brendan pleads, he has never wanted forgiveness more in his entire life, he _needs _Steven to forgive him. Steven looks like he is considering him for a moment, looks like he may actually forgive Brendan but then he laughs, hollow and bitter.

"I don't believe you Brendan! What do you want from me eh? I hardly even know you!"

"I just want to be your friend Steven…please!" Brendan sighs, he's not lying, he _does _want to be Steven's friend…although he'll be lying if he said he wouldn't like to be more.

"You know what? If you want it that badly then prove it!" Steven says and before Brendan can reply the other boy is walking away again, leaving Brendan to watch as he goes.

**Please review x**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, firstly thank-you SO much for the reviews! They mean a great deal to me and honestly it gives me the strength to carry on when I'm having a bad day. Secondly, I apologise for the wait and if you do not like long chapters, I got carried away…majorly. Lastly, I am not giving up on 'Allure' in fact I am going to start writing the final (yes final) chapter soon but don't fret, I am planning to do a sequel which I will hopefully like writing a LOT more…shouldn't be hard considering I hated Allure (haha) ,anyway enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think. **

**Oh, this - ** is a dream, and this - * is a flashback, too many bloody asterisks all over the place. Chow x**

**Brendan's POV**

Steven's walking away, making the space between them even larger with every step and Brendan won't have it, this is not the way it was supposed to go at all. There is no-one else around, just him and Steven's retreating form and before Brendan can even realise what he is doing, his feet are moving, chasing Steven as he continues to walk away.

"Hey, hey. Where are you going?" Brendan shouts, only about a foot away from Steven now. The other boy stops and turns for a second, hands in his trouser pockets before continuing to walk away.

"What is it to you, Brendan?" Steven asks, his tone already suggesting he is bored of Brendan's relentless pursuit, his body language proving he would rather be anywhere but here right now.

"I don't want you leaving like this!" Brendan replies, exasperated.

"Like what Brendan?" Brendan has his hand wrapped around Steven's wrist now, preventing him from walking away again. He exhales slowly, keeping his anger in check because Steven still isn't _listening _to him and he doesn't know what to do. This situation is completely out of his control, he can't ridicule Steven like he did with Macca and in all honesty, he doesn't want to anyway. Behaviour like that will not help here, Steven is stronger than that, stronger than Macca and Brendan can tell he won't stand for it. He steadies his voice, calming his breathing before talking.

"I don't…" he clears his throat, the words becoming thick like tar in his neck. "I don't want you leaving when you're angry with me…" he loosens his grip on Steven's arm, testing the waters and the other boy doesn't run away, doesn't move to escape from Brendan again.

Steven sighs, looking Brendan straight in the eyes and when he talks it's with a different tone. The anger is still there but he just sounds…tired, like he's tired of everything, of this whole situation, of Brendan. "Brendan, of course I'm angry with you. And disappointed because I actually thought we were mates…I actually thought we could be friends but clearly not! I just…I just don't understand why you would say that?!".

"I said im sorry didn't I?! I didn't mean it…I don't know what else you want me to do, Steven!". He's at his wits end, if Steven asked him to get on his knees and beg then he would; although he hopes he doesn't, that would be highly embarrassing. This feeling isn't normal, he feels drawn to the other boy and he reckons if Steven told him to fuck off right now then he would be crushed.

"Why did you help me with Gaz?" Steven asks, tone neutral, like the answer doesn't even matter to him and Brendan is once again shocked into silence by the abrupt change of subject. "Well?".

"No-one else was going to help you, Steven. I couldn't just let him hit you like that…it's not fair". It wasn't fair, Brendan _couldn't _just let Steven be treated like that. Not by anyone and especially not in front of the whole school, no-one else was going to stop Gaz so it was up to him. He blocks out the voice which is telling him, he didn't just do it to defend the other boy.

"Why do you even care Brendan?" Steven sighs, rubbing his forehead. Seemingly wiping away the invisible crease lines that lie there. "Just…why?".

"Like I said, I just want to be your friend. Anyway I-". He's interrupted by the school bell and he feels irritation creep over him, he's so unsure of what is happening, if he and Steven have sorted anything out, if they can put the past behind them and he's just pissed off. Pissed off at himself for even causing this, for making Steven upset and angry. He's pissed off at his life, the way nothing ever goes right for him, pissed off at his dad, his school work and Cheryl. Fucking furious at himself because he has no friends and that's _his _fault, furious that Will had the nerve to put Macca and Steven into the same conversation and he's just had enough. Enough of this shit thing he calls a life.

"Brendan…", he didn't realise he had zoned out and now the corridor is full of bustling teenagers, trying to get to their next class. "Brendan, are you okay?", Steven looks concerned, face scrunched up with anxiety and Brendan inwardly chastises himself for making Steven worry.

"Yeah…yeah, I'm fine…err…", he wants to ask if they are okay, if they are friends and if they can go back to the way they were before but he can't, the words are sticky in his throat, his tongue is tied because he is scared of the answer. Of the fact Steven may say he wants nothing to do with him.

"Urm, well we better be getting to class…", Steven signals with his thumb back to the classroom and Brendan doesn't reply, just looks at the floor and nods his head. Not long after Alyson is bounding through the doors and dragging Steven away, complaining how she was _so worried _and telling Steven to _never run off like that again_. Jesus, she's acting like his mother and Brendan finds it slightly worrying.

He walks back to class, just moving with the crowd and sitting down, doing his work as though he is a robot. He can't concentrate on anything, Will is still sat next to him and Brendan just has an urge to shift in his seat and punch him straight in the face. The fucking dick is still making comments, saying Brendan _won't get away with what he's done _and asking him _if he has sorted it out with Ste_. The creep never fails to amaze Brendan with his abilities to fake cry and hide his fear, it's hilarious.

"Will, can you shut your mouth? Or do you want me to do it for you?", Brendan snarls, it's an empty threat, he doesn't have it in him to do anything and he talks quiet enough to conceal it from everyone else's ears, especially Steven's. Will looks at him with narrowed eyes but eventually looks away and gets on with his work, leaving Brendan to finish his own maths.

-X-

The rest of the day is fairly uneventful. Will winds his neck in and stops taunting him, seemingly believing his earlier 'threat'. He sees Steven in fleeting phases, outside classes, walking past each-other in the corridor…neither say anything to the other, just offer each-other understanding smiles and a slight wave of their hand. This is okay, it's better than Steven yelling at him, better than him hating Brendan for what he said, even if the whole situation is still unclear and confusing.

It's the end of the day and Brendan can see Steven leaving the main doors, he's walking with Alyson and Brendan wants her gone. _He _wants to talk to Steven, wants to have a proper conversation with him where there is no shouting, no yelling and definitely no Steven walking away. Steven's walking out the doors and he doesn't know Brendan is watching him, completely unaware until Brendan calls his name.

"Steven!" he shouts, Ste and Alyson turn around in unison, a scowl on her face and a smile on Steven's. He walks towards them and he can feel Alyson's daggers, god knows why, probably just jealous because Steven has someone else he can talk too, someone who – if Brendan has anything to do with it – will become more important to him than her.

"Brendan, what do you want?" Steven asks and Brendan shoots a look at Alyson, telling her to bugger off so they can talk. She sighs and huffs slightly but moves, walks away and sits on the sofa which is by the main doors. Still a bit too close for Brendan's liking but what can he do about it?

"Can we talk?" Brendan replies, because he wouldn't be Brendan Brady if he were to let this go, if he was to let Steven walk away today without them talking. That's not him. He sees the look of confusion on Steven's face, probably wondering what he's banging on about, confused because they are talking right now aren't they? But that's obviously not what Brendan means, he wants to _know _Steven and he wants the other boy to know him too. "Like _properly _talk…what are you doing now?"

"Oh…me and Alyson are walking home…" Steven looks across to his friend; she's looking at them both, slightly annoyed that she isn't part of this 'private' conversation. "Why you asking anyway?"

Brendan wonders what to say for a second, he says he wants to talk and he _does_; but where? Where can he possibly talk to Steven, a place where no-one else is, a place where he can guarantee they will be alone and a place where he can just be _himself_. He trusts Steven already, trusts him enough to keep a secret and he just has a feeling, something telling him Steven will not turn his back on him if he does this. "Do you want to go somewhere with me?", Brendan knows where they can go now, he goes there himself whenever he needs a break, when his dad has kicked off again and he needs a few hours away. It's _his _spot and he's never taken anyone there before, he feels Steven deserves to be the first person.

"Where?" Steven questions and he looks nervous, like he isn't sure whether he should go with Brendan, like he doesn't know what to make of Brendan _wanting _to spend time with him. Like it's a new feeling or something.

"I just have this place I go to sometimes…and I want to take you there. I-I…I've never taken anyone there before and…I want to prove to you that I do want to be your friend…that I am really sorry…" Steven looks dumbfounded and Brendan has to hold in a laugh, hopefully this will show Steven just how much he wants this.

"But…Alyson…" he looks towards his friend again and she's still there, still giving them that pissed off look, the one that tells Brendan she is going to be trouble if he lets her.

"Steven please…" Brendan pleads and Steven still looks torn, deciding whether to go with Brendan or stay with his friend but he looks like his walls are being worn down, like Brendan is getting through to him.

He sighs and his shoulders deflate before he talks. "Okay…okay, I just need to tell Alyson…", he walks towards his friend and Brendan looks on, feeling slightly smug that Steven picked to come with him instead of leaving with that sourpuss. Alyson doesn't look happy when she looks at Brendan, in fact she looks like she wants to rip his head off for 'taking Ste away', its hilarious really. Soon enough she's stomping away, out through the main doors and barging into Brendan as she walks past, muttering how rude it is to be left high-and-dry like this. Bloody moody bitch.

"You ready to go then?" Brendan calls out and Ste nods before making his way over to him and together they silently walk through the doors.

The walk to Brendan's place is silent and he's terrified, his mind working in overdrive. _What if he doesn't like it? What if its awkward? What if we have nothing to talk about? What if he's doing this because he's scared of me? _So many thoughts are racing through Brendan's head and by the time they reach the hill he's a mess. Worrying over everything and anything, Steven doesn't notice, he's too busy looking at the scene in front of them. The sun has set surprisingly fast, considering its March and in the backdrop of the hill is the sunset. All pinks, yellows and oranges, spreading across the sky and illuminating the surroundings, casting a glow on everything the dim light lands on. The blossom trees are still there, each one sporting thick, pink flowers that twine into the other; tree branches twisting around tree branches, meshing together and flowers interlocking with each-other. The hill is still covered in the yellow flowers Brendan used to pick, the green of the grass being covered by golden daisies, each one being a different length and size. The orange tulips are trailing up the tree trunks, wrapping around them and Brendan hasn't seen this place looking so beautiful, it's like god knew he would bring Steven here today so he made it extra special.

"Wow…" Ste mumbles and it makes Brendan smile, the way the other boy is so mesmerised by the scene he is looking at. "This is…" he whistles quietly and looks at Brendan, a smile on his face.

"What?" Brendan questions, because why is Steven looking at him like a loon?

"Nothing…I'm just proper glad you brought me here, it's really…really nice…" Steven replies and Brendan feels warmth rush over his body, he knew bringing Steven here was the right thing to do. He signals for them to walk up the hill and they do, sitting down and leaning against a tree trunk when they reach the top. Brendan's overwhelmed, it feels nice sitting here when he is by himself, but now Steven is here with him and everything is different, just being in Steven's presence makes Brendan's blood rush, his heart race and his mind blur, makes him think of nothing else except the other boy. Brendan knows he won't be able to come to this place without thinking of Steven now, the boy has made his mark here and it will always remind Brendan of him…in some ways it has now become 'their' place.

"Do you like it here then?" Brendan asks, doesn't know why because he can tell Steven likes it. The way he is slumped back on the tree and is humming quietly just oozes contentment.

"Yeah, it's dead nice this. So what did you want to talk about?" Steven questions and he looks and Brendan, eyes bright and wide. That small smile gracing his lips and once again Brendan feels his heart melt.

"I um…you know, I just wanted to make sure we were okay…after what happened and that?" he scratches his head and looks away because this _expressing your feelings _malarkey is slightly awkward, never before has Brendan shown that he _cares _about people until _he_ walked into his life and he still can't understand why Steven is now occupying every thought he has, why his happiness makes Brendan happy and why the other boy is gradually taking over his heart.

"You really haven't brought anyone here before?" Steven asks, disbelievingly. It seems it's going to take Brendan a lot to make Steven believe him.

"Never…it's always just been my place, you know?"

"Yeah…well I like it here. It's calming really", Steven says and after that they fall into a comfortable silence, both reflecting and absorbing their surroundings. The setting sun, warming their skin slightly against the spring breeze, the moon creeping in through the clouds as darkness sets in and the falling of blossom flowers as the wind ruffles them. Both boys are picking flowers, picking off the petals in a _he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not _fashion, after about five minutes the silence and the unspoken words become too much for both of them.

"Brendan…"

"Steven…" They speak at the same time and both of them look at each-other sheepishly, Brendan motions for Steven to carry on and it takes him about a minute to speak.

"Brendan, I don't want you to think I've forgiven you…" Brendan immediately feels a pang low in his gut when he hears those words, he thought him and Steven had come to an understanding, that he was truly sorry for what he said, he thought bringing Steven to this place – the place no-one else has ever been to, except Brendan – would prove how much he valued their friendship…there's nothing else he can do. Ste looks at Brendan and notices the hurt expression on his face, he quickly moves to continue with his speech. "But…I think I will give you another chance, this place is beautiful…and you say you haven't brought anyone here before and I believe you, I do, honestly. This is…this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, so thankyou Brendan."

Brendan takes a few seconds to reply, Steven is giving him another chance. _Another chance_. The happiness he is feeling right now is astounding, he hasn't lost him, he isn't going to leave him and he doesn't hate him. Brendan's never been this happy in his entire life, Steven will be his friend and Brendan will prove to him he hasn't made the wrong decision here, that giving him another chance is okay. "You're welcome Steven…so, do you like Dublin now?"

"Yeah actually, it's not that bad really is it?" Steven replies, a grin on his face and Brendan feels his mouth turning up at the corners, making yet another smile appear on his own face. There's a chance Steven is starting to like Dublin because of _him_, because of what _he's _done and even if that chance is small, the fact that it's there…well for Brendan, it's like his heart has been rolled in fairy dust.

"Good…good, so do you have any brothers or sisters?" Brendan feels like it's a lame subject to start on, the talk of siblings but it's the only thing he can think of, the only question that appears through the haze in his mind.

No…you have a sister don't you? What's her name?" Steven asks and he shuffles closer slightly, maybe subconsciously, or maybe he's aware but whatever, it doesn't matter because he's _closer _and just the thought of it makes Brendan's skin tingle. Their hands within touching distance, grazing against each-other but _not quite _touching. Brendan swallows the lump that has appeared in his voice box.

"Urm, her name's Cheryl…"the mention of his sister's name reminds Brendan of where she is today, gone to visit _their _mum, the mum that doesn't even want to see him, the mum that has completely, conveniently forgotten about him. She's disowned him for a reason he does not know and it makes him sad, if having an abusive, disgusting, sick father wasn't enough, then having a mum that despises him certainly tops the scales; it seems everyone in his family hates him except for Cheryl.

"That's a nice name, that. Better than 'Brendan' anyway" Steven teases, looking at Brendan with a hint of mischief. It's only now that Brendan realises how Ste says his name, all like _Brenduun _and it's so hot and he just looks so beautiful when he's like this, all playful and wide eyes and sparkling smile; it's too much for Brendan and if he doesn't do something now then he's going to lean in and do something he'll regret, so instead he settles for a little playful shove.

"Shut up" he drawls, accent thick and Steven pushes him straight back, harder than Brendan thought he could and it's yet another thing Brendan's learning about him. Not only is he mentally stronger but he's physically stronger too, stronger than he looks and Brendan just _wants _him so badly right now. More than he's ever wanted anyone or anything in his entire life.

"You shut up!" Steven says and then suddenly they're looking into each-other's eyes, both being sucked into the piercing blue that they are looking at and Steven's moving forward, swallowing his nerves and Brendan doesn't know what to do, he's so confused, but not confused at the same time. His head's a mess but it's the clearest it's ever been, he wants Steven and he's leaning in too, closing the gap between them and it's all so surreal and their lips are inches apart but that's when Brendan sees it, the cut on Steven's cheek and the sight of it, snaps him from whatever is about to happen and he pulls away just before their lips touch together.

"I'm sorry! I don't know…I don't know what that was about, and I didn't mean to get that close and oh…-" He's babbling and shaking his head and he looks pretty scared, like he thinks Brendan might hit him because they nearly kissed and it makes him upset, that Steven would even think that. Brendan doesn't blame him though, after all he has seen him hit Gaz twice…and throw water all over Will.

"It's okay…Steven…" Brendan looks at him seriously; making sure Steven knows he isn't joking right now, "How did you get that cut?"

"What this?" Steven points to his cheek and he has a funny smile on his face, one that doesn't reach the eyes, one that Brendan has worn ever since his dad first beat him and he knows Steven is going to lie again. "I told you Brendan, I scratched myself…" he smiles, the fakest smile Brendan has ever seen.

"Don't bullshit…it was that Terry wasn't it?" Brendan states, tone deadpan and he can tell by the look on Steven's face that he's right, that Terry is the cause of the cut. The way Steven's smile has frozen on his face and water is beginning to fill his eyes, the sight of it is heart-breaking.

"What you going on about?" Steven asks and Brendan gives him that look, the one that tells the other boy its okay, that he isn't going to laugh or hurt him, that he kinda understands what Steven is going through and Brendan can see the fight leaving Steven, the denial and the will to cover up what is happening to him. Steven sighs, looks into Brendan's eyes and what Brendan sees there is gut-wrenching; he sees it in his own eyes every day, the look of an abused person. "Yes…it was Terry…" when Steven speaks those words, Brendan feels his blood boil, if it is the same Terry that was in the pub – and Brendan doesn't doubt it for a second anymore – then he could have done something, could have murdered the fucking bastard, could have poisoned his fucking drink. He looks at Steven and the other boy is staring at him, silent tears dripping down his cheeks and Brendan doesn't even need to _think_ about it, reaching forward and pulling Steven into his arms, holding him close as the other boy spills all his pain against his chest.

About five minutes later Steven pulls away, wiping his eyes and sniffing back more tears. "I'm sorry, I didn't know I was going to cry, it just-"

"Never apologise to me Steven, never okay?" Brendan interrupts and Steven nods, giving him a watery smile. "Why…why does he do it?" Brendan doesn't know why he asks that, if Terry is anything like his dad then there won't be a reason. He'll give Steven a smack for doing nothing, whether it be '_mixing up his drink' _or _'getting in the way'_, the abuser will always find an excuse though, always find a way to blame the person they're beating. Saying how it's _their fault _and _they drove them to it_. Brendan knows this, has experienced it enough times.

"He just…does it sometimes, you know? Like I don't have to do anything and he'll do it…please don't tell anyone! If anyone found out…" Steven trails off but Brendan knows the end of that sentence, he's heard it himself. If Steven tells anyone, then Terry will kill him…it's not like anyone will believe Steven anyway, who would believe someone so weak? So pathetic? So…repulsive? Yeah, Brendan knows the end of that sentence only too well.

"I know Steven…" Brendan mumbles and Ste looks at him, doesn't look confused in the slightest and Brendan knows he's figured it out. Whatever Steven thinks about himself isn't true because he's a smart boy; Brendan knows he can look straight through him, past that mask and straight into his soul. He knows the other boy can see what he's trying to say, the words not needing to be spoken because Steven _knows_, he knows Brendan can understand what is happening to him because it's happening to Brendan too.

"What about your mum though…?" Brendan asks, because _surely _his mum would notice the cuts and bruises he's so undoubtedly covered in. _Surely _she would do something about it and not let Steven suffer, not let her _son _suffer at the hands of an animal. It's different for Brendan because his mum isn't around, not there to see the evidence and Cheryl is too blind, loves her _precious daddy _too much to question Brendan's cuts. It's not her fault really, Cheryl wouldn't know because Brendan conceals it, hides it from her to protect his big sister, to not ruin the perfect image she has of her father. He would be selfish if he took that away from her.

"She…she doesn't care. She sees it but…she cares more about booze than she does me…", Steven sighs, his face twisting into a strange expression and Brendan can't tell if he's hurting or angry or what; all he knows he what _he _is feeling and right now that is disgust. He's disgusted with these people, absolutely outraged. Steven has to deal with this Terry, his mum; Gaz…had to deal with him, plus these other 'homophobic guys' Steven was talking about. Once again Brendan realises Steven is a lot stronger than he looks.

"I…I'm sorry…"

"Don't apologise Brendan, it's not your fault is it?" Steven says and he hesitates for a second, looks like he wants to say something else and he sighs before continuing. "Cheryl…does she know? About…about your dad?"

"No." Brendan says simply because what else can he say? Steven looks at him, a look in his eyes, it's not pity, it's more like he just knows what everything feels like.

"Did he do that to you? Your dad?" Steven questions and he points to Brendan's face, the yellowing bruises and the scabby cuts that are below his eyes and on his upper lip. The cuts that no-one else asks about, the ones no-one cares about, not enough to ask Brendan if he is okay anyway and it feels weird…to have someone ask him if his dad did it to him.

"Yes…h-he did…"

"Oh…but what do you tell people? Like does no-one ask you, why you're always covered in them?" Brendan takes a minute to think about the question, doesn't want to answer straight away because he doesn't know what Steven will think about the whole _I'm-hard-and-I-get-into-fights- _thing.

"I tell people I got them in a fight…no-one questions it then…"

"Okay." Steven replies and Brendan looks at him, puzzled for a second because why isn't he asking more questions? Why isn't he laughing and saying Brendan's pathetic for saying things like that? All he sees when he looks at the other boy is a small smile, telling him once again that he understands. It seems they both want to drop this subject, move on to something a bit more uplifting and suddenly, Brendan has an ingenious idea.

"Hey, wanna do something fun?" Brendan asks and Ste looks at him, a curious smile gracing his lips.

"What did you have in mind?" the other boy questions and Brendan smirks, letting Ste sweat for a second before nodding to the bottom of the hill. Steven looks between Brendan and the ground for a second, confusion now etched on his face. "What?"

"I'll race you…" he responds and Steven's expression changes into one of disbelief, his brows furrowed in an _are-you-being-serious? _Look. "Come on Steven, don't be so uptight!" Brendan teases, a challenge in his eyes and the other boy snorts before standing up and holding out his hand, pulling Brendan up with him.

"Come on then!" Steven laughs and he's excited, gearing himself up to run down the hill and keeps giving Brendan a funny look. Like this is the best idea anyone has ever had in the entire world and Brendan can't keep the smile off his face. Steven goes to run but Brendan holds him back, putting his hands on Steven's shoulders and smirking when Ste looks at him all dumbfounded.

"I didn't mean run Steven…"

"Ah, Brendan. What you on about now?" Brendan grins, this is the most fun he has had all week, all month, maybe in his entire life.

"I mean…let's roll down it!" he smiles and then bursts out laughing when Steven looks at him in shock, a kind of disapproving look on his face. "Please Steven!"

"Why are you being so childish?"

"Because it's fun! Now come on" he winks before lying on the ground, motioning for Steven to lie next to him. "I'm gonna win!" he yells before rolling down the hill. He can hear Steven shouting behind him, something about that being unfair and how he is cheating. The next thing Brendan knows, he's at the bottom and Steven is rolling on top of him. "Told you I would win"

"Shut up! You cheated!" Steven gasps and he hits Brendan on the chest before standing up, once again hoisting him up as he stands himself. "Anyway, it's late now…we should go…" Brendan looks at his watch and Steven's right; it's already six pm. Bloody typical, as soon as he's having fun the time just flies by. He doesn't want this to end; the past three hours have just been perfect, incredible and spending time with the other boy just makes Brendan so happy, lets him forget about his crappy life just for a little bit, lets him have an escape that not even reading could provide for him. He reluctantly sighs and nods, not looking at Steven because he doesn't want the other boy to see the disappointment in his face.

"Yeah, I guess you're right…it's already six and-" _fuck_. _Six O'clock. _How could Brendan forget?! The pub! Seamus is going to kill him, skin him alive for being late _again_. Brendan looks at Ste and realises…well it's been worth it, if a beating is the price he has to pay to spend time with Steven, then he'll take it. Heck he would take anything just to spend time with the boy. "So…"

"So…lets go" Steven says and he smiles, one of those smiles that feels private, like it's just reserved for Brendan and he returns that smile, his speaking things Steven doesn't even realise he's saying. _Thank-you for walking into my life_, _thank-you for making today the best day of my life_, _thank-you for forgiving me _and lastly_ thank-you for caring about me_. Brendan wants to say all of this to Steven, wants to say it all right now but he knows he has to wait, can't just spill all of his secrets so early, so he doesn't, just nods and together they walk back to the main road. The walk doesn't take long and the whole time Brendan is laughing, finding Steven hilarious in everything he says and that laugh Steven has…the one that sounds like an injured donkey is so annoying and so loud but it belongs to _him_, making it automatically perfect. When they reach the road, the place where they have to part both seem reluctant. Not wanting to leave the other.

"So…" Brendan sighs, because yeah, he doesn't want to spend a minute away from Steven.

"So…I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yeah…see you tomorrow…" Brendan turns to leave but Steven calls him back, seemingly has a last minute thing to say.

"I had a really nice time…" he says and Brendan doesn't reply, not vocally anyway. Instead his smile becomes wider and he nods his head, only then do the two boy's part and both of them cannot keep the grins off their faces as they walk home.

-X-

"NO!"

"Dad, please!"

"I fucking said no! Now get out of my face, boy." Seamus snarls, spit flying into Brendan's face and the boy does, he runs out of there and up to his bedroom; preventing his dad from seeing his tears. He reaches his bedroom and slams the door, salty water now on his cheeks and a shake in his body, something being caused by rage. Seamus won't let him go to school tomorrow, says he needs to be at the pub all day because _he's a little shit that missed his shift_. It's not fair, his dad _always _has to ruin _everything_, when he was actually happy, his dad came and shat all over him and now he can't see Steven tomorrow, won't see him again for over _twenty-four _hours and that is too long, feels like a lifetime to Brendan.

He's pacing back and forth, the anger bubbling inside of him and he feels like he's going to explode, like this pressure and fury he is feeling at his dad is too much. He's needs to release it somehow and he does the thing he has only done once before, hits his fist against the wall until the pain overtakes the rage and that's when he's calm, when the blood is spilling from his split knuckles, when the anger and turmoil inside of him leaves his body.

"Fuck sake…" he walks to the bathroom and cleans up his hand, not even taking any care in it and afterwards he realises the cuts aren't even that bad; not really deep and the amount of blood that poured from them was quite frankly ridiculous. Brendan sighs, feeling emotionally drained and walks back to his bedroom before slumping into bed. He's not hungry and even if he was he wouldn't go back downstairs, that would mean seeing Seamus again, so instead he closes his eyes and lets sleep take him…

_**There is a pair of hands all over him, delicate strokes all over his skin; going down his chest, his arms, on his legs. Just all over his body and Brendan's lying there, just letting them do as they please, trail other his muscular body and then suddenly they're grasping him, stroking along his hard length and there's a voice, one Brendan couldn't forget in a million years._

"_Do you like that Brendan?" he says and Brendan's eyes peel open at the sound of his voice; his Mancunian accent vibrating through Brendan's skin as he peppers soft, lingering kisses on his chest. "Brendan? Did you hear me?"_

"_Yeah…" he breathes and he hears the other boy chuckle quietly before his hand picks up speed, milking the pleasure out of Brendan and twisting his hand at the top, tossing him off in a figure of eight. Brendan cannot comprehend what is happening to him, the pleasure is so acute, so intense that it has him gripping the bed sheets and bucking his hips, fucking into Steven's closed hand. His breathing is laboured but he's controlled, biting his bottom lip to prevent the groans from escaping…that is until Steven kisses him lightly on the lips, once, twice and then moves down his body, licking and sucking at the skin he passes, until he reaches that place; the one Brendan so desperately wants him to touch._

"_Do you know how much I want you right now Brendan?" Steven says, just before Brendan feels a warm, wet tongue swiping over the head of his cock and he almost comes of the bed with it, the shock and spike of pleasure that jolts up his spine, causing him to lift his shoulders off the bed and moan low in his throat. "Answer me Brendan…" Steven mumbles and he's still licking Brendan's cock, lapping at it and swallowing any pre-come that forms. How he thinks Brendan can reply is ridiculous. "Brendan!" _

"_What?.." he breathes, pleasure still curling around his spine and settling somewhere in his middle._

"_I said…" Steven says and he once again gives Brendan a teasing lick, this time keeping his tongue on the sensitive head for a few seconds before pulling away. "Do you know how much I want you right now?"_

"_No…"_

"_Then…I'll show you" and just like that Brendan feels Steven swallow him down, taking the whole length of him down his throat, seemingly forgetting about the whole 'gag reflex' thing and it's too much…too much and he can't contain his cries of pleasure anymore. _

"_Fuck Steven…" he groans and the other boy seems to take it as encouragement, humming in appreciation at Brendan's words and he keeps going, sucking and sucking until his jaw must ache with it but he doesn't relent. Dragging the pleasure out of Brendan with his mouth and tongue and when he comes, shoots his load down Steven's throat, the other boy doesn't even gag, just swallows as though Brendan's spunk is the best thing he's ever tasted, before crawling up Brendan's body and laying in his arms. _

"_Night…" Steven whispers, so quietly that Brendan isn't sure if he's even spoken and then suddenly Steven's asleep, snoring softly against Brendan's chest and this whole thing is messed up, so confusing and Brendan has so many questions that need answering, so many things he wants to ask but at the moment the only thing he can do is pull Steven closer and close his eyes…**_

Brendan opens his eyes and groans, realising everything was just a stupid dream and Steven isn't really here with him. He looks down and groans again, dry come is stuck to him, the bed sheets sticking to his skin and it's bloody uncomfortable. He steps out of bed and it's only as he's cleaning himself up and pulling out a spare duvet that he realises the time, _three in the morning _and he's suddenly grateful for the extra hours in bed, throwing the duvet onto the mattress and slipping under, praying to have another dream like the one he just had.

-X-

"Brenda, get up!" Seamus bellows up the stairs and just the sound of his voice makes Brendan cringe, a shiver of disgust to run up his spine and a sickening feeling to settle in the pit of his stomach. He jumps up and throws on some clothes, dreading what his dad has in store for him. He was meant to be seeing Steven again today, talking about anything and everything, hearing the other boy waffle on about god knows what, talking about crap that most people wouldn't care about…but it wouldn't be crap to Brendan, it would be like music to his ears, because Steven's voice…his voice is just so endearing, so perfect that someone would be nuts if they didn't like it…didn't like _him_. He has the power to make Brendan happy – someone who thought he was beyond happiness, thought he would never experience it again in his life – and he is just _perfect_, to Brendan he is the most perfect human being in the world and no-one, _no-one _could ever come close to him. "BRENDA!"

"I'm coming" Brendan yells back and then under his breath mutters _you fucking dick. _He shuffles down the stairs, being as slow as he likes because whatever Seamus does to him now won't matter, he's already experienced the worst, already been beaten within an inch of his life and already had _that _done to him. Nothing Seamus could do would be worse than he's already done. "What dad?"

"Don't '_what dad_'me boy. I told you yesterday, you missed your shift so now you are coming with me to the pub. Move it" his dad sneers and Brendan just sighs before following him out the front door. He is so bored of this, _so bored _of his dad treating him like this, it's always the same old thing. Day in, day out; surely it must be boring for Seamus too, keeping up this level of abuse every day, it_ must _be…mustn't it? Brendan doesn't doubt it, Seamus _loves _treating him like this. He gets into the car, the smell of stale tobacco and whisky filling his nose and he nearly gags at the stench, yet another thing that stays the same with Seamus. He always has that dirty, old, alcoholic, cigarette smell. The one that makes you feel bile rise in your throat. As they drive away Seamus suddenly snaps his head to look at Brendan, a grimace on his face.

"Where were you last night Brenda?" he scoffs and Brendan doesn't know how to answer, if he says he was out with Steven then he knows _exactly _what his dad will say. He'll say _'is that your boyfriend, princess_?_' _or _'is that your queer friend_?_' _and Brendan doesn't what to hear it, doesn't what Seamus knowing about Steven because they can't mix and they can never meet. They are at completely different ends of the spectrum, Steven being the person Brendan trusts more than anyone, the one he has befriended and the one he really _really _likes. Seamus is the vile one, the one Brendan despises with every bone in his body, who he can never trust and who – to put in frankly – Brendan wants dead. So how can he reply to his dad?

"I urm…I was just out" Brendan mumbles, slightly scared because seriously? He's not giving his dad a straight answer and he knows how that ends. With a punch.

"You better tell me more than that, boy!" Seamus all but growls, giving Brendan _that _look; telling him he better start talking now before this escalates.

"Okay! I was just…walking around…"

"You are a fucking fairy, you know that?" Seamus says and it sounds like a question but Brendan knows better, it's merely a fact; a fact Seamus enjoys sharing with him, time and time again. Something Brendan is now coming to terms with…yes he is a _'pansy'_ a _'queer'_ and a _'faggot'_ but so what? _So fucking what_. Obviously it's gonna take time, and he's not 'coming out' – no-where bloody near – but he's ready to accept, after all he has felt like this for over five years now. No point denying it any longer; he is _gay_, he likes _men_…or b_oys _and he likes _Steven_. He just has to deal with it…and not let anyone find out…not _just _yet and definitely not his dad. Maybe soon he can tell Steven, then the burden of keeping this secret will be off his shoulders.

They reach the pub in about ten minutes, it's only – Brendan looks at his watch – only nine am and already punters are lining up, waiting to be served by 'Brenda'. It's disgusting really, all these men who are just like his dad…well hopefully not _just like_ him, but they are similar; alcoholics, the lot of them. Needing a 'couple' of drinks just to get them through the day, like they would die if they didn't have a pint or a shot of whisky. He knows it's a problem, an addictive just like drugs but most of these men…well they are repulsive anyway. They walk into the pub and the smell of cheap liquor and cigars, lingers in the air; Brendan is so used to this smell that he just doesn't care, just standing behind the bar and getting ready to do his 'duty'.

"Now Brenda, you remember Terry don't you? Well he's coming in soon and I want you to do as I say. Me and him have business to discuss." This gets Brendan intrigued, how can his dad and Terry have business? They hardly know each-other right? He has only seen Terry once…the other day when he had that whisky incidence and he doesn't remember his dad ever talking about this man? But then again this is Terry – Terry the stepdad – and Steven's only just moved here which means so has this man. So again, what 'business' could they possibly have? His dad is glaring at him, waiting for an answer and he rushes to provide one.

"Err, yes dad. Whatever you want."

"Good. Now hurry the fuck up and serve these customers."

-X-

Brendan has been serving in the pub for over an hour now, just serving and serving, drink after drink. He's fucking bored and he's tired of being on his feet, people sneering at him and calling him names the entire time. The punters have come and gone, got smashed and stumbled their way out of the doors, crashing into other customers as they leave. It's now a particularly boring part of the morning, Seamus is sat in his usual seat, waiting for Terry's arrival and then suddenly, right on cue, as if he knew Brendan was thinking about it, he walks in. The fucking bastard strolling in without a care in the world.

" 'Lright Brenda? Bring me over a pint, will ya? Good lad." Terry says, a fucking beaming grin on his face and Brendan just feels sick. Sick at the sight of this man, this foul animal that hits _his _Steven, yes _his _Steven and all he wants to do is fucking _destroy _him, rip out his heart – not that he has one – , stab it until it stops beating and send him down to hell where he belongs. But obviously he can't, the only thing he can do is smile politely, nod his head and start pouring the pint, keeping all of his outrage and disgust buried deep inside him.

"Hurry up with that pint!"

"I'm coming dad" Brendan mutters and he walks over, not keeping the scowl off his face before _carefully _placing the glass on the table; going extra slow just to prove how 'scared' he is. Fucking scared, yeah.

"Cheers." Terry says, deadpan and Brendan just wants to smash that glass into his skull.

"You're welcome." He replies, keeping out the _'I hope you choke on it' _part. He walks away and his dad and Terry resume their conversation, talking about 'a boy' and laughing about god knows what. The subject unsettles Brendan, 'a boy'…that is either him or…but why would they be talking about the other boy? Surely they can't be…what would Seamus want to know about Steven?

He walks away and for the rest of the day and all through the night his head is swimming with just one question. _What does Seamus want_?

-X-

He barges through the doors just as the school bell rings, telling him it's time for the first lesson; he's not rushing because he's going to be late, or because the teacher will scold him, he's racing to class because he gets to see _him _again. His smiling face, his golden skin…he gets to hear his voice, his laugh and he just gets _him_. Only when he reaches the classroom door, his eager smile falls off his face, Steven is scowling at him, a contrast to what they were like at the hill and Brendan knows why; it's staring him straight in the face, a smug smile, a glint in his eye and Brendan doesn't understand because sitting right in front of him, in the seat next to Steven, is Macca.

_*They are sitting on Macca's bed, both absorbed in the game they are playing because they don't want to discuss the 'elephant in the room'. The fact that earlier today they had argued. Neither can remember what it was about, but both are too stubborn to say sorry first and anyway, Brendan knows Macca will give in first; he may be stubborn but Brendan has a lot more willpower. They stay like that for an hour, ignoring each-other and just shooting the zombies on the screen; until finally Macca speaks up._

"_I'm sorry Brendan, okay?" he mumbles and Brendan smirks because he knew, Macca would be the first to give in, always is. He may like Macca…a lot more than he should but over his best-friend? Yeah it would always be Brendan that won._

"_It's okay" he replies and just like that everything is forgotten, they go back to normal; like earlier never happened and its great, it's the way things should be. This is what Brendan likes about Macca, he's so carefree, so forgiving and generous…he's the type of boy Brendan wants to be…would be if he had parents that loved and cherished him like Macca's did. After another hour it's time for Brendan to go and he stands up, getting his schoolbag on his shoulder but Macca pulls him back down, making him sit back on the bed._

"_Brendan…I need to tell you something." He says and Brendan can tell by his tone that this is serious._

"_What?"_

"_I urm…I don't know how to say this…" that makes Brendan worried, this is serious. Really serious._

"_Just say it Macca…"_

"_Okay…but don't…don't get angry…"_

"_I won't"_

"_I-I'm…I'm gay Brendan…" **_

After the reveal the 'bullying' started and Macca left school, his mother taking him away for a break but now Macca is here, after all those weeks and he's glaring at Brendan with a strange look in his eyes and Steven is just…he's just staring at Brendan like he's something he stepped in and Brendan just _can't_…he can't. He turns and leaves, the teacher calling after him, telling him to come back and the sound of her voice makes Brendan break out into a run; twisting and turning through the corridors until he reaches the school's entrance, going straight through the doors and not even looking back as he runs away from the building.

_Why_? Why is Macca back? When did he…he must have come back yesterday, when Seamus didn't let Brendan go to school and Macca's already wheedled himself in, made himself at home. The way Steven was looking at him, such disgrace in his eyes just shows Brendan what has happened, Macca has told him about their past. How Brendan made his life hell for weeks, how he drove him out of school because of the way he was being treated. What if Steven thinks he lied now? What if he doesn't believe Brendan isn't homophobic, because good god he does a good job of pretending to be. The way he talks about gay people, calling them the names Seamus calls him _is _what a homophobic person says and now…now that Steven knows about Macca, well…there's no hope is there?

He brushes the tears away from his eyes and carries on running, the wind drying any tears that escape down his cheeks and he knows where he's going, where else could he go, except _that _place. The one where he and Steven were happy, the one where Steven trusted him and they talked and life was just _good_, even if the happiness was brief. It's _their _place now, where Brendan can go just to remember those short hours; it's a haven, a place where Brendan feels safe – even more so now – and he just wants to be alone, to remember his life, the bad in it, the horrendous and the…well the only thing that ever made him happy.

His feet are still pounding the pavement, his movements being fuelled by anger now because _why_? Why the fuck did Macca have to come back _now_? When he had found Steven, when Steven had found _him_. It's not fair, he has enough shit in his life without this too and _Seamus_, it's _his _fault; just like everything else that is wrong in Brendan's life. If his dad had just let him go to school, then he probably wouldn't be in this fucking situation, Steven wouldn't hate him _again_ because he could have explained. Told the other boy _part _of the reason, why he had treated Macca like that; he wouldn't have told him the whole truth, because he's not ready for that yet – he's close, so close – but he's not _quite there…_not yet.

He's on the grass now, sprinting up the hill, racing to sit in that spot, the spot where _he _sat. The hill isn't so welcoming now though; he can hear the sound of thunder and rain in the distance, the skies turning dark and as he sits down - in the same place Steven sat two days ago – he feels the first drop of rain on his face. Rainfall has always relaxed Brendan; it's the way it just falls so peacefully from the sky and the way it clears everyone away, making people seek shelter in their homes, away from the coldness and damp the weather brings. Brendan thinks he's abnormal sometimes, the way he likes the rain, how it clears his mind and he just _enjoys _it. Enjoys the feeling of it pelting his skin, sometimes painful and uncomfortable but that's the best kind of rain, the type that _completely _takes his worries away.

He can feel the rain merging into with his tears, the tears he didn't really know he was crying and his mind is running away with him; thinking of ways to escape everything around him but that's when he hears it, the sound that has become so important to him, like his music and it filters through the air until it sounds like a whisper on the wind. "Brendan!"

He jolts upwards, hastily wiping his eyes and searching around for him, looking to the bottom of the hill, the rain blinding his eyes but he clears them, blinking the water away and that's when he sees Steven. He's stood there, body shaking, squinting his eyes to shield them from the rain but he's here, in all his glory. Golden skin, perfect styled hair – well not so perfect anymore, thanks to the rain – and school clothes all ruffled just like the first day Brendan saw him. It's the most beautiful thing Brendan has ever seen. "What are you doing here, Steven?!" he yells, voice echoing over the thunder that blasts through the sky.

"I came to see if you were okay! You just…you just ran away and I didn't know what to think!" Steven shouts back and he's walking towards him, his body still shaking from the cold and Brendan takes off his own blazer, doesn't care about the icy rain that is now beating against his bare arms because Steven is more important here.

"I'm…I'm fine Steven, you shouldn't be out here…" he replies and Steven is stood in front of him now, shrugging Brendan's blazer around his own shoulders and staring into his eyes.

"But why did you…" Steven trails off and steps closer, putting his hand on Brendan's shoulder. "I know Brendan…I know about Macca…is that wh-why you ran off?" and he doesn't look angry…well if he is then he can hide his feelings bloody well and Brendan doesn't know how to answer, not sure if he should lie or not because if Steven found out he wasn't telling the truth, that could lead to trouble.

"I urm…what do you know?"

"I know what happened with him, I know the things you said to him Brendan. Did you lie to me?!" Steven says and now Brendan can see it, all of the clogs turning in his head, the 'lies' Brendan must have told him. "You said…you said, you weren't homophobic! But why…why was we okay and now I hear about this thing with Macca and…" he pushes at his chest and rips Brendan's blazer off of his shoulders, everything happening so quickly that Brendan can't even grasp it until it is too late, until Steven is running down the hill, running through the rain and lightning and then he's just _gone_. Leaving Brendan with nothing but bad thoughts.

-X-

Its seven pm now, he's in the pub – as usual – and Seamus is drinking whisky from his glass tumbler, moaning to Nolan about god knows what, probably how useless his son is. Brendan doesn't care, far too consumed by this whole _Steven-Macca _thing. When he saw them in that classroom, his heart had just broken; seeing them together had just done _something _to Brendan, he's not sure why…maybe it was just seeing Macca again, maybe it was the fact Steven was talking to him and they seemed pretty…buddy, he doesn't know. He's only sure of one thing, he's lost him.

"Seamus!" he looks up at the recognisable voice, Terry is stood in the middle of the doorway, next to him a short woman, slightly overweight and stumbling on her feet but Brendan isn't looking at them. He's looking at the boy that is staring back at him, the boy that is covered in black and blue bruises; eyes swollen, lip bust and open wounds on his cheek. Steven looks scared; cowering behind this woman who Brendan guesses is his mum and he feels sick. Sick of all of this, sick at what they've done to Steven.

"Terry! Is this the boy then?" his dad drawls and Brendan knew, he _knew _this 'business' had something to do with Steven and he _knew _this Terry was Steven's stepdad.

"Yeah, that's him…" Terry says and Seamus walks towards Steven, making him come out from behind his mother and then his dad is looking Steven up and down, a funny smile creeping onto his face just before he opens his mouth and talks.

"So, you ready to work here then boy?" and Brendan's heart _stops_.

**Please review x**


	4. Chapter 4

**Firstly, this chapter is dedicated to my FABULOUS friend, FemaleRobbery. Seriously, go read her fics, they are incredible! Secondly, thank-you so much for the reviews/follows ect and I'm glad you like long chapters because here's another one :) Finally, you may remember from the last chapter that this - ** is a dream/nightmare and this - * is a flashback. That still applies but I would like to warn you about the nightmare Brendan has, I feel it is bad enough to need a warning; it made me cry when I wrote it so I would just like to tell you, it is very upsetting (in my opinion) I hope you enjoy this chapter. Also I apologise for the use of the 'C' word in this, I don't really like it but it's what Seamus is so…chow x**

**Brendan POV**

He can't breathe, can't speak and can't understand. He doesn't want to look but he can't look away for fear this is real. If he keeps looking then he can convince himself it's just a nightmare, just something his mind is doing to confuse him, just some of the darkness inside of him leaking through and projecting this image; deep down he knows that isn't true and this in front of him, this right here is reality. Seamus, Terry, Nolan and Steven's mum – god knows what her name is – are laughing and joking, clapping each-other on the back as Steven sits in the corner, huddled away in a foetal position and trying to make himself smaller. He looks at Brendan every now and then, lifts his head to look at him and Brendan can see how scared he is, absolutely terrified of his surroundings, of the jeering men he's being forced to sit with and Brendan can't do _anything_; what he wants to do is walk straight over there and rescue Steven, take him back to their place so he's happy again but he _can't_, can't help him escape. Most of all he wants to take those bruises away, lift the cuts and wounds off Steven's body and put them on himself, take away the other boy's pain because – unlike Brendan - he's too precious, too fragile and too perfect to be treated so cruelly.

Suddenly everyone is looking at Steven and Brendan can see him shrink into himself even more, making himself even smaller, trying to vanish altogether so these _people _stop looking at him. "So boy, you ready for your first shift?" Seamus drawls and Brendan can feel his throat constrict, the risk of vomit rising in his throat is increasing by the second because why? Why does his day have to go from bad to worse? Why did Seamus have to meet Steven? Who knows what he wants, who knows what he is capable of…Brendan knows, he knows what his dad is capable of doing to _him_, his own _son_, so to Steven…Seamus could do anything and _that _is what makes Brendan distressed.

Steven lifts his head, offers Brendan a quick glance before turning his attention to Seamus, a look of pain in his swollen eyes. "Yes sir…" Steven mumbles and Brendan doesn't miss the glint in Seamus' eyes, that strange look that crosses over his face before it disappears. It was only there for a second, that strange expression on his dad's face but in that split-second, Brendan felt the world around him fall apart, felt it being ripped away at the seams because, much like his earlier question, _what does Seamus want_?

"Good lad, I'm sure Brenda over there will show you the ropes" his dad says and as Steven stands up to walk past Seamus, Brendan can see the look of confusion on his face. He probably thinks he misheard, the whole _Brenda _thing is probably repeating in his mind and as he walks over to Brendan, his head tipped down and brows furrowed in bewilderment, he stands; lifts his head up and scowls…maybe he has finally understood the way Seamus calls Brendan something different. Steven steps behind the bar, close to Brendan but not touching and this is so awkward, _so awkward _and it shouldn't be; not after what they've shared together, spilled some of their secrets but it _is_ and it's all Macca's fault.

"Steven, I…" Brendan starts, but Ste automatically interrupts him; he doesn't want to hear it, doesn't want to hear the _lies _that will so undoubtedly come out of Brendan's mouth.

"Don't Brendan, I'm only here because _Terry _wants money okay? I would rather be anywhere then here right now. I don't wanna talk about Macca or whatever, I don't even want to talk to _you_ at the moment, so please. Just don't." Steven whispers, talking through gritted teeth and Brendan can feel his heart crumble because this is happening _again_, only this time it isn't really his fault; it's his past, the past he cannot change and if Steven can't deal with that then what else can he do? What else can he do to prove he isn't a liar? "Brendan, just show me what I have to do please."

"Fine, look…" Brendan breathes and he's so frustrated with _nothing _going his way, all he wants to do is fucking talk to the boy. Just make him understand, but Steven is too stubborn, won't listen to a god damn word Brendan has to say, so all he can do is show the other boy how to pull a pint, how to serve a shot and how to wipe down the bar – not like that is hard anyway -.

"Come on, I need to show you the cellar…" Brendan states and Steven nods, following him down to the basement. Brendan doesn't really need to show him anything down here, he just wants to talk to Steven, wants him to listen and if they are going to argue, it needs to be away from prying eyes. It may be extreme measures – locking him in the cellar – but Brendan will do whatever he has to just to talk to the other boy. When they are down there he turns and locks the door, Steven knows something is up straight away.

"Brendan? What are you doing?" he questions and Brendan walks towards him, placing a hand on his shoulder before Steven shifts away from him.

"I just need to talk to you, please Steven…"

"For Christ sakes Brendan, you want to talk just so you can lie to me again. No, I don't want to hear it!" Steven yells and they are lucky the music is on upstairs or Seamus would be down here like a shot, wondering what the hell is going on. Brendan doesn't care, Steven can holler and bellow at him all he wants, he won't let him out. Not until he's listened to _his _side of the story…well his side will be the same as Macca's because he's not gonna lie, he was an evil, _evil _dick to that boy, but it's in the past and like he always reminds himself. You can't change that.

"Steven, can you just fucking listen! You're not leaving until you listen to me." Brendan replies and Ste looks at him as though he's completely lost it, he's not surprised though; it's the effect this boy has on him, makes him want to lock them away forever.

"You can't keep me locked in here Brendan!"

"I can, and I will until you hear me out…"

"For fuck sakes, fine." Steven sighs, slumping down to sit on the floor and Brendan feels a wave of relief wash over him. At least they don't have to stay locked up in here for too long, Seamus is gonna kill him for not being there to serve the punters, oh well, Steven is more important.

"What did Macca tell you…exactly?" Steven looks at him and scowls, obviously Macca told him _everything_. Every last gruesome detail, probably told Steven how Gaz had battered him when he found out Macca was gay, how Brendan hadn't protected him. No matter how much it pained him to see his best friend – ex best friend – treated like that Brendan had done _nothing_, just stood and let it happen. Steven probably wonders why he's so special, why Brendan saved him from Gaz's punches when he didn't – couldn't - save Macca.

"He just told me everything Brendan, how when he told you he was gay, you went ballistic. Yelling the odds and calling him every name under the sun. He said you'll never change, that you'll always be _that _way. Hating people like me…" Steven says and his face softens, looks like learning about Brendan's past has physically pained him, has ruined anything they shared but there's something in his eyes, something that tells Brendan if he does this right, if he comes clean and explains his actions then Steven may forgive him…just one more time. Maybe he's just as attached as Brendan is, maybe whatever Brendan feels, Steven feels too and the chance of that makes Brendan delve deep, uncover the worst thing he did to Macca and spill it; hoping Ste won't push him away when he knows…

_*Brendan is sitting with Pete and Aidan, sat at their usual table and talking about nothing in particular. It's safe to say he isn't paying attention, his mind is too preoccupied with Macca. The fact he is gay and the fact he can't be friends with him anymore because of this. He has to make Macca hate him, has to because if he doesn't then Brendan will do something else, he will tell him how he feels. Now that he knows Macca won't laugh at him or judge him because he is 'that' way too, then there is nothing holding Brendan back and the thought of that terrifies him. _

"_Brendan? Are you even listening?" Pete asks, him and Aidan staring at Brendan in anticipation but Brendan's not looking at them, he's looking at Macca, the way he has just wandered into the lunch hall, not a care in the world and the sight of it infuriates Brendan. Why should he be so carefree when Brendan feels like he's lost everything, lost his best-friend because of what he told him and now he can't talk to him ever again. Brendan knows he's being unreasonable, Macca doesn't even know how Brendan feels; heck, it was only yesterday when he told Brendan what he really is and Brendan had said he needed time, needed time to adjust and get used to the idea. Macca wasn't to know Brendan could never be near him again._

_It's at that point in time when Macca spots him, a beaming grin spreading across his lips as he walks over to the lunch table and Pete and Aidan are talking amongst themselves now, leaving Brendan out because he wasn't listening and they are just oblivious to the events that are about to occur. Macca reaches the table, that smile still plastered on his face and Brendan feels ill, knowing what he has to do to his friend._

"_Alright Brendan?" Macca asks and he goes to sit down, goes to sit near Brendan but he stands up abruptly, nearly knocking Macca off of his feet. He knows he has to do this, it's the only way to move forward, the only way to get over his friend because if he doesn't then to put in frankly he's fucked. He hopes this isn't going to far, doesn't want to completely rock the boat in-case he loses his other friends, in-case the school get involved but it's the only thing he can do. He closes his eyes, inhales deeply before letting the air out slowly through his nose, grits his teeth, opens his eyes again and gets up in Macca's face. _

"_What the fuck are you doing Macca?" he snarls and Macca looks perplexed, hurt swimming in his eyes and Brendan wants to stop this, wants to halt this whole idea because Macca's gonna be hurt, they've been friends for almost eight years. Eight years and Brendan was the first person he told, the first person he confided in about his sexuality and now he might be scared, terrified that everyone will have the same reaction Brendan's having; frightened everyone will push him away just because he's gay._

"_W-what?" Macca questions, completely bewildered and the tears are glistening his eyes and it's becoming so much harder for Brendan to carry on, to continue with this harsh, award-winning performance._

"_I said, what the fuck are you doing?"_

"_Well...I-I was sitting down…" Macca cries, the tears now falling down his cheeks and they have gained an audience, some people in the lunch hall enjoying the show, Pete and Aidan gawping at Brendan, brows furrowed because they know how close the other boys are, know how Macca and Brendan are – were – joined at the hip, so much like everyone else, they must be completely baffled by Brendan's sudden change of attitude. _

"_I don't want you to sit down…" Brendan sneers, trying to keep strong throughout the whole ordeal. It's an ordeal because this pains him, both physically and mentally, hurting someone he cares about doesn't come easy to him; never has, never will and he knows what must be going through Macca's head right now, he's probably going over everything that's happened, looking through memories with a thin-toothed comb just to see what he's done wrong. Just to see why Brendan is behaving like this and he must know, must know that things only changed after he told Brendan about his sexuality._

"_But…Brendan, please! You're meant to be my best-friend!" Macca sobs and god, this is so hard for Brendan, the hardest thing he's done in his life and it's hurting them both so much and Brendan wishes it could be different, truly longs for everything to change just so they can go back to normal, but he knows so well that his wishes, his prayers, they always go unanswered. _

"_I can't be friends with you anymore Macca…" Brendan can feel his own tears threatening to fall but he has to stay strong, because this is the way it has to be. Life can be cruel like that sometimes._

"_But why? Please Brendan…you're my best-friend! I love you like a brother!" and Macca keeps going on, won't stop with the pleading, he won't leave and he's forcing Brendan to up his game, forcing him to say something so nasty, so mean that Macca will never forgive him._

"_I don't wanna be friends with a queer, Macca," Brendan says and he walks even closer to Macca, close enough to be able to drop his voice to a whisper, to be able to talk right into Macca's ear, leaving it so only he can hear his words. "You…you disgust me" he says in a scornful tone, swallowing past the dry lump that has formed in his throat and leaving no room for doubt or disbelief, it does the trick; Macca leans back and looks him in the eyes, sees the coldness Brendan is forcing there and the other boy shakes his head, tears now falling freely down his cheeks and he turns, runs out of the dinner hall without looking back. Gaz is there, heard the whole thing and he's jeering after Macca, laughing and saying how he's a disgrace. That is before he stands up, gathers his cronies and walks out after Macca…_

_That was the day he beat him, battered Brendan's old friend simply for being gay and Brendan had found out that night, had felt terrible and disgusting for not doing anything. That was the night Brendan cried himself to sleep because he knew…he knew, his only, true friend was gone forever.*_

"And after that everything just got worse?" Steven questions and he's been so amazing, just listening as Brendan told him every detail of that first time, of the first time he was awful to Macca, and he hasn't interrupted, just nodded when Brendan asked him if he should go on. Steven hasn't tried to walk away or looked at Brendan with disgust, he's just been here, always listening.

"Yeah…I-I hate myself for what I did to him, I truly do Steven and if I could take it back then I would. I've regretted it every day since." Brendan sighs and he slumps further back, leaning his head against the wall because this remembering thing is hard work; it's completely taken it out of him and he feels drained, emotionally drained and just tired.

"But then, if you've regretted it…why did you do it in the first place?" Steven asks and it's a reasonable question, any onlooker would be muddled; especially as they don't know _why _Brendan did it. He doesn't want to lie to Steven, but he can't tell the truth and he needs to think of something fast, how can he explain his actions without giving everything away? He can't think of anything, can't think of any reasonable excuse so the only thing he can do, is blame the person who made him like this.

"My…dad, he always told me being…gay was wrong. That it was disgusting and when Macca told me he was…like that, I just didn't know how to deal with it. My whole life I've been brought up differently and it was just too much. I'm not homophobic, I told you that; I was just…shocked." He explains, lying through his teeth…well actually, he wouldn't call it lying so much, just…leaving out some of the truth. What he just said _is _true, Seamus _has _always said being gay is disgusting, and Brendan _has _been brought up differently. _Very differently._

"Okay…that's okay…thank-you for telling me the truth. Macca said you would deny everything, that you wouldn't admit to it so thank-you for proving him wrong." Steven replies and he tries to offer Brendan a small smile but whimpers instead; face crinkled in pain as the cut on his lip stretches.

"What happened?" Brendan questions and he lifts his hand to Steven's cheek, softly stroking his thumb across a rather deep cut on Steven's cheekbone. The other boy screws his eyes up at the contact and Brendan suddenly feels furious, wanting nothing more than to march up the stairs and rip out Terry's throat because Brendan _knows _he did this; saw it on his little, smug rat-face when he walked through the pub doors, why he did this is what Brendan wants to know.

"Urm…" Steven says and he subconsciously leans into Brendan's touch, leaning his cheek on Brendan's palm. " Terry…he just-he just went mental when I said I didn't want to work here…" Brendan feels the blood thrumming through his veins, can feel how he clenched his fist at the mention of the man's name. Terry had _no _reason to do this – not that violence is the answer anyway – but he had _no_ reason; Brendan doesn't blame Steven for not wanting to work here, this place is a shithole, an absolute pigsty.

"I'm so sorry Steven…" he replies and he still has his hand on Steven's cheek, the skin there burning at the contact and all Brendan wants to do is kiss anyway Steven's pain, just take it all away with his kisses. What he would do to feel Steven's lips on his, to feel the closeness a kiss can bring and to hold Steven in his arms, to feel him holding him close too.

"Brendan, please stop apologising for Terry. There's nothing you can do about it okay? Anyway…you have enough problems without me too…" Steven murmurs and a funny feeling washes over Brendan, it feels something like guilt and he knows why, he feels guilty because he wasn't there, didn't protect Steven when he needed him most. He knows it's irrational to feel like this because he couldn't have done anything, even if he was there, witnessing what Terry was doing, he couldn't have done _anything_. Steven lifts his hand to his own cheek, clasps Brendan's hand in his own and gives him the best smile he can while his lip is so badly damaged. Brendan smiles back at him and moves his other hand to Steven's neck, this is bad, _this is so so bad _because he's been touching Steven too intimately, been protecting him and chasing him too much and surely Steven should know something's amiss. That friends don't treat other friends like this, that friends don't touch each-other the way Brendan touches Steven.

"I err…" Brendan starts and he doesn't know what to say, anything just to stop this strange tension that is drifting through the air, this tension that is inside him; screaming at him to lean towards Steven and just do what he wants, what he's wanted to do since the first time he saw the other boy. His hands are still on him and Steven licks his lips, parting his mouth and the newly applied salvia is making his lips 'shine' in the dim lighting of the cellar. They look so plush, so soft and just so inviting, Brendan just wants to taste them, just once, just to see what they feel like against his own mouth. He can already comprehend what it _may_ feel like, something like magic, a million fireworks sparking through his lips, his tastes buds setting alight when Steven's tongue rubs against his and he just _wants _it so _fucking badly_; more and more each day. Steven has his eyes closed, his breathing shallow and Brendan swallows, wanting to lean forward and his fingertips are brushing the short hairs that lie at the nape of the other boy's neck, his other hand _still _on Steven's face and he opens his eyes, staring at Brendan with intent.

"Brendan…I-" and Steven is suddenly moving forward, hands on Brendan's face, anchoring him down and the other boy doesn't look scared, isn't fearful of what Brendan may do to him if _this _happens, if they actually make contact, if they actually get closer than they've ever been before and Brendan's holding his breath; mouth tingling in anticipation and hands _still _in the same places they were before. Steven is so close now, hesitating and sitting firm on his knees, practically straddling Brendan, his face in Steven's hands and Ste seems to see something in Brendan's eyes, something telling him he wants this and he leans down, and their mouths are so close that Brendan can feel Steven's breath on his lips and they are sharing the same air and they are moving closer together and then…

"BRENDA!" Brendan instantly pushes Steven away from him, so abruptly that the other boy hits his back against the wall, a pained, shocked cry spilling from his lips and Brendan feels terrible, awful because he hurt Steven but most of all, he feels irritated because his dad _had _to call him and interrupt what was about to happen.

"You okay? I'm sorry…" Brendan says and he leans down, offering his hand, which the other boy gladly accepts; standing up and brushing himself down.

"Yeah im fine, it's okay. We better go upstairs, your dad don't sound too happy." Steven states and he's right, Seamus sounded fuming when he shouted down the stairs, probably furious because Brendan has been taking too long down here. He looks at his watch and realises they have been in the cellar for over half-an-hour, _fuck_. Brendan gives Steven _that _smile again – the one that shows they've shared a 'secret' – before making his way up the stairs, Steven close behind him. When they reach the top, they notice Terry and Nolan are not around; leaving Seamus and Steven's mum alone and it seems they are enjoying each-others company_. A lot_. Seamus turns his head when Brendan clears his throat, a look of disgust on his face.

"Where have you been Brenda?" he demands, not looking at Steven who is currently hiding behind Brendan's body; he's scared, like he's scared of Seamus or something and Brendan doesn't need to wonder why…his dad is pretty intimidating. Seamus doesn't give Brendan time to think of an excuse, looks behind him and spots Steven there. "Ah, boy. Go and clean some tables." Seamus says and Steven nods, picking up the old rag that is lying on the bar and walking away from them. Next his dad directs his voice to _Pauline_, -Steven's _mother_ -, "Pauline, go and sit down, I'll get you a drink…" his dad croons, voice hardly above a whisper and Brendan guesses this is his way of 'charming' a lady, of trying to get them into bed but whatever it is; it makes his skin crawl. When she stumbles away, obviously already consumed too much alcohol, Seamus beckons Brendan over; telling him to get behind the bar to work…

It's only five minutes later – when no-one is at the bar – when Seamus comes back over to him, leaving Pauline to guzzle her drink as he taunts Brendan some more. Only this time, he's not saying stuff to _hurt Brendan's feelings_. It's a lot worse than that, something that makes Brendan's blood run cold, his heart to stop beating and _fear _to course through his veins. "He's a pretty little thing isn't he?" Seamus says and Brendan doesn't need to ask him who he's talking about, the way he is looking Ste up and down says everything. He's looking at the other boy with hunger in his eyes, not the same kind of hunger Brendan looks at him with because that's okay, that's _normal_ - well as normal as wanting another boy can be – but it's _okay _because fancying a boy _your own age _is how it should be. If you are a grown man, looking at an underage boy with _that much desire _in your eyes then it's sick, pure evil and Brendan doesn't know what to do, he can't have this; Seamus doing _that _to him, is bad enough and he won't let it happen to Steven, not in a million years. This is when him protecting Steven is vital, it's urgent because if _this _happens, then Steven will never be the same again; he'll never be the boy he is now and he'll become just as messed up as Brendan is.

"Leave him alone." Brendan says, voice firm and he turns to look Seamus straight in the eyes, his jaw set because no matter what his dad does to him now – could beat him and beat him – he will _not _let him do this, not to anyone other than him and _especially _not to Steven. Seamus looks shocked for a second, dumbfounded because his son is finally doing something, finally talking back to him and standing his ground; he's never done this before, never stood up to his dad because it's never been imperative, there's never been someone he…someone he really likesat risk but now there is and he just won't have it.

"Ah, that's…" Seamus smirks and leans in closer to Brendan's ear, so close that Brendan can feel the hot air on his face, can feel the breath hitting his cheek and then his dad leans in _even _closer still, until Brendan can smell the whisky and cigarettes that are stinking his dad's mouth. "…sweet, protecting your little boyfriend and everything. Just one thing Brenda, if I don't leave him alone…what are you going to do about it?" and he chuckles, _the sick bastard _actually chuckles as he straightens himself back up, slapping Brendan hard on his shoulder-blade before walking back over to Pauline. Seamus has asked a good question, _what is Brendan going to do about it_? What can he do? There's no doubt in his mind, he would do _anything _to protect Steven if he had the chance – _anything _– but this is his _dad_, no matter how much Brendan hates that fact, it's the reality. It's not like Terry, if he had the chance to do something then he would kill that man, no doubt about it, he would kill him, _destroy _him even but his dad…what can he do about him? _Nothing _that's what.

-X-

An hour has passed and it's been torturous, knowing what Seamus is thinking every time he looks at Steven is destroying Brendan; ripping his heart out and fucking with his head. The whole time he's just been repeating Seamus' words in his head, _what are you going to do about it? _He can't do anything about it, nothing, nowt, _zilch_. How can he just let this happen though? He can't, so somehow he needs to get Steven out of this situation, get him away from this pub and his dad because he _can't _let it happen…

"Fairy, I'll have a pint." _Terry_. The fucking cunt is back and smirking at Brendan, clearly pleased with himself about god knows what. Brendan sighs while pouring the pint, imagining how – if he was in an alternative universe – he would smash the glass in Terry's neck and choke him until the life drained out of his body, until the light left his eyes.

"Here." Brendan says, slamming the glass in front of Terry and taking the money. The man doesn't move away, continuing to stand at the bar and giving Brendan a curious look. "What?"

"Are you really queer then?" Terry questions, tone laced with disgust and Brendan is taken aback, speechless because how the _fuck _would Terry know his secret? Is he really that obvious? Does his dad talk about it? Do people _really _suspect him? He knows Steven must have guessed by now, heck – they've nearly kissed twice and Brendan shows Steven _way _too much attention for it just to be a simple friendship but really? Why is Terry questioning him? Maybe he just misheard or something…

"What?" he asks and Terry smirks again, leaning forward on his elbows, hands resting on his cheeks, tilting his chin until he's looking at Brendan - dead in the face – and giving him a knowing smile.

"I know Brendan…I know you want to fuck boys. Everyone knows, even your dad. I could tell when my little faggot of a son walked in and you saw his face, you're a little pansy just like he is, aren't you?" Terry taunts and out of everything Brendan's just heard, out of all the things Terry has just said, there is only one thing standing out for him. _My little faggot of a son_. It's strange that this keeps happening, whenever Steven's involved he just blacks out what he is doing, everything happens so fast, the red mist takes over and before he knows what is happening he's already _doing _something. Terry is face-down on the bar, his face being pushed further in by Brendan's hands and this is strange because he doesn't even remember getting to this point but he knows _why _he is here.

"Don't talk about him like that, I know your type. If you think _I'm _disgusting, or Steven's disgusting then take a look in the fucking mirror. You aren't a man, you're a joke and I swear, I swear to god if you-" he's suddenly yanked away from Terry, the latter standing up and wiping himself down, smiling like he's just gotten _exactly _what he wanted and it's Seamus, Seamus is the one holding Brendan back.

"What the fuck are you doing, boy?" his dad sneers and Brendan can't reply because if he does then he'll say something like, _what this bastard deserves _and he can't be saying that. "Fucking get home now! I'll deal with you when I get back. You're a disgrace Brenda." Seamus says and he pushes him away, pushes him towards the door and Brendan just gets one look at Steven's shocked face before he is shoved out of the pub…

_Seamus never did go home that night._

-X-

_** He can't move, he's trying to, oh god he's trying to but something is holding him down; some invisible force holding him in place. He can't see anything, just the wall that is located in front of him and he looks down at his hands and feet, both untied and he tries to move them, just do anything with them but he can't and he has no control over them. It's like he's completely paralysed, unable to move from the shoulders down and he turns his head, just to see if anyone's around but there's just more walls and corridors, spreading too far for his eyes to see. Nothing is happening to him, no-one else is here but he feels petrified, a deep sense of fear settling in his stomach and he doesn't know why, it's like some unsee-able thing is sprinkling pure horror and fright onto his soul. _

_He tries to speak, scream for some help but his mouth is too dry, his throat too hoarse for the words to come out and he just can't speak. It's like his voice box has disappeared, completely vanished and he doesn't understand; can't comprehend why this is happening or how he even got here. He's trying to find some salvia, anything to stop his mouth from being so dry and anything to stop his throat hurting so much; it's as if hot needles are stabbing him straight in his Adam's apple and the next time he looks towards the wall there is something hanging there. A mirror. A six foot mirror and Brendan knows it wasn't there before because if it were, he wouldn't have missed the sight he is seeing right now. A deep gash, deep enough to fit half of your finger in, is sliced across his neck, blood gushing from the wound and he just doesn't get it. He feels no pain, nothing that would come with an injury like that anyway and this is why he can't talk, his throat has been cut. He looks to the right and there's a birdcage – hanging from the ceiling – and inside is a bloody knife, the knife that has done this to him but he's not really looking at that, there's a strange mist coming from the blade, a weird glow and suddenly it's travelling towards him, stopping straight in front of his face and what happens next is just…impossible. _

_His voice, his voice comes out of the mist and it's telling him not to look, "don't look to the left" is what it is saying; it's a warning, an urgent warning and Brendan wishes he could listen, wants to take the warning and not turn his head but he doesn't and as he turns his head – taking in the sight that is to his left – he feels a tear trickle down his cheek. _

_Seamus. Seamus is there, he's holding someone down, straddling them and has their wrists pinned above their head and Brendan doesn't need to look who it is, he already knows. Steven is screaming, crying for Seamus to let him go and the older man isn't, he's just laughing in the boy's face and suddenly he turns his head – not in the usual way, he turns it in a three hundred and sixty degree angle – before snapping it back 'round to look at Brendan. His eyes are set – stone-cold – and Brendan has never seen a sight so terrifying. Seamus laughs, a dry cackle unleashed from his throat, just before an evil smile spreads across his mouth; teeth being bared and then he turns his attention back to Steven. _

"_What are you going to do about it?" His 'dad' asks and Brendan can see the older man's tongue peek through his lips just before he leans down and licks up Steven's neck, biting the boy – hard - and Steven cries out in pain; thrashing underneath Seamus' weight and he can't dislodge him and Brendan knows what is coming, can see it in Seamus' eyes. He looks away, can't bear to see what is about to happen to the boy he…he just can't look, his heart is being ripped out and the tears are flowing down his face, blurring his eyes and as he hears the sound of clothes being violently ripped off, he breaks out into a full-blown sob. _

"_HELP ME BRENDAN!" Steven screams, crying in pain and Brendan can't do anything, he's trying to move with everything he's got; just wants to stand up and get Seamus away from the boy but he's paralysed and this is his torture, not being able to do anything as Steven cries for him, over and over again. _

"_See Brendan, there's nothing you can do. Nothing" his dad taunts and Brendan's begging him to stop this, just as Steven unleashes an ear-piercing, heart-destroying screech and Brendan knows what his dad has just done and he doesn't understand why he's not dead, why the blood that is still gushing from his neck hasn't killed him and Steven is yelling and crying as Seamus grunts incoherently. He wants to die, wants to trade places with Steven and he's sobbing uncontrollably; Steven bawling, screaming, yelling in pain and praying for it to end and Brendan's saying his own prayer, pleading for god to end this all now, to take him away and to help Steven and then suddenly it goes black and another voice pierces through the darkness…**_

"Brendan! Brendan, wake up!" _Cheryl_. Cheryl is here shaking him awake and as he opens his eyes, he can feel the tears on his cheeks; he can feel himself shaking and as he looks into Cheryl's concerned eyes, he feels another tear slip down his face. "Hey, hey. What was all that about? You were screaming, what happened?" Cheryl soothes, stroking Brendan's back as he leans against her, trying to stop the shake in his body. That was the worst nightmare he's ever had – and he's had some _terrible _ones in his time – but _that _was torture; complete and utter torture and he can't bear to even think about it. "Are you going to tell me what happened?" Cheryl asks and Brendan simply shakes his head, he _can't _talk about that. He remembers how Cheryl saw _their _mum the other day and he's immediately intrigued with how the meeting went.

"How did it go…seeing mum?" he questions and he pulls out of Cheryl's hold, wiping his eyes and breathing slowly. His sister looks at him for a second, a strange emotion in her eyes and she looks hesitant, obviously choosing how much she should delve into her meeting with their mum – considering the circumstances – and then she smiles, it's only small but it's there all the same.

"Yeah…it was okay…" she states and then a wave of guilt washes over her face, probably because Brendan doesn't have the opportunity to see their mum but that's okay…well it's not but Cheryl can't help it, it's not her fault.

"That's…good" he replies, tone light and masking the hurt he is feeling, "why are you here anyway?"

"Dad phoned me last night, said he would be out so you would need waking up. You should be able to wake yourself up now Bren; you're almost sixteen years old." He had completely forgotten about his birthday at the end of the month, it's not like they are worth remembering. They're always the same, Cheryl getting him a present, a _fake _card off of his mum and Seamus giving him his _own special gift _at the end of the night. Always the same, just like everything else in his life.

"Right…well, I'm awake now so you can go…thanks for waking me up.." Brendan says and he steps out of the bed, walking over to his school uniform that is neatly folded on his chair. Cheryl is still sat on the bed, eyebrows furrowed in indecision. "What is it Cheryl?" he asks and she looks up at him, still with that wavering look on her face; clearly she has a choice to make and it could go one of two ways. Cheryl sighs, shaking her head slightly before talking.

"It's mum…" she says and Brendan knew it had something to do with her, always fucking is when they have these kind of conversations; these _serious _talks that can only last a few minutes but the impact of their mum can last for hours…days even. "She…she wants to see you Brendan…" Cheryl murmurs and Brendan was not expecting that, didn't think his mum would _want _to see him, - wouldn't even dare to _hope – _because his mum disowned him six years ago, said she didn't even _have _a son; that Brendan was just some intruder pretending to be related to her but _now _she remembers him? _Now _she wants something to do with him after leaving him in his dad's clutches for _six years_; well he doesn't want to know, doesn't want to be anywhere near her after she did that to him, hurt him in the cruellest of ways and left him with _him_. If she even _knew _what not seeing her had done to Brendan, then she wouldn't have the _audacity _to ask him for a visit.

"I don't wanna know Chez." He says in a flat tone and turning back around so he doesn't have to see Cheryl's disappointed expression. She should have known this would be his reaction, that he wouldn't want to see her because Cheryl saw how upset he had been, how the effect his mum has on him whenever they talk about her; surely she would be about to understand that?

"But Brendan…just give her a chance. You don't know when-"

"No Cheryl, now can you just go please? I can't deal with this right now." Brendan says and it's not a request, more like an order; telling Cheryl to piss off because he can already feel what is about to happen, his mind is already clouding over and the memories are already coming back to him which is why he is relieved when his bedroom door shuts. He turns, just to double-check Cheryl is gone and she's vanished, leaving Brendan to slump in his chair and let the memories that are dancing in his eyes, take over.

_*"Brendan, don't eat so much cake! You'll make yourself sick!" His mum scolds playfully, taking the cake he is trying to demolish away and scraping it into the bin. It's March 31__st__ and it's his ninth birthday, the happiest day he's ever had because not only has his birthday been perfect but his dad has also gone away on business; meaning he will not be abused again tonight, or for the next week until Seamus returns. His mum turns around and smiles at his frowning face, he's always pulled a strop with her when he can't get his own way. "Brendan…I know it's your birthday but I don't want to be cleaning your sick off the floor." She says, walking over and ruffling his hair._

"_But mum…I won't be sick, please! Cheryl has cake." He whines, scowling at his older sister who is currently shovelling more chocolate cake into her mouth. Cheryl looks at him – smirking – before picking her fork up, extra slowly and placing it into her mouth, making sure Brendan can see the cake disappear. Silly cow, thinks it's funny that she is eating his cake._

"_Brendan. You've had four slices, you don't want to get tubby do you?" his mum teases and Brendan can't help the small smile that graces his lips. He loves his mum, loves her as much as he loves Cheryl and without their dad, they are a perfect little family. A loving, doting mother who loves her children more than anything in the world and her two perfectly behaved, adorable kids; it's the father that is the bad apple out of the group, the one that ruins the perfect image. Brendan shakes the image of his father out of his head and looks up to his mum, eyes bright and smile wide; he takes in her features, her pale, milk-like, smooth skin. Her twinkling brown eyes and the way the light reflects out of them, her soft as silk brunette hair, swaying freely around her shoulders and her youthful complexion. She is so much younger than Seamus and Brendan wonders what she is doing with a man like his dad, she is so undoubtedly beautiful, stunning and his dad is…well he's nothing special. "Cheryl, go and play or something. I want some time with the birthday boy."_

"_But mum…" Cheryl whinges and their mother shoots her a look, one telling her to do as she is told or face the consequences – although that will just be the confiscation of her cake -. His sister sighs before making her way up the stairs, leaving Brendan and his mum together. _

"_So Brendan, what do you want to do then?" she asks and Brendan already knows what he wants, his smile turning into a beaming grin before he bounds up the stairs; returning to his mother with a book in his hand. "Romeo and Juliet?" she questions and Brendan nods, curling up into his mother's side as she begins to read him his favourite story…*_

"Brenda, you up?!" Seamus hollers up the stairs, ripping Brendan away from his happy memories and Brendan replies with a simple _yes _before proceeding to get dressed. "Don't think I have forgotten about what happened with Terry! I'll deal with you when you get back from school" _oh the joy _Brendan thinks and he doesn't answer, just pulls his school shirt over his head before putting on his other clothes.

-X-

When Brendan walks into class he is pleasantly surprised. Steven is sat in his regular seat – Will returning next to Alyson – and Macca is at the other end of the classroom, shooting daggers into Brendan's body; seemingly unaware he couldn't really give a flying fuck. He walks over to his desk and sits down, still feeling those eyes in the back of his skull but he's only looking at Steven, at the way the other boy is smiling at him.

"Hiya." Steven whispers as the teacher starts writing on the board, not noticing the electric between the two boys. Steven's bruises and cuts look even worse today, inflamed and angry, causing Brendan to wince just at the sight of them. Steven is doing no such thing, not even acting as though they are hurting him; which obviously they must be.

"Hey…you okay today?" Brendan asks, looking at Steven with concern and the other boy smiles again, nodding his head slightly. He doesn't look convincing, not in a long shot and Brendan can already guess why, obviously got something to do with Terry and as Steven turns back around to look at his paper, he audibly groans, something being caused by pain. "What's the matter?" he asks and he won't take _nothing _for an answer, no way will he let this go and Steven seems to be reading his expression, the determination that lies there because he sighs, giving up any will to protest.

"Terry…when we got home he…well _you know_. He said I had you to thank for it because of what happened at the pub…what actually happened Brendan?" Steven questions but he doesn't reply, his mind too consumed with thoughts of killing Terry; seems to be all he thinks about these days. Steven and how to kill that bastard step-dad of his. "Brendan?..."

"I'm gonna fucking kill him." Brendan states, he doesn't even care anymore; the next time he sees Terry he _will _kill him and it will be _painful_.

"Don't be stupid Brendan, it's okay…I can deal with it."

"But you shouldn't have to!" Brendan snaps, a little too harshly for his liking. He's not angry at Steven – no way – but himself and everyone else; if he hadn't of kicked off at Terry then Steven wouldn't be in _more _pain, wouldn't have god knows how many more bruises which are obviously hiding under his clothes. He's angry at the teacher, because she _clearly _hasn't even asked about Steven's busted face, just ignoring them like she always has done with Brendan's own cuts. He's angry at this whole god-damn world because why does Steven have to be treated like this when there are other people – other people who are actually fucking evil, that have nothing done to them. People like his dad and Terry, swanning around without a care in the world because _fucking karma _hasn't caught up with them and never will; people like his mother – granted she has her own problems now – but even _she _is a worser person than Steven is, so why does _this boy _have to be fucking treated like _this_. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to snap…"

"It's okay but seriously Brendan, I can _cope _with Terry. Have been all my life okay? I don't want you getting into trouble for me…" Steven sighs and Brendan looks at him, can see how much Steven seems to care about him and he drops the subject, doesn't want to get into _another _row with the boy because – just like him – Steven is a stubborn fucker and he will not let Brendan argue his case about this whole Terry situation. "Did…did your dad do anything? He was so angry when you left…he scared me…"

"He didn't touch you did he?!" Brendan says in a state of urgency, if Seamus has touched him then Brendan will not be responsible for his actions; he will kill the sick wanker, like he should have a long time ago.

"No! No…why would you think that?" Steven reassures and Brendan breathes a sigh of relief, any tension leaving his body because now he can keep Steven safe, nothing has happened and Steven is unharmed – well unharmed from Seamus' hand – and Brendan will be damned if he lets the other boy go back to the pub tonight.

"You can't work there anymore."

"But…Brendan, I ha-"

"No." Brendan argues and he shifts his gaze until he is looking into Steven's eyes, pleading with him just to listen because he'll murder Seamus before he manages to touch Steven, before he ruins him like he has done to Brendan. He realised after that nightmare he had, it was _so clear _to him; he thought maybe Seamus had been bluffing in the pub, that he wouldn't _really _do anything but that nightmare confirmed his worst fears and he just will not let that happen, refuses to let it become a reality.

"Okay…okay, but what about Terry? He'll go mental if he sees me not working…" Steven says, practically begging Brendan for a way out of this, for some reassurance telling him it will be okay.

"I'll get you some money…don't worry okay? I'll sort it." He _will _sort it, if it takes nicking some cash from his dad then he will do it – without a second thought – because _protecting Steven _is the only thing that is important. The other boy seems to take this as an answer, smiling slightly as he turns his head back to the board; Brendan smiles too because he knows tonight, Steven will be away from his father.

-X-

It's break time, Steven has gone off with Alyson for a second but has promised Brendan he will be back, told him – _in secret _– that he would much rather spend his free time with him, other than the queen of ice. Brendan doesn't know what her deal is, even before Steven came along she hated him, would always give him daggers for no apparent reason; he ignores it – _obviously – _but it's just fucking annoying, especially when he has done nothing to deserve them. Brendan hears footsteps, just before a warm body slumps into the seat next to him, he turns and instantly feels disappointed, he thought it was Steven but no…it's just Macca.

"What do you want Macca?" Brendan sighs because this can't be good, Macca would never want to talk to him about something_ good_; not after everything he put him through anyway.

"He's still friends with you then?" Macca scoffs and Brendan didn't miss this – the thing he was oblivious to when they were friends – the kind of slimy attitude Macca has, his way with words and the way he just sits around like he owns the fucking place.

"Yeah…your plan backfired didn't it?" he sneers and Macca just glares at him, a creepy smile on his face; like his plan hasn't failed at all…or that his plan isn't even finished yet. "You really thought I would lie to him Macca, didn't you?"

"Well, makes a change. You telling the truth…oh and since when did you start hanging around with _queers _Brendan? That's another new thing isn't it." Macca replies, looking all smug and Brendan just can't be bothered with this anymore, is too tired to even care about Macca and his pathetic little games; whatever he thinks he is trying to do here, clearly is not working.

"Whatever Macca, I don't have to explain myself to you." He sighs, making it clear he can't be arsed for Macca or his shit; fucking boring him to tears already.

"Really? I'm sure Ste will see through you soon Brendan. If he doesn't then he's an idiot." He states and Brendan is just about to reply, just about to ask Macca what the fuck he said about Steven, just about to warn Macca away and tell him to fuck off out of here but someone else beats him to it.

"What was that Macca?" Steven asks, a tight smile on his lips and his fists clenched.

"I err…" Macca sighs and he stands up, walking over to Steven and completely barging past Brendan. "I said, if you don't realise what he is like soon then you're an idiot."

"Don't call me that." Steven speaks through gritted teeth, Brendan can see the effect Macca's words are having on him; he's tightening his fists so much that his knuckles are turning white, his eyes cold and distant and Brendan knows what will happen if Macca doesn't shut up.

"Well you would be! You must be stupid to even trust-" it all passes in a blur, so quick that Brendan needs to steady himself before he can do anything and as soon as he's able to move, he is dragging Steven off of Macca, the latter howling as blood pours from his nose. Steven is shouting at him, screaming at the cowering boy never to call him that again, to fucking leave him _and _Brendan alone and it takes all of his strength just to drag the furious boy away.

It's safe to say, Macca never bothered them again that day, and neither did anyone else who had the pleasure of witnessing Steven lose his rag.

-X-

Brendan doesn't make a sound as he creeps in through the front door; Seamus cannot know he is in yet because he needs to get that money, the money from the jar so he can give it to Steven – preventing the other boy from being battered because he's not working at the pub. He closes the door and his dad doesn't shout for him, doesn't appear out of any corners so he continues; rushing towards the money before Seamus returns. He manages to get one hundred and ten pound before Seamus flies down the stairs, it's enough for Terry to leave Steven alone for the night and he quickly stuffs it into his school blazer, zipping up the pocket just as Seamus walks around the corner.

"So…I know why you attacked Terry.." his dad drawls and he has a knowing smile on his face, the sight of it causing a shiver to run up Brendan's spine because he _knows_. He knows why Brendan flipped, he _knows _what he said to Terry, he…they must know he did it because he wanted to protect Steven and it doesn't take a genius to put two and two together. "It's because you like that _Steven _isn't it?" his dad spits out the other boy's name, tries to make it sound vile to Brendan's ears but it doesn't – it never could – no matter what happens.

"No…" he has to deny it, he doesn't know how bad the consequences would be if he doesn't; he knows Seamus is capable of killing him – more that capable – and he reckons if he pushed his father far enough, if he just did one thing that pushed his dad over the cliff, then Seamus wouldn't hesitate to do permanent damage.

"Don't fucking lie to me boy, it's obvious. That's why you told me to leave him alone, ah Brenda…what's the matter? You want him all for yourself?" Seamus taunts and he's stepping closer, just like what happened the other night and Brendan is in the same position; walking back, stepping away until he knows he is going to make contact with the kitchen side and he _refuses _to let this happen to him again. He's had enough in his entire life to have it done to him _again_.

"I told you to leave him alone because you're a sick cunt!" Brendan roars and Seamus is staring at him as though he's the vilest human being on the planet; as though he is even more sick in the head than him and that's when Brendan feels it, the fist flying into his stomach, over and over and he's leaning against his dad, sucking in breaths because he _can't _breathe; his ribs have barely recovered from last time.

"Don't you ever, _ever _talk to me like that again you fucking little faggot, do you hear me? Next time it will be the last thing you do." Seamus snarls and he lets go of Brendan, lets him fall back against the side and he's unbuckling his belt again; obviously thinks Brendan will go down without a fight but he _won't_, not this time. He ignores the pain in his stomach, the grating of his ribs as he turns around and grabs a knife out of the rack, holding it firm in his hand and getting a strong grip. "What are you doing?" Seamus asks and Brendan's not listening, isn't even _seeing _what he is doing because instead all of the years of torture, of pain his dad has put him through are replaying in short clips; little snippets of abuse being shown in his head and he wants it to end, wants his dad dead and fucking buried, six feet under and he's moving forward, about to stab his dad in the fucking gut but _his _voice. His voice rings out to him, telling him to stop this, to walk away and it's _Steven _so of course he is going to listen.

"You ever touch me again, Seamus and I swear…I swear I will fucking kill you." He states, matter of fact because that's exactly what it is; _a fact_…his dad ever touches him again then he will end him, spill his blood and dance over his grave – happy because his father will finally be where he belongs, down in the depths of hell. Seamus is stood there, jeans unbuttoned, zip undone and _Christ _he looks a fucking sight; mouth gaping open and eyes wide with shock. Brendan laughs, sounds deranged to his own ears but it doesn't matter and he walks away from the older man, walks out of the kitchen door because there's only one place he is going right now and that place isn't located inside of the house.

-X-

He walks up the hill, treading on the flowers and in a way he is dragging himself to the top; can already feel the bruises forming on his stomach and the pain is unbearable, he can barely even breathe but when he sees that familiar figure, he knows it's all been worth it. "Steven…" he mumbles and that simple act of talking has completely taken the breath out of him, Seamus really did a good job this time; the pain is unlike anything he's felt and he seriously fears for the stability of his bones.

"Brendan? Brendan what happened?!" Steven cries and he walks towards him, holding out his arms for Brendan to sink into. Once they are sat down, they lean against the tree trunk, in the same way they were sat the first time Brendan brought him here and neither want to talk, don't want to break this peaceful silence that has fallen over them but eventually one of them has to break it. "What happened? Did your dad catch you?" Steven asks and Brendan shakes his head, pulling the money out of his blazer and handing it to Steven before speaking.

"No he…it was about the Terry thing and he…just hit me…" Brendan pants, his ribs killing him and he obviously doesn't tell Steven the truth, he can't tell him the truth.

"I'm so sor-"

"Don't apologise for him Steven." Brendan smirks, feeling a little amused because if he cannot apologise for Terry's actions then Steven can't apologise for his dad's. Steven looks at him and smiles, it's only quick because almost instantly his face turns to one of concern. "What?"

"Let me see…" Steven says and Brendan doesn't have a clue what he's going on about. "Let me see the marks…" the other boy commands and Brendan doesn't understand because there wouldn't be any marks yet, Seamus punched him less than half-an-hour ago but Steven is persisting, trying to lift up Brendan's shirt and it's not moving so instead Brendan just unbuttons it. "Oh my god…" Steven whispers, voice barely audible and he has his hands to his face, eyes wide in horror and Brendan doesn't know what all the fuss is about until he looks down.

"Fuck…" he mumbles because _god_, his ribs are already covered in deep, purple bruises; painful looking and the sight of them makes Brendan want to cry, knowing his body has been this badly damaged _again _is too upsetting for him. Steven sees the tears in his eyes and leans forward, does something Brendan wouldn't even imagine him doing; he presses his lips to the bruises, kissing each one that lies on Brendan's torso and the pain instantly disappears, everything leaving his body because Steven is healing him with his touch alone. The thought of it pushes Brendan over the edge and he begins to cry.

"Hey, it's okay…come here…" Steven says in a light voice and Brendan does, leaning into Steven when he sits back and crying into the other boys shoulder. He falls asleep like that, with Steven repeating it's okay softly in his ears and for the first time in years, he actually felt _safe_.

**Please review x**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank-you so much for reviewing/following ect. You are all amazing and I truly appreciate it! Chow xx**

**Brendan POV**

He wakes up to the sound of birds chirping in the trees above him, an icy breeze blowing against his cheek and a hand circling in his hair. Something warm is pressed up against his body and he instantly pulls it closer to him, the source of the warmth releasing a small groan as he squeezes it tighter. Brendan cracks one eye open and remembers where he is; on the hill, pressed up against Steven – practically in his lap – with an arm snaking around the other boy's waist and Steven's arms holding him close. The other boys hands are stroking through Brendan's hair and as he sits up, he realises Steven must have been awake for a while; his eyes are bright and alert, a smile playing on his lips.

"You okay?" Brendan groans as he leans back against the tree, the sharp stab shooting across his ribs making him grimace in pain. It's light and Brendan has no fucking clue what time it is, it was around seven O'clock when he came here yesterday and it was getting dark, so he must have been sleeping for quite a few hours. His side is throbbing and he feels like shit but waking up to Steven; to the other boy stroking through his hair is the highlight to his entire month…year and everything just feels _okay_.

"Yeah…you do realise we are meant to be at school right? It's..." Steven pulls out his phone and presses the button, illuminating the screen and showing him the time. "It's nine O'clock…"He says and Brendan should be worried, panicking because last time he skipped school, he got a _proper _beating; except he's not, he couldn't give a shit because the look in his father's eyes – when he threatened him with that knife – shows him Seamus will not touch him again, the vile animal looked petrified, terrified of Brendan – scared he might do something – and the boy would be lying if he said, the power he felt in that moment wasn't extraordinary.

"Yeah…but we can't really go to school now can we?" Brendan says, matter-of-fact and Steven looks at him slightly muddled, brows furrowed because maybe he's never bunked off school before? Brendan has only done it once himself, one time back when he was mates with Macca and they went for a walk around town. Fucking boring it was and definitely not worth it; considering the consequences Brendan had to endure. He's willing to take the risk for Steven though, even if his dad doesn't accept his threat – although he looked pretty fucking scared – and he does hit Brendan again, then it would be worth it because this boy…this boy _is_ worth it. "Have you never skipped school before?"

"I have…and it's not that, it's just…Terry…" Steven sighs and Brendan feels like an idiot, like a dick because _of course _Steven would be worried about Terry, about his reaction and what he would do to him; Steven's face is displaying the aftermath of Terry's last attack and no doubt his ribs are worse, like Brendan's are too. The other boy sighs before looking at his phone again and speaking, "I guess it is too late though…and anyway, I don't want you walking around too much when you're in that state..." Steven says and his cheeks flush with colour when he realises what he said, how he sounded like Brendan's mother…how he sounded _protective_.

"Is that right?" Brendan replies, teasing Steven slightly because he _loves _how the boy has suddenly turned shy, cheeks flushed red and a small smile gracing his lips. Brendan likes the fact Steven sounded like he wants to look after him, like he wants him to be okay because that is _exactly _what _he _wants for the other boy; he wants to protect and look after him and he doesn't know why – well he has an inkling – but he just _wants _to look out for the boy. Steven smiles before turning away, lying back on the grass and looking up to the sky, watching as the clouds go past and Brendan copies him; moving slowly to lessen any pain he may feel from moving.

It's a strange feeling, lying next to this boy, their hands brushing together and the clouds flying past in the sky; he feels content, the fact he is with Steven and the other boy is away from his father – and Terry – , it makes him feel…just happiness, joyous because he knows he has kept Steven safe and they are okay, they are friends. Definitely _more_ than friends.

Somehow their hands have edged closer together, close enough for their fingers to be in contact – skin on skin – and Brendan has this urge to do something about it, not pull away but entwine his fingers with Steven's, close the gap that is between them and hold on to the boy. It's as though they are connected, sharing the same ideas and thoughts because right at that moment, Steven takes the leap; hesitatingly moving his hand and lifting his arm over Brendan's, lifting it until he is able to intertwine their hands – palm to palm – and fingers locking together. Brendan's breath hitches in his throat, his hand tingling at the contact and this is so _perfect_; it just feels _perfect _and he looks down at his hand, seeing the way it fits in Steven's – as though it was made to be held by the other boy – before lifting his head and looking at him.

"Alright?" Steven asks and Brendan just smiles, squeezing back on Steven's hand before turning to look at the sky again. He is better than alright – far better – he actually feels alive, incredible because this boy is setting his senses on fire; enlightening them and making Brendan _feel _something_, _causing electricity to course through his veins and heat to wash over his body. He can only think of this one thing – of Steven holding his hand – and his mind is completely occupied by the other boy; he's walked into Brendan's life and now he's taking him over, he's captured him and Brendan knows he may never be free again…free being the wrong word because he _feels _free. He doesn't feel trapped or caged and this boy – this other, fragile boy that walked into his life…into his heart five days ago has become everything to him. Brendan's not going to deny it, Steven is _everything_; he's the light in Brendan's life, he's the only person he's ever _truly _trusted, he's the only person he has ever _really _cared about and right now he is the only one Brendan wants to be with…maybe even forever.

Steven shuffles a little closer and turns his head to the left, looking at Brendan and he instantly does the same; turning his head to look into Stevens eyes – blue meeting blue –. He has looked into Steven's eyes before – at least twice – but it hasn't felt like this, hasn't felt this intimate and he's guessing it's because of the hands; the fact they are connected now and it's just breath-taking. Steven has eyes you could get lost in – sapphire coloured, pools of blue and Brendan loves them, _loves _how they contrast to his own; how his are a darker shade while Steven's light up, piercing into everything he looks at. Eyes are powerful things and right now Brendan is mesmerised. They stay like that for minutes – almost counting every eyelash, watching the way each-others pupils narrow in the sunlight – before Steven looks away again.

"This is proper nice…better than school…" Steven mumbles and Brendan's still looking at him, seeing the way the light is settling on his skin – his golden skin – and how – even though they _both _slept out here last night – his hair is still perfect…everything about him is still perfect. He feels a lump of emotion in his throat, something like adoration and he almost replies with something sentimental; can feel the '_everything's better when I'm with you' _on the tip of his tongue but he swallows it down, changing it for a little less heartfelt.

"Anything is better than school, Steven." He says but he squeezes Steven's hand – tightening his grip – and subtly letting the boy know that this is that _anything_, that what Brendan's actually saying is spending time with Steven _is _much better than any other thing he could possibly do.

"That is true…" the other boy agrees and suddenly he sits up, still holding onto Brendan's hand and hiding a wince of pain; he manages to conceal it from Brendan's ever-watching gaze. "Oh my god…Brendan look." Brendan sits up – himself groaning as a sharp ache pierces through his rib – and he looks around, wondering what Steven wants him to see, but there's nothing there; just a little bird sitting half-way up the hill.

"What?..."

"What kind of bird is that? I always see them and I never know…" Steven says and Brendan stares at the bird, trying to determine what it is through its size and colour. It's a good thing Brendan knows a little about birds, because this isn't your average pigeon.

"It's a swallow." He replies, smiling at Steven's relieved face.

"I've been trying to find that out for months. I love swallows, me, always see them and they're so pretty…" Steven trails off and blushes, seems to do that a lot in his presence and he clearly has no idea what effect it has on Brendan; seeing the other boy so shy, just makes him feel warm inside – takes away any sadness Brendan may be feeling because…well Steven is just beautiful.

"Swallows…never really cared about them that much. Birds have funny eyes…" Brendan says and he can see Steven holding back laughter, biting his lip and grinning. In all fairness, Brendan's irrational fear of birds is slightly amusing; had his own sister in hysterics when he told her about it, how their beady little eyes watch you as you do your everyday business – just watching and waiting to make their move.

"Well, I love them and I think they're well cute…" Steven mumbles and Brendan can't help the small smile that spreads across his own face, his lips curving upwards because Steven is just _adorable_. He's exactly want Brendan wants…what he has been looking for and Steven doesn't even know it; is blissfully, completely – well maybe not _completely _– but is unaware of Brendan's growing infatuation with him. He likes him. He _really _likes him so much and it's as if Steven is Brendan's air right now, is the only person who can keep him steady; make him feel like he is actually _living _and Brendan loves that about him. He loves…he just loves everything about Steven. Suddenly the other boy gasps; face lighting up with the knowledge of something. The suddenness of it making Brendan feel a little uneasy. "I have the _perfect _idea." Steven gasps, practically bouncing up and down and squeezing Brendan's hand with everything he's got.

"What?" he questions and Ste is still smiling, a massive grin on his face and he stands up – once again masking that pain – and looks down to Brendan.

"Look just…just stay here okay? I'll be back in a bit." He says and before Brendan can reply, Steven is already bounding down the hill – looking back to Brendan and waving before running around the corner and disappearing from Brendan's view. He sighs, wondering where the hell Steven has gone, it's a school day, it's still – he looks at his watch – still only ten O'clock and it's not like he has any money to do….wait, he does have some money; Seamus' money. Brendan sighs again because seriously? How could Steven leave him here bored out of his brains, completely alone and practically bunking school by himself; it's out of boredom that Brendan falls asleep, leaning back against the tree, closing his eyes and drifting off into that dream land…

_** "Brendan, stop it!" Steven squeals and Brendan doesn't stop, carries on tickling him as they walk down the street; people are looking but he doesn't care, mind only full of Steven's smiling face and the way the other boy's laughter is filling the air. Brendan feels happy, delighted in fact and he doesn't know why – in this dream his life has obviously been extremely different . There's no darkness clouding his soul – no pain – and he's completely unashamed to be behaving like this with Steven; messing around and touching the other boy while in public – it's like he is entirely carefree and peaceful. _

_They continue walking and Brendan doesn't really recognise these surroundings, he's guessing it's a part of town he has never been to before but he doesn't care; doesn't feel anxious they he normally would in an unfamiliar place because Steven is looking up at him as though he is God's gift. "Brendan…" Steven says and he's still looking at Brendan, with total awe in his eyes, "you are okay with this aren't you?". _

"_What?" Brendan questions because he seriously doesn't know what Steven is talking about. He's just so happy, feels drunk with it and he just knows it's this boy – this boy that has taken over his life – and he swears…in this dream that he loves him, actually loves him because he's brought light into Brendan's life; changed everything and made Brendan happy, made him love someone._

"_About doing this…with your dad…" Steven replies and Brendan doesn't flinch at the mention of his father – in fact he feels joy, like his father is a good man and Brendan realises he is; in this place – in the fragments of his imagination –Seamus is a good man, a good dad and it's everything Brendan's ever wanted. A good father…a loving father and it seems a…what's the word? – Boyfriend – Brendan guesses._

"_Yeah, I wanna do this." He assures with a smile and Steven nods his head, leans up for a kiss – once, twice – before taking hold of Brendan's hand and walking them to some unknown place. Brendan still doesn't know what is going on, hasn't got the foggiest idea but he feels excitement; like somewhere in his head he actually knows what is happening and he just can't place it, can't put his finger on it but it doesn't matter. Doesn't matter because he knows it's a good thing – can feel it humming through his veins, this feeling of pure contentment washing over his body and it's just the happiest he has ever been._

"_So, Brendan…you excited?" Steven asks – looking at him all wide eyed and beaming smile – and Brendan can see the other boy's excitement across his face, can almost feel Steven's heartbeat accelerating as he gears himself up for whatever is about to happen; for the thing Brendan doesn't know about._

"_For what Steven?"_

"_You know…your dad's surprise!" Brendan looks at him, still with that confused expression and Steven sighs, squeezing Brendan's hand tighter before he explains. "You know Brendan, because it's been two years since we got together so your dad has this surprise for us?" Steven says and Brendan's overwhelmed; he's still fifteen – knows Steven is too – so how can they have been together for two years? How can he have known Steven since – maybe even before – he was thirteen and how come his dad is okay with this? Practically celebrating the fact he is in a gay relationship. It doesn't make sense, completely confusing because his dad – the most homophobic man Brendan knows – is okay with him loving Steven…another boy. "We're here, we're here!" Steven squeals and Brendan takes a look around them, instantly recognising the location as the Ha'penny Bridge. _

_Seamus, Cheryl and his…his mother are all stood in the middle, beaming at him and Steven as they walk towards them; his father immediately pulls him in for a hug while his mum hugs his…boyfriend – well technically squeezing him to death but that's okay, his mum always has hugged like that. _

"_Brendan, Ste…I'm glad you could come. Listen boys, I know…at the beginning of your relationship, I was a little…wary but look at you now eh? Two years together…and I think that deserves some kind of token don't you?" Seamus drawls and Brendan can't believe what he is hearing; his father saying they should have a 'token' – something to acknowledge their love for each-other – it's weird, completely strange because what? Just what…Seamus would never do this in real-life and the other thing that has Brendan perplexed is his mother. His mum standing there totally normal – like she's never been gone – and Brendan guesses she hasn't, not in this place anyway. _

"_Yes, Seamus…." Steven replies to his father and Brendan can't comprehend what is happening, it's all going too fast and before he can even blink, Seamus is handing him a golden padlock; completed with Ste and Brendan engraved into it. Brendan blinks again and Steven is gasping over his shoulder, mumbling "oh my god.." as he looks at the padlock Brendan is turning over in his palm._

"_I don't understand…" Brendan mutters and he looks up from the padlock, can see his father, mother and sister smiling at him knowingly._

"_It's a love-lock son…" Seamus replies, moving to pat Brendan on the back lightly. "When you love someone you use one of these, it locks your love together for eternity…me and your mother have one and we decided you and Ste were ready. That you've been together long enough now to feel proper love…" Brendan can feel tears prickling his eyes and Steven is sniffing behind him; this is everything he has ever wanted, an accepting father, his mother to be back and love him and more recently Steven. He wanted Steven and now he's got him._

"_Thankyou…both of you." Brendan replies, directing his voice to both his mother and father before turning back to Steven, a smile on his face as he quickly wipes his eyes. "Wanna do it with me?" he asks and Steven beams at him; face displaying nothing but happiness and love and he walks towards Brendan, taking his hands in his own before walking over to the metal railings of the bridge. Brendan unlocks the padlock – making sure both him and Steven are holding on to it – and then locks it onto the bridge, a wave of emotion washing over him as his boyfriend takes the key and throws it into the waters below._

"_I love you…" Steven whispers and Brendan's heart skips a beat, hearing the other boy say those words have left him choked up; unable to speak but somehow – after swallowing several times – he manages to find his voice._

"_I love you too." He replies, voice quiet but strong and he pulls Steven towards him, wrapping his arms around the other boy before leaning down and kissing him; it's slow, romantic and he can hear his family clapping in the background as he and Steven move their lips together…**_

Brendan wakes up to an icy wind hitting against his cheek, making his whole body shiver and his teeth chatter as he tries to rub some warmth back into his arms. He doesn't understand, is so confused because that dream was so vivid – so long it could be a memory rather than something his brain has just conjured up – and it's left his head a mess; he was _so _happy in it, happier than he could ever imagine and _Seamus_, he was being supportive…more than supportive in a way and he didn't even realise how badly he wanted that. How badly he just wanted to be accepted and supported like he was in his dream, and then there was his mother – the woman who didn't even say anything while he was imagining her – but just her presence had made him delighted, the fact she was there and she _loved _him; hadn't disowned him like she has in real-life and she just _loved _him, something Brendan will not deny craving – his mother's love.

Then there was Steven.

The boy Brendan cannot get out of his head, not even in his unconscious state and they were _together_ – something that should repulse Brendan because his dad says _it's so wrong _and _it's disgusting_ – but he doesn't feel that way, if anything he feels slightly saddened because it's not the reality, he's not really with Steven and may never be; Steven might not feel the same way about him, meaning he has to keep his feelings secret, conceal them from the other boy because he is scared of the rejection. The humiliation it would cause him if Steven knocked him back, especially as he is the only boy Brendan has ever _really _liked. He thought he liked Macca, thought that was something a bit like love but it wasn't, it wasn't even lust it was just a mere, short-lived obsession – maybe not even _that _– but it was something…whatever it was it's nothing compared to the way he feels about Steven. In his dream he actually _loved _the boy, felt like he was his entire world and in a way – in Brendan's reality – he is…or fast becoming it anyway. Right now Brendan feels completely at Steven's mercy, he would do whatever that boy wanted, would walk to the ends of the Earth with him – for him – if he asked and it's just…he just cannot comprehend how much Steven already means to him, how completely at peace Brendan feels when he is with him. All these feeling are _so _new to Brendan, he's stepping into unknown territory and he's scared; not scared of the boy but scared of what he could do to him, how much he could hurt him if he ever left…if he ever stayed away from Brendan.

It's only now – with thoughts of the boy in his head – does he realise the time, _five pm _and Steven still isn't back from wherever he jollied off to; it's been hours and Brendan instantly becomes worried. He curses his body, damns it because why did he have to fall asleep? Why did his body have to knock him out because now…now Steven could be in trouble and it could be too late; if he went home then Terry could have done anything…if he didn't go home then _anyone _could have done anything. He's going out of his mind with concern, it's been about _seven _hours, seven hours and he isn't back…he said he would be back in a bit, but 'a bit' isn't this long and Brendan cannot sit here – knowing something could be seriously wrong – anymore. He tries to stand up – takes him a few minutes because of his ribs – and he's just about to walk down the hill; about to go look for Steven when he sees the boy walking up the hill, a bottle in his hand.

"Where the hell have you been?!" he calls out to him and Steven walks up the hill, smirking as he shakes the bottle in front of Brendan's face; he realises what it is straight away – vodka.

"Went to get this di'nt I?" Steven replies and he casually slumps back against the tree – twisting the cap off the bottle – and Brendan's looking at him incredulously. "What?"

"Why did you take so long and how did you get that?" Brendan mumbles and he sits himself down, hissing when pain splinters through his body.

"Ah, were you worried?" Steven teases and he looks at Brendan, realising this isn't funny to him before carrying on. "It just took me a long time to get okay? I had to go to loads of shops to get it…most of them had guards and that."

"You stole it?!" Brendan looks at him shocked, not because he stole something – Brendan has done that in his time – but because he could have been caught, Steven could have been arrested and _god_, Terry would have had a field day.

"Yeah…oh well, doesn't matter now does it? Not like I got caught…"

"You could have been though…."

"Well I wasn't okay? Anyway, this is gonna be fun. You know the game, 'I have never?'" Steven asks and Brendan nods, doesn't really like where this is going but what can he do about it? "Well I wanna play it…"

"Steven…that's a kid's game…"

"Says you! Mister, I-like-rolling-down-hills." Steven jokes and Brendan smiles, he has a point – that was the most childish thing Brendan has ever done – but he's kinda worried, anxious about the stuff Steven will ask because he won't lie, wouldn't really want to and wouldn't be able to after having a few shots…he's not a lightweight, it's just…well drink loosens everyone's tongues doesn't it?

"Do we really have to play this?...anyway, we don't have any glasses so we can't play it."

"Yes! And I'll use the lid and you can just drink out the bottle." Steven insists and he pours a shot into the bottle cap, making sure none spills over before passing the bottle to Brendan. "Okay, I'll go first…I have never skipped school." Steven says and he winks at Brendan, knowing they are both obviously going to drink; they both take their shot and grimace slightly as the liquid burns down their throat. "Okay, your turn!" Brendan doesn't know what to say, doesn't want to say something completely thick because he'll just make himself look like an idiot; he's never played this game before and he thinks back to Pete's party – the party last year – where he kissed Eileen. He shudders at the memory but at least it gives him something to talk about.

"I have never…kissed someone I didn't like." He says and takes his shot, Steven looks at him for a second – obviously wants to ask questions – but instead he takes the bottle off Brendan, pours his own shot and drinks it back….

-X-

It's been half-an-hour and it's safe to say both boys are tipsy – extremely so and bordering drunk - , they have been asking the normal questions, the innocent ones and Steven's been laughing, joking around and Brendan's just been happy. The alcohol has made some of Brendan's pain subside, masking it and he's having the time of his life; he and Steven pushing each-other now and then, giggling in their drunken haze and this is just so _fun_. It's his turn to ask and he's feeling brave, the alcohol giving him confidence and making him reckless; completely careless because what he is about to say could be bad, _may _be bad if Steven understands what he is implying, but in all honesty Brendan doesn't want to hide anymore. Is _sick_ and _tired _of hiding who he _really _is.

"I have never experienced love at first sight…" he mumbles and he's holding his breath for Steven's answer, is terrified of his reply because Steven might know now; might have guessed who he is talking about and Brendan cannot face rejection, if Steven drinks then at least he knows, the other boy _has _felt love at first sight before. Even if it's not about him there's still that _chance_, the chance Steven is talking about him and he's still holding his breath as Steven looks at him, stares straight into his eyes and drinks his shot – still looking at Brendan as he glugs it back and only when Brendan drinks from the bottle – downing his own lot of poison – does he breathe again. "Your turn…" he chokes, past the lump of emotion in his throat.

"I have never fancied a friend…" Steven says and he takes the bottle off Brendan – drinks without pouring the alcohol into the lid – and this is dangerous, so dangerous because Brendan's just watching Steven's throat; watching as the alcohol slides down and Steven is staring at him, his eyes glazed but alert at the same time and Brendan can see the emotion behind them. Can see Steven is trying to tell him something with his eyes, kinda pleading with him and he leans forward, takes the bottle out of Steven's hand before drinking himself. He's so drunk now – both of them are – and he feels weightless, completely loose and everything is just so funny and Steven is giggling at fuck all and it's his turn to talk now.

"I have never had sex in a dream…" he says and where the fuck are these things coming from? Why is he stepping on such dangerous territory? Nearly crossing that threshold, nearly telling Steven everything – although he practically already has with his fucking eye-sex – and he can't find it in him to care, he's having too much fun; testing the boundaries of whatever he and Steven are doing here and he drinks before passing the bottle to Steven, who drinks too. "Okay…okay it's your turn!" he slurs, poking Steven playfully on the arm.

"I have never…never had a wank!"

"Steven!" Brendan scolds – well, tries to but it comes out as more of a giggle – he doesn't want the image of Steven doing _that _in his head; _can't _have it in his head because it does funny things to him . Makes him feel all…all hot.

"Oh come on Brendan, don't be all…all…oh you know what I mean!" Steven slurs and he's knocking back that vodka as though its water – downing it – and not even grimacing as it burns his throat. They've been asking these questions all night, ones where they will obviously drink and they are both completely smashed – more than that – and as Brendan drinks he almost chokes when Steven lies back; exposing a tiny piece of golden skin as the hem of his t-shirt rises a little. Brendan lies back with him and he's surprised when his ribs don't scream at him, he knows it's an effect of the alcohol but that's okay because at least he can have a few hours without pain; he's so preoccupied with thoughts of this that he nearly misses Steven grabbing his hand. Interlocking their fingers just like they were earlier and he feels the electricity coursing through his veins just as Steven sits back up and talks. "I have never…" he swallows and Brendan sits up again, turning until he can look at Steven properly; the other boy sighs before continuing. "I have never been kissed under the stars…" he says and he looks to the sky, stares at the twinkling lights that lie above them.

Brendan sits there for a few seconds, dumbfounded and mulling over what Steven has just said; it was like…like he was asking Brendan for something and he feels something like – something like excitement when he realises what it could be…what it _may _be because Brendan isn't going to get his hopes up; isn't going to _wish _Steven wanted him…wants him to do that because if he's wrong then it could break him. He's still sat there, looking at Steven and the other boy looks slightly saddened; Brendan doesn't know why, all he knows is what he wants to do, how he just wants to lean forward and he's not going to blame this on the alcohol. Isn't going to run away because this is _him _and his feelings – his feelings for this boy – and Steven looks at him, looks into his eyes and Brendan can see the want that lies there. He moves forward slightly and lifts his hand to Steven's face – stroking his thumb across the cuts that are still on the other boy's cheek – and Steven closes his eyes at the contact, once again leaning into Brendan's hand.

He's so drunk, _so fucking drunk _and his head should be a mess, should be blurry and unclear but he knows exactly what he wants to do; what he _has _to do because it feels like he has been waiting a lifetime for this moment and he moves even closer, swallowing and tilting his head; flicking his eyes over Steven's face and then it all comes together. He presses his lips onto Steven's and he can't even explain the feeling he gets; the sudden emotion that rushes through him and he's been waiting for this his whole life – for someone to make him feel like this, for this boy to walk into his life – and there's no denying it anymore, this is the way it was always meant to be. He was always meant to meet Steven, he was always meant to be here right now; kissing this boy because it's so perfect, _so perfect _he feels like crying because of it.

He pulls away, resting his forehead onto Steven's and the other boy opens his eyes; smiles at Brendan before putting his hand on his cheek and pulling him back in. It's an open-mouthed kiss now, slow and passionate and Brendan's head is swimming as Steven slips his tongue in and then suddenly, it has turned into the most sensual thing, Brendan has ever experienced. His tongue is rubbing against Steven's and it's just…fireworks and the way they fit together…the way their mouths are moving in sync and _it was always meant to be like this_. They stay like that for long minutes and when they finally break apart, they are both smiling; Brendan won't deny what just happened, will not run away because he's had _enough _of doing that and he's not going to lose Steven.

"Urmm…" Steven says and he giggles, turning all shy and Brendan smiles at him, never been this happy in his entire life; suddenly everything changes and Steven looks worried, scared even…"Brendan…I'm scared…" he says and his hand is still clasped around Brendan's as he squeezes it tighter.

"Why?"

"Terry…he – he's gonna kill me…" He sighs and Brendan makes a split-second decision, won't allow Steven to go home just to get beaten – because that is exactly what Terry will do – he can't stand back and let that happen, will do everything within his power to prevent it because he just _can't_. It's not fair and while he and Steven are friends – or whatever they are – he refuses to watch it happen.

"You can stay at mine tonight." Brendan replies and Steven looks like he is going to argue; going to protest but Brendan simply shakes his head, standing and helping the other boy up before walking down the hill.

-X-

"Are you sure he's not in?" Steven questions and he's talking about Seamus, has been asking Brendan the same question for ten minutes; he's scared Seamus is going to be at home because he's wary of him. He doesn't like him – not one bit – and it's not just because of what he does to Brendan; it's…he just creeps Ste out with the way he looks at him, with that kind of predatory look in his eyes and it's not…it's not normal. They round the corner and see Seamus' car is gone, just as Brendan suspected.

"Told you he wouldn't be in." Brendan smirks and Steven just rolls his eyes at him. They haven't talked about the kiss yet and Brendan wants to, it's not awkward but he just…it's just so complicated and he can't help but want it again; he wants to relive that feeling – wants to feel his senses come alive again because that was when he _really _felt like he was living and he knows he will not be able to recreate that feeling with anyone else. Brendan unlocks the front door and they instantly walk upstairs – well stumble upstairs – and go into Brendan's room.

"Where's your dad then?" Steven asks, slumping onto Brendan's bed; the image of him lying there is so strange – it's like a dream if Brendan's being honest.

"Pub…where else?" he snorts and for once he is glad his dad is out drinking, is glad he's practically an alcoholic because now him and Steven are alone and his dad can't call him a _little pansy _or whatever the fuck he chooses this time. He turns around and locks the door because Seamus will be back tonight –probably – and the chances are – because he'll be drunk – he will forget about Brendan's warning and go straight to Brendan's room. He turns around and smiles at Steven, the other boy looks at him and smiles, a proper smile before moving to stand up of the bed; the act of it though causes him to double over in pain. "What's the matter?!"

"It's just from the other day…it's nothing Brendan." Steven tries to reassure but he can see past the fake smile – always has been able to with this boy – and he instantly walks towards him, feeling immediately sober and for some reason – after hours of being okay – his ribs try to protest but fuck it, Steven's hurt and like Brendan has already understood; this boy is so much more important. He steps closer and hooks his thumbs under Steven's t-shirt – struggling against the boy as he tries to push him off, but even in his drunken state, Brendan is stronger and as he lifts the top, he gasps, completely underestimating what he would see, actually questioning whether the alcohol is tricking him.

"Christ…" he mumbles, it's the only thing he can say, because not only are Steven's ribs covered in multiple bruises – angry, inflamed red ones, yellowing around the edges and spreading all down his side – but dozens of tiny circular scars cover his skin, raised and bumpy, obviously painful and Brendan's own wounds lie forgotten, his own pain gone because right now the only ache he is feeling, is in his heart. "What?..." he has so many questions to ask, that he simply cannot pluck one out of his head. He wants to ask who did this – he can already guess – , he wants to know why? How? When? Where? Every question he can think off, he wants to know the answer to, but he's completely speechless. A few more seconds pass, Brendan looking Steven's scars over; just brushing his fingertips over them before Steven pulls away, seemingly ashamed and the other boy leans against the bedpost before sitting down, leaving Brendan to shuffle down next to him, as his ribs scream in agony. "Was that…was that Terry?"

"No." Steven answers, tears in his eyes and Brendan thinks he has misheard; who else would do such an awful thing to him? It's obvious to Brendan what they are, - cigarette burns – and he can't even think about how much they hurt, how painful it must have been to be burnt like that, because even Seamus hasn't done that to him…yet anyway.

"Who was it then?" He questions but surely there's only one other person capable of this, capable of doing this to Steven; if it's not Terry then it must be…must be his mother. The thought of this causes bile to rise in Brendan's throat, he's always found mothers different to fathers; always thought a mother-child bond would be stronger than anything in the world because of the connection they share – the mum carrying and passing life onto the baby for nine months – well that should be stronger that anything right? If his and Steven's mothers are anything to go by then he is wrong. Dead wrong.

"It were…" Steven starts but he shakes his head, tears pouring down his cheeks and Brendan just wants to know, wants to know if he can do anything to help because seeing the other boy like this – so distraught and in pain – is breaking his heart. He wants Steven to tell him everything, to confide in him because he can see this is big; bigger than Terry, Pauline…maybe even Seamus and Brendan knows Steven needs to let it out. He leans forward and takes hold of Steven's wrist, making the other boy shift slightly until they are face-to-face; he's still not looking at Brendan though, staring somewhere off into the distance as Brendan tries to force him to look at him.

"Steven, tell me…" He's urging him, practically pleading with the other boy because after everything they have shared, he won't let this go; he knows the look in Steven's eyes – can identify it as masked pain and he can't have Steven concealing things from him; not when he's been so honest himself. "Steven, who did this to you?" Steven finally turns his head to look back at him and Brendan is able to wipe the other boy's tears away with his thumbs; wipes them away and Steven's breath hitches as he inhales sharply.

"It were…" and he tries to get out of Brendan's grip _again _but he won't let him; fucking _refuses _because Steven cannot keep this locked inside himself forever and he needs to let it out, god knows what it has done to Brendan. "It were me, okay!" he sobs, more tears are leaking from his eyes and it's like he's having a breakdown – shaking and crying and the only thing Brendan can do – the only thing he _manages _to do through the shock – is pull Steven towards him and hold him tightly. Brendan feels heartbroken, practically distraught because _how much pain _must Steven be feeling to – to do _that _to himself; Brendan knows how much darkness it takes to…hurt yourself.

He's done it himself – well nothing compared to Steven's – but he has a few cuts here and there, knows how it can be an addictive, temporary release and he _knows _it kinda helps; kinda makes the pain in your head vanish, if only for a few minutes. It only took Cheryl finding out for him to stop – he promised her he wouldn't cut again – so now he has a different technique, whenever he has the urge, he uses an elastic band; snaps it against his wrist and _that helps _and doesn't leave permanent damage. He did try to burn himself once though; lit a lighter and was going to give himself a 'smiley' – he was too weak though – couldn't handle the agony and so he stopped; halted his actions before the burning metal could even touch his skin.

It's this fact that breaks his heart even more, because Steven must be in such a dark place; must be absolutely broken and depressed to turn to _that_. Brendan doesn't know what to say, Steven has stopped crying now and instead he's just letting Brendan hold him – practically rocking him – and he doesn't know what to do, doesn't know how to comfort this broken boy; _his _broken boy. He thinks back to when he…self-harmed, what _he _would have wanted people to do and in all honesty all he wanted was someone to listen; to be there for him when he needed them most. "Steven…I'm – I'm here for you okay?" he states and Steven lifts his head, takes it away from Brendan's shoulder and looks into his eyes.

"Y-you are?" he asks and Brendan nods his head. "So, you don't think I'm a…a weirdo?"

"No Steven, I know what you are going through okay? I know what…what it _feels _like…" Brendan says and it's Steven's turn to nod his head this time, he's still looking at him and it's like he wants to delve deeper; to tell Brendan something. "What is it?"

"Can I…talk about it with you?" Brendan nods and takes hold of Steven's hand, rubbing his thumb across the back of it and trying to stroke some comfort into him. "It – It helps me cope…you know? Like, it just makes me forget, just for a little bit and I feel…I just don't feel any pain because it just goes like it was never there. It, it's so hard to explain but when…Terry and my mum do things, I just go back to it because I know it helps and I know it will stop me feeling anything. That's why I keep going back and it's so fucking hard to stop Brendan, do you know that?" Brendan simply nods, offers Ste a comforting smile and squeezes his hand tighter. "When I do it, my head it just…becomes clear and it just stops me hurting…I'm so scared, I'm terrified because I just can't stop doing this and I can't tell anyone…well except for you and you probably think I'm a freak for-"

"I don't." Brendan interrupts. "Don't ever think that okay? You…" Brendan squeezes his hand again before bringing it to his lips, pressing them against Stevens knuckles and talking against the skin that lies there. "…You are not a freak, you're…you're just amazing okay? Don't let anyone tell you anything different and I know…at the beginning I said some things but I don't think that and _you _don't let anyone talk about you like that okay? I won't let anyone talk about you like that…" He doesn't know whether he would be saying all this if he hadn't had a drink – whether he would have the confidence – but it doesn't matter because _everything _he is saying is true. "I won't let you think like that because it's _not true_; you are worth so much more than that. Than all of this and I promise you, if you-" He cannot finish his speech because Steven has pulled him closer – kissing him softly on the lips and he's hesitant at first, probably doesn't know where he stands with Brendan – but as soon as he begins kissing him back, dragging him closer, Steven lets out a small sigh. It's better than their first kiss, it feels more powerful in a way because Brendan _knows_, he knows Steven's secret and he's told Steven he's amazing and he _wants h_im. They're still drunk, still pissed and only sobering up a little bit and when they break apart, pressing their foreheads together, they laugh slightly – chuckling because they've just kissed _again_.

Brendan looks into Steven's eyes and he suddenly feels a little saddened; Steven shouldn't be made to feel like this – should _never _be made to feel like this – and it's just so unfair. He has more questions, feels like he _needs _the answers, so he just comes out and asks one of them. "You know your mum…doesn't she do anything? She must see when Terry…" he doesn't need to continue that sentence because Steven already knows.

"No, she's too scared of what will happen if she does anything. Anyway she's always too drunk to even move, so…" Steven sighs and he then he looks at Brendan, brows furrowed slightly. "Why don't you ever talk about your mum?" he asks and Brendan can't find an answer, he can't exactly say what his dad says – that she's loopy, unhinged, deranged; he can't say that and he can't say where she is and he especially can't say why. Not because he doesn't want to but because he doesn't even _know _himself…even Cheryl doesn't know why she's there – maybe even _Seamus _doesn't know – it's like his mother wants to keep it a secret from everyone…well from Cheryl considering his mum only lets _her _visit. He still doesn't know how to reply and Steven is looking at him in anticipation so he just says the easiest thing that comes to his mind.

"I urm, I don't see her…" he says and Steven seems to accept that – well he does before he thinks of something else.

"What's her name?"

"Lynsey…" Brendan says and he doesn't hesitate on answering that question because it's just a name – to Steven anyway – to Brendan it means a lot, it's something to do with his mother; it's personal and it holds a lot of memories, some Brendan would rather not remember but he cannot help it.

"Okay…" Steven responds and after that they sit in a comfortable silence – still holding hands – and it feels okay, better than okay and Brendan quickly looks at his watch, realising its midnight and that's pretty late for him.

"Are you tired?" Brendan questions and Steven nods, looking around – probably wondering where he's going to sleep but to Brendan it's obvious. "Okay, you can sleep in my bed…" he says but it's kinda like a question, asking Steven if he wants to and the other boy smiles before getting under the duvet – Brendan finds it a little weird because he's still got his clothes on and…well Brendan doesn't want that, even though he and Steven are not going to _do _anything – obviously – . "You still have your clothes on?"

"Oh yeah…" Steven chuckles but Brendan can tell he's nervous – shy even – and as he steps out of the bed he offers Brendan a small smile. They do not speak until they are just in their underwear, the dim lighting from Brendan's bedside lamp making Steven's scars clearer and Brendan feels his heart ache a little more because they look so _painful_. He looks between him and Steven – takes a look at both of their injuries – and he can tells Steven's are worse, that the other boy must be feeling more pain and he walks towards him; gently lifting his hand and placing it onto Steven's bare torso. The other boy inhales sharply at the contact, no matter how careful Brendan is, any contact will still hurt him and Brendan takes his hand away from the scars; placing them on Steven's side before turning the boy and walking back to the bed.

The walk is so slow, speaks so many things and neither break eye-contact; not even when Brendan gets his hands behind Ste's back and lowers him onto the bed. It's not really sexual…it's more – more _important _than that, it's like this is them having yet another connection, something Brendan doesn't want to break and he pulls the covers from under Steven, getting ready to do what the boy did to him. When Steven is led down – comfortably – Brendan leans down, presses his lips to Steven's twice before moving down his body; kissing down his chest before he reaches the bruises and scars. He dips his head and puts his lips onto Steven's torso – the touch so light it's barely there but Steven still hisses in pain, "are you okay?" Brendan asks and Steven nods his head, looking at Brendan in awe. He continues his actions, pressing his lips over Steven's torso – pressing care into the wounds – and if he could heal the boy with his kisses then he would, he would do this all day, every day if it meant Steven would heal. He stays like that for around five minutes, kissing over and over and trying to make it better but eventually he stops and shifts up in the bed, wrapping his arms around Steven and pulling him into his arms.

"Thank-you…" Steven whispers and he's still looking at Brendan in wonder.

"You don't need to thank me Steven…you did the same…" Brendan replies and Steven simply lifts his head, kisses Brendan once before settling back in his arms. It's strange because having Steven in his arms – in his bed – is Brendan's dream and now that he's got it he just doesn't know what to do with himself; he feels completely at peace, so unbelievably happy and it isn't long before he falls asleep- Steven in his arms, chest against chest; scars and bruises against bruises, legs entwined, fingers locked together and a smile on each of their faces.

***Sigh* not sure how I feel about that ending but I can't change it now :L Also the next update may be a while (1 ½ - 2 weeks) as I am going on holiday Monday and I need to plan chapter 6 ect. I'll try to get it out ASAP though, please review :) x**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank-you AGAIN for the incredible reviews, they just make me so so happy :) right, this is an extra, super, ridiculously long chapter which I hope you like...chow!xx**

**Brendan POV**

He wakes up in the same position he fell asleep in; Steven tucked up into his body, skin against skin and hands clasping together. The other boy looks truly beautiful. Hair mussed from sleep and flattened onto his forehead, lips parted, eyelids fluttering as Steven dreams and golden skin shining. Brendan wants to wake up to this sight every morning – to this boy being in his arms and snoring quietly - , to him clinging onto Brendan and lips curving upwards as images dance in his mind, his dreams obviously giving him something to smile about; he hopes Steven is dreaming about him. He gently moves his hand out of Steven's grip – being careful not to wake the other boy – and moves it up to his fringe; he brushes it out of Steven's eyes and the other boy groans slightly but does not wake up. Brendan knows how he feels about the boy, practically told him last night and he leans forward – presses his lips to Steven's forehead –before settling back into his arms and closing his eyes; letting sleep take him once again.

_** He's running. Running so fucking fast – through this deep forest – that he feels like he's going to fall but he's not stopping; will not stop because this is a life and death situation – one wrong move and it'll be the end of him. His legs are pounding and he feels so heavy – almost like a dead weight – but it's not going to stop him, he's going to keep on running because the person he loves is at stake here. He's running so fast that he cannot see where he is going; the rain is beating on his face and the wind is drying out his eyes – making him blind to the oncoming danger. A thick, rogue branch strikes him in the face; causing a throbbing pain in his head and small trails of blood to drip down his chin. He hastily wipes his mouth and pumps his legs even faster than before – hoping it will gain him some speed – but in the back of his head he knows it's hopeless; that he's bound to be too late._

_He's still moving and this is a nightmare; feels like an illusion because Steven is going to die and he knows it. He suddenly loses his footing, his face making contact with the loose, brown soil and a metallic taste fills his mouth; on instinct, his hand flies up to his face and is covered in a thick layer of blood. He hears a scream, the only sound in the night and it fucking pierces through the woods; making a shiver of fear and heartache crawl up his spine. It's Steven. All of the horror movies he has seen – all of the abuse he has suffered over the years – begins to repeat in his head; short bursts of footage. A blood soaked shirt, a weapon, a dying boy, someone crying over their lost love, a fist, a punch, a kick, a stab and a monster. Only in this film, the monster is his father. His heartbeat speeds up and it brings his headache to a whole new level of pain but that doesn't matter, he couldn't give a shit about himself as long as the other boy was okay; as long as he insured his safety but it appears he cannot do that – cannot even look after the boy he loves because he's pathetic. Because he's weak. _

_The taste has settled in his mouth and he groans before spitting the mucus-filled blood out. It's red and it's slimy and its gross but he doesn't care because as soon as it's out of his mouth, he is standing back up; running in the direction Steven's scream came from._

_Tears are streaming down his face and Steven's screams and cries are only getting louder by the second; only getting louder as he walks towards them – getting closer and closer and closer until he walks around a tree and sees the sight in front of him. The sight that makes him fall to his knees, slump his head between his shoulders and sob – sniffing and crying as though he never has before. It's obviously Steven and Seamus that are in front of him – the source of every nightmare he's ever had – Steven's there and he's on his knees and Seamus has a knife to his throat._

"_Ah Brenda, glad you could join us. You see, little Steven here has been a BIG help; got you here without even calling for you." His father drawls, that menacing, twisted look in his eyes. Brendan lifts his head to look at Steven – can see the other boy crying – and he has cuts on his neck, superficial gashes lying across his skin and Brendan feels queasy just looking at them. He notices Steven mouthing something and he looks closer, realises the other boy – his boyfriend – is telling him to run; seems to think Brendan would even consider abandoning him. To hell he would. _

"_Let him go Seamus, he's done nothing wrong!" Brendan yells, rising to his feet and Seamus simply snorts at him, pressing the metal harder against Steven's throat. The boy is still uttering that word, still telling Brendan to go but he's standing firm; wouldn't leave this boy if his life depended on it…which right now it does. "Let. Him. Go. Seamus."_

_Seamus bellows. "No! He's corrupted you! This…this THING has turned you into a freak. You're not my son anymore and if I...if I get rid of him then everything can go back to normal and you'll be MINE again!" Brendan knows what he is talking about, how 'he' no longer belongs to his dad because he refuses to let him do that to him now; has fought against Seamus ever since he told Steven what his dad does – did – to him. His dad is talking about his body…how Brendan's body will be his again if he gets rid of Steven – how he'll be able to do that to Brendan over and over because he will not fight against it; will not feel a need to because he wouldn't have anyone to fight for – to defend himself for. _

"_He hasn't done a fucking thing Seamus." Brendan scoffs, because seriously? Brendan wasn't going to put up with it for the rest of his life – even if he hadn't met Steven – there would have come a time where he snapped; told Seamus to fuck off and stop doing that to him…or worse. Seamus is lucky because if it wasn't for Steven, his father wouldn't be alive right now. "Seamus, you do realise Steven has saved your life more than once, right?" he snorts and he's playing the cool card now, stopped himself from crying and is feigning indifference because maybe if Seamus thinks he doesn't care – maybe if the older man thinks Brendan doesn't love Steven – then maybe he will stop this. It doesn't work._

"_I know your game, boy and it isn't going to work here." Seamus snarls and he's pressing the knife deeper into Steven's throat; causing the boy to whimper and Brendan's there like a shot – dragging the knife away from Steven's neck and pushing the other boy out of the way. It happens so fast everything is a blur, Seamus cannot react – cannot keep hold of Steven and then him and Brendan are struggling for the weapon; Steven screaming in the background and then…_

_Everything hurts._

_Brendan is falling to the ground, the sharp knife sticking out of his stomach and Steven is bawling; crawling over to Brendan's side and Seamus is pacing back and forth – muttering how this shouldn't have happened. "Brendan? Brendan stay with me okay. I'm gonna get you help! Look, I'm calling an ambulance right now!" Steven cries and Brendan knows there is no point; that the knife is buried deep in his body, that the amount of blood he is losing will kill him within minutes and he can't leave the boy without saying goodbye._

"_Steven. Steven, listen to me…" he pants and he can already feel his life slipping away; the blood gushing out of him in floods. "I love you, okay?" he takes hold of Ste's hand and squeezes it the best he can, "I'll always be right here…" he points to Steven's chest – indicating to his heart – and Steven's crying, holding onto Brendan's hand and begging him not to leave him; pleading for him to just hold on and Brendan can't – it's too late. He can feel his eyes closing – shutting for the last time – and he's nearly gone, nearly dead to the world and as he slips away, he sees Seamus one last time. Dragging Steven away from him and wrapping his hands around the younger boy's throat…** _

….

"STEVEN!"

"Brendan! Brendan, it's okay. I'm here!" Steven cries and he's shaking Brendan awake – pulling him from his nightmare – and it only takes the other boy's voice to bring him back; for Brendan to open his eyes and bury his face into Steven's shoulder. Clinging onto the boy as though he is his lifeline. The fact Steven is here with him – safe and unharmed – makes everything okay and Brendan can feel the fear, the tension leave his body as he holds onto the other boy. He stays like that for a long time, Steven stroking through his hair and telling him it's okay while Brendan shakes in his arms; it's a strange feeling, waking up to someone lying in your bed and helping you as you recover from your nightmare – it's even stranger because that person is Steven. The person he wants more than anything in the world. "Are you okay now? Wanna talk about it?" Steven asks, tone soft and Brendan pulls himself away from the warm body – not completely breaking contact – just out of Steven's arms; he does wanna talk about it – wants to open up to the other boy – but he's scared Steven will think he's weird, think he has a screw loose for dreaming something so ludicrous and random…only it's _not _weird to Brendan because it's his biggest fear…Seamus hurting Steven is the thing he is most terrified of.

That man could do anything to him – Seamus could beat him black and blue every day, could kill him, could do _that _to him every _single _day, if it meant Steven would be safe from him. Brendan would take _anything _to protect Steven – literally anything – and he is prepared to do so; whatever the cost. "I…urm…" he chokes and the words are on the tip of his tongue, ready to come out but he just doesn't want Steven to think he' a freak…not after everything and he's just so fucking scared. Steven reaches forward and takes hold of his hand – bringing it to his lips – and copying the action Brendan did last night; pressing his mouth onto Brendan's knuckles and he's okay…he can do this and he knows – hopes – Steven will not care. "I…it was just a nightmare."

"You care tell me what it were about, you know? I don't mind." Steven squeezes his hand and then his brows furrow with some unknown emotion. "You don't have to tell me though, if you don't want to because that's okay too. If you don't feel comfortable or it's-" Brendan interrupts him because Steven is babbling again, seems to talk when he's nervous and it's exactly what Brendan needs; it makes him smile and lightens his mood.

"It's okay, err…it's just a bit…you know?" Steven nods and once again gives Brendan that smile, telling him that it's okay and he's here for him…whatever the problem is. "It was just a nightmare…with you and my dad…" and just like that Brendan explains, tells Steven how he was running through the forest – looking and searching for him - , he says about the branch and the blood. He tells Steven about his screaming and how he just ran to find him – only to see him there; being held at knifepoint by Seamus. He tells him the things Seamus said and how that made him feel; he says about his plan to hide his emotions and how it didn't work and finally he tells Steven about the ending. How he struggled for the knife – how it was plunged into his body – and how he died watching Seamus drag Steven away from him. He leaves out the love he felt for the other boy – not telling him how in love with him he really was because Steven doesn't need to know that…not yet. "So…" he clears his throat awkwardly because Steven is just staring at him and Brendan cannot tell but he thinks he can see tears glistening the other boy's eyes; prays he is wrong because making Steven cry wasn't his aim here. The last thing he wants to do is hurt that boy and suddenly he is being yanked from his thoughts because Steven is pulling him into his arms; holding him close and squeezing him.

"It's okay. He'll never hurt me and he's never gonna hurt you again okay? I won't let him…never again…" Steven croons and Brendan believes him because if he feels half – less than – of what Brendan's feeling then he's in deep and will not let that vile human being hurt him; just like Brendan will not let Terry hurt Steven anymore, not if he can help it because whenever that boy is in pain – he is too and it's horrendous, heart-breaking and he will not allow it to happen. Not to either of them. They lay like that for ages, neither speaking because they don't need to and Brendan can feel Steven's scars on his bare skin and it hurts him – to think how they got there – but it's okay now…because he's here and he's going to help Steven through this; will help him and care for him – about him – no matter what happens. Brendan looks up and see's Steven smiling down at him – reassuring him – and it's only Steven that has seen Brendan like this; so vulnerable and shaken but he's fine with it because its _Steven_ and Brendan…Brendan thinks he may love him–just a little bit. "You okay now?" Steven questions and he smooth's his thumb over Brendan's cheekbone – causing him to close his eyes – and he turns his head into Steven's palm; presses a kiss there and he's about to move up, about to kiss Steven on the lips but a banging on his bedroom door stalls him.

"Brendan?!" _Cheryl. _"Brendan, are you in there?...well you must be because the doors locked….Brendan get up!" Both boys breathe a sigh of relief because at least it's not Seamus; he would smash that door in and find them in this…intimate position. That is the worst thing that could possibly happen; at least Cheryl will not do that and Brendan believes she wouldn't even care. Yeah she's been brought up as a 'good catholic girl' but she's never followed the rules – is anything but good – and Brendan knows she loves him; he's her brother so of course she does and he hopes she will no matter what. He thinks he's ready to tell her, open up to her about his feelings for Steven and it may not be today, or tomorrow – maybe not even this month – but he's going to tell her and soon…

"Yeah…urm…one second Cheryl!" He calls out to her and he gets out of bed, throwing on some jogging bottoms and a t-shirt; Steven copies him and as soon as they are both…decent, Brendan opens the door – only to find Cheryl looking extremely exasperated and flustered.

"Why do you have the door locked? I've been calling up the stairs for ages and…" she steps into the bedroom and soon trails off when she notices Steven standing there; shifting awkwardly on his feet and wringing his hands as he stands to the side of the bed. "Oh…sorry. I didn't realise you had a…friend over…" Cheryl says and she's looking between both the boys with a strange glint in her eyes – something like knowing – and Brendan feels his gut twist with an emotion he cannot quite put his finger on.

"This is Steven…he came to school a few days ago…" he replies and he realises he _has _only known Steven for a few days – six days to be precise – so how is it possible for the other boy to mean so much to him? To be so engraved into Brendan's mind – his heart – that he has set up camp there and will always be a permanent feature; because Brendan knows this is permanent, he likes Steven too much – cares about him too much for him not to always be there. Always making his heart rate increase, his head fuzz and his body ache with need. He _needs _Steven in his life now; is absolutely terrified of the other boy leaving him because he really doesn't know how he would cope – how he would get through it because he just means so much…more than Brendan's own life. But it's been _six days_, only six fucking days so he shouldn't even feel like this; should not be dependent on the other boy but he is and there is nothing he can do to stops this – to stall his growing emotions because he is in love and this whole thing is inevitable. He _loves _Steven. His feelings are bone-deep, go straight to his core and there's no getting rid of them – he doesn't even want to because it's actually a nice feeling; to care about someone this much. The only problem is, if his feelings are not reciprocated but he thinks they may be…Steven may not be in so deep but Brendan thinks he likes him at least; there is definitely something there.

He realises he is just staring at the other boy and quickly turns his head to look at Cheryl; she still has that look in her eyes but it is now accompanied with a knowing smile. Brendan audibly groans and suddenly Steven seems to find his voice, walking towards Cheryl and holding out his hand. "Hello, I'm Ste…well I prefer Ste but you can call me Steven if you want…" he says and Cheryl takes his hand, shakes it and smiles sweetly at the other boy. It's a sight Brendan did not think he would be seeing so soon; Steven meeting his sister is kind of a big thing and he feels stupid because it doesn't mean anything but to him…it just feels momentous.

"Well it's nice to meet you _Ste_." Cheryl replies and she's still holding onto Steven's hand – obviously doesn't realise – and Brendan clears his throat to remind her; causing Cheryl to let go of the grip. "What have you two been up to then?" she asks, tone sickly innocent and there is something about this that feels strange to Brendan; his sister is looking between him and Steven with a funny gaze – looking at the bed – and she's smiling and it's just weird. He doesn't really know how to answer and all of a sudden his head reminds him of how much he drank last night – it's fucking killing him – and his mind has just gone completely blank, so he gives the dumbest answer he has ever given.

"Nothing…" he says and Cheryl smirks – eyes lighting up – and Brendan wonders what he said.

"Okay…well I just wanted to tell you, dad has 'gone away' for a few days, so I'm here to stay with you until he's back. I dunno when that will be but you know dad…" Cheryl sighs and Brendan and Ste share a glance; both smiling slightly because Seamus is gone – even if it's just for a little bit – and this means Brendan will not have to suffer anymore torture. Anymore beatings for a few days and he's also getting his sister back. He has the two people he loves and it feels amazing…but then his smile turns to a frown because Terry and Pauline are still here; Steven still has to go back to them and now he doesn't feel so happy anymore. When he doesn't reply the atmosphere suddenly turns awkward and he's willing Cheryl to go and she must hear his silent plea because she says "I'll just…" and walks out of the room.

"So…" he says and he's just about to continue but Cheryl walks back into the room.

"Ste?" she says and Ste replies with a _yes _before Cheryl speaks again. "Will you need a lift home when you leave because, to be honest, it's pissing it down out there…" Brendan hadn't even noticed the weather, was too wrapped up in his thoughts about Ste, to realise the thunder and lightning that was going on outside. He walks over to the window and he can vaguely hear Steven saying a _yes please _and telling Cheryl where he lives, but the sight in front of him is truly captivating. It's so beautiful. Flashes of light shooting across the sky, wind swirling any fallen leaves and rain pelting the ground and window; it looks so destructive, so dangerous, so powerful and Brendan wishes he was in it – just for a second because it looks remarkable.

He's so hooked on the sight that he doesn't hear the door close and he hardly feels the arms that snake around his waist; it's obviously Steven and he leans back into the hold – feeling Steven rest his chin onto his shoulder as he does so. This is…nice…yeah nice. Steven holding him and watching the view with him; seeing the destructiveness of the weather – the coldness of it – but being cosy in the house; heating blaring and each-others body heat warming the other. It's almost…it's like they're a couple and Brendan cannot help the small smile that graces his lips – his hands coming up to hold onto Steven's – because the other boy clearly remembers last night; how they had kissed and how they fell asleep because he wouldn't be doing this otherwise and there's another thing. Something that makes Brendan's heart jump, makes him feel like a love-sick fool because Steven obviously doesn't regret it – doesn't think it was just a drunken night thing – and that fact proves he must feel something for Brendan too.

He sighs contently as he feels Steven turning his head – feels him pressing light kisses to his neck – and he rolls his head with it, leans it to the side to give Steven a bigger space to work with; letting him move upwards until he reaches his ear – that sensitive spot behind his earlobe – and he gasps when Steven finally gets to it. "So..." Steven whispers and he's still kissing that part behind Brendan's ear. "What do you want to do today? Before I go home…" and he sucks on Brendan's neck – sucks hard – and just that makes him moan in pleasure; makes him breathe in a stuttering breath because he's never been touched like this – never had someone do this to him and it's sexual but Steven could do so much more. He's scared though; has never done anything with a boy before – never even done anything with a girl – and what if he doesn't get this right? What if he makes himself look like an idiot? He hasn't replied but Steven is still biting at his neck and Brendan can feel a bruise forming; he's hard – he knows he is – and it doesn't take much for Steven to have an effect on him. His toes are curling because of the pleasurable onslaught to his neck and Steven trails his hand lower, lets it sit at the top of Brendan's jogging bottoms. "What do you want to do today?"

"I…err…" he moans, thoughts incoherent and Steven dips his hand even lower, breaching the waistband of Brendan's bottoms and the act causes him to snap out of whatever lust-induced daze he was in, and he quickly turns in Steven's arms; dislodging the other boy and bringing his hands down to hold onto Steven's wrists, stopping his movements. "What are you doing?" he asks and he looks into Steven's eyes – can see his pupils are blown to hell – and the blue is barely visible; instead his eyes are almost black and Brendan can see the amount of desire that is laced all over Steven's face. He's displaying just as much lust as Brendan is feeling right now. Brendan looks down and swallows when he sees Steven is hard as well – painfully – and he's been dreaming about this, been wanting it since he first saw Steven so why did he stop it?

"I thought…after everything, t-that this is what you wanted…" Steven says and he crowds in closer to Brendan – fists his t-shirt into his hands – and Steven is right; he does want this, so fucking much but he can hear his dad's voice, repeating _filthy fucking queer _in his ears and what the fuck? He doesn't even care about his vile, disgusting father so why is this bothering him, why is his dad's voice breaking into his subconscious? Steven's lips are inches away and all Brendan wants to do is kiss him – fucking lift him up and carry him to the bed but he _can't _and he knows he loves the other boy so what the hell is his problem? Why is he behaving like a fucking little dick and sending out mixed signals?! He pulls away and walks over to his bedroom door – putting as much space between him and Steven as possible – before talking.

"I can't Steven…I just…" He sighs and he feels like crying; this isn't fair, his life isn't fucking fair and why can't his mind just let him have want he wants? What his body needs and what his heart craves because fuck if he's not turned-on right now and fuck if his heart isn't breaking at the hurt expression that is now etched onto Steven's face. "I'm sorry…"

"I don't understand though…last night…did I do something wrong? I'm sorry…" Steven says and the pained expression on his face is killing Brendan; why has he done this? Why can't he just fucking shut his dad out and give himself what he needs? Why does he have to be such a weak, stupid boy all the time, because now he isn't just hurting himself, he is hurting the person he cares about; the one person he was meant to protect and he can't even fucking do that right. The rain and lightning and wind is still going on outside and Brendan feels like laughing at it – snorting to the heavens – because it was like a pre-warning; he should have known something bad was going to happen because the rain is portraying the tears he cannot shed, the wind is the turmoil inside of his body and the lightning is the flashes of anger his dad would show, if he ever found out about his feelings for Steven. The weather is just like his life.

"You didn't do anything…" he says and he lifts his head to look Steven dead in the eyes, "it's not you…it's me…" he continues and as soon as the words leave his mouth, he cringes; the most fucking cliché line he could say and he said it; making himself sound even more like a dick because now Steven is staring at him incredulously, a bitter smile on his face but he's still the same _down there _and so is Brendan.

"Right…I see…" Steven huffs and seeing the other boy with such a bitter, twisted expression on his face is actually quite scary…it looks so unnatural; so unlike Steven. "You know what Brendan? I've had enough of these stupid, pathetic little games you seem to enjoy playing." He's talking but Brendan can tell he wants to shout - his tone is completely laced with anger – his teeth clenched – but there's something else under there, something more and its hurt. Brendan can hear the _pain _in Steven's voice and _he's _put that there and he's just fucking furious with himself. Suddenly Steven is walking towards him and he's going to leave – going to stomp out of this room and it's a split-second decision that Brendan stands in front of the door; blocking the other boy's pathway. "Move Brendan."

"No." Brendan says and Steven pushes him; keeps pushing until Brendan is forced to hold onto his wrists. "Will you stop?!"

"No! Why should I? You can't keep doing this! Going all funny with me and I won't put up with it Brendan! You're fucking with my head." Steven snaps and Brendan knows that feeling; He isn't the only one fucking with someone's head here and he wants to tell Steven that – wants to let him know how he feels, how this isn't his fault – and he opens his mouth to speak but Steven gets there first. "I know you want me Brendan…" he states and once again he sounds tired, just tired of everything but he's not finished yet. "I know you've liked me since day one, I'm not fucking blind like some people and I don't understand what your problem is? I know…about your dad and everything but Terry's the same, he hates people like…like us but I'm not ashamed, I just don't understand Brendan…you do want me don't you?" Steven asks and he walks even closer towards Brendan – walks forwards until Brendan is forced to take a step backwards – and his back hits against the wall; a low groan escaping his mouth at the suddenness of it. "I still want you Brendan…I did the first time I saw you too…" Brendan swallows and Steven steps even closer – until he is able to drag his hands up Brendan's chest and wrap his arms around his neck.

"Steven…" Brendan breathes because Steven is so close and he's so fucking scared; he doesn't know where to put himself – this is…it's everything he's wanted and more but he's never, _ever _done anything like this before…

"Brendan…what is the problem? I know you want this…I can tell…" the other boy leans forward and Brendan cannot protest anymore, his dad's voice fading away because Steven is kissing him again – this time with a new passion – like he's desperate for Brendan and he can't do anything but kiss the other boy back. Their lips are moving together in perfect sync and Brendan's head is absolutely swimming. This is their first completely sober kiss, the first time they have expressed how they feel without the effects of alcohol and it's almost too much; he cannot breathe but he's not willing to stop his lip movements – he would much rather kiss Steven than break away and it's the other boy who ends the kiss first. He rests his forehead against Brendan's and both boys are breathing erratically, but somehow Steven finds the air to speak. "You okay?" he asks and all Brendan can do is nod, too scared of what will come out if he tries to talk and Steven latches his lips back onto his, hungrily before he begins pulling Brendan back to the bed.

He suddenly stops his movements and looks at Brendan sheepishly, a complete contrast to how he was a few seconds ago. "I've…" he clears his throat, "I've never done anything like this before…" he mumbles and Brendan feels silly because he assumed he had – thought because he was initiating whatever's gonna happen that he had done _this_ before; now he doesn't know what to say.

"Me either…" he replies and Steven nods, giving Brendan a shy smile. This is awkward because what does he do now? He doesn't have a fucking clue and Steven sits on the bed, shuffling up until he is leaning back against the headboard and he signals for Brendan to join him. "…Okay…" he says and he moves to sit next to Steven; awkwardly shifting next to the other boy. "So…"

"So…" Steven responds and he giggles, _actually giggles _and the whole idea of it just makes Brendan smile.

"What?"

"It's just this–us–…it's funny init?" he smiles and Brendan agrees, last week he would have never thought he would be here – about to do whatever with another boy; with someone like Steven and he's happy – ecstatic – because he's finally getting the boy, something is finally going right in his life and Seamus isn't here either…today has actually been a good day so far. Obviously except for his little bout of hesitance but apart from that…yeah it's been a good day.

"Yeah…it is funny I suppose…" he smiles at Steven and the other boy returns that smile before leaning up and planting yet another kiss onto his mouth; it soon turns into a mesh of tongues and lips and once again both boys are breathless with it and it's only when Steven begins to lift Brendan's top, do they slow their movements to a stop.

"It's okay…" Steven whispers and Brendan nods; taking off his top as Steven removes his too. "You wanna do this yeah?" the other boy asks and Brendan's not even sure what he's going on about because he's definitely not going to go _the whole way_…not yet.

"Yeah…" he says and Steven breathes an _okay _as he leans forward and kisses him _again_; they seem to be doing a lot of that today. Steven pushes Brendan back even further – until he's able to lie flat – and the other boy crawls on top of him; setting Brendan's skin on fire as their bare torsos and chests come into contact. Steven trails his hand lower and lower until he manages to cup Brendan's erection and he bucks his hips at the contact; a low groan spilling from his lips as Steven begins to rub him through his trackie bottoms. Even this is better than the dream he had; even though – in his mind – there was no barriers, nothing but skin-on-skin, it was nothing compared to this. The pleasure he is feeling is immense and he can't believe Steven has never done this before; he knows exactly where to touch him, what to do with his hands and Brendan just wants to crawl out of his body because he doesn't think he can cope.

"Jesus…" he moans and rolls to his side, dislodging Steven and Brendan moves his hand to hold onto the other boy's waist. He doesn't know what to do – not really – so he settles for kissing Steven, pulling him into his body before telling him what's wrong. "I...urm…I don't know what to do…" he whispers against Steven's lips and he feels like a pillock because he's so inexperienced; feels stupid because Steven knows what he is doing – well is good at it anyway – and Brendan just _doesn't_, he's a complete newbie – well a newbie to actually _wanting _to do this to someone…not being forced into it – and it's kinda embarrassing. He feels himself blush and Steven smiles at him, taking hold of Brendan's hand and bringing it in-between their bodies.

"Just…do what I do, okay?" he says, breathless and he places Brendan's hand over his crotch, before moving his back to Brendan's own groin. He still doesn't know what to do here but as soon as Steven begins moving his hand again, Brendan copies; rubbing in sync with the other boy's movements and they are both breathing into the others mouth – completely at each-others mercy – and as Steven moves his hand inside Brendan's trousers – grips hold of his cock – he lets out a long moan. Brendan moves his hand too; manoeuvres it until he's able to place it inside Steven's boxers and he holds the other boy's dick, begins to stroke up and down as Steven does the same to him. "Yeah…fuck…" Steven breathes and it's a complete white-wash of pleasure; Steven stripping his dick so fast and Brendan's doing the same and his arm burns with the exertion but he doesn't really care – can only concentrate on his movements and the way Steven is working his dick.

The other boy slows down his hand, makes it so he's twisting at the top and working his thumb over the head of Brendan's cock – swiping at the pre-come that is pooling at the slit– and Brendan shakes with it; his own hand matching Steven's rhythm and it's so fucking hot, his body is burning – boiling and he wants this pleasurable torture to end, because he's not sure how much more he can take. He's conscious of the fact that Cheryl is downstairs and he knows he's moaning – both of them are – but he cannot control it, especially as Steven rubs that sensitive vein that lies on the underside of his dick and he gasps with it; his hips rocking towards Steven and he forgets his slow movements – instead pumping Steven's cock the fastest he ever has and he's biting down on the other boy's shoulder. Trying to muffle his groans of pleasure because he's being so fucking loud; never experienced a feeling like this in his life and Steven adds to it by sucking on his neck – biting down _hard _and it's enough to make Brendan cry out and release into Steven's fist.

"Fuck…" he moans and his hips are still jolting erratically, the come still pumping from his dick as he moves his hand even faster – makes the other boy release a filthy groan as he too, spills all over Brendan's fingers. His heart-rate is bordering the dangerous side because it's so fast and he can't catch his breath and his head is still spinning as he pulls his hand out of Steven's trousers. He reaches across to grab his t-shirt, wipes the come off his hand and when he turns around to give it to Steven, he notices the other boy grinning at him. "What?" he asks, still completely breathless and Steven looks _fucked_ – thoroughly – If Brendan's being honest.

"Nothing…I just can't believe we just did that…" Steven responds and he takes the t-shirt off Brendan, wipes the spunk off his own hand and he looks so tired – his movements languid and lazy and Brendan feels exactly the same. Like moving right now would literally be the death of him.

"You tired then?" he asks and Steven nods, still with that fucked out smile on his face and it causes Brendan to chuckle quietly; it's the only thing he can do because he still cannot get his head around, what they have just done. He knows it was inevitable, it was obviously going to happen one day but he couldn't have predicted _today _would be that day and he already wants more – is already missing Steven's warmth; which is why when he slips under the covers – stripping off his jogging bottoms at the same time – he pulls Steven towards him, enveloping the smaller boy in his arms and Steven sighs, content with everything that has happened.

"I'm knackered, me…" he says, talking around a yawn and Brendan simply smiles at him; in complete fucking awe of this boy and the things he can make Brendan feel. "Brendan…" he makes a throaty sound, closing his eyes and Steven takes that as a hint to carry on speaking. "Do you think…do you think Cheryl heard us?" he whispers and Brendan should feel _something_; worry, guilt…embarrassment but he doesn't and he doesn't really care if Cheryl heard or not.

"I don't know…go to sleep…" Brendan mumbles and he presses a soft kiss to Steven's lips – feels the other boy sink further into his arms, melting into his grip and before he knows it they are both asleep. Absolutely fucked out and thunderstorm thrashing outside the window.

-X-

His eyes flutter open and what he sees is the most beautiful sight he has ever witnessed. He thought waking up to Steven's sleeping form – to the other boy tucked up under his arm, in a state of unconsciousness – was the perfect thing to wake up to but he was wrong. Waking up to Steven stroking a fingertip down his bare arm, torsos flushed together, legs entwined and the other boy grinning at him, is most definitely the most perfect thing in this whole goddamn world and Brendan wants it to be like this every day. It could be like this until Seamus came back; he could ask Steven to stay with him – every night, all day – until his father returns but he cannot find the words. He's been made speechless by Steven's smile; by the way the other boy is looking at him with such…content in his eyes and Brendan feels like he can't breathe. "Hiya…" Steven speaks and Brendan hums low in his throat – blinking away any remaining sleep – before moving his arm and pulling Steven's head gently down towards him; gaining a kiss as Steven sighs at the contact.

"Hello…" Brendan whispers and he pulls Steven closer again – wraps him tightly in his arms – and they are pressed so close together, he doesn't really know where he ends and Steven begins, but he wants it like this. He wants them to be like one person because that's how he feels; he feels like Steven is a part of him now, that losing the other boy would be like losing a part of himself, because Steven owns his heart now; would rip it away from Brendan's body if he ever did something to hurt him, if they ever fell out or Steven ever left…it would be the cause of Brendan's heart break. He's had so much pain in his life – been tortured by his father, been forgotten by his mother – but Steven…this is the only good thing that has ever walked into his life; the only person he would do _anything _to keep hold off and he's not going to lose him. He can't. Not now…not ever. Steven brings his arm around Brendan's torso and trails his fingers up and down his spine; a languid stroking and Brendan shivers underneath the touch. It's almost like a post-coital hold except they've just woken up…he still feels fucked out though, he's never came so hard in his life before and _fuck _if that wasn't the best, most immense pleasure he's ever fucking felt. Suddenly Steven lifts his head and presses his body _even _closer to Brendan's – if that was possible – and their skin is so tightly flushed together, it's like Steven could be pulled into Brendan body; there's no air between them, not one ounce of space.

"I really don't like the thunder, you know…" the other boy mumbles and it's like he's scared of it a little bit – like the thunder actually terrifies him – and Brendan's suspicions are confirmed when Steven jumps, at the next crack of noise.

"It's alright. It's just noise isn't it?" Brendan whispers and Steven nods his head, offering him a watery smile and Brendan didn't even realise Steven was scared earlier; didn't even notice the unease in his eyes every time the thunder blasted through the sky. Once again he feels guilty – annoyed at himself because he never even _helps _the other boy – he's just…the frustration he feels at himself is just intense. He's an idiot. He shakes the thoughts from his head; he's _not _an idiot…he just…misses things sometimes and Steven clearly doesn't think he's an idiot, or stupid, or a dick, or whatever. He _likes _him and that's all what matters. He stretches out in bed and lifts out of Steven's hold until he is able to sit up; the other boy immediately follows and curls up into Brendan's side. This is such a nice feeling, he feels so free and light and just _happy_; so much happier than he was in any dream and he didn't think that was possible.

"It's alright init?" Steven asks and Brendan turns his head to look at him, willing the other boy to go on with his eyes. "When it's just you and me? Like this…it's like nothing else matters, right?" he asks and Brendan can see the hope in his eyes – the silent plea for Brendan to agree – and it sucks all the breath from his lungs; he _means _something to this boy, it could only be small and Steven could only feel a _fraction _of what Brendan feels but that is still something. Something to build on, something to work with and he's willing to do anything – _anything _– to make the other boy love him back; He'll give Steven anything he wants, look after him and for fuck sakes he's gonna protect him. Will put himself between Terry and Steven before that man gets to touch him again; he's gonna have to think of a plan and right now, he thinks he's got it. The only problem is Cheryl; if he asked Steven to stay here with him, then she'll ask questions – she's always been a nosy one – and that only means one thing. He's gonna have to tell her the truth. He realises Steven is still waiting for an answer to his question and Brendan smiles at him; leaning in to whisper against his lips. "Yeah, nothing else…" he murmurs in the second before he pulls Steven into a breath-taking kiss.

"I…err…" Steven mumbles as they break apart. The other boy leans over Brendan and grabs his phone; pressing the button to look at the time. "It's like four Brendan…I haven't been home in…over a day!" he gasps and Brendan has to hold back a laugh at Steven's expression – he looks completely shocked - , "Brendan…stop smiling at me. I'm gonna have to go home…" he sighs and stands up to pull on his clothes; Brendan does the same and it's funny how over half a day has gone by so quickly. It's like a blink-and-you'll-miss-it thing and it seems – when it comes to Steven – time will always go fast. He instantly but suddenly feels a pang of worry, Steven is going home; back to that monster and Brendan…he won't have it.

"I don't want you to go Steven…" he says and he strides other to the other boy, pulling him into his arms and holding him tight. Steven giggles and wraps his arms around Brendan's waist, resting his forehead onto his shoulder and they are just clinging onto each-other.

"I have to go Brendan…Terry is already gonna-"

"Stay here." Brendan interrupts, tightening his grip on the other boy; trying to show him how much he _really _doesn't want him to go. He can't go back, not when the chances of Terry doing something are almost certain; he notices the resistance in Steven's eyes and Brendan realises he's gonna have to turn to drastic measures. "Please Steven…I'm…I'll be worried about you and I can't let you go back there, please…" the other boy looks up at him – eyes soft through his long lashes – and he nods.

"Okay…but listen, I need to get some stuff-" Brendan immediately tries to talk again, causing Steven to move his finger to his lips; silencing him before he can even speak a word. "Look…it's like…" he checks his phone again, "…ten past four, Terry will be out, okay? I'll go in, grab my stuff and then I'll come straight back here…" Steven reassures and he presses a light, chaste kiss to Brendan's mouth. _Definitely a couplely thing _Brendan thinks.

"But…how will you get back here?" Brendan sighs, defeated because he knows he will not win this…disagreement; Steven will always be stubborn, will always argue against Brendan when he refuses to do something and that's what makes him, _him_. It's something Brendan wouldn't change for the word, even if it is frustrating sometimes.

"I'll walk…" Steven replies and he looks behind Brendan, looks out the window and Brendan does the same – notices how it's still fucking _pissing _it down, how the flashes of lightning are still shooting through the sky and how the thunder is _still _echoing the heavens.

He snorts. "You are _not _walking in _that_."

"Brendan…" Steven drags his eyes away from the window, "I don't really wanna walk in it either, right? But I got to and that's alright because at the end of it, I'll be back here okay?" he smiles and Brendan thinks about having Steven here, in his home – in his bed – for the next few days and he cannot help the smile that spreads across his own lips. This is his dream come true and he still cannot believe his luck – can't believe the chances Steven has given him, that he even likes him, that he trusts him enough to tell Brendan his secrets and _fuck sakes _Brendan just loves him.

"Okay…okay…" he mumbles and he leans his head down to give Steven _another _kiss – can never get enough of the other boy's lips – and when he pulls away, he shouts down to Cheryl; telling her it's time for Steven to go back.

-X-

They are in the car now; Steven in the back, Brendan in the passenger seat and Cheryl driving, none of them know what to say and it's kinda awkward. Especially for Cheryl; she knows something is going on . She's not as ditzy as everyone thinks she is and the way her brother looks at the other boy, how his eyes light up when he talks to Ste just proves everything and she's always known – that her brother liked…other boys – but she hasn't questioned him on it and she thinks he's at that age now where he can come clean. He's almost sixteen and he's not really concealing his feelings for Ste; not from her anyway and she's gonna ask him about it today. "So…" she starts, breaking this weird atmosphere that is lingering in the air, "Ste…how do you put up with our Brendan then? He's a stroppy little git sometimes…" She smirks when Brendan glares at her and she sees Ste swallow before answering.

"He's alright really…" he says in a shy tone and Cheryl chances a glance at her brother - takes in his soft smile and shining eyes – and smiles to herself. He's happy, the happiest she's ever seen him and she's grateful for Ste being here, because she was getting worried; was constantly replaying his bruises in her mind and the amount of fights he gets into is ridiculous, he's going to do himself seriously injury one day, or worse – end up in prison. All she does is worry about Brendan now, especially after his overdose and the…cutting; she worries herself sick over him but now he has Ste and he seems okay – like because of the other boy his mood has been lifted – and she's happy because of it.

Cheryl looks up into the rear-view mirror and smiles at Ste. "Oh yeah? Well he's still moody with me most of the time!" she jokes and it entices a laugh from Ste and yet another scowl off Brendan – only this time it's a playful one - . She turns into a street and drives up the road, looking to find Ste's house number and when she does, she's slightly shocked. It's a flat, obviously on the smallish side from what she can tell and it's not 'dirty' as such, just a little untidy. It's so unlike her flat, or her old house that she's silent; contemplating what she is looking at. Suddenly a short woman comes bursting through the door, wiping her face as she steps out of the house and when Cheryl turns around she can see Ste cringe. "So, is this it then?"

"Yeah…" Ste replies and he plasters on a smile, lifting his head to look at Cheryl. "Thank-you for the lift!" he says and Cheryl nods her head just as Ste turns his attention to Brendan. "I'll see you later then yeah?"

"Yeah…" Brendan says and he's not happy about this – not one bit – Pauline looks pissed off and he doesn't know how she will react to seeing Steven after he's been gone for over a day; the other boy hasn't said much about his mum, just that she's an alcoholic – like his father – and he doesn't know if she's capable of _hurting _Steven. This is the thing that has him worried. He turns in his seat and looks at Steven. "How long are you going to be?"

"I don't know…a few hours?" Steven responds and he opens the door, letting the rain and the wind in and Brendan feels his gut twist with some strange emotion; he feels sick, letting _his _Steven go back to such a cave. Go back to the place where he's been repeatedly beaten and he just doesn't want to let him go; he doesn't even care if Cheryl's here anymore – witnessing his desperation – he's terrified of what could happen; of what could occur behind those doors and he just _doesn't _want him to go back.

"I don't want you to go…" he all but whispers and he can hear Cheryl inhale sharply but fuck her, this is important. "Don't go."

"I have to Brendan. I'll be alright, okay?" Steven replies and he smiles at Brendan softly before stepping out of the car and closing the door.

He watches Steven run to his front door, sees how his mum glares at him from behind her cigarette and when Steven turns; waving his hand slightly, Brendan feels his heart ache. He's hurtingat the loss of Steven, even though he knows he'll see him in a few hours his fucking body _aches _because that's a few hours too many. Even a minute away from the other boy feels torturous and now he has to deal with a _few fucking hours_ – not knowing if Terry is laying into him, or if Steven's hurting himself or whatever and it just _hurts_. He turns in his chair and slumps backwards; knowing full well that his sister's eyes are burning into him. "What?"

"Nothing…nothing. Listen, I need to grab something from mine quickly but then we can go home…oh and how will you see Ste later?" she asks and Brendan sighs before explaining – telling – Cheryl how Steven _will _be staying with them for a few days; leaving no room for arguments.

-X-

When they reach Cheryl's she steps out of the car, telling Brendan she won't be long before disappearing into her flat. He knows something is up, the whole car journey to her flat has been full of questions about Steven; about what he's like, how they've become 'close', about his family, school work and so on. Of course he has lied about most of it but something tells him Cheryl – for once in her life – can see straight through him and he's scared about what she knows. He is ready to tell her, is definitely ready but he's so nervous at her reaction. He knows she will not turn him away but still…it's a momentous thing, this will change everything and it's definitely not something that should be taken lightly. He sighs and rolls his shoulders, trying to dislodge some of the tension that has built there since Steven left half-an-hour ago; he would be lying if he said his stomach wasn't flipping with anxiety and his heart wasn't craving for the boy – the need to feel him in his arms is almost too much, and Brendan feels like he is going crazy. He's far too dependent on the other boy – in far too deep – and there's no backing out of this now, it's too late and if he knew when he first saw Steven that he would fall in love this quickly, then he would have ran a mile in the opposite direction.

This – to put it frankly – is ludicrous, he – _Brendan Brady_, should not feel like this; especially as he isn't one-hundred percent sure Steven feels the same and it feels silly to him. He is behaving like some soppy girl; a soppy girl with a teenage crush, only this isn't just a crush is it? It's far more dangerous than that. It's pure love. Pure, unadulterated, true love and Brendan just knows this is it for him; he's certain – more than – that he will never feel like this again, will never find someone that makes his heart flutter like Steven does and there will never be anyone else. He's so fucking sure of it. He will tell Steven how he feels one day – somewhere close in the future…maybe a few weeks if everything is still going okay because what the fuck are they even doing here? He doesn't even know what he and Steven are so right now he's just going to go with the flow; let it all map out on its own and in time, hopefully things will slot into place.

He groans and closes his eyes as he goes back to earlier; how his dad – even though he wasn't present – had almost ruined everything, his dad can just get into his head – is always fucking there and it scares him. The amount of power his father has over him _is _terrifying and Brendan curses himself for being so timid; Steven was wrong earlier, he basically said Brendan is ashamed of himself and he isn't – not anymore - , he's just petrified of the way people will react. If they will treat him differently, if more people will turn against him because he already feels like he has next to no-one, and losing _more _people is not an option.

His eyes shoot open at the sound of Cheryl stepping into the car, and the rain pelting onto the driver's seat. His sister slumps down into the chair, sighing as she wipes the rain from her face and when she turns to look at Brendan, an uneasy expression is etched onto her face. "Did you get what you needed?"

"Yeah…" she clears her throat uncomfortably, clearly this thing is of great importance. "Urm…it actually belongs to you…" Cheryl says and Brendan's a bit confused as he takes the black box his sister is passing to him.

"What is…" he trails off – eyes widening as he opens the box – and he feels his heart jumping up to his throat, immediate tears in his eyes because this thing _is _of great importance to him. It means a lot, holds so many warm memories and Brendan hasn't seen it in years; he thought it got lost – thrown away – but no, it's here; sitting in his hands and all he can do is stare at it. He can hardly hear Cheryl's voice, he thinks she's explaining why she has it but everything is mostly white noise, as the memories of his mother – almost eight years ago – play before his eyes.

_*"No Cheryl!" his mum sighs and he feels her irritation. Cheryl has been going on at her all day, complaining how 'Brendan gets everything' and how 'daddy would never let this happen'; it's ludicrous. All his mother has done is buy him a bloody toy, a tiny little superman figure and Cheryl's kicking off; spoilt little brat, Brendan thinks. Cheryl gets so much more than she thinks, Seamus gives her everything – everything she wants – and what does Brendan get off him? Zilch, well except for his 'secret presents'. _

"_But mum! All I want is ten pound! Please, I want to go out with Christine!" Cheryl whines and she's at that age – thirteen – and she's only just crossed into her teenage years; this meaning only one thing for Brendan – a whiny, hormonal, bratty older sister._

"_Why don't you ask your father Cheryl? Stop getting so jealous of your brother all the time!" his mum says, talking through gritted teeth and Brendan knows this could erupt into a full-blown argument if they are not careful. It's been like this ever since they woke up this morning, both of them talking lumps out of each-other and it's pretty hard for Brendan to get his head around. From what he remembers Cheryl and his mum have always been like this – always argued – but he knows it's only because of how similar they are; their personalities are exactly the same and when they are getting alone, they are like two peas in a pod, completely in sync and at times like those everything is just perfect. It's when they are like this, both fiery tempers being exposed does it get ugly and he's not staying around to witness it. _

_He quickly sneaks off the kitchen stall and saunters out of the room; being careful not to make any noise – although with the way things are raring up, he is certain his mother and sister will not even notice his disappearance. He walks up the stairs, cringing every time the steps creak and it's not because he's still meant to be in the kitchen and it's not because his mum may hear him and realise he has slipped away; no, it's because Seamus is in his study and his father knowing Cheryl and his mum are preoccupied could mean something bad for Brendan. _

_His dad hasn't touch him for five days now and Brendan doesn't know why – he's used to something happening on a daily occurrence – and it makes him feel uneasy; even more so than usual. He can't help but feel that Seamus is building up to something – something big – and he's been worried sick about what that 'big' thing could be. He feels his dad's eyes on him all the time, always watching and it's like Brendan is his prey and Seamus is just waiting to pounce – waiting until the time is right, and then he's going to attack. It seems that time is meant to be today._

"_Ah, Brenda. Can you come help me with something? Now." His father drawls and Brendan feels his body tense, he can hear his mum and Cheryl screaming at each-other from downstairs and he knows exactly what Seamus is thinking. Knows exactly what he wants to do right now and Brendan cannot move, he's frozen to the spot because he cannot deal with that again; he still hasn't fully recovered from last time. "Move." Seamus snarls, tone dripping with menace and sick thoughts and no matter how scary his dad sounds right now, Brendan's feet will still not allow him to move. It doesn't matter though because he's moving anyway, Seamus dragging him into the study and he wants to scream – shout for help – but his voice-box feels like it has been glued shut; no sounds coming out except for the tiny whimper that escapes when he dad slams him against the desk. "I told you to fucking move, do you want this to be worse than it already will be, boy?" Seamus spits and Brendan squeezes his hand around the tiny superman figure his mum brought him earlier._

"_N-N-No…please…" he whispers and he can feel the silent tears leaking down his cheeks, as his father backhands him; snarling about how he wasn't actually meant to talk._

"_Shut up, now…" Seamus grabs Brendan's hand and makes him move it to his father's crotch, "…I think you know what to do boy, or do I have to show you again?" Brendan shakes his head, remembering what happened last time he questioned what he should do; how his father had 'beaten' it into him – emphasising each word with a punch, or a kick, or a smack…or a thrust of his hips. He swallows, wipes his tears away and begins to do what Seamus wants; unbuttoning, unzipping and getting down to it…all with a smile on his face - the smile Seamus makes him wear because if he doesn't…it's just better if he smiles. _

_He feels the bile rising in his throat as his dad begins moaning, sighing and making incoherent noises as he continues his hand movements; he wants to escape, to run away and leave this – his torture – behind him because it's destroying him. He's eight years old and Seamus has been making him do things like this for as long as he can remember. He squeezes the little superman even harder, feeling the plastic dig into his skin and its helping; it's helping him to get this over with faster because soon it will be finished and he will be able to go back downstairs. Away from this sick, disgusting man. He hears his dad sucking in breaths, breathing erratic and he knows what's coming but then…_

"_Brendan?"_

"_Shit! Get off me!" he instantly withdraws his hand at his father's words and Seamus gets himself in order, just in time because in the second that follows, his mother comes in through the door._

"_Seamus, have you seen…oh, Brendan…come with me please, I have something for you." She says and she clearly doesn't notice the state her husband is in because she smiles at him before leaving; waiting for Brendan to follow her. He looks at his father and Seamus nods, giving him a sickening smile before telling him to 'fuck off'. Brendan has never moved faster in his life. When he reaches the corridor, he calls for his mum and he hears her voice shouting him from his bedroom; he walks towards the room and finds his mum sitting on the bed._

"_Yes mum?" _

"_Come here…look…" he does as he is told and moves to sit next to his mum, smiling up at her as she looks down at him; adoration sparkling her eyes and Brendan knows she loves him. Cheryl seems to think she is the 'favourite' child, is always taunting Brendan and saying their mum loves her more but Brendan knows she's wrong; he is the apple of his mother's eye, just like Cheryl is Seamus'. It's Brendan and their mum, and Cheryl and their dad and he knows – prays – it will always be like this; that he will always have his mother's love and one day, when he's strong enough and brave enough he will tell her what Seamus is like and then they can escape together. His mum takes hold of his hand and he opens it, only to find her placing something silver into his palm; he knows what it is straight away and he feels his heart skip a beat, because this means something – this is something Cheryl will never have._

"_Your…your cross?" he says, a little perplexed and his mum chuckles at his bewildered expression._

"_Yes Brendan, my cross…" she takes it out of Brendan's hand and puts it around his neck; clasping the hook secure at the back. "Whenever you're scared or lonely…or if I'm ever away and you need me, you will always have a piece of me now, okay? I'm always gonna be here for you and now you have something to remind you of that…" his mum whispers and Brendan doesn't understand – is a bit confused – because he can hear a slight sadness in her voice and he doesn't know why it is there. He wants to ask her if she is okay, what all of this means but he cannot talk past the lump of emotion in his throat, so instead he just smiles at her. "Come on, let's go watch some telly." She says and she takes hold of Brendan's hand, walking him out of his bedroom door and he feels safe now; being close to his mum makes him feel secure, special and he knows when his mum is around he can cope with anything. Brendan looks up at her again – taking in her beauty – and he smiles, feeling the coldness of metal against his chest; contrasting with the warmth that is slowly spreading through his heart.*_

He looks down at the cross and brushes his fingers against it, feels the familiar coldness and a shiver runs down his spine; it's not the temperature of the metal that is the problem. It's all the memories it holds, the laughs, smiles and cries of joy; the feeling of security…the love but finally the tears. The tears he shed when he found out it was missing, how his heart broke when he realised it was gone and he silently takes it out of the box, unclasps it and fastens it around his neck – feeling the familiar object knock against his chest.

"Brendan, I'm…I didn't know I had it and…" she trails off when Brendan stares at her, silently telling her to be quiet and she turns the ignition on in the car, before driving away from her flat and back to the house. The rest of the car journey is in silence, the only noise coming from the ever worsening thunderstorm outside.

-X-

It's been two hours since Brendan got home and he's only been doing two things; worrying himself sick over Steven and twisting the cross in his hand. Even after five years of not having this necklace and nearly _seven _years of not seeing his mother, it still makes him feel safe; makes him remember how much his mother _used _to love him and the feeling is bittersweet. He knows he used to mean everything to his mother, how she would have died for him and that makes him happy for a second because she really did love him. However, he soon remembers how it is no longer like that, how she now hates him – doesn't even _know _him – and that is what hurts the most; knowing he did have her love once but he's lost it. Completely.

He stops thinking about his mum and his mind instantly travels back to the boy he hasn't seen for, two and a half hours; he is engraved onto Brendan's brain and thinking about Steven now, is making him agitated. He wants to go to him – make sure he's okay and pull him into his arms – but he doesn't; Steven said he will be a few hours and he _will _be back…that fact doesn't help the feeling of unease that is twisting in Brendan's stomach though. He feels like something is wrong and the feeling of anxiety keeps building and building, until his body is stifling hot and he walks over to the window, to get some air.

"Brendan…" Cheryl whispers and she slips through the bedroom door, quietly closing it behind her. Cheryl walks over to the bed –giving Brendan a strange look – before she sits down; he stands at the window for a second, trying to figure out her expression but he can't, so instead he walks over to her and sits down – not missing the way her shoulders tense slightly. "Brendan, you're okay yeah?" she asks and she cannot make eye contact; maybe she thinks Brendan is annoyed at her but he doesn't know.

"Yeah, why?" he replies, brows furrowed deeply and Cheryl sighs before standing up again – pacing the room – and Brendan realises immediately that she is nervous; it unnerves him because what could she be so nervous about?

"Brendan, I…" she stops walking back and forth and turns to look at Brendan, a warm smile on her face and he doesn't understand; one minute she is on edge and the next it's like everything has become clear and…"Brendan you do realise you can tell me anything, right?" _Fuck_. "I'm your sister and I won't-"

"What is it Cheryl?" Brendan interrupts but he already knows what she's going to ask – knew she figured something out by the way she was looking at him in the car, all questioning and wanting to ask something – and earlier he thought he was ready for this; willing and okay with telling her everything and he still _is _but there's a feeling twisting in his stomach and he just feels _sick_.

"Okay…" she steps forward and once again sits on the bed, - taking Brendan's hand in the process – and she takes a large breath before asking the question, Brendan isn't really, _totally _prepared for. "Brendan…are you gay?" she questions and she squeezes his hand but it gives Brendan no comfort. He knows he cannot lie here – doesn't want to – but he's never said it _out loud_, not to anyone and Steven clearly knows; Brendan has _shown _him but that's different, he wasn't admitting it and this is gonna change his life forever. "Brendan…" Cheryl pushes and he looks away from her, pulls his hand out of her grip and goes against the turmoil inside of him; listens to the small voice that is screaming at him to tell the truth.

"Yes…" he says, the word barely coming out but Cheryl hears it and she gasps quietly before taking hold of Brendan's hand again. He looks up at her and he sees the comforting smile on her face, how she isn't freaking out and it makes him want to repeat himself; just to check this is real, to confirm his sister is not pushing him away. "Yeah Chez…I'm gay."

"Why didn't you tell me?!" she all but shrieks and she pulls him into a tight hug – almost squeezing him to death – and he is so relieved, it's like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders; like telling Cheryl and showing Steven has helped him to breathe again and he feels at ease now – he still has the weight of Seamus' abuse on him but even _that_, even Steven knows some of that and everything is just fitting into place and if it stayed like this forever, then he would have a happy life. Steven staying with him, his dad _staying _away and his sister living with them; that's all he wants right now. Cheryl is still squeezing him and she drags him even closer before talking. "You should have told me, Brendan. I don't care…"

"I'm sorry…" he responds and Cheryl shakes her head, telling him he doesn't need to be sorry and he smiles into his sisters skin before pulling away. "I'm glad I told you…"

"So am I…" Cheryl smiles and it's like they share something, some kind of understanding but another questioning expression washes over Cheryl's face. "Brendan…you and Ste…are you-"

"I don't know…I don't wanna talk about it…" he interrupts and not wanting to talk about Steven is a sudden thing; it feels like an invasion of privacy, like Cheryl is just being nosy – which she clearly is – and she doesn't need to know about this _thing _that is going on between the two boys. It is completely private and the thought of Cheryl inferring causes Brendan to cringe; he looks at his sister and he notices her open her mouth to reply but just at that second, there is a frantic knock on the door.

"I'll get it..." Cheryl sighs and she's up and walking out the door before Brendan can even reply; he sighs and slumps back on the bed, thinking of what has just happened. Cheryl didn't really seem surprised when he confirmed her suspicions – it's like she expected it – and thinking about it now, he's worried. If Cheryl - the girl who Brendan has concealed years of abuse from – can see his attraction to Steven, can see that he is gay then anyone can; anyone including Seamus and that's what is making him anxious. His father can-

"Oh my god!…come in…" his sisters shocked voice wrenches him from his thoughts and he immediately gets from the bed to go downstairs; he feels panic rising in his chest and he knows why, Steven hasn't come back yet and Cheryl's tone sounded horrified – like she couldn't quite believe her eyes – and of course Brendan is going to think the worst. He flings the bedroom door open and goes to make his way down the stairs, but Cheryl's voice stops him. "Don't come down Brendan!" she shouts and there is an urgency in her tone – a warning that he will not like what he sees – and it freezes him to the spot, images dancing across his eyes and every one of them is of Steven; of his face bloodied and bruised and he can't move – not when he's seeing those things. "Go back to your bedroom…"

"Why?!" he snaps because Cheryl's not ordering him around here, he may not be able to move but if it is Steven who was at the door – and he doesn't doubt it – then at least he is closer to the other boy. Going to his bedroom would only put around an extra four feet between them, but that is too much; he wants to be as close as he can, so he stays put- ignoring his sister's command. Cheryl doesn't reply and instead all Brendan can hear is muffled voices, speaking quietly and in soft tones and the only thing he can do is sit on the step and wait.

He knows it's Steven, he's not bloody stupid and this is killing him, waiting at the fucking top of the stairs; not even knowing what's going on and he wants to be closer – wants to _see – _so he stands up, somehow finding strength in him to walk and he goes down the stairs. Taking each one slower than the last and when he walks around the corner – making his way to the kitchen – he stalls his movements, hearing his sister and Steven talking.

"Ow…" he hears Steven say and he winces, knowing the other boy is in pain, hurts _him _so much and he fights against the urge to storm straight into the kitchen; instead leaning against the wall and listening.

"Who did this to you Ste?" Cheryl questions and Brendan can feel his fists clenching; knowing damn fucking well who hurt _his _Steven and he cannot take it. He moves to walk out the front door, into the thunderstorm and the fucking rain because he's going straight to Steven's flat, or the pub or whenever the fuck Terry is lurking because he's going to find him and then he's going to kill him. There's a stride in his step and he reaches the front door in no time, getting his hand on the door handle and preparing himself for what is to come, but just as he opens the door, he hears his voice.

"Where are you going?" Brendan takes a deep breath and turns around; making a strangled, pained noise when he sees the state, the boy he loves is in. He's worse than Brendan has ever seen him; cuts and cuts and cuts just covering his face, gash on his lip reopened, bruises forming around his eyes, Steven holding his ribs and…purple hand marks around his throat. Brendan feels a tear slip down his cheek at the sight of him and he wipes it away; any sadness – pain – isn't turning to anger and he looks into Steven's eyes as he replies.

"I'm going to fucking kill him." and that's all he says before walking out the door, rain pelting his skin, lightning flashing through the sky and illuminating his path, but he can hardly see it; instead his vision is red, the only thoughts in his mind are of Terry and how he's going to destroy him. He can see the man hitting Steven, can see the other boy cowering away from his stepdad and it's enough to make Brendan walk faster, almost sprinting to Steven's flat but he hears him _again_.

"Don't do this Brendan! Please…" he stops and turns around to look at Steven, completely underestimating how close the other boy is, because within a second Steven is in his arms. "Brendan, don't…" Steven pleads and he may be looking at him, may be holding him and touching him but Brendan cannot look at the other boy; is scared of how he will react if he sees how hurt the other boy is, at such close proximity. Isn't sure if he will cry or if the sight of Steven's cuts will throw him into a rage and he'll end up stabbing Terry to death.

"He did this to you, Steven. I promised myself…I said I wouldn't let him hurt you and he has, I'm not going to let him do this, okay? Just…let me go…" he says and Steven's hold on him doesn't relent, if anything it gets tighter and the rain is almost burning his skin as it hits onto him.

"Stop it! Just stop Brendan, you don't need to protect me oka-"

"Obviously I do Steven because he's does _this _again! Look at you!" Brendan interrupts and he pushes Steven away from him, being careful not to hurt him but he needs to go; he _needs _to sort Terry out. Once and for all but Steven won't let him, instead he walks after him and grabs his wrist – spinning him around and the wet floor doesn't help Brendan's situation, it makes it easier for Steven to twist him.

"Please…I can't let you get hurt! Brendan…just…" Steven begs and when he looks at Brendan like that…he can't feel any anger anymore; it just vanishes and the other boy wraps his arms around him, breathing and whispering softly – lips inches away from lips. "You don't have to do this okay? I'm here now, with you and you don't need to worry…"

"But I do worry Steven…" Brendan mumbles back, looking into Steven's eyes and it's like everything else disappears, the cuts and rain and lightning and thunder gone because that blue…the blue of Steven's eyes just sucks him in, and makes everything okay; just for a few seconds.

"Why?"

"I just do okay…" he replies and he doesn't let Steven speak again, pressing his lips onto the others boys – delicately because he knows it will hurt and that's all it takes for Steven to change his mind; for him to stop Brendan going to murder Terry.

-X-

"I'm sorry."

"For what, Brendan?" Steven moves in the bed, wincing because of his ribs and it makes Brendan cringe – knowing the pain the other boy is in – and he can't help but feel guilty. He should have stayed with Steven when he went to get his stuff, he should have been there because maybe Terry wouldn't have done anything then; maybe he would have stayed away and even if he didn't Brendan could have stopped him.

"I'm sorry for not being there…" he tightens his arm around Steven, and moves to lie on his side; making into so he and the other boy are lying face-to-face. "I'm sorry for not protecting you, I'm sorry for letting you go, I'm sorry he does this, I'm-"

"Brendan…" Steven sighs, moving his hand up to cup Brendan's cheek. "Stop being silly, right? None of this is your fault! Don't. Apologise. For. Him" he emphasises the last words with a kiss, pressing his lips against Brendan's between each word and the last one deepens, until they are stealing the air out of each-others lungs.

"Okay…but…I'm not gonna let this happen again, Steven. Next time I swear I'm going to him and you won't stop me, not again…and tomorrow I want you to tell me _exactly _what happened" Brendan says after they break apart and Steven shuffles closer, resting his head against Brendan's chest and whispering a _'I know and okay' _into his skin. He smiles and lays his lips down onto the top of Steven's head just as the other boy talks again.

"I really like you Brendan…" Steven states and there is so much conviction in his tone, that it takes Brendan's breath away. His heart is swelling and his stomach is flipping and he just cannot speak, so instead he presses closer to the boy and tilts Stevens head until he is able to kiss him again.

"Goodnight Steven…"

"Night Bren…" the nickname is automatic and Brendan is feeling so many emotions right now, he feels faint with it; the only thing he can do is nod and close his eyes.

It doesn't take long for Steven to get to sleep and Brendan smiles _again_; like he cannot stop and he _can't_, it's just the effect this boy has on him and he closes his eyes again; feeling sleep crawling up to him but just then there's a knock on the door and he opens his eyes – straining to hear who it is. He's stroking through Steven's hair when he hears Cheryl open the door and his hand instantly stills, the smile dropping from his face because what Cheryl's just said…it's one of the worst things he could hear her say – other than _mum _or _dad _– and he feels the blood drain from him. That one word ringing through his ears.

_Nana. _


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello again, I have to admit, I did struggle a lot on this chapter and had a severe case of writers block but I hope you enjoy it…anyhow, thank-you again for the reviews/follows. They mean a lot :) *hugs* chow!xx**

_Nana._

He completely freezes now; even his heart feels like it is stopping because why is she here? Why is she here _now_, when everything is perfect and he has everything he wants because his nan – she's just as bad as his mum. He knows it's not Flo – never could be – because she died ages ago, when he was still a baby, so he knows who it is, he knows it's Lynsey's mum; he knows it's Roisin.

He hates her – almost as much as his mum – because she was there, she could have saved him; she _knew _but she did nothing. She could have tried harder, made people see because if she was by his side there was a higher chance of people believing him; of his mother believing him if he told her. She was an adult – still is – and she could have been his saviour, protector but instead she left. Let his dad do what he wanted because Brendan hasn't seen her since his mother was taken away all those years ago.

He listens as that woman is invited into his home; Cheryl ecstatic and asking his nan how she is – what she's been up to and why has it been so long since she visited – and when Brendan hears her voice, his brain propels backwards. Making him relive that night he thought he was going to be saved.

_*"Dad, please…" Brendan cries, even though he knows his cries and pleads are never listened to. He's put up with this for nine years now, his dad beating and raping him whenever he wants. Taking pleasure in seeing him scream and cry when his father pushes inside his body; pushes past the resistance and uses Brendan's weak form to fulfil his most twisted desires. Takes pleasure in leaving Brendan a mess; blood leaking from his body and tears streaming down his face. Even takes it a step further sometimes; watches Brendan as he scrubs himself clean, trying to rub all of his father from his body – his soul - . Trying to wash away the damage and sin that is coursing through his veins; trying to scrub any connection of his dad out of his body – to change his blood-line because he still has his dad's DNA, his dad is and always will be inside him. _

_His father rolls on the condom and that's the only thing his father has ever done right – if you can even say that – , his dad has never put him at risk of diseases. In a sick way Brendan is grateful for that, at least Seamus isn't putting his health at risk. Still, Brendan doubts his father has got anything – especially as he still sleeps with his mother – so he figures it's more his fathers 'health' that Seamus is protecting. Doesn't want to catch the 'faggot curse' as Seamus called it. "Be quiet, boy." Seamus spits and Brendan clamps his mouth shut, doesn't want to piss his dad off even though he could get help if he shouted out, only once. His mother and nana are downstairs, nattering about some TV show, completely oblivious to what is happening upstairs in Seamus' study and all Brendan has to do is call one of them; shout them and they will come upstairs but he doesn't because he knows that will annoy Seamus even more. Knows next time will be more violent – more painful – if Seamus misses out now._

_He stays there, lets Seamus bend him over the desk because there's nothing else he can do and soon enough his father is pulling his trousers down; stripping the only protection he has away from him and Brendan feels the tears slipping down his cheeks as his father pushes inside. He's biting down on his fist to muffle his sobbing – can't let anyone hear because his dad will murder him – and the eight times table is just repeating in his head. Eight, sixteen, twenty-four…eight, sixteen, twenty-four and he keeps going until the only thing he can concentrate on is getting those numbers right; until the pain he is feeling turns into a persistent ache, until his dad has finished the job and only then does he stop counting._

"_There Brenda, see, that wasn't so bad was it?" Seamus drawls, zipping himself up and smiling, because he's gotten what he wanted. He's gotten his sick thrill, but when he talks again it's with a much more sinister tone. "At least smile then, that was my best work." He snarls and Brendan stands up, feeling the pain shooting through his body as he pulls his clothes back up – putting them back into place – and when he turns around, there is a smile plastered onto his face. "And what do you say?" his father adds and Brendan wants to be sick, fresh tears pricking his eyes but he keeps that smile. Always has to keep that smile._

"_Thank-you…" He replies and Seamus nods at him, smiling again and when he takes Brendan's shoulder – pushing him out of the door – he mutters "next time you will have to be more enthusiastic. Who knows what I could do?" and with that Brendan is shut out, vomit creeping up his throat and a single tear escaping his eye. He wipes away the tear and limps down the stairs, taking care to mask his pain as he walks into the living room but just then he hears his nana's voice and it makes him stop – dead still – because he hears an urgency in her tone._

"_Please Lynsey…I'm worried, I can see the way Brendan hides from Seamus and-"_

"_No, mum. Seamus would never do that, not in a million years. He's given Brendan a smack before but it's nothing you didn't do to me. He would never…" His mum interrupts and Brendan wills her to listen, can tell his nana is beginning to piece things together and if his mum just listens then he can be saved. _

"_Just listen to me! There's something not right here, Lynsey. I can see it, why can't you? Please just ask him. He needs help Lynsey!" his nana argues and she knows. He knows she does and he feels his heart skipping multiple beats until it leaps into his throat; he's finally going to be saved, taken away from this torture and it's what he has been wishing for since this abuse started. _

"_No mum and that's the end of it. I want you to leave please." Brendan's heart sinks and he feels more pain ripping through his body as his nana walks past him; tears in her own eyes and suddenly she's gripping him and pulling him into a hug – telling him she will get him help – and then she's gone. _

_His nana never did get him that help she promised and little did he know that only a week later, he would lose his mum as well. That she would leave his life forever.*_

He snaps out of it when he hears Cheryl laugh and he feels resentment; not towards his sister but towards the other woman because she promised him. Told him she would get him help and she didn't, she just left him to rot and he clenches his fists, feeling rage course through his body. Why does no-one ever fucking help him? Why do they just leave him to suffer and be abused in such a disgusting way? Why don't they possess normal human compassion and ask him what is happening to him? It's sick.

And then just like that he remembers where he is, in his bed with Steven holding him close and when he looks down at Steven, he realises the other boy is awake. "How long have you been awake for?" he asks, slightly spooked because Steven is looking at him so intently, as though he is studying him. Trying to suss him out and no-one has ever looked at him like this before.

"What's the matter?" Steven questions, sitting up in the bed and pressing a light kiss to Brendan's lips. "It's too early to be awake…" Steven strokes his thumb on Brendan's cheek and he gives the other boy a reassuring smile.

"Nothings the matter, I just couldn't sleep." He responds and Steven can see straight through him, giving him _that _look and Brendan sighs – knowing he cannot lie to this boy. This boy that Brendan swears knows him better than he knows himself – before telling the truth. "My nana is here, okay?"

"Yeah?..."

"And I haven't seen her in years, it's just a lot to take in, you know?" Brendan breathes, can't really believe he's telling Steven this, but really what else did he suspect? Of course he would tell the other boy what's bothering him and Steven smiles before pushing Brendan into a seated position and sitting behind him. "What are you doing?"

"Giving you a massage, ain't I? Get rid of that tension." Steven says, tone breezy as fuck and that's exactly what Brendan needs right now; it takes his mind off everything and when Steven begins to massage his shoulders, he smiles and sighs in peace. "Fuck Brendan, these knots!" Steven gasps and all Brendan can do is hum, feeling happy as the tension is rubbed out of his body. "Fucking hell…"

"What?" He asks because Steven's voice sounded a little disbelieving and when Brendan turns his head to look at him, Steven's eyes are widened in shock. However, he's biting down on his lip, trying to supress the smile that is fighting its way to his mouth. "What is it?"

"Have you seen them?" Steven questions, speaking in fucking riddles and Brendan stands up – walking slowly because Cheryl and his _nana _are still talking downstairs – and after he has flicked on his bedroom light, he walks over to his mirror. What he sees makes him gasp and he's shocked for about ten seconds but then he smiles, feeling slightly…well he doesn't really know what this emotion is. He has deep, purple love-bites on his neck – large ones that are at least three finger-tips in length and he doesn't know how he's supposed to hide them but in a way, he doesn't want to. In a kind of twisted way, they are like a mark of ownership. Like Steven _owns _him and it's fitting because Steven does. Owns his heart, occupies his head and that's what is making him smile, even though the marks are suddenly feeling a bit tender.

"Well…I wasn't expecting that." He mumbles, turning around and he begins to walk back over to Steven – not turning off the light because he isn't tired and he's guessing Steven isn't either – but he flinches, stopping his movements momentarily before Steven beckons him back over. He had forgotten how serious Steven's injuries were and he can see the bruising on the other boy's ribs, - fresh purple marks over his scars, over old bruises – and they are _so _bad; must be so fucking painful but Steven is still smiling at him like nothing is amiss right now, like the effects of a serious beating aren't etched all over his skin and Brendan swallows, beginning to question whether Steven really _is _feeling this right now. He settles in-between Steven's legs – back against chest – and Steven resumes his previous actions, only this time Brendan doesn't feel like relaxing anymore. He wonders if Steven has been beaten so much now, been used as a human punch-bag so many times that he doesn't feel his bruises – doesn't care about them – because how can he still wear that smile? How can he still be so strong when Brendan is often the opposite? When Brendan often feels like breaking down, Steven is holding himself up and he doesn't understand how a boy can be _so _fucking tough.

"So, what did you do in that time I wasn't here then? Which – by the way – killed me, I missed you, you know?" Steven says, leaning forward slightly, pressing a soft kiss to Brendan's temple and he doesn't even know what to say to that; a raw lump of emotion growing in his throat at Steven's words. He missed him. He _missed _him, he admitted it – it's been said. It's _there _– and that just makes Brendan want to sing from the roof. Whatever this is between them is clearly something powerful to have both of them missing each-other after mere hours. To have them both in so deep – Brendan for sure – and it _scares _him because this – whatever _this _is – is so much bigger than the both of them and they have no control over it what-so-ever.

He clears his throat, asking himself what he did in those hours and then he remembers, he had told Cheryl the truth. "I…urm. I told Cheryl…" he mumbles and Steven squeezes on his shoulders for a second before carrying on and talking.

"Told her what?"

"I told her that I'm…urm…" he coughs awkwardly, willing himself to man up and say that word again. It's only a fucking word and he's admitted it before so he can admit it again. "I told her that I'm gay." He confirms, now with more confidence in his tone that he didn't even know he possessed and Steven completely stops his movements for a second, probably out of disbelief and when he talks, Brendan can sense his smile.

"Oh yeah, what did she say?"

"Nothing really, just that she's glad I told her and everything." He replies and Steven hums before massaging Brendan again, moving up to that join between his shoulder and neck and it feels so good he begins to wonder where Steven got this skill from; although Brendan already knew he was good with his hands. "Where did you-" he sighs before he can finish his question, smiling as Steven begins to rub that _big _knot away, the one he can literally feel growing as the day goes on. "How can you do this?"

"I don't know…never done it before, me. This is my first time…" Steven chuckles and Brendan smiles with him – always fucking smiling when he's around the other boy – and he wonders what this even is. What it is called when the person you are sharing a bed with wakes up and begins massaging you as though it is their job – as though they _enjoy _doing it – and he really ought to ask but he doesn't. Not yet.

"Do you know what the time is?" he asks instead and Steven keeps one hand on him while the other reaches for his phone that is located on Brendan's bedside table.

"Half one." Steven says and Brendan simply nods his head, enjoying what Steven is doing to him far too much, to be able to reply with words. They have to be up in like six hours and Brendan's had no sleep – knows he's going to be grouchy in the morning but he doesn't care. He would take talking to Steven over having no sleep any day and that is exactly what he intends to do, talk to Steven until the sun comes up – until they have to leave for school – and even then he will carry on talking to him. He could never get enough of the other boy – could never have his fill or grow tired of his voice – and he's not sure why it is Steven that has had this effect on him but as soon as that boy walked into Brendan's class, there was _something_. It was an instant attraction and Brendan _will _say it was an automatic, uncontrollable love because it was and if Steven asked him right now if he loved him then he would admit it. Would say yeah, he does love him because there's no way he would lie to him and Brendan reckons even if he did – even if he said he didn't love him – then Steven would see the dishonesty lying in his eyes. "Do you know what the first lesson is?"

"English." Brendan sighs and he hears Steven moan behind him, something that was meant to sound either like boredom or frustration but to Brendan's ears, it sounded like pure filth. Something that simple should not have an effect on him and he finds it silently creepy how he cannot control himself because now he is turning around – pushing Steven backwards and straddling him – as he plants his lips onto the other boys, going in with his tongue within a second. Steven makes a shocked noise before melting against Brendan and taking it – giving as good as he's got – and Brendan groans against his mouth, feeling arousing crawling at him.

"Stop…" Steven sighs and he rips his mouth away from Brendan's, leaning his head back and looking up into Brendan's eyes with an agonisingly amount of arousal. Brendan's brows furrow in confusion because he can feel Steven rapidly hardening underneath him, can fill his own dick becoming erect and fuck sake he feels like he _needs _this. Steven realises his confusion and raises a hand to Brendan's cheek –stroking his thumb across his bottom lip. "I can't be quiet…" he mumbles and it adds to Brendan's confusion because they did something when other people were in the house before. Steven sighs. "It's bad enough with Cheryl being here but your nan too…that's just wrong…" he says and Brendan chuckles because yes, that is kinda wrong.

"But I don't care…" he moans and he thrusts his hips just once – making Steven's back arch – and then he's climbing off of him, tugging on the other boy until he's lying across him. They lay like that for a minute – smiling at each-other with pure…adoration in their eyes – and when Steven's fingers brush against Brendan's cross he looks into his eyes.

"When did you get this?" Steven asks and Brendan looks down at him, brushing the hair away from his eyes and smiling. Still in wonder that the other boy is even here, in his arms and he's almost forgot about his nan because Steven makes everything better. Takes away all of this pain and even if Steven's face is covered in cuts – even if he's going through the deepest, darkest shit right now – he always reassures Brendan and makes sure he's okay.

"I got it today, Cheryl gave it to me. It is – was my mums…" he says and Steven stops stroking his chest for a minute before continuing, like he was taking in what Brendan said. He kinda forgot about the cross but now that Steven has reminded him about it, he can feel his mood darken slightly. He doesn't really know why he put the cross on – not when it reminds him of things, not when the pain that involves his mum is so connected to it – but he did and he feels stupid for it because it makes him feel like shit.

Steven smiles, comforting and soft. "Okay…" he leans up presses a kiss to Brendan's lips before giggling slightly to himself "This is gonna be well fun, init. You know, me and you like this is gonna be proper nice." He croons and yes, this is going to be really nice because at least he and Steven can have some time alone, at least they can grow even closer without the risk of them getting caught. Without Seamus or Terry breathing down their necks and they don't even need to sneak around anymore, not now that Cheryl knows the truth and he doesn't care if his nana knows; she _hates _Seamus – made it clear all those years ago – so he doubts she would snitch on him and tell his dad about this thing he and Steven have going on. The only problem is school, he doesn't mind his friends knowing because they were fine when Macca came out as gay so they wouldn't turn on him, but it's the other people. The people who _are _homophobic and the people who somehow have ties to his father – the people who _would _let Seamus know about what Brendan does in his spare time and who he does it with and they are the people to worry about. They are the people who could really get him in the shit. He's not sure how to say that to Steven though – doesn't know if the other boy wants them to come clean about whatever they are doing – and he doesn't want Steven to think he is ashamed of him so what can he say?

Even if he wasn't worried about those people he wouldn't give them all the information - wouldn't hide himself but wouldn't brag about it either – because it's none of their business, it's between him and Steven. He's always hated those people that make their relationships completely public; the types that kiss and hug and practically fuck in public because it's meant to be intimate. It's meant to be a bond only yourself and your partner share – that only you two can witness – and there's no point in being in a relationship with someone if you're just going to push it into other's faces; if you are just going to rub everyone's noses into it.

"Yeah, it is gonna be nice. Especially as I can do this–" he pulls Steven up and kisses him, it only involves lips but it lingers, a prelude to what is to come. "And this–" he kisses again, this time swiping his tongue across Steven's bottom lip and pushing in slightly. The other boy moans quietly, smiling against Brendan's mouth again. He pulls away. "Whenever and wherever I want." He mumbles and Steven looks so fucking turned on, neither of their erections have gone down from earlier and the other boy makes a low groan of urgency before clashing his lips back onto Brendan's. Absolutely taking him by surprise and he moans into Steven's mouth, feeling the slide of his tongue rubbing inside Brendan's mouth and it's like Steven wants to either crawl inside him or devour him completely. He doesn't know why but Steven seems to dominate him – takes control of every kiss – and Brendan lets him, he doesn't mind because it feels good. Feels nice to hand himself over to Steven like this – _want _to hand himself over – and he's _so _turned on. So much more than he was yesterday. "Steven–Steven stop…"

"Why?" Steven sighs, sucking Brendan's neck and Brendan doesn't really want it to end; he wants to come. _Needs _to come and Steven doing that to him right now is not helping – it's making him desperate, that need for release burning deep inside him and he knows they shouldn't be doing this because there's people in the house and he can't shut up when Steven touches him – but right now he doesn't fucking care. Not when Steven is crawling down his body, lifting his t-shirt over his head and places his lips on Brendan's chest – on top of his cross – . "Do you like it when I do this to you? Make you really hard?" Steven asks and _fuck_ – where the hell did that come from and his head is so fucking unclear and he can't think a coherent thought but somehow he manages to answer.

"Y–Yeah…" Brendan whimpers and Steven moves lower – hooking his fingers into the waistband of his boxers – and in one quick movement Steven has pulled them off; ripped them from his body and thrown the offending item into the corner of is room. His cock springs up and sticks to his stomach, the whole length of it there for Steven to view and the other boy gasps because this is the first time he has seen it – the first time he has seen its size – and Brendan knows it's not small and he knows exactly where – who – he got his 'gift' from.

"Fuck…" Steven breathes and he just sits there and stares, makes Brendan lift up on his elbows because he wants to see Steven's reaction and he looks shocked; like maybe he's never done this before and that's a stupid thought because of _course _Steven has never done this before. Brendan doesn't know where the other boy gets his confidence from because right then he leans forward slightly – gets his knees underneath him – and traces a fingertip over the wet head of Brendan's dick, makes him suck in a breath and grit his teeth at the spike of pleasure that shoots down his spine. "Hmm…" Steven says and he lifts the finger to his lips – the pre-come covered finger because Brendan can see the tip of it glistening – and he's putting that finger into his mouth, ridding it of Brendan's juice and fucking hell it's the hottest thing he has ever fucking seen. "Here." Steven takes the finger from his mouth and pushes it towards Brendan; wants him to taste himself on his finger.

"That's gross, Steven." He tries to say but Steven's having none of it, already placing his finger onto Brendan's lips as he talks and the other boy's eyes are blown to hell and Brendan wants to add to that, so he does the only thing he can think of right now. He opens his mouth wider and wraps his mouth around Steven's digit and it's only as he's sucking – as Steven's eyes grown darker – does he realise he is completely naked. No barriers covering him and this is the first time ever so surely it should be a _big _thing but it isn't; it's completely normal to him. He releases Steven's finger with a _pop _and he sits further up, until he's on his knees too – dick pointing to the ceiling – and he pushes Steven back until he's lying down too, until Brendan can settle in-between his legs.

"Yeah," He breathes. "I like it when you do that but do you like it when I do this?" he says and he does what Steven did to him – rips his underwear away – until they are both in front of each-other naked and then he leans down, didn't even know he was going to do this and he's completely unprepared but he does it anyway. Bends Steven's legs until his knees are up and then he goes in, licks up the underside of Steven's dick – long and languid – and that's all he does because he wants to get Steven there. Wants to get him there until he's begging and Brendan is just going on instinct – shouldn't even know what to do here – but he does and that's all that matters. He crawls up Steven's body until he reaches his lips and presses his mouth onto the other boys – kissing so hard it's like he wants to bruise Steven – and his dick is fucking throbbing, so stiff it's painful and that's when Steven flips them over until he's on top of Brendan.

"Course I like that but trust me, I can make you _love _something I can do." Steven assures and Brendan doesn't know what Steven could do to make this moment any better, but then he goes back down Brendan's body and the next thing he knows a tongue is flicking over the head of his dick. He gasps, eyes squeezing shut at the pleasure and he hears Steven chuckle before he is engulfed in the wet heat of Steven's mouth. It's too much, too fucking much and he rolls his hips up in Steven's mouth – cannot control himself – and it feels so…he can't even explain how it feels.

"Fuck…Steven." He moans because Steven is sucking _hard _almost taking the whole of his dick into his mouth and what he can't fit in has a hand wrapped around it; Steven stroking up and down at the same time as he sucks. Brendan places a hand over his mouth, groans into it because at least now there is less chance of someone hearing but Steven isn't having it – wants to hear – so he releases Brendan from his mouth and goes back up his body. Kisses him – sucking the moans into his mouth – as he begins to toss Brendan off the fucking fastest he ever has. His toes and body are curling, the pleasure so fucking intense and he knows it's going to stop soon – can feel his orgasm nipping at his ankles – and Steven rubs him thumb over the head of Brendan's dick – quick and hard – and just like that Brendan is coming. "Fuck, fuck, fuck…" he moans as the come shoots out of him in thick spurts, as he explodes all over his and Steven's stomachs and he's panting into the other boy's mouth. He's still feeling high as fuck as Steven kisses him, taking all the breathe from his lungs and fuck he doesn't have any breath left to share; not when Steven has stolen it all already. "God." He breathes. "What was that?"

"I don't know…" Steven giggles and Brendan smiles at him, looking down at Steven's own crotch because fucking hell he's still hard and Brendan completely forgot about it.

"Anyway, think it's time to repay the favour. Don't you?" He says and he grips Steven's dick hard, moving it up and down at a rapid speed – working his thumb over the slit, spreading the pre-come down Steven's shaft – and it only takes a few minutes for Steven to come, crying out so loud Brendan has to place his hand over his mouth. When it's all over, when they are cleaned up and fucked out they lay down; the light switched off and Brendan looks down at this boy he has in his arms. No longer feeling lust or desire but love and adoration. "Goodnight, Steven." He says and Steven simply kisses the bruise on Brendan's neck before falling asleep against his chest.

-X-

"Morning." Steven whispers as he looks up into Brendan's eyes. They are still pressed close together and Brendan can still see the bruises – remembers how they never discussed them last night because they were 'too busy' – and it hurts him because now he's going to have to listen to Steven telling him what happened. How Terry beat him and he doesn't know why the man was so vicious to Steven because this was a serious beating – the bruises being the worse Brendan has ever seen – and he thinks it may even be worse than any beating he has received.

"Morning…" he mumbles and he sits up – pulling Steven with him – and he tucks the other boy's flattened fringe behind his ear before stroking his thumb across Steven's cheek. "Steven…urm. W-Why did Terry do that to you?" he asks and Steven looks momentarily terrified, like he really doesn't want to tell Brendan and he can't look him in the eyes, so Brendan is forced to hook his finger underneath Steven's cheek and make him look at him. "Steven?"

"I…" Steven sighs, tears beginning to form in his eyes and a single drop of water falls down his cheek so Brendan wipes it away, trying to give the other boy a comforting smile and Steven takes a breath before continuing. "H – He said something about you and I just – I _flipped_, like I couldn't control myself and I…hit him." he says and Brendan feels guilty, whatever Terry said was obviously bad but it was about him so this is his fault. It's his fault Steven was hit and he can't look him in the eyes anymore – cannot look at his cuts – knowing Steven had hit Terry because of him because he's in pain and that's Brendan's _fault_.

"I'm…it's my fault." He mumbles and Steven looks at him incredulously, like he cannot believe Brendan is even suggesting he is to blame but he _is_. He may have well hit Steven himself because if he wasn't involved then Steven wouldn't have hit his step-dad meaning he wouldn't have been beaten so badly. "What did he say? Terry. What did he say about me?"

"He asked me where I was and I said with you and then he just…just started saying stuff. About how we are _obviously _fucking and that it's disgusting and we're disgusting and then he…called you some things and I couldn't listen to it." Steven says and Brendan squeezes his eyes shut, holding back the tears because he knows what Terry must have called him. Probably called him the same things Seamus calls him but the tears are not forming just because of that. Knowing Steven would do that – would take a beating because he must have known Terry would hit him back – makes so many emotions race through his body. Some are sad because he wants to protect Steven, doesn't want him to bring harm upon himself but some of these feelings are…happy. If Steven would do that for him then he really _does _like him back, maybe even as much as Brendan likes – loves – him and that just makes his heart jolt.

"I'm sorry Steven…so sorry." He says and he pulls Steven closer to him, making sure not to hurt him and it's at that moment Cheryl decides to burst through the door.

"Bren…" she trails off, noticing how both of them are clearly naked and she looks disapproving but her cheeks flush with colour. "Sorry…" she mumbles and then she's closing the door, walking down the stairs quicker than Brendan's ever heard her move.

"Fuck sakes…" he sighs but he cannot keep the smile off his face, it's kinda funny – being caught like that – and Steven seems to agree; sniggering into his shoulder. However, if that had been his father then there would be nothing funny about this situation. He knows he's gonna have to tell his dad one day – isn't sure when – because whenever it is, he is going to get a _horrendous _beating. His father we do serious damage – maybe even kill him – when he finds out his son really is a little 'queer'. His father calls him those names and he means them but they are not _serious_, they are just names he calls Brendan to hurt him so when he finds out there is some truth in his taunts…well, Brendan is scared for that day.

"Come on" Steven mumbles against his lips and the other boy stands up – completely unashamed – and begins looking through his bag to find his school clothes. Brendan lies in bed as Steven gets dressed, watching as more and more skin is covered up and he's smiling; liking how Steven looks in his uniform even more now that he knows what the body underneath looks like.

When he stands up and throws on his own clothes – moving much faster than Steven did – he walks over to the boy, rubbing his fingers up and down Steven's silky school tie. "I really like this uniform on you, you know?" he whispers and he can see Steven's pupils dilate so he moves his other hand to his hip; lets Steven know exactly what he wants here because fuck sake he wants it _again_. Doesn't even care if they will be late for school because Steven makes him like this. Like he could have him every day for the rest of his life and it still wouldn't be enough; makes him need more and more every single time he looks at him. Steven wets his lips and it makes Brendan's breath hitch, his cock already twitching and he moves his hand up to cup Steven's cheek; rubbing his thumb across the newly wetted bottom lip.

"Brendan…" Steven mumbles and Brendan brushes him off, leaning in for a kiss and Steven doesn't say anything; instead reaching up and beginning to unbutton Brendan's only-just -put-on-shirt. "We can't…" Steven sighs but he's already taking Brendan's shirt off and reaching for the buttons of his own. Brendan pushes his hands away and takes Steven's shirt into his own hands – moving much faster than Steven did – and soon enough both of their shirts are lying pooled around their ankles.

"So you don't want to then? Okay…" Brendan says and he moves away from Steven with a smirk. A smirk that is soon wiped straight off his face because Steven grabs him and shoves him back against the wall, chuckling before he pushes his lips back onto Brendan's and he releases a whimper before melting against the kiss. He's lets Steven push against him for a minute – their groins hardening rapidly as they rub together - until he flips them around, lifts on Steven's thigh until he is able to hook his leg around Brendan's hip and they start rocking together, setting a rhythm. He really doesn't know why he can't control himself around this boy; all he knows is that his hunger for Steven is insatiable. He rubs his cock against Steven's, material separating them but it seems to add to the feeling; creating more and more friction and Steven's head is tipped back so he goes in and sucks on his neck. He suddenly has an urge to give Steven a mark – matching his own – because…well, he's not ashamed of the other boy and he wants people to know Steven has someone out there that he's…intimate with. Even if they don't know that person is Brendan, having a mark on him will deter other people because Brendan knows he's going to have other admirers. Is too fucking beautiful not to.

"Brendan–Brendan." Steven gasps and he presses his groin in even harder, grabbing hold of Steven's hips to pull them closer; to make their cocks rub together at a perfect intensity and Brendan can _feel _Steven's pre-come seeping through his trouser and he groans with it. Moving even faster and he's so close – gonna come right in his pants any second now – and his body's beginning to tremble in anticipation for this orgasm he is about to have but then he hears a knock on the door. His sister's voice coming through it and he stills his movements, releasing a long moan because if he had pushed against Steven one more time then it would have been over. He would be a hot, sticky, wet mess right now but no, Cheryl had to interrupt and ruin it and now he's on the fucking edge but unable to tip over. He looks at Steven and he too, is looking highly frustrated; ripples of pleasure shooting through his body and he's in the same state Brendan is and he feels sorry for them both.

Cheryl pounds on the door. "Brendan, you are going to be late!"

"Just coming Chez!" he shouts out to her and he tries to regulate his breathing, still pressed up against Steven and still hard as fuck but he knows they have to go and fucking hell he doesn't know how he's meant to go all day without touching the other boy. "Come on…" he breathes and Steven's eyes are hooded but he nods and lowers his leg, still fucking twitching with the orgasm that was held off.

They quickly brush their teeth and walk down the stairs – school bags in hand – and Brendan soon realises the house is empty except for he and Steven. He looks at the other boy and he seems slightly confused but Brendan simply nods to the door and opens it for him; feeling happy because at least he hasn't seen his nan…yet.

-X-

"I'll see you later, yeah?" Steven smiles at him and they're just about to go into the last lesson before lunch, but he has maths and Steven has food technology and he really doesn't want to be apart from the other boy. He knows it's ludicrous but the last time he was apart from Steven, Terry got him and he knows there is no chance of that here but he's still worried. He doesn't want Steven to be away from him – even just for a second – and he knows that is not healthy but he doesn't give a shit; would happily be unhealthy if it meant Steven would stay with him.

"Yeah…" he mumbles and Steven smiles at him before the sounds of Coleen and Alyson's fucking infuriating voices become too much and the other boy leaves; leaving Brendan to watch on as he disappears around the corner. He feels – feels kinda empty when he is not in Steven's presence and it's like the other boy _is _him because Brendan changes into this completely different person when he's not with him. With Pete, Malachy and Aidan he is a totally different boy. Keeping his abuse and the _real _him under wraps and because Steven is the only person who knows him, he can open himself up; talk about his feelings and everything is so fucking natural when it comes to the other boy. It's like they were always meant to meet – like Brendan was always meant to fall for Steven – and its fate, his feelings inevitable because he could never hold back when it came to that boy. It's almost like they were made for each-other, like the god's created them just so they could be like this. Brendan and Steven. Ste and Brendan. Bren and Steven. Whatever way you put it, it just _sounds _right and Brendan's in no doubt. Steven _was _made to become his heartbeat, his everything, his life.

"Brendan? You there mate?" Pete laughs and Brendan hadn't even heard him sneak up on him; was too preoccupied with his thoughts of Steven to take any notice of his surroundings.

"Yeah…yeah, you alright?" Brendan asks and just then Aidan and Malachy come bounding up to them and Brendan cannot be arsed for this people. He just wants Steven, his Steven.

"Yeah, I'm fine…hey, where have you been this weekend? Haven't heard from you all weekend…" Pete asks and Brendan's not sure whether he should say he's been with Steven the entire time or not. His friends still do not know that he and the other boy have made up from their argument and he's not sure how they will see it. They might question him – ask him why he's had such a sudden change of heart, after calling Steven a 'disgusting faggot' – and he's not sure how he could answer that. He's not sure of a lot at the moment.

"I've been at home, been really busy because Cheryl's staying with me." He replies and at least that's _part o_f the truth, at least he's not lying to them because lying and keeping some of the truth hidden are completely different things. He does want to tell his friends about Steven but he's decided he has to get his head clear before he does; has to figure out what he and Steven are doing here before he can tell anyone else because he's not even sure if anything is set in concrete. Yes, he and Steven both like each-other but what the fuck is this? What the fuck are they even doing and as he thinks about this he can feel frustration clawing up at him. He _hates _not being certain because he doesn't know how far he can push this thing that is going on and he _does_ what to push it. Wants to test the boundaries and tell Steven every, single thing he is keeping locked inside himself and when this whole situation becomes clear then he will. Will tell Steven _everything_.

"Ok, right. That's cool mate, how is Cheryl anyway?" Pete asks, walking into the classroom and Brendan follows; feeling slightly guilty because he hasn't even asked how Cheryl is right now. She could be going through shit and he wouldn't even know because once again, he has been too caught up in himself and that one boy that has taken over his life.

"Yeah…she's fine." He says and he hopes it's true because if Cheryl isn't okay…well it would hurt him because it's his sister and he's hardly been there for her recently and she's just moved out – braving the world by herself – and that must be pretty scary. Pete mutters a faint 'good' before sitting down at his desk and Brendan sits next to him, looking up at the whiteboard and quietly groaning. Algebra, fucking great.

-X-

"I missed you…" Steven mumbles and Brendan has to conceal his grin behind his mouth, in fear people will witness him smiling like a loon. When Brendan reached the lunch hall he had immediately searched for Steven – locating him in the far left-hand corner – and Aidan had been talking to him but he had walked away; just walked away from him in mid-sentence because in all honesty he wasn't important. Brendan's never liked him much anyway. Now they are sat down and Brendan can feel his friend's inquisitive gaze on him but he doesn't care, is too busy thinking about what he is going to Steven in a second.

"You did, did you?" he teases and he lowers his voice – lowers it enough until his accent is more pronounced like Steven said he liked one time – and he can see the shiver that runs up the other boy's body. He quickly looks around – checking no-one is looking at them – and his friends have looked away so he moves his hand to Steven's knee, enticing a yelp from the other boy and Brendan smirks before moving his hand further up. "How come you missed me then?" he says and Steven looks shocked before tensing his body as Brendan cups him through his trousers.

"Brendan not here, people can see…" Steven whispers and Brendan smiles, removing his hand and noticing how Steven sighs, maybe out of relief or annoyance because Brendan actually listened to him.

"Okay, so what do you –" he's cut off by Pete's voice, by him standing right next to Brendan with a face like thunder.

"Can I talk to you." He mutters and then walks away, expecting Brendan to follow him and he does. Smiling at Steven, that kind of smile that asks what he has done and Steven nods his head towards Pete before eating his sandwich. He walks towards Pete and his friend looks slightly angry – well slightly being an understatement – but Brendan just wants to get this over with, as soon as possible because he wants to get back to Steven.

"What is it Peter?" he asks and Pete snorts at him, obviously cannot believe Brendan really doesn't know what he's done and when he looks at Brendan there's a bitter expression on his face.

"Really Brendan? I haven't heard from you for days and then I see you sat with someone you're supposed to 'hate'. What's all that about?" Pete asks and Brendan can see the anger in his eyes and to be honest, Brendan doesn't blame him. He is meant to be Pete's friend and he hasn't even made any contact with him, when normally they talk every day _and _he's been his friend for years but Steven's overrode that. He shouldn't put Steven first after knowing him for only a week but he does and he has no control over it what-so-ever so he feigns confusion.

"I don't know what you mean, Peter." He responds, forcing his brows to furrow in what he hopes looks like confusion but he hasn't fooled Pete.

"Don't play dumb, Brendan. I thought you hated Ste but now I see you over there, acting all _buddy _with him and it's a bit sudden don't you think?" Pete snarls and Brendan's not having this, can't be fucking bothered for these pathetic little arguments when he could be spending his time with Steven; spending the precious time he has before his dad comes back in Steven's presence, and he'll be damned to let that go to waste.

"Whatever Peter, I can't be fucked for this. I never hated Steven, never will and right now, you are wasting my time." He turns and walks away, head held high but a pang of sadness in his gut. A sadness Steven manages to lessen, just with his beaming smile.

-X-

He and Steven are outside his front door now, knowing his nan and Cheryl are probably waiting for them to get back and Brendan feels slightly sick. The fact his nan has _got _to be behind that door making him uneasy because he doesn't know what to say to her, is scared he'll snap as soon as he sees her face because she didn't protect him, she didn't fight hard enough and years of suffering could have been prevented if she had spoken up. "You okay?" Steven asks and he knows Brendan is feeling slightly anxious about this because he told him; has already explained how seeing his nan now is going to be a big thing and he quickly nods, squeezes Stevens hand before pulling on the door handle.

When he walks in, it is anything but quiet. He can hear Cheryl's bubbling laughter and the sound of his nan chuckling with her, the faint noise of a shitty joke and Steven smiles at him before signalling to tell Brendan he is going upstairs, wanting to let this just be a 'family' thing. Brendan wishes he would stay though because Steven is like family now, might as well be anyway, considering how deeply he feels for the other boy.

He breathes deeply, breathes in because the air feels like his courage right now and he walks towards the voices – towards his nan – and just before he moves around the corner he sighs, feeling slightly terrified and then he's moving again, moving forward until he sees his nan and the sight of her makes him feel sick. She's stood there, all long grey hair and wrinkles, smile plastered onto her face and when she sees Brendan it's like her heart stops – he can see it – that slight horror that runs across her widen eyes and Brendan hopes that's guilt. That she does feel fucking guilty for leaving him here and never even coming back. The tension in the room is thick but only he and his nan can feel it, Cheryl is looking between them both, her face still covered in a splitting grin and Brendan wishes she wasn't here right now. What he wants to say is not for her ears.

"Brendan look, Nana's here!" She squeals and her over-excited expression would normally make him smile if the topic of discussion was not someone he despises, fucking hates right to his core. He at least attempts a smile, granted it comes out slightly watery but that's all he can manage, couldn't grin if his life depended on it.

"Yeah, I can see that Chez." He jokes but then his expression becomes serious, wanting to get this conversation with his nan out of the way because he has a boy upstairs waiting for him. "Cheryl, can I talk to nana alone for a second? We have a lot to catch up on." He says and Cheryl is so fucking naïve, seems to think this is a good thing and she bounds out of the room, a spring in her step and that smile just growing bigger and bigger. He and his nan just stare at each-other for a second and he can _feel _the hate burning out of his eyes and whenever Roisin looks at him, she visibly recoils, cannot even look him in the eyes for one fucking second.

"Brendan…" She starts but Brendan interrupts her, just wants to get straight to the point because he doesn't want to be in her company, longer than needs be.

"Why didn't you help?" He asks, tone deadpan and his nan looks taken aback by his abruptness, her expression slightly confused and Brendan thinks he's got it all wrong for a second; maybe she didn't actually know what Seamus was doing and all of a sudden everything is okay again but then Roisin starts shaking her head and he knows he's right. He's always been right.

"Brendan, I'm sorry…" She looks at him and there are tears in her eyes but Brendan feels no pity. He feels nothing towards this woman, this person that was supposed to love him – love him enough to save him but didn't – and as she walks towards him, he takes a step back, not wanting anything of hers near him ever again. "What did he do to you, Brendan?" she asks and Brendan looks at her incredulously, she and Steven are the only people to see the severity of his bruises and it doesn't take a fucking genius to work out how he got them; with punches and kicks and hits and whatever the fuck Seamus wanted to do, so her question actually boggles his mind.

He snarls, spitting out his question as though it is venom. "What?"

"What did your father do to you?"

"You know what he did to me, _nana_ and you know _you _did nothing to help me. You fucking left me here with him and didn't fight!" He spits, not caring about his swearing or how this may have affected her because she's not important, not anymore, and she doesn't deserve him to hold back on her. "I heard you, you know? Talking to mum that week before she went away. You remember don't you? When you promised me you would get me help–" he walks towards her, looking down at her and the amount of disgust he feels is nearly overwhelming. "–You never did get that help though, did you? You left me to _rot _and I'll never, ever forgive you for that." She's crying now but Brendan's too hyped up, years of concealed feelings overflowing and there's no way he can stop the words spilling out of his mouth now. "You knew what he did to me and you did _nothing_, why? Why couldn't you have tried–"

"I did…" she sobs, interrupting him and Brendan's furious, his fists clenching because she didn't fucking try hard enough. "I told your mum and she didn't–didn't believe me Brendan…there was nothing else I could do!"

"Yes there was!" he sneers, tears in his own eyes and he doesn't know what emotion is putting them there but here they are and he's not going to let them fall; isn't going to let them fall because of this woman. "You could have gone to the police, could have reported him. Told someone, convinced someone, you could have done anything but you left and that's unforgiveable." He turns around, doesn't want to see her weeping face anymore because she doesn't deserve to cry those tears. She doesn't deserve anything.

"Brendan…I'm sorry, please! I can explain why…" She tries to grab hold of his arm but he pushes her off, gets up into her face to make her realise how serious he is being right now.

"It's too late." He says and with that he turns again, leaving her to cry silently as he walks out the door and makes his way back to the only person who understands him. The only person he truly loves.


	8. Chapter 8

**Once again, thank-you so much for the reviews and follows! They mean so much to me! *hugs* chow!x**

It's been two days since his nan arrived and – so far – they have been amazing days. His nan had asked Cheryl if she could stay in her flat, saying Cheryl had two spare rooms and it neither were being used, so why not let her use one. Brendan had silently wished for his nan's pleas to be listened to – for once – and thankfully his prayers were answered. His nan had left for Cheryl's after their argument and ever since then it's been perfect; his sister closed the pub, saying she didn't even approve of Brendan working there so he and Steven were free from that and they've just been spending time with each-other. Mostly in Brendan's bed and definitely not sleeping but that's exactly how he wants it. It suits Brendan fine.

When he had gone to school after his nan left, Pete had started again; giving Brendan evils and turning his lip up at him whenever he and Steven walked past; Pete wasn't the only one though. Alyson had also questioned Steven, asking him why he was spending so much time with Brendan and why they were so 'close' now; soon enough that had turned into a row – Steven being feisty – and the other boy had pushed Alyson away, telling her whatever was between him and Brendan didn't concern her and he was sick and tired of her treating him like her child. It's safe to say, they are no longer friends, so it seems Steven has Brendan and Brendan has Steven. Just those two, together and Brendan's more than happy with that and Steven certainly seems content. Keeps telling Brendan how happy he is every day.

He and Steven have gotten even closer in the past couple of days; opening up to each-other properly and spilling all of their secrets – well not all of them on Brendan's part anyway – but they do know more about each-other. They know pretty much everything, Brendan knows every little detail about Steven; his favourite colour, food, animal. His passions, what he wants to become when he's older, his struggles, difficulties and strengths; and Steven knows the same; also knows about Brendan's overdose and when he found out, he looked devastated. Brendan's never seen someone look so upset and he had wiped away the single tear that had slipped down Steven's cheek, told him he didn't feel that way anymore and now they are just like one person.

...

"I don't want this to end, you know?" Steven whispers into his ear and he turns to look at the other boy, feeling a strange sadness in the pit of his stomach because today is the day. Today is the day Seamus comes back and he knows Steven has to go back home; to that animal and he's terrified for him. Steven still winces in pain every time he moves, is still covered in bruises and Brendan knows for a fact that his ribs are broken – must be at least two of them – because he's had broken bones before and the bruising that comes with them is extreme. Just as serious as the purple marks that are etched all over Steven's golden skin and he knows the other boy is still – not weak but fragile, and he's not sure Steven can cope with becoming a human punch-bag all over again.

Looking at the boy now he can still see his split lip, the yellowing around his eyes, the cuts on his delicate cheekbones and he strokes his thumb lightly across Steven's cheek; watching as Steven closes his eyes at the soft touch. He's so in love with this boy it almost hurts, almost makes him want to cry because his emotions go all over the place when he's with him; he feels so much adoration, love, peace, happiness, affection and fondness that it's too much for him to contemplate. He fucking loves him and today may be the day he tells him that. He's fairly certain Steven feels the same, there have been a few occasions where Steven has opened his mouth, said 'I…' and then he's shaken his head, smiled and kissed Brendan instead. Even though he's willed Steven to say it and he has come close too, more than once and it's time now; it already feels like he's waited too long to express his feelings.

"I don't want it to end either." He replies and Steven shifts in the bed, leans his head on Brendan's bare chest – over his heartbeat – and Steven should know that it's beating for him now. That Steven owns his heart completely so its rhythm belongs to him and he doesn't know how to say it but he will, he'll say it soon and he'll say other things too, he'll tell Steven everything because he deserves to know. Should know everything about Brendan just like Brendan knows everything about him and Christ it's gonna hurt him to say it, he doesn't know how Steven will react and he's scared the other boy will be disgusted. Feel violated because Brendan's touched him and he didn't even know the whole truth – doesn't know what Seamus does to him and he's petrified. He can't have Steven turning him away now because it would break his heart and he'll have nothing more to live for, absolutely nothing and he's already battling so many harmful thoughts so losing that boy will be the end of him.

"You know Brendan…" Steven looks up at him again and the emotional swimming in his eyes takes Brendan's breath away, leaves him swallowing past the lump in his throat and feeling his heart race a mile a minute. "I wish we could stay like this forever, I would be so happy." He states and then he settles back into Brendan's chest, casually like he hasn't just made Brendan suck in a breath, made white noise fill his ears and tears to form in his eyes. Steven loves him; he knows he does because you wouldn't wish that if you didn't love someone; wouldn't wish to stay in someone's arms forever if you didn't feel incredibly strongly for that person because Brendan wishes the same. Prays to god that he lets Steven stay with him forever and he loves him so much…

"Forever?" he asks because he has to be sure, he may have misheard and he doesn't believe his ears; this is too perfect to be true but Steven confirms it, mumbles a quiet 'yeah, forever' and places a kiss on Brendan's chest, above his heart. He thinks about later on today, how Steven will have to go home and suddenly an idea begins to form in his head. Cheryl has _two _spare bedrooms, one for his nan and one that is completely empty; one Steven can use and if he can convince her then maybe he can stay with her. Steven can stay with Cheryl and he'll be safe from Terry and he won't get any more beatings and surely Cheryl will say yeah because she'll see how important Steven is to him and _he's _important to her so she has to say yeah. Just has to because this is the best plan he's had in a while and he'll do anything to protect the other boy and this – this is the best form of protection.

"Steven…you know my dad is coming home today?" Steven nods. "Well, how would you feel about staying at Cheryl's because I don't want you going back to Terry, especially not after last time and I really think it would be for the –"

"Brendan." Steven interrupts, sighing as he stands up and he's giving Brendan this look. The one that tells him he is – in Steven's words – over-exaggerating and Brendan sits up, watching as Steven pulls on his boxers. "I can't stay with your sister, Brendan. She doesn't even really know me and I have to go home sometime, don't I?" He says and Brendan thinks it's all shit, of course Steven can stay with Cheryl because he has to. He can't go back just to get battered again and Terry is clearly capable of anything and just no. He's not going to let Steven go back.

"Course you can stay with her and no, Steven. You can't go back and I'm gonna ask Cheryl today if you can –"

"Brendan! You can't keep me away from Terry forever and –"

"I can try!" He snaps and Steven narrows his eyes at him before slumping his shoulders, tipping his head back and sighing. Brendan didn't mean to get angry but Steven won't listen to him and the other boy doesn't know how important this is to him. How important _he _is to Brendan and that's partly his fault because he hasn't told him everything but he will and it will be today. "I'm sorry…" he mumbles and Steven smiles at him, too fucking forgiving that boy and he walks over to Brendan and straddles him.

"Is–it–okay–if–I–have–a–shower?" Steven asks in-between kisses and Brendan whispers 'yeah' before capturing Steven's lips again. He could never get enough of these kisses, they steal the air from his lungs – take his breath away –, make his heart flutter and it's the best feeling in the world. Being connected to someone like this and he wonders what it would be like if they were _completely _together; if he and Steven were actually joined but he wants to wait for that. It's far too early for them to take that big leapyet, especially as they've already done too much for the short period of time they've known each-other.

Steven pulls away suddenly and moves up to Brendan's ear, lets his breath ghost over his earlobe as he whispers, dropping his voice until it sounds like pure filth. "I wish you would come in there with me, I can only imagine what we could do in that shower. Alone. Hmm." He purrs and Brendan feels his cock stir at the mere thought of it, he and Steven have had more than their fair share in the last two days; brought each-other to orgasm every morning and night but he still wants more. _Needs _more because Steven feels like his oxygen right now and Brendan knows he wouldn't be able to breathe without him. Steven plants one last kiss onto his lips before smirking and walking out of Brendan's bedroom; grabbing a towel and leaving Brendan to stare at his arse as he walks away.

He thinks about what he's going to ask Cheryl in a second, knowing if it gets into a screaming match then it's better if Steven doesn't hear because the chances are Cheryl will argue with him. Say there's no way Steven can stay with her so Brendan will have to tell the truth; whisper in a hushed tone about what Terry does to Steven because then she'll have to relent. She has a heart and she and Steven have spoken in the couple of days since they met – not much but they have made casually conversation and laughed together; mostly at Brendan's expense but that was okay. Seeing his sister and – well – best-friend and…lover getting along so nicely warmed his heart; it made him feel something he wasn't expecting and it was more than acceptance, he's not really sure what it was but it made him feel even happier. Cheryl definitely knows that something is going on now and she hasn't questioned him about it but whenever he and Steven are joking around he can see her looking; feel her gaze and every time he looks at her, she looks away but not before Brendan has seen the smile on her face.

He knows she just wants him to be happy and she's happy _for _him; even said it herself and she told him she's been worrying about him. After the overdose and self-harming she was desperate for him to find someone that makes him as happy as Steven does and now that he has, she seems to be more excited about it than him. Cheryl's mood has lifted too, she seems a lot more cheery and that fills him with even more joy.

He smiles before standing up and pulling on his pyjamas, he's probably going to be late for school as usual but he can't be fucked; there's nothing there for him anyway. He can hear Cheryl's voice as he walks down the stairs and it's with a sigh that he realises she is singing again; sounding like a drowned fucking cat. "Cheryl, shut up will you?" he mutters and Cheryl gasps at his entrance, startled and just like that Brendan realises he is meant to be buttering her up, being all nice to her so Steven can stay with her and an apology spills out of his mouth before he can even register anything.

"So you should be." Cheryl says, drying her hands on the tea-towel and Brendan can see she's in a good mood, humming and smiling to herself showing she's obviously content and he begins to wonder why _she _is so happy. It's not like she has a boyfriend or anything so why is she practically dancing around the kitchen? That thought makes him think about him and Steven. Technically _they _don't have boyfriends do they? It's not like it's ever been said and what _this _is, is probably just a bit of fun; he knows what Steven has said about him liking him and everything but there is no way he can feel as deeply as Brendan does and that fucking terrifies him. Steven has the power to completely break him here and he's out of control; he doesn't have any grip on this and if Steven wants to stop whatever is going on here then Brendan can't do anything about it. Can't stop it and he's never felt so distressed but peaceful at the same time his entire life. "Brendan, are you okay?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah…yeah." He replies and there's no point beating around the bush here, he may as well get this over and done with, as soon as possible. "Cheryl, I need to ask you something." Cheryl looks at him then, properly looks at him and she can see this is something important because she signals for him to sit at the kitchen table and when he does, she sits opposite him.

"What is it, love?"

"It's Steven. He needs to stay with you for a bit." He says and Cheryl's brows furrow, looking at him with an expression which is part disbelief, part confusion and he doesn't want her to be confused here, she needs to understand him because a lot is at stake. Steven's safety is in jeopardy if he goes back, Terry is capable of killing the boy and there's no way Brendan can let that happen because if Terry did hurt Steven like that then he would die too; that would be the end of his life as well.

"I don't understand, Brendan. What do you mean?" Cheryl asks and for fuck sakes, she's not that thick so she does understand; she just wants Brendan to spell it out for her and now he has to. He has to treat her as though she is some fucking idiot just because she wants to play dumb.

"I mean, Cheryl that Steven needs to stay somewhere. Anywhere that isn't his house and he can hardly stay here when dad comes back, can he?" He says and there's a hint of begging there and he knows that will make her see, must show her how desperate he really is. She knows what Seamus is like when it comes to gay people and she knows Seamus hates them which is why he doesn't need to worry about him finding out just yet. If only she and Steven know then there is no way Seamus could realise – although he probably already has and there's another thing, another person that may have clocked what is going on. Terry must know there is _something_, especially now that he and Steven have stuck up for each-other; become violent with Terry just because he's said a few nasty words about one of them and it doesn't take a fucking genius to work things out. This is another reason why Cheryl must know this is important because Steven has no-where else he can go, not to Brendan's knowledge anyway so this is a drastic step; showing his sister how much Steven means to him.

"Brendan, I don't –"

"Please Cheryl!" He interrupts, squeezing her hand tighter, trying to make her _see _how crucial this is but she still looks hesitant; after all, she has only known Steven for two days and that's not really long enough to let someone into your home but she has to and now he knows what he has to do. She needs to know the truth about Terry because there is no way she would let Steven go back then; she's not heartless and she's not gonna want the boy beaten up. Especially if she knows she could have prevented it. "Cheryl listen, you don't know the whole story. I'm worried about him and I just…please." He begs but Cheryl's still not done, it seems his pleads are not enough for her anymore.

"Why are you so worried about him Brendan?" She asks and he can she her prying eyes, wanting to know every last detail and it's pissing him off but she has to know; he has to tell her because he wants Steven safe.

"Okay, but please…you can't tell Steven I told you because he doesn't want anyone to know." He says and he watches his sister nod, takes note in the way she leans forward slightly, acting as if this is some type of juicy gossip and it's infuriating him but he carries on. "It's Terry, he's the one that hit him the other day and that's why he can't go back, _I _can't let him go back knowing what I know and now neither can you because if you do. Well, it's like feeding him to the wolves, isn't it?" He says and he knows he's got her now, can see the realisation dawning on her face and he feels like smiling because Steven is going to be okay now. He can stay with Cheryl and even if that means Brendan has to put up with Seamus by himself…it's all been worth it – more than worth it – because he's finally doing what he promised himself he would do. He's finally protecting Steven.

"Oh my god…" Cheryl gasps and she shakes her head, walking over to make a cup of tea; it's always fucking cups of tea with her. Whenever there is a 'revelation' or a problem she's always there, stirring her sugars into that hot drink and he doesn't know why she does it; it's not like it eliminates the problem or helps the situation at all. When she' finished, she turns to look at him, a thoughtful expression on her face. "So, this Terry, who is he?" He's an idiot, she doesn't even know Terry is the step-dad but now this gives him even more ammunition to use; Cheryl's worst hatred is that of abusive parents, if only she knew.

"Terry is the step-dad, Chez. Which is why he can't go back because you've seen what that _animal_ is capable of, you've seen the state Steven was in, the way he's clearly still in pain so I'm begging you Cheryl – one last time – please, please just let him stay with you." This feels like the last time he can plead with her and he watches with his heart in his throat; watches as she sips from her cup of tea, just thinking and then she sighs, putting her mug down onto the kitchen counter.

"Okay, Brendan. I couldn't let him go back to –" He cuts her off by jumping from his seat, bounding over to her and wrapping his arms around her; he's saying thank-you over and over again and he truly means it – more than anything – because she's just helped the boy he loves, the boy he will probably only ever love.

As if on cue Steven walks in, hair wet but styled with gel, school clothes a mess and again; he just takes Brendan's breath away. Always does no matter what he is doing and he is just the most beautiful person Brendan has ever laid eyes on; he could be dressed in rags and still the whole room would be staring at him – wanting him – and Brendan knows he's lucky. _Fucking lucky _because he has the one person everyone else wants, he has Steven.

"What's going on?" The other boy asks and this must look weird; him hugging Cheryl with all he's got, a beaming smile on his face and just repeating the word thank-you, that would look strange to anyone and he quickly lets go of his sister, straightening himself out as he smiles at Steven and he's about to say something but Cheryl gets there first.

"Ste, you're coming to stay with me for a bit, okay?" She croons and Steven looks bewildered for a second before he understands what is going on and then he looks at Brendan, a slightly disapproving look but Brendan just smirks at him. His eyes silently telling Steven he would get what he wanted.

"Thank-you, Cheryl. That means a lot." Steven says and Cheryl nods before he turns to Brendan. "Shouldn't you be getting ready? We're going to be late Brendan, come on." He sighs and he can see Cheryl smirk next to him; he wonders what she's playing at and just as he moves to walk out of the door he hears her voice, teasing him and making Steven laugh.

"You might want to cover up those love-bites too! They're pretty big Brendan, how did you get them?" She asks and she bloody well knows how he got them because at the end of her sentence she begins giggling and it takes all of Brendan's power not to give her the middle finger.

–OXO–

"I can't be fucked for school." Steven sighs and they're taking the route they have been walking for the past couple of days; the longest route because they're not fucking nerds and they are hardly gonna sprint to school are they? Brendan turns to grin at him because a plan is already forming in his head and if he's being honest then he doesn't want to go to school either. There's much better things he and Steven could be doing and he plans to do them, right now – today.

"Well, we don't have to go to school do we…" He smirks and maybe it's Steven who is the bad influence on him because this is the second time he's bunked school in the space of nine days; thing is though, he doesn't give a shit. Seamus will find out because the school will phone him but he doesn't care, he's not going to waste six hours doing fucking shitty classwork that he doesn't even need, when he could be going to _their _place and having fun – or whatever.

"No we don't _have _to go but we're going." Brendan's head shoots up at that because he thought Steven would jump at the chance to skip school, especially as he whines and whinges about it every day but when he looks at Steven's expression he sighs. The other boy is wearing a massive grin and chuckling at Brendan's naivety.

"Ha, that's so funny Steven. Anyway, where do you want to go then? Dublin is our oyster." He says and he hopes Steven is thinking the same as him and he looks into his eyes; signalling where he wants to go and Steven simply smiles at him, turning to the left and walking towards the hill.

...

"How badly are they hurting?" He asks, nodding to Steven's ribs as he clutches them and sits against the tree. Steven's ribs started playing up earlier when they had first started walking to the hill, he said they were killing him and the pain etched onto his face displayed that. Brendan wished he could take that pain away but now that they have reached their location it is okay because Steven is resting and his broken ribs are not grating together.

"A bit better but they still hurt, just not as bad as earlier." Steven replies and he's squeezing his eyes shut, rubbing over his bruises and Brendan has to look away; _can't _look because he can already feel the tears in his eyes and he can't cry here, he's not really the one who's hurting and Steven's being so strong so he has to be strong too. Be strong _for _him. He swallows, breathes deeply and puts on a smile; pretending he can't feel Steven's pain because he's not the one that needs comforting here and he decides to change the subject completely.

"So, what do you wanna do today because we can hardly sit here all day can we?" He states and Steven suddenly sucks in a breath, makes Brendan whip his head around to look at him but then Steven is in his lap; straddling him and rocking his hips against Brendan's.

"Who said anything about sitting?" Steven questions and Brendan huffs a laugh at his boldness; it seems Steven is more insatiable than he is.

"Are you always so horny?"

"Yeah, when it comes to you anyway now shut up." Steven says in the second before his lips press onto Brendan's; his tongue demanding entry and Brendan gives it to him, can feel arousal building in his groin and settling in his gut as Steven moves his hips faster, cocks and cotton and school trousers rubbing together. He moves a hand to Steven's hip and places one behind the other boy's head, forces his lips closer – pulls them down harder – because they are not close enough; could never be close enough and he wants to feel Steven all around him. Wants his senses to be completely filled by the other boy and he feels like he wants to be consumed by him, just hand himself over to Steven but there's something else he wants to do first and that's show Steven how much he means. Worship his body because the other boy is worth worshipping and that's exactly what he's going to do; express his love in the kisses he presses against Steven's skin because he's not going to say those words until later and if he does this then he doesn't really even _need _to say them to Steven.

"Steven – Steven stop a second." He says as he pulls his mouth away and Steven looks at him, confused so he tells him to lie back and when Steven does Brendan slowly begins to lift his school jumper up and away from his body and Steven whimpers as his shirt is exposed. "Shush, just – just lay back okay." He whispers, slowly unbuttoning Steven's shirt as he nods his head and he leans over, straddles the other boy so he can dip his head and gently kiss the newly exposed skin. It tastes sweet against his mouth – like honey – and as a new button is popped open, he ghosts his lips over the bruises and the shirt is hanging open now so he moves over to Steven's scars. Places his lips over them and much like the first time Steven hisses as Brendan comes into contact with the raised skin but he carries on; keeps pressing his lips onto them because they are a part of Steven, and are what some people would class as an imperfection but they're not. They come with Steven and Steven is perfect, so they are too; if the other boy didn't have them then he wouldn't be any more perfect and with them he isn't any less beautiful. He is and always will be the most beautiful person Brendan has ever laid eyes on.

As he moves down Steven's body and begins to unbutton his trousers he wonders if Steven is a gift from god; if the man upstairs has brought this boy into his life to ask for forgiveness. Giving him Steven to apologise for giving Brendan the father he has; for making Seamus his dad and if that's the case then god is forgiven. Brendan will forgive him for everything because Steven is the greatest gift he could ever receive.

Steven's breath is becoming laboured as Brendan finally pulls his boxers down and off and he looks at the sight in front of him; Steven's hard cock leaking at the slit and he wants to swallow it down and make Steven come in a matter of seconds, but he wants to take this slow more. Has an urge to make this so perfect Steven will never forget it and he doesn't even care about his own hardness as he slowly licks up the underside of Steven's dick. He reaches the head and languidly rubs his tongue over it, gathering the pre-come in his mouth and making Steven suck in a breath; makes the other boy pant and clench his fist as he moans Brendan's name.

He opens his own trousers now because he can't keep up with that pressure anymore, its border-lining painful and there's no way he is going to be able to keep his cock confined until this is over.

He moves further down and sucks a ball into his mouth, looking up as Steven grits his teeth in pleasure and right when he's about to suck Steven's dick again, the other boy sits up abruptly; takes Brendan's face in his hands and kisses him. A kiss that isn't full of heat and desire but trust and when Steven breaks away he whispers into Brendan's ear. "I wanna try something." He breathes and he takes Brendan's hand, guides it down until it goes between his legs; past his balls and slipping between his arse cheeks.

Brendan knows what he wants by looking into Steven's eyes and he never imagined doing this today, so he has to make sure this is what the other boy wants. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I've – I've done it to myself before and I wanna know what it feels like with you…"

"Jesus, Steven." He mumbles and he doesn't really know what he's supposed to do here, it's not like he's ever done this before. He knows _how _you finger someone – saw it when he was around Aidan's and forced to watch porn, but of course that was with a woman and nothing like he is about to do – but he doesn't want to hurt Steven and he's just staring at him, mouth slightly agape.

"Brendan…" Steven pulls Brendan's hand back up and places his fingers into his mouth, coating them in spit and slicking them up. Brendan sits there completely shocked and so turned on his dick is throbbing and fucking painful but this is about Steven now, not him. When Steven releases his fingers he pushes them back down, immediately pressing them exactly where he wants them and Brendan looks him in the eyes, – makes sure Steven is certain about this –, rubs around his hole to make it loosen and with a nod, Brendan pushes in.

It's tight and warm and Steven lets out a long, deep groan, throws his head back as his hole clenches around the intruding digit and Brendan is mesmerised by the sight; can feel the pre-come dripping from his own dick and as Steven's hole loosens further, he pulls his finger out – withdraws it until the fingertip is only just sitting in Steven's entrance and then pushes back in slowly. Steven pants above him, gasps as Brendan fucks into him and Brendan just watches; wishes his finger was his cock because it's _so _tight and he wants to know what it is like to be inside someone else, to feel his dick being milked by Steven's contracting muscles.

He kisses back up Steven's body and presses his lips to the other boy's, swallows his moans as he moves his finger faster and Steven breaks from the kiss, leaning his head on the grass and moaning Brendan's name. "Another… put a-another one in…" Steven groans and Brendan does, slips another finger in; lets the other boy adjust to the stretch and begins to move again. Faster this time and Steven is crying out, moving his hands up to grip in Brendan's jumper and if anyone saw them right now then they would get an eyeful.

He keeps going faster, his arm burning with the force of it but Steven's moans are making him carry on and as he shoves his fingers in deeper, curling them towards him he feels a lump and Steven yelps. He's about to stop because he's so inexperienced, doesn't know what Steven's yelping means and he's pulling his fingers away but the other boy lets out a groan and reaches down; grabs Brendan's hand and pushes his fingers back in, moaning for Brendan to do what he just did and when he does Steven writhes underneath his touch. He's not sure what this is – this lump – but as he keeps rubbing against it, Steven keeps making the same noise and suddenly he's screaming, shouting out Brendan's name and Brendan has to move a hand down to his own dick. Fist it slowly because if he doesn't relieve some of the pressure there then he is going to explode.

He can tell Steven is close, he's trembling, sweat glistening his skin and groaning incoherent words and Brendan swoops back down; takes Steven's dick into his mouth and sucks around the head. Licking into the slit and withdrawing it just before Steven locks up, muscles straining tight and releasing a choked sob, coming into Brendan's mouth. Shoots his load hot and thick down Brendan's throat and he swallows it all – relishing in the bittersweet taste of it before releasing Steven's spent cock from his mouth and carefully withdrawing his fingers.

He looks at his digits, sees how wet and slick they are and places them in his mouth; groaning at the taste of Steven and he's so fucking turned on, feels like he could come with just one stroke of his dick and Steven's looking at him sucking his fingers, his eyes growing darker and Brendan could laugh at him, it's like he hasn't just made Steven spunk everywhere. "Was that alright?" He asks and Steven raises his eyebrows, a grin creeping onto his face just before he begins giggling and Brendan stares at him, the adoration he is feeling for the other boy burning through his veins.

"Fuck, Brendan..." Steven sighs and he sits up, leans forward to take Brendan's dick in his hand and Brendan hisses at the contact; can feel Steven playing with the head of his cock and the other boy is obviously in a teasing mood, wants to drive Brendan to the edge of sanity because he isn't moving his hand – just spreading the pre-come around the slit, so slowly Brendan could cry with it. "That was fucking amazing." Steven says and he kisses him softly, just a gentle swipe of tongue before pulling back and smirking. "But, we need to get rid of this." He grips Brendan's dick now, strokes down his shaft quickly and Brendan lifts his hips for more contact; trying to get Steven to do it again and he slumps his head on the other boy's shoulder, panting into Steven's neck as he begins to move his hand again.

He leans back on his hands, knees bent and pleasure curling around his spine as Steven milks his dick faster, tightening on the way up and loosening on the way down; something Brendan has never done to himself and it makes him grip hold of the grass, makes him throw and lean his head back and he's going to come. He's going to come right now but he can't because Steven's telling him not to; muttering 'don't come' and he doesn't understand why because he needs to – feels like he's going out of his mind trying to hold back his orgasm and it's a fight. He could just let it all go right now, release into Steven's fist but he wants to hold out just so he can see what Steven wants to do; see why the other boy won't let him come and just as he's thinking that Steven withdraws his hand, making him stutter and groan because it felt so good and he's so desperate for that release.

"Don't stop…" He moans and Steven's smirks, leans over and takes Brendan's cock in his mouth, licks over the head like he's thirsty for the pre-come and Brendan can feel his orgasm coming right _now._ Shoves a hand into Steven's hair as he comes and his fist is clenched so tight, his nails digging into the palm of his hand so hard he swears he can feel blood. Steven moves back up his body and forces Brendan's mouth open with his thumb, tilts Brendan's head until his mouth is open wide and plunges in with his tongue. He still has Brendan's come in his mouth and now he's sharing it with him. Spitting Brendan's own come into his mouth and it's fucking filthy; spit and come being passed between them like it's nothing and Brendan can feel his cock twitching again already. The taste of his own spunk turning him on all over again and it should be disgusting to him but he _likes _the taste – the taste of himself filling his mouth and spilling over his taste-buds. Likes licking his come out of Steven's mouth and he doesn't know what you would call that but it feels like it could become addictive; like he could want to do this all the time now because if he's being honest with himself he finds it fucking hot.

"Wow…" he whispers when Steven pulls away and the other boy is smiling at him; a filthy smile on his face and he's still fucking naked, lying down on the grass like he doesn't have a care in the world. His golden skin – shining with sweat – almost glittering in the morning sun, flaccid cock nestled in dark hair just _there _and Brendan trails his eyes up and down his body; takes in his beauty and the way he is just Steven. Completely mesmerising and he's taking Brendan's breath away, making him bite his lip – not just out of desire but he has to stop himself from saying those words, he so nearly said them just a second ago and he has to be sure Steven is ready to hear them and Brendan thinks he is; is almost certain but that's the thing, he isn't _absolutely _sure.

"That was the best time yet, weren't it?" Steven asks but it's not really a question; they both know that was the hardest they have ever come before, that both of their orgasms were the most mind-shattering they have ever experienced and Brendan just hums in response knowing Steven will understand that he's agreeing. He watches as Steven reaches over for his clothes, quickly getting dressed and covering up that skin he loves and he wishes people didn't have to wear clothes because then Steven's body would never be covered. Although, he wouldn't like other people's eyes on Steven – _his _Steven – and he would be consumed by jealousy the entire time so maybe clothes aren't so bad; maybe they are actually incredible because Brendan's the only one who gets to see the boy like this – hair tousled, cheeks flushed and still panting slightly after what they've just done and _Christ _that boy is just perfect.

"You do know you're filthy, right?" He smirks and Steven looks at him, pokes out his tongue before carefully standing up and signalling for Brendan to join him.

"Yeah, but you love it." Steven states and of course Brendan fucking does, he loves that about Steven and he simply answers with a kiss; a swapping of spit that leaves them both breathless and wanting more all over again. "Come on, I wanna go somewhere." Steven says and he's already pulling away from him, walking down the hill and Brendan quickly zips up his trousers before following him; anticipation coursing through his body.

–OXO–

"It's nice here, I'nit? You know, me and my mum came here once. It was just after we moved in – when Terry was going off on one and disappeared for a few days and she brought me here and we got fish and chips and it were just nice. It made me think it could always be like that, but then of course Terry came back." Steven huffs a pained laugh and Brendan looks at his expression, sees how the other boy looks lost in thought and when Steven looks at him he nods his head; showing him he understands.

This place is nice, the pier always is; especially at this time of day when everyone is either at work or school and Brendan looks around, looks up at the seagulls and smiles as the sun falls on his skin; He's been here a few times – with Cheryl and his mates – but he's never really appreciated it's beauty until now, until today and that's because he's with Steven. He looks over at the sea, watches as the waves lap at the sea wall, and he feels Steven's hand on his arm so he looks down at it; looks at Steven rubbing his thumb over his arm and he grins, not caring if someone sees.

"Yeah, I like it here." He replies and Steven stares into his eyes, his breaths shallow and he's gonna say something – the thing that keeps happening every day and Brendan wills him to speak right now; wants to hear those words more than anything in the entire word but instead Steven just looks away, brows drawn and Brendan sighs, knowing this time Steven was closer to saying it. That he was nearly there and he's guessing he's gonna have to say it first.

"Steven, I –" They're walking towards the house now and Brendan was about to say it but someone's interrupted him; the group of older lads they were walking past and there's about four of them but Brendan's not looking at how many there are, he's too busy listening to what they just said. _Fag_. They said fag and pointed at Steven and he's not having it, can feel fucking rage coursing through his whole body and he's gonna turn around and take on all of them, make them see that _no-one _calls Steven anything like that but then the other boy whispers to him.

"Don't say anything, Brendan. Just keep walking, come on." Steven breathes and Brendan's not listening, isn't going to fucking leave this so he turns around and shouts back; barks 'what the fuck did you say?' at the boys and they smirk at him but Steven's pulling him back, yelling at him to stop and just leave and he sounds scared so Brendan turns to look at him. "Brendan, please." He begs and Brendan takes one final look at the boys, can see them smiling before sighing and walking away; practically being dragged by Steven and they walk in silence for about five minutes before the other boy turns and falls into Brendan's arms. "You can't do that, Brendan!" He cries, tightening his grip around Brendan and he doesn't know why Steven is so upset but he hugs the boy back, buries his head in the other boy's hair and just breathes him in. Calming himself down and Steven suddenly pulls away, only to press his lips to Brendan's and he takes it for a second; could get lost in it if he would just let himself but he breaks it off because they're in public, anyone could see.

"God, I'm sorry…I didn't think." Steven states, deadpan and he turns his face away from Brendan, trying to prevent him from seeing the hurt on his face – the embarrassment – and Brendan doesn't want him to feel like that; doesn't want to cause the boy any more pain so he quickly looks around them. Just to see no-one is looking and then he hooks his finger underneath Steven's chin, tilts his head and kisses him slowly. Languidly kissing because he needs Steven to see for Christ sakes, wants him to realise how important he is and he wants to show he isn't ashamed. Could never be ashamed of Steven because he's so fucking proud to be with him.

"Steven, I just need time, okay?" He speaks when they break off the kiss and Steven nods his head, smiling and squeezing Brendan's hand quickly before walking towards the house.

–OXO–

Cheryl parks up outside her flat and passes Steven the key, tells him to go inside and make himself at home and when Steven gets out, he blows Brendan a kiss and walks into Cheryl's home. All three of them had agreed that Steven needed more stuff, they did not know how long he would be staying with Cheryl and only having two days' worth of clothes would never be enough; that Steven couldn't live with hardly anything. Cheryl had decided she and Brendan would go to Steven's flat, get him some stuff and come back – all to Steven's displeasure; the other boy had whined and said there was no way Brendan was going to see Terry because he knew didn't he? He knew how badly Brendan wanted to smash Terry's skull in but all it had taken was a kiss and Steven had relented.

His sister pulls away and quickly turns her head to look at him, a smile playing on her lips. "You two are cute, you know? Never seen anything like it." She grins and Brendan audibly groans, he knew Cheryl would be like this – cooing over him and Steven and it makes him feel weird; in a good way but still a little weird. Cheryl looks at him and smirks. "What's the matter? You _are _cute, that's not my fault, is it?"

"Chez…" He grumbles and Cheryl laughs quietly, knowing full well that this is a topic he doesn't really like talking about; not because he's embarrassed but because he _can't _talk about it. If Cheryl asked him about his feelings for Steven then he wouldn't be able to explain it, could never explain how deeply he feels for the other boy unless it was to Steven himself because he understands; Brendan knows he understands and Steven must know he loves him. It's fairly obvious, especially as he's so protective over Steven and he's surprised no-one has questioned him on their 'relationship' at school; why no-one is asking them if they are more than friends because it's so fucking obvious that it's laughable. The thing is though, he isn't scared anymore – yes, he may still have a thing with expressing his affection in public but he's always been like that and it's not just because it's Steven he will be with. He's so proud to be with him and he wishes he was different, wishes he could kiss Steven in front of everyone and one day he will; one day he will walk down the street, holding Steven's hand and completely ignoring people if they stare. One day he will tell Seamus the truth and stand up to him when he calls him disgusting and one day he will give Steven the life he deserves.

"We're here…" He hears Cheryl mumble and he goes to get out the car but she places a hand on his arm, shakes her head because she knows just as well as Steven; knows if Terry says one thing then he will not be able to control himself and he sighs before leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes. "I'll be back in a minute." He watches Cheryl walk over to the flat and when she knocks, it is Pauline that answers; stumbling and looking at his sister with glazed eyes. He looks as Cheryl tells her something and Pauline's shoulders slump, nods her head slowly before walking back into the flat and when she returns, she is holding a bag.

Cheryl turns to look at him and smiles, giving him the thumbs up because she's got the stuff and Pauline hasn't kicked off; has given her Steven's things willingly and his sister turns to walk back to him but at that moment Terry comes to the door. Brendan can just make out what Terry is saying; something about taking Steven away and how she has no right to but Cheryl is defending herself – shouting back and Terry must say something really bad because his sister slaps him.

He smirks and looks away for a second but when he looks back Cheryl is on the floor and Terry is stood over her, fist raised and bloody and it takes him less than a second to act. He's out of the car like a shot and striding straight over to the flat, stepping over Cheryl and shoving Terry against the wall when he gets there and he snarls into the older man's face. "You fucking piece of shit." He sneers and he pulls his arm back, punches Terry square in the gut and the man keels over, breathing harsh and Brendan can't see anything except red. Not being able to batter those boys earlier angered him and that anger hasn't subsided so now Terry's getting all of it, every bit of rage Brendan is feeling is going to be unleashed on Terry's body. "This is for Cheryl." He growls and then a punch, a hit and a kick in the ribs and Terry's muttering 'please, please just stop' but he's not going to.

"Brendan please!" Terry whines and Brendan laughs at him, asks him if Steven begged him to stop like that; says that must be how Steven must have been feeling and he drags Terry up off the floor, hauling him off the ground and slamming him against the wall, using more strength then he thought he possessed and he says "and this is for Steven," before grabbing Terry's head and slamming it against the wall, over and over again, the sounds of Terry's skull smashing against brick filling the air and he can hear Pauline screaming behind him but he's not stopping – couldn't stop now.

"Stop, Brendan, stop!" _Cheryl_. She's shrieking at him but he just lets Terry fall to the floor, lets him flop down only to bring his foot back into Terry's ribs, kicking over and over then leaning down to punch him again and suddenly Terry stops moving – stops breathing and it's that which finally pulls Brendan away and makes him stumble back against his sister.

"Cheryl…" The haze is clearing and he looks down at the man in front of him, barely recognisable through all the blood and Cheryl mumbles something before walking over and taking Terry's pulse.

"He's breathing…" She says and then she looks at Brendan, blood dripping from her own nose but she's shaking her head and looking disappointed. "We've got to go." She stands up and grabs Brendan's wrist, dragging him away because he was stood there, frozen completely and staring down at what he had done. He couldn't control it, it was like someone else was using his body to carry out their actions and he felt so detached; like he had vanished somewhere and it was only Terry's breathing that stopped him – for a second he thought he had become a murderer.

"I'm so sorry…I didn't…" He starts to mumble when they get in the car and Cheryl's just shaking her head, looking at him in disbelief and then suddenly she shifts and takes hold of Brendan's hand, looking down at his bloodied knuckles.

"Fuck sakes Brendan, what the hell. Have you seen what you've done to him?! You could have killed him!" she barks and Brendan _knows _he could have, he was so fucking close and it scares him how out of control he really was. Cheryl leans back and starts the car, pulling away as Brendan sees Terry move. "We're going back to yours, you are getting some stuff and you're coming to stay with me."

"What wh –"

"Don't question me, Brendan." Cheryl snaps. "Just do as you are told for once in your life and anyway, your _boyfriend _is staying with me. You may as well too." The journey descends into silence and that word keeps ringing in Brendan's head, making him forget about the pain in his knuckles. _Boyfriend _but they aren't boyfriends are they? They haven't even said that and it's fucking pissing him off now, he hates that Cheryl said that when he doesn't even fucking know himself and he hates that she is angry with him. Terry deserved everything he got; heck, he deserves to die and Brendan would have killed him, he knows he would have.

"Cheryl, I'm sorry…" He mumbles and his sister snaps her gaze at him, scowls at him before her expression softens and reaches a hand over to Brendan's knee; squeezes it in reassurance.

"It's okay, just…" she sighs and Brendan knows there is too many ways to end that sentence, it was just ridiculous, idiotic, frightening and that's the last thing either of them say before they reach Brendan's house.

–OXO–

Seamus is home when he gets back, Brendan had guessed he would be so he told Cheryl to wait in the car; he didn't want her to see what would so undoubtedly be a massive argument. His father has been gone for two days, he would have missed taunting him and when Brendan walks through the door, he knew he was right.

"Ah, Brenda. Where the fuck have you been?" Seamus snarls and Brendan simply snorts at him, smirking and shaking his head because his father really is a pathetic excuse of a man. He's lounging on the sofa, TV remote in one hand, bottle of whisky in the other – completely unshaven and dirty clothes on his body and he's a sight; fucking disgusting. "What's so funny, boy?"

Brendan doesn't reply, just walks up the stairs and he can hear Seamus shouting after him so he runs; flies up the stairs and into his bedroom. Grabbing a bag and stuffing as many belongings into it as possible; he's nearly finished by the time Seamus stumbles up the stairs. "I asked you a fucking question." His father sneers and he's had enough, his knuckles are killing him and he wants to leave so he turns around looks Seamus up and down before speaking.

"You're funny, Seamus. Look at you, you're a mess!" He laughs and Seamus moves towards him, raises his hand but this time Brendan doesn't back down; has had it up to the eyeballs with Seamus' bullying so he walks towards his dad, makes it so they are nose to nose.

"Go on then, _dad_. Why don't you fucking hit me and you'll see what I do." He whispers into his father's ear and he can feel Seamus shudder against him, relishing in the fear he can strike within the older man and fuck, he wishes he had done this years ago. "Yeah, didn't think so. Now, if you excuse me I am going to stay at Cheryl's for a bit." He grabs his bag and something catches his eye, 'Romeo and Juliet' is sitting on his desk so he goes across and picks it up; enticing a snort from Seamus, which of course he ignores. Walking towards his bedroom door, he turns one final time and smiles at his father; a bitter smile before chuckling quietly. "Oh and dad, I hope you aren't expecting me and Steven at the pub because we won't be there." He laughs at Seamus' growl and walks down the stairs, back out the front door and towards Cheryl's car.

–OXO–

"Have you thought more about mum, Bren because she wants to see you on Friday and –"

"I know Cheryl." Brendan sighs and he doesn't want to talk about this now, not when he has so much on his mind because he's gonna have to tell Steven about Terry and Christ he's gonna flip. Brendan can imagine it now, how Steven is going to whine and say he shouldn't have done it; how he's probably made everything worse and that's exactly what he does. He makes _everything _worse and he's probably going to lose the other boy because he's going to see how fucked up he is – how he cannot control his temper and then he's going to be left with nothing.

"But–"

"Drop it, Cheryl. I need to think some more." He snaps, walking up the stairs of the flat and his knuckles are throbbing but he's ignoring it – it's not like he can do much to stop the pain and when he walks through the front door, he breathes deeply. Calming himself for Steven's wrath.

"Hiya, why were you…" Steven trails off when he sees him, looking down at his fists and walking towards Brendan, lifting them to his face so he can inspect them closely. His face is full of concern and Brendan feels a pang of guilt, Steven trusted him not to do anything and he broke that trust; couldn't even stop himself and now he feels like a dick. "What happened…" There's no point lying here, Steven will find out some way and being dishonest will only make it worse.

"Steven…urm." He looks across at Cheryl and she nods, he can hear his nan crashing about in her bedroom and he should get this over with before she comes out. "It was Terry, I'm so sorry, He hit Cheryl and I just –"

"He hit you?!" Steven asks, looking at Cheryl incredulously and she nods, making Steven turn his attention back to him. "Okay, whatever you did…it's okay, right? Terry deserved it." He says and Brendan wasn't expecting that so he pulls Steven into his arms and kisses him – just once – but it's still in front of his sister and that's a big step for him; he hears Cheryl chuckle behind him.

"You two really should get a room." She says and Brendan pulls away, only to drag Steven into their bedroom and he drops his bag on the floor to lay Steven on bed. He looks down at the boy in front of him and crawls on top of him, rolls them both over until Steven's on top and they stay like that for a while; just kissing and kissing slowly until they are forced to break apart for air.

"Do they hurt?" Steven asks and he pulls Brendan's fist up to his mouth, kissing his knuckles lightly and no, they don't hurt anymore because Steven is soothing that pain.

"No, are you tired?" he questions and Steven nods so they quickly get undressed and lay under the duvet, wrapped up in each-other's arms and laying face to face; Steven's eyes begin to drift shut and Brendan presses one last kiss onto his lips before the other boy falls asleep. He trails his fingers up and down Steven's bare waist and he feels overwhelmed by emotion, looking at this boy and realising he is his entire life is getting to him and he wants to tell Steven so fucking badly. It actually hurts him to not tell the other boy how he feels, to convince him and express his love with _words _as well as actions and he lifts his hand to cup Steven's cheek; leans down slowly and carefully – making sure not to disturb the boy – before whispering into his ear. He only meant to say those three words but he can't keep to that, there's too much he has to say so he breathes, "you mean everything to me Steven and…I was just existing until I met you, I didn't even know how to live and you…you're my whole life and I – I just love you." And with that his own eyes close and he falls into a deep sleep.

If he had kept his eyes open for another thirty seconds – stayed awake for another minute then he would have seen Steven open his eyes; would have seen the tears glistening them and most of all he would have seen the smile that spread across Steven's face, just before he pressed a kiss to Brendan's shoulder and mouthed 'I love you too'. If he had just stayed awake then he would have seen that and he would have felt tears of happiness wetting his chest as the other boy fell asleep against him.


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm just repeating myself here but I cannot even explain how happy your reviews make me. THANK-YOU! Chow x**

Brendan wakes up to Steven's lips trailing down his body, starting at his neck and moving down to his chest – settling there as Steven lies on top of him. "Morning." Steven says and Brendan simply smiles at him, leaning up to get a kiss but Steven pulls back and smirks; licks his lips before moving back down Brendan's body – disappearing under the duvet and gripping hold of Brendan's morning hardness.

He leans his head back and closes his eyes, loving the way the morning has started off and he moves his hand to gently grip Steven's hair under the covers. He feels lips on his inner thigh and then they are moving; going up until they are at the base of his rapidly hardening cock and Steven pumps him once – twice, keeps going until he's rock solid and a blob of pre-come is leaking from his slit. Then he feels the hint of a tongue gliding up his dick and it's painfully slow, making him ache and need more; always needs more because going so slow feels torturous, like he's going out of his mind and then–

"Jesus _Christ…" _He moans because Steven's taken the head of his cock in his mouth, sucking hard and Brendan sits up – his grip in Steven's hair tightening and wishing him to take more of him in his mouth but he isn't; he's just licking into his slit and sucking the tip with everything he's got. He rolls his lips between his teeth to fight back the groan that is building in his chest and he's panting already; so close to releasing because it's too early for this, he doesn't have the energy to fight back his orgasm and he can feel it now. Edging closer and closer and then Steven pulls away, wiggles up the bed and plants his lips straight on Brendan's. The bitter taste of pre-come fills his mouth and he moans as it hits his tongue, sending waves of pleasure through his body; tongue tangling with tongue, lips moving in sync and then Steven's going back under the covers.

"You taste so fucking good, you know." Steven says before taking Brendan's dick straight down his throat and it's such a shock that Brendan cannot contain the groan that spills from his mouth. Steven's humming in appreciation of Brendan's noises and the vibrations shoot through Brendan's body, makes his toes curl and his breath hitch and just as he's about to come Steven stops and lays next to him, rips the covers off them and stares at Brendan with lust blown eyes. "I want you to come on me." He states and Brendan stops breathing for a second, just stares at the other boy in disbelief and then he moves over and straddles Steven, his hand on his dick, pumping slowly until Steven takes over.

It's too much, it's too early, the pleasure too strong and with a few pulls on his dick he is spunking; all over Steven's chest just like the other boy asked and Steven groans when the hot liquid splashes all over his body, scoops some come onto his fingers and shoves them into Brendan's mouth. He watches Steven's lips fall open as he sucks his fingers clean; once again relishing in the taste and Steven is grinning at him. Fucking filthy he is before pulling his fingers away and crushing his lips on Brendan's. "You like doing that don't you? Tasting yourself." Steven says and Brendan just smirks and kisses him again before taking Steven's cock in his hand and returning the favour.

…

"What you looking at?" He asks, nodding towards Steven's phone in his hands and holding his towel up; Steven startles for a second before laughing.

"It's those swallows again." Brendan tutts and Steven just rolls his eyes, carrying on anyway. "I wanted to know what they mean because you know; I like them and everything and apparently back in the olden days, swallows used to land on ships all the time. People said that when it landed on your boat then it meant you were close to home, so basically it means home but for me it means freedom. Like I look at them flying and I think how free they are and they remind me of love too, I just can't explain it…and they just, I don't know I just love them! Know what I mean?" Brendan stares at him, dumbfounded by all this information before walking forward and pressing his lips lightly to Steven's.

"You're cute, Steven. Really and –"

"I need to tell you something, Brendan." Steven interrupts and he's wearing an expression that is unreadable; Brendan can't tell if what he is about to say is good or bad and it makes him uneasy, not knowing what is about to happen. Steven is twiddling his thumbs and Brendan sits patiently; waiting for Steven to end whatever is going on between them because he's a fucking idiot. Why would someone as beautiful as Steven, someone so amazing and incredible, smart and funny want someone like him…a freak, because that's what he is; he always knew that deep down and that's why Steven is leaving him now, because he's a weirdo. Steven turns his head to look at him and there are tears in his eyes, a single one slipping down his cheek and Brendan knows what is coming so he gets up; cannot listen to it because his heart is already breaking and Steven must have seen the pain on his face because he stands up and stops Brendan leaving. Places his hands on Brendan's chest and moves them up, takes Brendan's face in his palms before resting then foreheads together and closing his eyes. "Brendan, what I wanted to say was –"

"If you're gonna end whatever we have between us then I can't hear it, I would rather just forget whatever we have…" Brendan mumbles and Steven shakes his head, presses a chaste kiss before leaning back and looking straight in Brendan's eyes.

"Brendan, I heard what you said last night and I…I love you too." White noise fills his ears, his heart bursting at the seams and he looks into Steven's eyes, catches the smile on the other boy's face and pulls him into a hug. A wave of affection and love coursing through him as he whispers 'I love you' into Steven's ear.

They pull away from each-other and press a kiss to the other's mouth before getting dressed in silence, glancing across the room and sharing smiles as they pull on their clothes and when they walk out the door, Cheryl is stirring her cup of tea. She looks across at them and tutts, frowning and shaking her head as her stirring becomes vigorous and she's muttering things under her breath. Brendan can tell what's on her mind and he looks at Steven; sees how he's smirking and obviously thinking the exact same thing.

"Seriously you two, I know you're all loved up and everything but you really should keep the noise down. If not for me then for nana." Cheryl scolds and Brendan feels his cheeks flush red. This isn't the first time she has warned them about the noise – she said she had heard them that first night, knew full well how 'close' they were but she didn't say anything and Brendan had simply smirked at her. Looking at her now though Brendan can tell she's pissed off, all because of his stupid fucking nan who is still sleeping; it's not like she would have heard anyway.

"Sorry Chez…" He mumbles and Cheryl's expression softens slightly but she still looks annoyed, like she could easily smack Brendan around the head right now and he can practically feel Steven giggling behind him.

"Brendan, it's half eight, you're going to be late _again_. Seriously you need to start keeping check of the time." Cheryl grumbles and Brendan smiles at her – he's in no rush to get to school, would gladly stroll in after lunch but his sister's stern glare is making him move; albeit slowly. He reaches the front door and opens it, about to step outside but Cheryl's voice stops him in his tracks and Steven is walking so close behind him, he ends up colliding with Brendan's back; muttering 'ouch' as he pulls away. "Have you thought about mum yet?" His sister asks and he's had enough of her fucking probing and questioning; yes. The meeting with his mum is tomorrow but he's still not sure. Could never be absolutely certain because it's his mum, the woman he hasn't seen for over six years; the woman that pushed him away when he asked for visiting requests, the woman that only let his sister see her and the woman that eventually claimed she had no son. However, Brendan wants answers; he wants to know why she did this to him and only let Cheryl visit when she knew how much he loved her – when she promised him she loved him back. He wants to pluck up the courage and ask why she didn't believe his nan because if she had then everything would be different and lastly, he wants to know why she ended up where she is. What she did that made her be put there and why everyone thinks she's crazy – why Seamus tells him she is insane and ill and that she's unfit to be in the real world. He wants to ask her everything and that is why this decision is so hard to make, he's scared she will hurt him even more if he goes to her and he doubts there is anything she could say that will make this better; that will make him forgive her and he gently moves his hand up to the cross around his neck before turning and replying to his sister.

"I'll tell you later Cheryl, okay?" He says and his sister stares at him, mouth opening and closing before she sighs and gestures for him to leave; he does, as fast as possible and Steven is hurrying behind him as he strides down the stairs.

–OXO–

"Brendan…where is your mum?" Steven asks and they've been talking casually ever since they left the flat, chatting about random shit and smiling at each-other – now knowing that the other loves them and spending this time with Steven just feels precious. Brendan will treasure every second with this boy because he knows what it's like to have someone you love ripped away from you and god forbid that ever happens with this boy but it might – it could – so he's going to treat every day as though it's their final second it each-others presence. He looks across at Steven and sees the questioning in his eyes and he should tell Steven the truth now because he needs to open up more; this is still a piece of information he has kept hidden from the boy and his mind quickly travels back to the day his mum left. That day back when he was nine years old because he wants to make sure he gets it right.

_*His parents are arguing, screaming at each-other and they think he can't hear but he can. He can hear his mum shouting things at Seamus – saying he's disgusting and she hates him and she's leaving, going to take Brendan with her and Brendan's heart bursts. His mum is taking him too, away from this torturous life he lives and it was only last week when his nan was here so maybe his mum has listened. Maybe she just needed time to let everything sink in and now that everything makes sense, she is recusing him and taking him away so they can live their life in peace. Just him and her and of course he's going to miss Cheryl, she's his sister and Christ he doesn't want to leave her behind – not with that man – but everything's okay because he hears his mum saying she is coming too; that she's taking both of them with her and they are never coming back._

_He tip-toes down the stairs to get closer to their voices, wants to hear them clearly because this is a big thing and when he reaches the living room down, he stands outside – pressing his ear to the tiny gap where the door is slightly ajar. _

"_How could you do this to me?!" He hears his mum shout and he doesn't understand, what could Seamus possibly do to her because whenever he sees them they are all loved-up; at peace with each-other and yes, they may argue sometimes but all married couples do. No relationship is completely perfect because that's impossible, there will always be some form of conflict. "Seamus please, I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with me!"_

"_Lynsey, you need to face up to this fact. You haven't been right for a while okay? You're only getting worse and now you're imagining things!" Seamus replies and Brendan can hear something in there that is father never uses when he speaks to him – love. He knows his dad loves his mother and he can't imagine what they're arguing about because suddenly it's not an argument anymore; it's his mother pleading with Seamus and he doesn't understand. Can't think what his mother must be imagining because she seems normal to Brendan – always has done – , she doesn't seem like she's crazy and like she said; Brendan thinks she is fine._

"_No, you can't do this to me! This is your fault, Seamus. You – you are doing something here…please, I'm fine. Please…" His mother begs and he cracks the door open a tiny bit more – just enough for him to be able to see the scene inside the living room – and his mum is clinging onto Seamus for dear life, like she's going to disappear if she doesn't hold him that close and then she's pleading again. Saying she's sorry for ever doubting him, that he would never do that and she believes him; Brendan doesn't know what she's talking about but a feeling of immediate dread washes over him. She can't be talking about what Seamus does to him because she would help him – rescue him because he's her son and she loves him with everything she has. She's not like his nan, she would never promise to help him and then not return because she has a heart and she couldn't do that to him – not in a million years so she has no idea what she is talking about. _

_He watches as Seamus' phone starts ringing and his dad takes it out of his pocket, mutters an 'okay' before walking towards the living room door. Brendan flies towards the stairs, running to avoid his father seeing him eavesdropping and he sits on the steps; far up enough to remain hidden but close enough to still be able to see the person who is now knocking on the front door. When his dad answers it, Lynsey comes walking out the living room and she screams – mumbling 'no' repeatedly and what happens after that is mostly a blur._

_Brendan running down the stairs and clinging onto his mum's leg, screaming at her to stay with him while Seamus tries to pry him away and these men are dragging his mum out the front door; her kicking and screaming and telling them to fucking let go of her, that she isn't insane and she doesn't need to go with them. That it's Seamus they should be taking away because he's the sick one, he's the one that has apparently set this all up and then she looks at Brendan and stops struggling; whispers sorry and then begins to scream again. He doesn't know why she's sorry and he wants to understand but he can't, the tears are streaming down his face and Seamus is snarling into his ear. Telling him to say goodbye to his mother but how can he say bye to her; Cheryl isn't even here to say bye so he doesn't. Instead he carries on screaming as his mum is bundled into the van and driven away._

_His father had raped him repeatedly that night, said he deserved it because he had ruined everything and it was only when his father pushed into him for the third time, did he let more tears fall. Only he wasn't crying because of the pain; he was crying at the loss of his mother.*_

"So, you still don't know why she's in there?" Steven asks and Brendan shakes his head because he doesn't know; may never know unless he goes to see her tomorrow but it's so hard. Thinking about it now is tearing up his insides because she said sorry to him, he had nearly forgotten that fact and he doesn't understand. What did she do to make him need her apology? She didn't know what Seamus did, there was no fucking way she knew so he shrugs it off as nothing and looks at Steven; puts his arm over his shoulder to pull him into his body and he looks around before quickly kissing him.

When they break apart, Steven looks ahead of them; mumbles 'oh my god' as his eyes widen and he pushes himself further into Brendan's side, gripping him harder as he turns his face away and presses it into Brendan's shoulder. He looks at Steven, slightly worried before he turns to look at the scene in front of them and his stomach immediately turns and he feels nausea clawing up at him.

There are ambulances, so many ambulances and a car is flipped over; crushed and demolished and there's _so m_uch blood. It's flooded the tarmac and there's a body on the floor but it's covered over and when Brendan looks into one of the ambulances he sees a familiar face – George. He whispers to Steven to stay where he is because he's clearly shaken and he doesn't want to leave him but he has a heart and George looks distraught; tears pouring down his face and blood all over his face. He walks over to him and the police are telling him to stay back but then George calls his name, walks over to him and practically falls into Brendan's arms; he doesn't know him well but he has nothing against this boy so he holds him up until George sobs a word into his chest – a name.

"Macca…" He cries and Brendan doesn't understand, doesn't know what Macca has got to do with anything but then everything becomes clear and he swallows down the bile that rises in his throat as he looks at the broken boy in front of him. George and Macca have been the best of friends for ages, inseparable and Brendan looks at the body on the floor and straight away he knows who it is. He doesn't know how to feel as a paramedic pulls George out of his arms and drives him to hospital, but he does have tears in his eyes; he never even got to say bye and although he and Macca didn't see eye-to-eye, he was still a big part of his life. They were best-friends before all that shit happened and he's known him for years so he should have got that chance; and Macca was so young, younger than him and he can't even bear to think about his parents. Doesn't want to know what they must be going through and he walks back over to Steven to tell him what has happened.

"It was…it was Macca…" He mumbles when he reaches the other boy, in shock now and Steven pulls him close; holds him as a tear drops out of Brendan's eye and he looks back one final time before carrying on to school.

–OXO–

By the time lunch had arrived, everyone had heard about Macca and George; how Macca was dead and George had a concussion and broken arm. The driver of the car was also dead and his wife seriously injured; rumours were spreading, saying Macca and George had been too preoccupied in talking and stepped out into the road – not looking at the car that was speeding their way and it was too late by the time they realised. The car had smashed into them before sliding over the kerb and rolling – it had killed Macca instantly and everyone says he had protected George; pushed him out of the way so he took most of the impact, metal running into him and Brendan had silently despaired when he had heard but now he's…okay.

"Brendan, we're together aren't we?" He looks at Steven, mouth hanging open, sandwich in front of his and that question is so random it takes him a minute to answer.

"Yeah…we are…" He mumbles and then a smile spreads across his lips; _finally_. Finally they have talked about where they stand and now its official, they are together and that's the way it is always going to be; forever because Brendan isn't losing Steven now. He feels the other boy grip his hand under the table and he squeezes it back, a bit worried now at Steven's serious expression.

Brendan, I want to tell people…" He starts and Brendan sighs quietly because he's ready but he's not at the same time; not for everyone to know but Steven obviously doesn't mean that because he shakes his head and squeezes his hand a bit tighter. "I don't mean loads of people, just one person each because I don't – I don't like keeping it a secret anymore and you've fallen out with Pete and me and Alyson aren't friends anymore…I just think we should tell them because then our friendships can get back on track, right?" He says and Brendan kinda agrees; Pete was his best-friend and although Steven has now taken that spot, he still misses the other boy and he can tell Steven misses Alyson and she misses Steven. He thought he was fine with it but seeing Pete today has made him feel a twinge of sadness, knowing it's his fault they are no longer friends upsets him and Steven's the same; casting looks as Alyson walks past and Brendan knows they all miss each-other so this is becoming silly.

"Okay…" He mumbles and Steven looks at him with wide eyes, a smile gracing his lips and Brendan really wants to pull him into his arms and taste that smile but he can't; not yet and not in front of this many people. He sees Pete out of the corner of his eye and it's now or never but he doesn't know what to say, isn't sure how to put it and he watches as Steven looks over to Alyson and moves to stand up. "Steven, what do I say?" He asks, his tone displaying how nervous he is and Steven smooth's his thumb over the back of Brendan's hand.

"Just say I'm your boyfriend…" _Boyfriend_. It's strange how that one word can twist up Brendan's insides, makes his heart jump and then drop down into his stomach, only to repeat over again and he feels the grin that spreads over his face – tries to cover it with his hand but Steven has already seen and the other boy is wearing an identical one. They squeeze each-other's hand one final time before standing up and walking over to their old friends – the friends they want back – and Brendan just has that world ringing in his head. _Boyfriend_. Steven is his boyfriend and that – that makes him the luckiest boy in the world because no-one could beat that boy; he is the most perfect human being in this whole entire world and Brendan knows when all this comes out, everyone will envy him. Everyone knows Steven is gay but even the girls fancy him, everyone fucking does and Brendan can now claim him as his own; will _always _be able to say Steven is _his _because he is and that's the finality of it. Brendan will spend the rest of his life with this boy.

He reaches Pete and swallows the lump that forms in his throat – the one threatening to stop his words from coming out – and he gently taps the other boy on the shoulder, watching as he turns around and fixes him with a glare. "Can I speak to you please? Just for a second?" He questions and Pete sighs before nodding and signalling for them to walk out of the lunch hall; Brendan quickly looks over to Steven and can see him motioning for Alyson to sit down and he guesses their 'talk' will be over before his and Pete's is.

"What is it, Brendan?" Pete sighs when they are outside and no-one is in ear-shot and Brendan can feel his heart beating erratically; everything in his body telling him not to admit what is going on with he and Steven because that's the way he's been brought up. His father has told him that everyone rejects 'queers' but that's not true – Macca wasn't rejected and he hasn't been rejected from Cheryl – but he needs a bit more time, just a few seconds so he starts with swallowing his pride and apologising.

"I'm so sorry, Peter…I – I didn't mean to push you away and…" He trails off at the shocked expression on Pete's face and then suddenly they're hugging; Pete dragging Brendan into his arms and muttering 'fucking finally' and Brendan relaxes into his hold before pulling away and motioning for them to sit down. He can do this now, Pete won't hate him – he knows he won't – and he can't lose his friend again, not now they have finally made up. Pete must see the strange grimace on Brendan's face, the thoughtful look because he stares at him, brows furrowed.

"What is it?" The other boy asks and Brendan swallows again, his brain splitting in two as he thinks of ways to put this.

"The reason I didn't speak to you and why I've been hanging around with Steven so much…" He trails off and Pete is looking at him in anticipation, eyebrows raised silently and fuck sakes, he doesn't even know what to say; all these words are jumbling in his brain and he feels dumbstruck – like he isn't predicted an A grade in English because he's sure a fucking three year old could do better than him in this moment. "Me and Steven, we're urm…"

"Brendan, for Christ sakes. Spit it out." Pete pushes, urging him to spit it out because he's been stuck on this for about five minutes now; sitting there and opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish and he takes a deep breath – steadies himself before closing his eyes and speaking so quickly, Pete may not even understand.

"Me and Steven are together." He states and when he opens his eyes, Pete is just staring at him; a blank expression on his face and that's it. He's lost his friend because of what he is and this is the thing he was most worried about, terrified Pete would push him away but when his friend talks there is confusion in his tone, not disgust.

"Together as in?..."

"He's my boyfriend." He confirms, the word rolling off his tongue and making him feel warm inside and he waits for Pete's expression to change; turn into one of disgrace and repugnance but it doesn't. Instead he smiles – grins in fact – and he shoves Brendan on the shoulder playfully.

"About fucking time mate." He practically sings and now Brendan is the one to be confused, 'about time'…that must mean Pete suspected something before and he's just been waiting for Brendan to admit it and Pete obviously reads into the look on his face because he confirms Brendan's suspicions. "I knew you were gay, Brendan…so does Aidan and Mal, we've known for ages…" his friend says and for fuck sakes, he thought he was better at hiding things than that and he bets everyone knows; they just haven't said anything because they know how Brendan can react to some things and if his friends knew then why didn't they say anything? They know Brendan would never have hit _them _– he might have shouted and gone mental at them suggesting such a thing but he would have never hurt them.

"But…if you knew, why didn't you say anything?"

"We didn't want to push you…you would have told us in your own time and now you are…" Pete replies and Brendan accepts the friendly hug he offers him, gives Pete a pat on the back for good measure and he feels so much better now; finally telling his friend feels amazing and now there doesn't have to be any more secrets, not between him and Pete anyway…well, except for the _obvious _one. "I'm happy for you, you know."

"Thank-you…" He smiles and that's the end of the matter, Pete doesn't ask any questions and he's kind of grateful for that; he couldn't describe his situation if he tried and they talk about meaningless things – immediately sinking back into being best-friends – until the bell rings, signalling the end of lunch.

…

"How did it go with Alyson?" He asks Steven when he reaches his chair but going by the look on his _boyfriend's _face, he didn't really have to ask. The other boy is smiling and humming and it feels so strange to think Steven is his boyfriend; to think this is it now – this is the face he wants to wake up to, every single day for the rest of his life and yes, it may be premature thinking to some people but it's not to him. He's known Steven for nine days but it feels like he's known him his whole life; the instant connection, the instant love means something and he watched this film once – Hotel Transylvania – and two characters experienced a 'zing'…Steven is his zing and a zing means _everything_. It means love at first sight, it means your soul-mate and it means Steven is the one he is supposed to spend the rest of his life with – it means Steven is his life because you only ever zing once and if he loses Steven…it means the love of his life is gone forever.

"Yeah, she says she won't tell anyone and she's happy for us…I think. How did it go with Pete?"

"Great." He smiles and everyone is too preoccupied to notice how they are grinning at each-other and Brendan reckons if he leaned forward right now; if he took Steven's face in his hands and kissed him, then everything would be fine – the world wouldn't explode but he can't do that, not yet so instead he decides to go for the cheesy method. Wants to make Steven know exactly what he means to him and how much he loves him, right here in this classroom.

"Steven?" Steven nods at him and Brendan smiles again, moving a bit closer before speaking. "You know, I watched this film once – not too long ago actually – and two of the characters had this thing called a zing, you heard of it?" He asks and Steven shakes his head and when Brendan nods towards his hand, the other boy gets his meaning straight away; puts his hand under the table so Brendan can hold onto it before he continues what he was saying, this time lowering his voice slightly. "Basically, a zing is your soul-mate; it happens when you find your true-love and it only ever happens once in someone's life and when you find that someone you just _know_. It's like something just slaps you in the face because you look at this person and straight away they become the most important thing in your life – you don't even need to speak to them and it's instant love, like it was always meant to be…and when you look at this person everything else in the whole room just disappears and it's just you and them. Like you are the only two people who exist in the entire world and basically…what I'm trying to say is…_you_ are my zing, Steven." He finishes and the other boy is looking at him in awe, a single perfect, precious tear of happiness slipping down his cheek and all Brendan wants to do is lean forward and wipe it away; kiss Steven softly ad be taken away by his lips but he doesn't, instead he squeezes Steven's hand and waits for him to talk.

"That's…" Steven shakes his head and beams at him, makes Brendan's heart stop just by how fucking beautiful he is. "You're mine too and you know what? I fucking love you." Steven states with so much honesty Brendan can't breathe with it and he turns around to look at the teacher, catches Pete looking at him and smiling and everything is so perfect – too perfect – and he doesn't let go of Steven's hand for the entire lesson.

–OXO–

"Will Cheryl be in?" Steven asks as they walk to the front door of the flat and Brendan quickly thinks; takes one second to realise she must be at work right now and his nan is at her hair appointment and he shakes his head to Steven, watches as a filthy smile begins to spread over the other boy's face. "Good, I wanted us to have the place to ourselves." He emphasises his meaning by gently rubbing his hand over Brendan's groin and as soon as the flat door opens, Brendan is shoving him inside; slamming him against the wall and crushing their lips together. Everything is frenzied, the clothes being ripped off their bodies as they stumble into Brendan's bedroom, the movements of their lips; hands grabbing, squeezing, rubbing and pulling to bring them closer – close enough for them to create a friction as Brendan pushes Steven against the wall, the bed too fucking far away.

He hooks Steven's leg around his thigh and thrusts forward, their cocks rapidly hardening as they come into contact with each other and Steven is gasping in his mouth; pulling Brendan's head closer towards him so their lips are pressed harder against the others and Brendan can feel how bruised they are – how bee-stung they are going to look later but he doesn't give a fucking shit, he's still not close enough. "Fuck…Brendan." Steven moans, rolling his hips up to gain more friction and Brendan gives it to him; thrusts _hard _and Steven moves his hands to Brendan's hip, pulling him in so hard Brendan fears there may be some bruising there later and then they are kissing. Lips slack and breathing each-others air and he's so fucking close to releasing, he just needs – "Brendan, just come…please" and that's it, he's coming all over Steven's dick and groaning into the other boy's mouth – unhooking Steven's leg and turning him around.

He has an urge to do this right now, like he could explode if he didn't, and it's so sudden; he didn't even know he wanted it but _fuck _he wants it and he wants to do it properly. "Steven, get on the bed…on your stomach." He says and Steven looks at him for a second, slightly confused but then he complies; walking over to the bed and laying down and when Brendan joins him, he immediately lifts Steven up until he's on his hands and knees. "You trust me, yeah?" He asks and Steven nods his head, trying to look over his shoulder and Brendan feels him shudder as he licks a trail down his spine; his salvia wet and cooling Steven's burning hot skin. When he reaches where he wants to be most, he parts Steven's cheeks – not really knowing what to do but he will get the hang of it, will learn from Steven's moans and as he licks over Steven's hole, he groans at the taste.

"Fuck!" Steven gasps as his hips unintentionally jolt away from Brendan and then he settles; resting his head on his forearms and his knuckles are turning white as he grips the bed sheets. Brendan goes in again, laps over it again and again but it's not enough; he wants to be inside, wants to be tasting the heart of the other boy and he knows he can't do that until Steven's hole loosens so he keeps going; sucking on it and Steven's swearing pushing back and trying to get that tongue inside and in one glorious moment, Brendan pushes in.

Steven groans and repeats Brendan's name as he moves his tongue inside and fucking hell it feels so good; makes Brendan's dick hard all over again because the noises Steven is making are hitting him straight in his groin – he's screaming, moving up onto his hands and rocking against Brendan's face, trying to get him in deeper and Brendan grips his hips, pulls Steven towards him and practically smothers his face before moving his hand around and stripping Steven's dick. His pace quick and relentless and it takes a minute – two at most – for Steven to come, his body locking tight and arse pointing up as Brendan fucks in with his tongue and makes Steven spunk all over his hand.

He's knackered by the time he crawls up the bed and takes Steven in his arms, his boyfriend panting into his neck and it's not long before sleep takes a hold of them both.

…

When Brendan wakes up it's to a silent house; Steven pressed into his side and his head on Brendan's chest, snoring quietly and Brendan smiles down at him. Knows the boy loves him back and he gently moves Steven away from him so he can go into the living room and check no-one is home. He pulls on some jogging bottoms and when he walks out of his bedroom there is a note on the side; Cheryl's sprawled writing covering the paper –

_Saw you were sleeping and didn't want to wake you, me and nana have gone out for dinner. P.S – you two are sooooooo adorable xx_

Brendan sighs at the note, trying to make himself annoyed but the smile tugging at his lips says otherwise. He's so happy Cheryl has accepted he and Steven like this, he knew she wouldn't have turned him away but she is more than okay with it – letting them stay with her, in the same bed and _doing _things and she doesn't even bat an eyelid. It's like she knows he and Steven are meant to be together, even though they haven't even know each-other for ten days yet. He thinks to himself and a saying he read ages ago randomly pops into his head 'true love has no time limit' and fuck, he didn't understand it back then but now it's the clearest message ever. True love will happen at any time period of your life, it will take you completely and utterly by surprise but when it does happen, there is no getting over it; it will always be there and that person – that true love – will become the only person you can think about. They'll always be on your mind every second of every day and you'll never experience anything else like it; never feel complete unless you're with that person and that's exactly what it's like for he and Steven. Steven is the other half of his soul, he's the thing that makes him whole and Brendan didn't know what was missing before but it was Steven – Steven has always been the thing missing from his life.

He makes himself a drink before slumping onto the sofa, flicking the TV on and smiling at the movie Cheryl has on demand, - Hotel Transylvania -. That another thing he thought was bollocks, this whole 'zing' thing; it was completely unbelievable and a load of shit because how can you look at someone and immediately know you want to spend the rest of your life with them? How can someone else's happiness become more important than yours, making you do anything to make them happy? How can you be willing to do anything for another person? Be willing to give up your life for them if you had to and most importantly, how can you love another person with your entire being, become dependent on them and _need _them in your life? He didn't believe you could before he met Steven. That boy has opened his eyes to a whole range of things; taught him how to love, showed him the world could be good again, that he _is _worthy of someone's love and Steven has done that in a mere nine days. Flipped his life upside down and changed it forever because it's never going to be the same again now.

He could lose Steven, they could break up and Steven's love could turn to hate but his wouldn't; he will always love that boy, forever and Steven will always own his heart – it will always belong to him and no-one else could ever compare. If they did break up and they found new people – got new boyfriends – then Brendan wouldn't love them, he probably wouldn't even class them as his boyfriend because you are meant to love your other half, right? If he doesn't love them then it means nothing – they mean nothing and Brendan knows he will never love anyone else, _could_ never love anyone else because Steven takes all the love he has to give; he doesn't have any going spare because when you love someone with your whole heart, with every fibre in your body then that's it. That's the way it will always be.

It should be a curse really – finding love this strong – because it you lose that person then you will forever be plagued by memories of them; you'll see their smile everywhere you turn, you'll hear their laugh, see them in everything you look at – every shop window, every person who resembles them slightly and who can live their life like that? Pining after the one person they need the most, never getting over them and forever wishing things were different. Always dreaming about what you and that person would be doing if things hadn't fucked up and that's why he's lucky. He has that person and not many people can say they have found their soul-mate; that they are with the other half of them and Brendan is one of the few people who can say that and that makes him more fortunate than most of the population, even with the shitty life he has had.

Hardly anyone experiences true love because true love is unpredictable, it is completely against your control and even if you don't want to feel it, it will be there; always niggling at you and trying to draw you closer to that person and there's nothing you can do about it. It's unstoppable and you can try with all your might to end it, try and erase it from your mind but it's tattooed there, just the name of that person is tattooed onto your heart. It's as permanent as that ink and nothing anyone can do will stop that.

He looks at the screen and realises that it is on the zing part, he turns up the volume slightly and listens carefully to the words –

'_Two lonely bats crashed in the night. They felt a zing, love at first sight. They knew right then they would be husband and wife, for a zing only happens once in your life. Your zing will come my love – cherish it.'_

He smiles as the words sink in, knows for a fact that Steven is his zing and then suddenly, there is a sigh behind him. He turns and Steven is there, smiling and just watching – watching him watch the film. "That's beautiful, you know…" Steven whispers and Brendan nods, signals for him to join him and Steven walks forward, moulding perfectly into Brendan's side as they sit back and watch the rest of the film together.

"That was so good! Definitely my new favourite film, that. 'Pay attention to the undead king, y'all.'" Steven sings and Brendan chuckles at him, turns around and kisses Steven deeply. It's slow and sets Brendan's senses on fire, makes him want that skin-on-skin connection and he pulls away only to take Steven's top off before kissing him again. Nothing will compare to how it feels when Steven's skin is on his, it's the most perfect feeling in the world and he drags Steven on top of him; lies down so Steven is laying on the full length of his body and he moves his hand down – is about to slip it under Steven's jogging bottoms but the other boy stops him.

"Wait–" Steven sighs and he sits up, wiping his mouth of any spit before looking at Brendan with a guilty expression on his face. "Brendan, there's something I should have told you before but I didn't know how to say it and I was so scared you wouldn't want to be with me anymore but now I know you love me and feel the same so I'm gonna tell you now but please don't–"

"Steven, it's okay…whatever it is won't change anything." Brendan croons and Steven smiles at him slightly before turning his head and inhaling deeply – something Brendan does when the thing he has to say is big.

"Promise me you won't get angry…"

"I promise."

Steven steadies his breathing before turning to look into Brendan's eyes and speaking, voice barely above a whisper. "When Terry beat me up the other day…it wasn't just because I stuck up for you…" He mumbles and Brendan stares at him, beyond confused right now and Steven grabs his hand; needs confirmation that nothing is going to change between them. "It's because he – he found out about us." Steven states and Brendan doesn't pull his hand away but the grip loosens – so many scenarios going around in his head because Terry is friends with Seamus so his father is bound to find out soon; Terry's the kind of person who would relish in telling his dad such a secret. Would love to inform Seamus of this news because he knows what would happen to Brendan, how his father would batter him until he couldn't walk and it doesn't matter how the man found out because that's not important; it doesn't change anything and this whole situation hasn't changed how he feels about Steven – nothing ever could.

"It's okay…it's okay." He says and he watches as Steven breathes a sigh of relief, the anxiety on his face disappearing but it soon changes into something Brendan can't put his finger on; makes him uneasy all over again and when Steven talks he says something Brendan could never imagine him saying.

"We should tell your dad." Steven states and what? He knows what Seamus would do to him – to both of them if Brendan went and told him and yes, Terry will probably do that anyway but his father cannot touch him here; can't storm into Cheryl's house and batter him so Brenda isn't going to go out of his way and tell him, only to be faced with his dad's fist or worse. He can only imagine what Seamus' face would look like – he would go through the motions; disgust, disgrace, humiliation and finally anger. It's the last one that has Brendan terrified because his father is bad enough when he just _suspects _he is gay; if he actually knew then everything would be ten times worse and he would kill him, Brendan knows he would.

"We can't tell Seamus." He assures, tone holding a finality to it like it's the end of the matter but Steven's not going to let this drop, doesn't know what is going through Brendan's head right now.

"We can, I know he'll go mental but it'll be like Terry was, wasn't it and I'll be there anyway so he wouldn't touch you would he?"

"You don't know what he's like. Steven. He'll kill me – us." Brendan says and he's trying to drill it into Steven's brain but he's not fucking listening, instead he's getting annoyed and Brendan wills him to understand how fucking important this is but he just isn't getting it.

"I do know what he's like, Terry is exactly the same. You've seen what Terry did to me, that's what your dad does to you and I don't understand why you can't tell him! It will be better in the long run and I won't let him touch you."

"Steven…" Brendan starts but it makes the other boy even madder, making him stand up and flail his arms about and Brendan knows he isn't really angry; it's just the frustration of their situation putting him on edge and the need to say something here is almost overpowering.

Steven shouts. "Brendan, why can't you just do this?! Please, it will only take a second and I know exactly what your dad is like, I've been through that and if you think I can just–" He stops abruptly, his eyes widening and a deathly silence falls over them; both of them staring at the other and Brendan can see the tears forming in his boyfriend's eyes and he almost doesn't know why but then it clicks. He's spoken, he's said that one thing and he didn't even mean to but it just came out, spilled out of his mouth and he had no control over it and then suddenly Steven's running to the bathroom. The sound of him violently throwing up filling and bouncing off the flat's walls and Brendan sinks onto the sofa; head in his hands as he sobs because Steven is disgusted with him – so disgusted in fact that he's throwing up and he doesn't understand why he said it, why he let those words come out of his mouth because he's a fucking idiot and now he's lost the only person he will ever love. He's lost him because he's a freak – a disgusting, worthless freak that deserves everything he got and he's lost him because he said those words; because he told him and why did he have to? He's kept it to himself all these years…why did he have to tell the love of his life that his father raped him?

He sits and cries until he hears a faint noise behind him and then Steven he putting some whisky onto the table, pouring himself a shot and drinking it before pulling Brendan into his arms and Brendan lets him hold him; shakes and cries into Steven's shoulder as the other boy rocks him back and forth.

…

Brendan wakes up in Steven's arms, he must have passed out and he looks up at the person holding him tightly; can see the silent tears trickling down Steven's cheeks and he did that. He shouldn't have told him because now Steven's crying and holding onto him as though his life depends on it and Brendan flicks his gaze to the whisky bottle and notices how one quarter of it has gone; Steven having of drank it when he was sleeping. The other boy must sense he's awake because he shifts slightly and makes Brendan sit up, holds onto his hand as though he needs the connection more than Brendan does and when he looks into Steven's eyes he doesn't see disgust; he sees love and…devastation. "Can you tell me – me everything?" Steven asks and Brendan owes him this, he has to tell Steven everything and not just for the other boy but for himself as well; this secret – his abuse and torture – was always going to come out sometime and he may have wanted to keep it buried forever but that's impossible. Secrets can never stay secrets and this boy is looking at him as though he is everything and he needs to tell him.

So he does.

He grips hold of Steven's hand and looks into his eyes for reassurance, needs to know Steven is here to make him do this and when he's ready he begins to talk. Tells Steven how Seamus used to hit him from the minute he could walk but one day – when he was five, every changed; says how he had been playing in his bedroom and his father had come in and then he did _that_ and speaking about it now, he feels so much stronger than before. He tells his boyfriend he has lost count how many times Seamus has done that to him and Steven is crying but he's not pushing him away, he's squeezing Brendan's hand tighter and showing him he's never going to leave him and when Brendan has finished talking – Steven pulls him into his arms, tells him it's okay now.

Brendan's crying when they break apart and Steven quickly wipes away his own tears before placing his thumbs on Brendan's face and ridding the water from his cheeks. "Brendan, you know when I said I wanted to stay in your arms forever?" Steven asks and Brendan simply nods his head, remember back to when he said that because that's one of his most treasured memories of the other boy – that's when he first thought Steven loved him. "Well, what I really wanted to say is that I love you, forever and I'm going to help you through this, okay? I'm never, _ever _going to let you down because you're my zing Brendan and this…what your dad has done, I'm going to be here for you. Always. I love you, Brendan." His boyfriend states and it makes Brendan cry again, makes him pull Steven towards him and kiss him lightly before he finds his voice.

"I love you too, so much." He whispers and Steven pulls him in again, lets Brendan rest his head on his chest and they stay like that for long minutes until Steven begins stroking his hair and speaks.

"I think you should go see your mum tomorrow…" He says and Brendan hadn't even thought about his mum, he had far too much playing on his mind and now that Steven has spoken about it, he is still unsure about what he wants to do. He's already had a big day, spilled every secret he's had to Steven and he doesn't know how much more he can take right now; he's already fragile and thanks to Steven his thoughts are subsiding but they are still there – he still wonders what it would be like if he didn't exist and he looks up at Steven, a questioning expression on his face.

"Why?" He asks and Steven smiles at him, comforting and Brendan wonders what kind of creature he is because he isn't a boy; he's an angel and Brendan knows god must have hand-crafted him to make something so perfect, loving and beautiful.

"Because it might give you some closure, you know? It could help with some things…" Steven nods as though convincing himself too and Brendan takes a minute to think, tries to weigh up the pros and cons and then he looks up at his boyfriend; this boy who he trusts and loves with everything in his body and whispers 'okay'.

–OXO–

_** "Dad, please_!" _He screams, tugging against the binds that are strapping him to his chair but Seamus doesn't stop I instead he smirks a sadistic smile and caries on; letting the screams of pain wash over all three of them. This is the worst pain Brendan has ever felt in his life and it's not even his pain; it's Steven's – the love of his life's – but that makes it so much worse. He's trying to get out of the rope as fast as he can and they're burning and he can feel the blood trickling down from his wrists, pooling over his fingertips and dripping onto the floor but he isn't going to stop – he needs to help Steven before it's too late._

"_You know, Brenda. This is so much fun." He dad drawls, his serpent tongue slicking out between his cracked lips and his over-stretched arms holding the knife towards Steven's arms – cutting him, over and over again. Always cutting him and Brendan wonders how long they've been here, days, months, years? He doesn't know because the time stopped mattering a long, long time ago; ever since his father made that first cut and he can feel the pain in his wrists but he's not relenting. He'll never stop fighting._

"_Dad! Do it to me instead, please, please just stoop hurting him!"_

"_Seamus, no, do it to me!" Steven screams and it's been like this every single time, his boyfriend sacrificing his body to save Brendan and he doesn't want Steven to do that; he wants to take all the pain Seamus is willing to give because Steven doesn't deserve it – could never deserve it but Steven won't let his dad touch him. Begs Seamus every time to attack him instead and Brendan's forced to sit there and watch it; watch as Steven's body leaks more blood._

"_Don't worry, it's more fun doing it to you anyway." His father snarls and Brendan's fighting against those binds again and again and suddenly – after all this time of trying – they snap and fall to the ground; he wastes no time in freeing his feet and then he's running towards his boyfriend and father but when Seamus turns around he sneers. "About time, boy. Now I can do this, what I've been waiting for this whole time." He snarls and Brendan watches in horror as Seamus gets behind Steven and raises the knife to his boyfriend's throat. Steven doesn't look scared, in fact he looks almost calm and Brendan watches as he whispers 'I love you', a single tear dropping down his cheek and then Seamus releases an ear-piercing shriek and slashes across Steven's throat–**_

"Brendan! Wake up, it's okay!"

"Steven?..." He mumbles and he blinks his eyes open, tears holding them shut and when he looks up it's to see Steven looking down at him and the other boy raises his hand to his cheek and pulls him against his chest.

Brendan falls asleep against the warmth of Steven's chest, the other boy whispering 'I'm never going to leave you' into his ear.


	10. Chapter 10

**I don't know how to thank you guys enough for the reviews, they honestly do make me so happy so thank-you so much! I hope you like this chapter, chow x**

Brendan looks back at Steven's sleeping form, realising he doesn't look as peaceful in his unconsciousness as he has on other nights and of course he blames himself; it is because of him. He's been plagued by nightmares all night; always involving the same two people and even Steven's presence lying next to him hasn't kept them at bay. They've been the worst he's ever had – at least five of them but after the third he stopped counting and every one was worse than the last; Seamus killing Steven in the most gruesome of ways, Brendan killing Steven, Seamus and Steven plotting against him but the worst was the last one he had. He can think about it now and feel tears forming in his eyes – it was his father and Steven – as usual – but this time there was no murder, no torture and no violence; it was his boyfriend and his dad…_together_. Laughing at Brendan as they forced him to watch and they were breath 'I love you' into each-other's mouths, bringing each-other to orgasm as Brendan watched on and cried and he cannot tell Steven that – there's no way in hell.

Of course, he had woken Steven up every time he cried out – every time the nightmare became too torturous to keep quiet and Steven had simply held him and hushed him back to sleep; always telling him he was okay and everything was fine. But everything isn't fine. He's terrified Steven is going to see him differently now – his boyfriend has promised him he won't, that he never could but he's still scared. Steven could find someone who doesn't come with so much baggage – someone who isn't so fucked up – and the boy says he loves him and Brendan believe that but love is always reversible to him; look at what his mother has done. However, _his _love for Steven will never change and he prays he has drilled it into the other boy enough but he knows Steven deserves better and he's always going to be petrified that Steven will realise that one day – that he will see Brendan is just a little fuck up and he should be with someone who can offer him so much more.

He thinks back to some of the thinks Steven said last night; how he'll love him forever and that he's never gonna leave him but you can never, ever guarantee that; he could always leave him and then Brendan will have nothing and if these thoughts wasn't enough then the meeting with his mother later definitely puts him on the edge.

He doesn't even know what to expect when he sees her; he hopes she looks the same as before but then again he doesn't. If she looks like his mum and then pushes him away, he doesn't know how he could cope with that; he's already scared about breaking down, just at the sight of her. He has so many questions – too many questions that could be answered in a mere hour but he isn't going to go back after today; this is it. This is his mother's only chance to tell her why she stopped all contact with him and why she was so cruel; he remembers all the times she said she never had a son and every letter he ever gave to Cheryl, to give to her was always sent back. Unopened. She just erased him from her life completely; like she hadn't had a son for nine years and Cheryl even went to drastic measures – said he was fighting and told her about his overdose and she still didn't give a shit. Said she didn't care because Brendan was just fooling them all by pretending to be a person that didn't exist and she told Cheryl she didn't understand; couldn't figure out why his sister and dad were so calm with Brendan tricking them and worming his way into their life when he didn't even exist.

Cheryl of course had blamed it on his mother's 'mental illness' but that's the thing – what was even wrong with his mum? No-one was certain and it seems Seamus is the only person to have any idea, although Brendan reckons even hid dad doesn't have that much knowledge. The only thing Brendan knows is that the night his mum was taken away she had pleaded with Seamus and he's so confused about that; still doesn't know what his mother could have been saying and Seamus had said 'you're imagining things' but what could she have been imagining? He will have to ask.

He takes one final look at Steven and the lines on his brow have straightened out slightly but they are still there and his boyfriend is still sighing in his sleep; he's clearly distressed and Brendan contemplates waking him but he doesn't – instead he walks out of his bedroom and heads straight for the kitchen, hearing Cheryl's and his nan's voice's seeping through the door.

He listens to what they are saying – has always had to listen just in case someone is talking about him – but it seems they are not; they're purely talking about shit really and Brendan quickly knocks on the door before walking in.

"Where's Ste?" is the first thing his sister says to him and he can feel his nan's burning gaze on the side of his face; can practically sense how badly she wants to talk to him and this is the first time they have crossed paths since he moved in here – he's been able to avoid her and now he's praying for Cheryl to stay because he doesn't want to stay with the elderly woman. He reaches up to grab the jam out of the cupboard before he turns to answer his sister.

"He's still in bed, Cheryl…" He says and his fucking nan is still staring at him and surely she must know what is going on between him and Steven? He's covered in love-bites and his nan knows they sleep in the same bed; it's beyond obvious that they are in a relationship and his nan is a clever woman so he can already imagine the questions she is going to have when Cheryl leaves for work.

"Did you wear him out then?" Cheryl smirks and fucking hell he wishes the ground would just swallow him whole. His nan is looking at him with raised eyebrows and he shoots a glare at Cheryl and sighs heavily; she's only making matters ten times worse.

"Don't you have to be at work now?" he watches as his sister looks at the clock and panics; she's only just be given her job as a secretary and although he doesn't want to be left with his nan, that is important. Anyway, he needs Cheryl to work so she can keep a roof over his and Steven's heads. Cheryl walks over to him and places a kiss on his cheek, of course, he squirms away from it but it does make him feel slightly warm inside.

"Dad phoned yesterday, he said he wants to see the flat…" Cheryl says as she grabs her lunch out of the fridge and Brendan's eyes widen; prays his sister is not stupid enough to let their father into this flat because then it's tainted. He hasn't been here before and it's like Brendan's safe haven; even if his father came and went, it still wouldn't feel the same because he still would have been here. He still would have drunk from those cups and sat on that sofa and he doesn't want that; he wants to be safe and his father walking past that threshold will ruin everything. When Cheryl looks at him, she must see the distress on his face because she walks over, takes him by the shoulders and looks into his eyes.

"It's okay, Brendan. I said I'm not settled enough for him to come over, okay?" She says and Brendan visibly relaxes, a smile gracing his lips because his sister knew, didn't she? She knew how much Brendan didn't want his dad near him and it gives him new hope; he can tell his sister the truth one day and she might understand and if she doesn't then he still has Steven…at least for now anyway. "Now, I don't wanna here about you not getting to school on time, today. You have–" She looks at the clock ."–Two hours before you have to leave here so get your arse in gear, okay? I'll see you when I get back from work and Brendan, our meeting with mum is at six." She says and she presses one final kiss to Brendan's forehead before walking out the door and going to work.

Brendan turns and busies himself with making a jam sandwich, knowing for a fact it's only going to be mere minutes before his nan starts talking to him and her eyes are watching his every movement – taking it all in – and to be pretty fucking honest, it is doing his head right in. "Can I help you with something?" He sighs and even talking to this woman makes him feel sick; she disgusts him.

"Does that lad make you happy?" She replies and Brendan simply snorts at her, cannot believe the audacity of this woman because who the fuck does she think she is? She has no right to ask him about Steven – no right at all and when Brendan turns, it's to see his nan looking at him expectedly; like he's actually going to tell her something, the whole thing is laughable.

"That's none of your business." He states and his Nan's shoulders visibly slump, her face changing into a strange grimace and it looks like guilt is washing over her face but Brendan couldn't give two shits – she means nothing to him now. He turns back around and carries on making his food but his Nan's not giving up, she's talking again and Brendan isn't really listening to what she's saying but her voice is grating on him. Digging into his brain, making him unable to think and he's about to tell her to be quiet but she says something else, something that really pisses him off. "I just want you to be happy." She said and that's clearly bullshit because it that were true then she would have made him happy before – she would have helped him – because it's pretty obvious he couldn't be happy while his dad was beating him senseless and she hadn't even come back for him. She would have known how much worse Seamus' abuse got when his mum left; she could have help him after his mum left and she could have made him happy but she didn't so she gets no say in his life.

"Well, if you must know I am happy." He states and his Nan falls silent, an awkward tension filling the air because they're both just staring at each-other; unable to think of anything to say and if he's being honest he really doesn't want to talk to this woman but he doesn't want to keep this tension in the room and fuck, he doesn't _really _want to hold a grudge – he has to put this behind him so he can move forward with Steven and this is it, he has to draw a line under everything. "Why couldn't you just come back for me?" He asks and he hates the way he sounds – small, fragile, breakable and he doesn't want to be seen like that; the only person who should ever see him this way is Steven but it's too late. His Nan is already subtly moving towards him and he doesn't shrink away, instead he stands up straight and looks right at her.

"That's what I wanted to tell you the other day…I did come back, Brendan." She replies and Brendan feels his heart stop, he's shaking his head, tears forming in his eyes already because the look on his Nan's face is one of pure honestly – like this is absolutely true but how can it be? He would have known if she came back because he would have been safe a long time ago, she would have rescued him and she's walking even closer now until Brendan is forced to take a step back and put distance between them.

"No…" He shakes his head again and wipes his eye, feeling anger edge closer and crawl through his body because how the fuck can she lie about this? How can she pretend she wanted to look after him because she never did – she never tried to help him. "If you had come back, then I wouldn't be here now would I? I wouldn't have been beaten up every day for another six years if–"

"He said he would kill you, Brendan!" His Nan interrupts, grabbing his shoulders and making him _see _how desperate she is for him to believe her and he feels himself relenting – the amount of honesty in her eyes is too much to fake and then he allows himself to be pulled into a hug; feeling tears dripping down his cheeks.

"But – but, why did I never see you?" He cries and he can hear his Nan sniffing over his shoulder too, can feel her shaking against him and when she pulls away he can see her red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

"You was at school or out every time I came…Brendan I came for you so many times but in the end _Seamus _said if I didn't stop, then he would kill you…" She states and the way she spat his father's name suggests the mere mention of him makes her feel sick, her face twisting into an expression of disgust and Brendan doesn't know how to feel right now. Everything he has believed wasn't true – he's hated this woman for six years but she never deserved that hate; not when she did come back for him, when she _tried _to rescue him and the only thing that stopped her was his life. She obviously thought the risk of Seamus killing him was too high to risk and she was probably right – he's almost certain that Seamus would have killed him, rather than let him live a happy life and now he can't hate this woman anymore. He can't feel disgusted by her and he realises one important thing – he _has _missed his Nan, just as much as he's missed his mum. He's missed the chats they used to have, the way she tried to teach him to sew and the games they played; he's missed the talks about his mother's childhood and the little things they got up to but most of all he misses his Nan's love. The _amount _of love she offered so now he's pulling his Nan back into the hug, a single tear dripping onto her shoulder. "I'm so sorry…I should have tried harder."

He doesn't know what to reply to that so he doesn't speak, instead he squeezes her tighter before turning around and eating his jam sandwich; it's silent but it's not uncomfortable – it feels natural and when he walks out of the kitchen, he offers his Nan a small smile, knowing they have reached some kind of understanding and his Nan returns that smile before he walks back to his bedroom.

…

Steven's awake when he gets back into his bedroom and he's reading something – a book that Brendan is all too familiar with and when Steven looks up at him he's wearing a beaming grin, a twinkle in his eye. "I di'nt know you were into Shakespeare?" Steven says and Brendan moves on the bed to sit next to him, looking into Steven's eyes and he kinda wants to kiss him to say good morning but he's scared Steven is going to reject him, - is terrified in fact – but Steven obviously senses something because he leans forward and offers Brendan a chaste kiss; presses reassurance into his lip before pulling away and signalling to the book.

"I'm not _into _Shakespeare, I just like that book…" He states and Steven grins at him before gently flicking through the pages – it's like he knows Brendan cherishes it and when he looks up again, he closes the book lightly.

"Well, I read a bit and it seems proper decent." Steven says and Brendan smiles at him before standing up and walking over to the dresser. That book is decent and he's just getting into the thought of it – thinking about how beautiful their love story is – when he feels tentative lips on the back of his neck.

He can feel Steven's hesitance, probably doesn't know if he can touch Brendan like this because of what he's been told, but he can because Brendan trusts him with every ounce of his body. He leans into the other boy's chest and moves his arms back until he can grab hold of Steven's hands, pulls on them until Steven can wrap his arms around his body and pull him closer. Steven carries on kissing his neck – sucking over the already bruised skin and Brendan knows that skin is never going to be clear again, not when Steven is around and he doesn't want it to be. Steven begins to trail his hands under Brendan's t-shirt and he gets the hint – turns around and takes it off so he's topless and Steven immediately believes to kiss his chest and suck on his nipples.

"Don't stop…" He moans and Steven sucks harder, moves his hand down to let it sit at the top of Brendan's trackie bottoms and Brendan knows what he's waiting for; he's waiting for Brendan to give him permission to touch him and this is what he didn't want. They've been so open with each-other and now Steven is hesitating – waiting – when all Brendan wants is for him to touch him so he grabs Steven's hand and shoves it down into his trousers; groaning as Steven immediately starts working his dick and rubbing the pre-come over the head.

"Faster–" He moans and he leans his head onto Steven's shoulder, breathing heavily as the other boy speeds his hand up and wrings pleasure from his dick; rubs his thumb quick and fast over the little ridge located underneath the head and it's bringing him to orgasm too fast. Making everything blur and his breath hitch and it's with an all-body shudder, fist gripping hard into Steven's t-shirt and his teeth biting into the other boy's shoulder that he comes all over Steven's fist; his orgasm coming so violently it felt like it was being unceremoniously ripped from his body.

Steven lifts his hand to his mouth and rids it of Brendan's come – swallowing it all before kissing him; knowing Brendan will want to taste himself on his tongue and when they break apart, Brendan is still breathless. "I love you…" He mumbles and Steven beams at him, presses a chaste kiss onto his lips before echoing what he said and turning around to look for his school clothes.

"What time is your meeting with your mum?" Steven asks, pulling on his shirt and Brendan reciprocates his actions; getting dressed himself before he replies.

"It's at six–" He says and Steven looks at him with anticipation, obviously knows he wants to say something else because he is scared; he's scared of the things he could find out from his mother and Steven can see that fear all over his face – he never could hide his feelings from this boy and it only takes a second for Steven to walk towards him and hold his face in his palms.

"Whatever happens, Brendan. I am still going to be here and I'm going to look after you, okay? I'm never gonna give up on you." Steven says and he pulls Brendan into his arms, holds onto him before letting him go and continuing to get dressed. Brendan stands there, gaping a little before pulling on his trousers and he's smiling as Steven talks again. "By the way, tonight – I want you to read me some of that Romeo and Juliet. It'll be dead nice."

–OXO–

When he and Steven reach school, they have to break apart – both in completely different classes and neither of them want to leave the other; both wish them could stay with each-other for the entire time and this is why Brendan hates coming to school now because the lessons are an hour and a half long. An hour and a half he has to endure without his Steven and when his boyfriend walks away, they whisper 'I love you' quietly – the sound barely leaving their lips but they both hear it and they share a smile before the bell rings.

"You do realise he's walked around the corner, right?" Pete sneaks up behind his and mumbles into his ear, making him jump and snap his eyes away from the spot where Steven left; his heart feeling heavy in his chest.

"Yeah, course. I'm not an idiot." He states, trying to brush off Pete's comment and not make himself look like an idiot who is pining after someone who left no more than two minutes ago but Pete can see through him now – now that he knows what is going on between him and Steven and his friend is nudging him in the ribs and raising his eyebrows. Brendan nudges him back, feigning annoyance but he can't keep the small smile off his lips. "Shut up…" He drawls and Pete smirks at him before they both hear Aidan's booming laughter; Brendan doesn't miss the way Pete's face falls and he's about to ask what's wrong but Malachy is jumping on his back – rubbing his fist into his hair.

"Good on you mate!" Malachy sings and Pete is looking at Brendan with a guilty expression; mouthing 'sorry' and it's obvious what Pete has done – he has clearly told them about he and Steven and Brendan doesn't know how to feel about that. He wants to be angry because he trusted Pete but he can't bring himself to feel anything except relief; he's relieved because he's not the one that has to tell them and explain himself and his other friends are clearly okay with the whole situation because they are acting completely normal towards him.

"Shut up, guys." He responds and they all laugh at him before making their way to the classroom – the class Brendan has been dreading because he has to sit next to that wretched William Savage. When they reach the class, Will is already in his seat – smirking at Brendan as he sits down too and Brendan lets out a quiet sigh, knowing this is going to be painful.

…

It's not until the last ten minutes that Will speaks to him – mumbling in fact. They've been working in silence the entire lesson, saving Brendan from the sound of Will's annoying voice but that silence has allowed him to think; his thoughts trailing off to golden skin, blue eyes and perfect lips and that has been hard for him. Distracting him and making it extremely hard to concentrate of his English.

"I'm sorry for winding you up the other day, Brendan." Will snivels and Brendan wants to laugh in his face, thinks William is playing his little games again and trying to get under his skin but when he looks at the other boy's expression, he looks sincere; like he actually means his apology and Brendan can't hate forever, there's no point anymore and he's had enough of being angry.

"It's fine…" He mumbles and Will smiles at him before getting back to his work. It seems Brendan is making amends with a lot of people today and he feels happier for it – he cannot hold onto all that hate and rage inside his body anymore because it's grinding him down and killing him; he knows if he hadn't of met Steven then he would be even worse right now and he hopes this meeting with his mum ties everything up. Takes all of the pain he has been feeling about her departure away because when he gets an explanation – when he knows the truth – then that can make him realise and stop all these loose ends; stop him feeling like everything was and is his fault because it's not, not really. It's just, that kind of thinking has been drilled into him since the day he was born – snarled into his face at stolen opportunities and Steven helps him to think differently but he doesn't _completely _take those thoughts away; Steven wipes over the surface, straightens him out the best he can but once a piece of paper has been crumbled, it can never be perfect again, can it?

He may never be perfect again – no-one could be after the trauma he's been through – but Steven _makes _him feel perfect most of the time; makes him feel like he is worth everything and that's why he can never lose that boy. He makes him feel wanted, need, loved and that to Brendan means everything; means Steven is everything and more.

He gets through the rest of the lesson with a slight smile playing on his lips and at the end, the teacher who hates him says she likes the positive change in his behaviour.

…

It's lunch time now and he and Steven are sat with Pete, Aidan and Malachy; the other boy's eyeing him and his boyfriend with tiny smiles on their faces and it hasn't gone unnoticed by Steven. He's rubbing Brendan's leg and squeezing his knee whenever one of the boy's looks at them and Brendan smirks at him – a look that is reciprocated and they both clearly have the same things on their mind when Brendan grabs Steven's hand and rubs it further up his thigh. He lets the other boy's hand sit over his groin for a moment before he can feel himself hardening and only then does he push Steven's hand away; knowing they can't really be doing that in this busy canteen – even if it is what they both want.

"So…–" They both look away from each-other and inwardly groan at the playful smirk on Malachy's face. "How did you two become so…close then?" They look back at each-other, images of a drunken kiss and a heart-felt speech dancing in front of their eyes and that's the thing – it was for their eyes only meaning it's their secret. It's something special that only the two of them share and they are going to keep that concealed from anyone else. They share a smile – a silent agreement and when Steven talks he moves his hand to hold onto Brendan's under the table.

"It's a secret…" Steven grins and he's about to say something else but Alyson's voice rings from behind them and there's a strange tone lacing her voice – something that immediately doesn't sit right with Brendan.

"Ste, can I talk to you please?" She questions and Steven looks at him with an unsure expression – can obviously hear the strange tone just like Brendan can and Brendan squeezes his hand ; telling him it's okay before Steven stands up and trails after her. It only takes him about ten seconds to follow after them, wanting to know what Alyson wants and completely ignoring his friends questioning calls.

He hears Steven before he sees him and he hides around the corner – listening to Steven's voice and he and Alyson have only been gone a mere minute but Steven's voice is a raised whisper; a heated hushed argument is going on between the two of them and Brendan peeks his head around the corner to make the sound of their voices clearer. People are looking – staring at his boyfriend and Alyson but he can see Steven is seething; fuming and he's too angry to take notice of anyone else.

"Please, Ste!" Alyson is gripping Steven's school jumper and pleading into his eyes; looking straight into him and his boyfriend is trying to shrug her off, forcing her wrists away and Brendan doesn't know what's going on but it doesn't take long for him to find out. "Ste, I love you!" She cries and of course, how could he have not seen it before. This must be why she hates him, because he has Steven and she wants him but he isn't surprised; everyone in their right mind would want Steven and he watches on as she tries to make his boyfriend see 'sense'. "Ste, he's weird! You're always going to be his dirty, little secret because he's never going to admit that you two are together. Please, I can be everything you want–"

"You're crazy!" Steven snarls back at her and everyone is taking the scene in – gaping at them and Steven is still ranting at her as she slams her lips onto his, trying to force her tongue in and it's that act that finally makes Brendan move; makes him walk towards them and pull Steven away from her.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He asks the now clearly distressed Alyson and _so _many fucking people are watching from the side-lines and the words are repeating in his head; '_dirty little secret_' and Steven is anything but dirty – he's the best thing in Brendan's life and it takes him a second to decide. "Steven…" He drawls and then he's placing his hand behind Steven's head, pulling him into a passionate kiss as everyone watches on – talking in hushed whispers and gasping because everyone thought he was homophobic, right? Clearly they didn't suspect he was gay and Steven is releasing shocked whimpers as Brendan deepens the kiss. Shoving his tongue into Steve's throat before pulling away and smirking at Alyson. "There, now he's not my secret anymore and you can stay away from him." He watches as Alyson's eyes tear up and she runs away, pushing past people as they stare at Brendan – mouth hanging open and he turns around when Steven speaks.

"Brendan…you just…what?" Steven mumbles and Brendan turns around to smile at him, takes hold of his hand and walks back to the canteen – ignoring all the fuckers who are giving him strange looks.

…

"I still can't believe you did that earlier, you know…" Steven mumbles and they are holding hands, Brendan finding confidence from somewhere deep inside him and his other friends are walking behind them – laughing and joking as he and Steven are openly acting like a _couple_.

"Yeah, well, I wanted to show everyone how much I love you…" He replies and they smile at each-other just as fucking Gaz walks towards them.

"Well, Brendan. I never knew you were like _him –_" Gaz spits, looking Steven up and down in disgust and Brendan wrenches his hand away because if he doesn't then Steven's is in serious risk of losing all feeling – considering how hard Brendan is clenching his fists. "You know, I should have seen it before. That's why you stopped me beating the little queer up because you're a faggot yourself and you wanted his arse, I'm right ain't I?" Gaz snarls and Brendan is so fucking close to hitting him but someone else gets there first; knocks Gaz to the ground and towers over him and once again it is Brendan having to hold Steven back.

"Don't fucking talk to him like that, you're sick!" His boyfriend sneers and fucking hell, Brendan knew he had a temper but Steven is clearly as bad as him and Brendan has to kiss him to calm him down.

"It's okay, leave him. We need to get home anyway…" He croons and Steven listens to him, takes hold of his hand again before spitting on the ground next to Gaz's bloodied face and Brendan smirks as they walk away.

–OXO–

"Shame that." Steven grins and Brendan stares at him confused because he doesn't know what he is going on about.

Steven is laying on his stomach, sprawled out on Brendan's bed, propped up on his elbows with his nose buried in Romeo and Juliet and every now and then he looks up to stare at Brendan as he gets changed; moving his eyes up and down Brendan's body as the exposed skin is covered back up. "What?" Brendan asks, beginning to button up his red shirt and Steven flips the book over; faces the pages down to keep it open and walks towards Brendan with a smirk on his face.

"I mean…it's a shame, covering this up…" He mumbles and he's biting his bottom lip, rubbing his hands up Brendan's chest until he can slip his shirt off and Brendan can feel himself reacting to Steven's soft touches – his cock hardening as Steven kisses up his neck and his boyfriend is pulling him back to the bed; pulling Brendan on top of him and they can't do this now, not when Cheryl is cooking them dinner and Brendan has the visit with his mum in a hour so reluctantly, he pulls away.

"Steven, you know I would love to but I really need to get ready." He sighs and Steven pouts at him – that fucking gorgeous pout that Brendan couldn't resist kissing in a million years – so he leans down and presses their lips together quickly; far too quickly for it to progress into something else and that's the way it has to be right now, especially as Cheryl is knocking on the door.

"Guys, hurry up – dinner is ready." She calls, walking away and Brendan quickly tidies himself up – buttons his shirt and straightens out his jeans – before shooting Steven a wink and walking out the door; knowing his boyfriend is going to be pouting at the dinner table – just because he didn't get any.

The smell of garlic and herbs hits him and he walks into the kitchen to see his Nan cutting pizza and Cheryl busying herself with pouring the drinks. He walks over to the table and sits down – Steven immediately sitting opposite him and rubbing his foot up his leg and Brendan has to shoot him a glance to get him to stop. "You're no fun…" Steven moans and Brendan simply smirks at him before shifting in his seat and watching as his Nan brings there food over.

…

Later, when they have all finished eating and it is only half-an-hour until Brendan's meeting, they sit on the sofa watching some crappy program but Brendan isn't looking at the TV. He's too busy looking down at his boyfriend's glowing face as Steven curls up closer against his side and Brendan is stroking through his hair; carding his fingers through it and ridding it of product and he can feel his Nan's eyes on them. Knows she's taking in the scene but he couldn't care less, he's more than acceptant of this now – he accepted it a long time ago.

It's obvious that he and Steven are in a relationship but he doesn't care anymore – he's sick and tired of keeping his love for this boy a secret and when he had kissed Steven earlier, everything had come together. He had finally felt free, like everything felt _right _and now he's beginning to realise just how happy he is now that people know. He doesn't have to worry about people – except Seamus – finding out and that's what makes him feel like a normal person; well as normal as someone like him can be and he didn't even realise just how _much _he wanted to be open about this.

He presses a kiss to the top of Steven's head and turns to see Cheryl picking up her car keys and signalling to the clock – telling him it's time to go and he takes a deep breath before gently pushing Steven off of him and standing up. He's petrified now and as he begins to walk towards Cheryl, Steven grabs hold of his hand; pulling him back and hugging him before letting him go. "I love you…" Steven mumbles and Brendan looks towards his Nan to see her reaction but she's doing nothing except smiling warmly at him and so he takes Steven's face in his hands and brings their lips together.

"I love you too…" He replies and he can hear Cheryl squealing in the background as Steven beams at him and he rubs his thumb over the other boy's cheek before turning back around. "Let's go then…" He says to Cheryl and she nods, breathes deeply and they are clearly both nervous about what is to come.

"Good luck…" His Nan calls after him and he smiles at her before walking out of the front door.

–OXO–

"Are you scared?" Cheryl whispers and he simply nods at her before turning to look out the window; they're only about ten minutes away from the hospital – away from his mum – and he can feel a nervous twinge coursing through his body. He doesn't know what to expect when he sees this woman after so many years and he keeps thinking about what she meant when she left; why she was saying sorry and then it hits him like a two tonne truck – he can't believe he didn't see it before and he goes back to the day before she left. Remembers the thing that happened and everything is so clear now…

_*Seamus has him pinned up against the wall by his throat, snarling into his face as he unbuttons his trousers and this is the second time this has happened today – this is the second time his father has tried to rape him only this time he had told him no; had pushed him away and that is why his punishment is the most disgusting thing in the world. "Go on then, Brenda." Seamus sneers and he's only done this to Brendan a few times, when Brendan's been especially 'bad' and he needs to learn his lesson and sometimes he feels like this is the worst thing Seamus could possibly do to him but he would rather this than have his father push inside him. _

_His dad is pushing down on his shoulders and he relents to prevent himself from being beaten; he sinks to his knees and takes hold of his father's naked thighs – pulls Seamus' boxers down further and takes his cock in his mouth. _

_He hates doing this; it disgusts him and makes vomit crawl up his throat but it's either this or face excruciating pain. He would rather taste his father's bitter come sliding down his throat than have that done to him and his father is sighing in pleasure as he continues to suck. Tears are rolling down as cheeks as his mouth is stretched further and he can tell Seamus is close; he's gripping Brendan's hair and shoving his mouth down on him and he's about to come but the study door creaks shut and Seamus pulls away as though he's been burned._

"_What was that?!" His dad panics and Brendan points to the window to indicate the wind must have blown it closed and Seamus sighs in relief before he grabs Brendan's head and shoves himself back in his mouth…*_

He remembers how he had found his mum silently crying and the dinner table only ten minutes after that incident; how she had said she was watching something upsetting on TV but maybe she hadn't – maybe the wind didn't blow the door close and maybe, just maybe his mother had seen what Seamus was doing to him.

That would explain why she was saying sorry, and why Seamus had to get rid of her quickly and Brendan can feel angry welling in his gut; if his mother had seen then how could she leave him? At least his Nan had come back for him but his mum hadn't. She had just casted him aside and denied his existence and this just explains _everything_. If she knew what Seamus did then maybe seeing Brendan's face was too painful for her – especially as she knew she had let him down and this might be the reason she wanted nothing to do with him; because she couldn't face up to the things her husband had done right under her nose and this is the only explanation.

She must have felt too guilty to look Brendan in the eyes because she could have prevented him suffering but she didn't; if she had just questioned him about his bruises instead of listening to Seamus' lies then she could have helped him. If she had asked why Brendan always cowered away from his father then he would have admitted the truth and knowing that fact all these years must have been eating her alive. She's clearly a selfish woman and not the mum Brendan thought she was because she probably only wants to see him now because it's become too much; her guilt and despair has obviously driven her to breaking point and now that she has waited all this time she needs to apologise…

That is the only reasonable explanation.

"We're here now…" Cheryl flicks off the ignition and takes the keys out of the car, turning to look at Brendan before smiling softly. "I'm going to go in first and when she asks for you, you can go in, okay?" She says and Brendan nods at her before getting out of the car.

The sky is grey and miserable and it immediately makes Brendan feel uneasy; he's come to realise that the weather is a good indication of things to come and every day since he's been with Steven, the weather has been okay. It was only that one time when Terry beat his boyfriend up the weather was bad; the storm showing Brendan something bad was going to happen and now he pays a lot more attention to the weather – watches it to see if anything horrendous is going to happen and now that it's starting to rain, he knows something is going to happen in the meeting with his mum. It's like a pre-warning.

He follows Cheryl as she walks through the Hospital doors and he's always hated these places – the whole idea of them creeps him out. The newly-cleaned smell, the beeping of machines, the ambulances, people rushing around; it's all just…creepy. He watches as various nursing staff rush around and grab different instruments – keeps his head down and walks closely behind Cheryl because he doesn't want to lose her; the one and only time he had come here with her, trying to get his mum to just listen to him, he had gotten lost and had ended up walking into a surgery. He does not want to repeat that mistake.

He stands directly behind his sister when she tells the receptionist they are here to see 'Lynsey Brady' and the woman behind the counter eyes him warily; she's never seen him before and she has a right to be suspicious and when she points to him, Cheryl simply tells her he is her brother.

They walk towards their mother's room and Brendan sits down on the chair outside as Cheryl goes in – telling him she shouldn't be too long and to get ready to see Lynsey because she looks different to the last time he saw her. He wonders how she could look different; yes, it's been over six years now but Seamus doesn't look that different – surely she couldn't have aged that much and when Cheryl comes out of the room and he goes in, he realises she didn't mean their mum had gained a few more wrinkles.

She's sat in her chair, nightie and blanket covering her and she's almost unrecognisable; her hair is matted, she's rocking back and forth and there's a pair of knitting needles in her hands. You would think she was an eighty year old woman; not a lady aged thirty-six.

"Mum…" He mumbles and her head shoots up, staring at him and he's scared of her as he sits in the seat opposite; her eyes are cold and wild and she hasn't stopped rocking. Instead she has increased in speed and maybe Seamus was right because she does look crazy. "Mum…it's Brendan."

"I know who you are." She scoffs at him and he sits back in the chair, trying to put more distance between them because she looks livid; her delicate features twisting into an almost inhuman expression and fucking hell this isn't his mum. This woman is nothing like the mum he used to know and he doesn't understand how she has turned into this person; this shadow of her formal self and even if she does know the truth about him and Seamus, why has she turned into this? His Nan hasn't gone crazy but his mum…well she looks insane right now.

"Cheryl said you wanted to see me…" He whispers and any confidence her may have possessed is gone because of the hatred he sees in his mother's eyes; she's glaring at him and snarling and when she talks he can clearly hear the detestation in her voice.

"Yes, I did." She sneers and Brendan moves _even _further back in his chair; shifting away from her as she leans forward. "I wanted to thank you." _Thank him_? What has she got to thank him about because he's done nothing? He's stayed away from her and maybe that's what she means – maybe she wants to thank him for following her wishes but the look on her face suggests something a lot more sinister.

"T–Thank me for what?" He stutters and she actually cackles at him, placing her knitting needles down on the arm of the chair before suddenly standing up and grabbing hold of his hand; digging her nails into his skin so hard he's terrified she's going to draw blood.

"I wanted to thank you for putting me in here; it's all your fault." His mother snarls and Brendan can feel stinging tears prick at his eyes because it wasn't him that put her here – it wasn't him that said she was crazy it was Seamus and he doesn't understand why she's doing this to him. It's not his fault his father did this to her and he wonders how she can make this assumption, how she can blame him so he asks her.

"B-But what did I do?" He cries as she digs her nails in deeper and he can hear his skin pop, the tiny droplets of blood falling from his broken flesh as she pulls him to his feet so she can lean directly into his face.

"You. You didn't fight him off and now look where I am; I'm here because you couldn't keep your legs closed." She growls and Brendan can't believe what he's hearing, can't believe she blames him for her being here and he doesn't understand how she can…can say she's here because his dad was raping him and he especially can't believe how she can say it in that way. She's making out like he enjoyed what his father was doing to him; that he enjoyed being raped until he bled, that he liked the feeling of never being clean again and he pushes her away from him before he doesn't something he will regret.

"How can you say that? I never asked for this, I never wanted _this_. Do you think I asked to have that done to me? That I _enjoyed _it? It's not my fault Seamus put you in here!" He seethes and his mother laughs at him, banging her fists on the chair as he backs away and fucking hell she has turned crazy because how can a sane person say something like that? That he asked to be raped and her saying that makes her just as sick as Seamus is.

"It is your fault! I wish you were never born because now I'm stuck here forever!" That hurts him, that really hurts him because it's only ever been Seamus that has said that to him and that must mean his mum really hates him; that she honestly blames him for everything because before she said that he thought it might have been a sick joke. That she was just playing a cruel trick on him but he can see it in her eyes – there's no joking there. Just pure rage and loathing.

"But…I'm your son…" He whispers and it sounds pitiful to his own ears; sounds weak and meaningless and his mum clearly thinks the same because she cackles once again.

"You stopped being my son the day you put me in here." She snaps and then she's walking towards him suddenly, too quickly for him to react and when she reaches him she grabs his head and pulls it upwards; looking at the love-bites on his neck. "Did he give you those? And you say you don't enjoy it…yeah right. You're disgusting!" He pulls away from her and looks dead into her eyes; the amount of hatred he feels for this woman is immense now and he may as well tell her, it's not like she can detest him anymore.

"No actually, my _boyfriend _gave them to me." He replies, voice calm and he emphasises the word 'boyfriend', making sure she hears him clearly because what has he got to lose? This woman means fuck all to him now and if she's going to hate him then he may as well give her even more reason to loathe her own son. If she's anything like Seamus then she should find the whole 'gay' thing repulsive and be afraid to touch him.

"You're gay?" She spits and he smirks at her, nodding his head as he puts his hands behind his neck and unclasps the cross that is lying against his chest.

"This belongs to you…" He mutters as he pushes the cross into the palm of her hand and she stares at the necklace; shaking her head as she looks down at it and Brendan turns and begins to walk towards the door but then he remembers something. There's something he needs to say and all of a sudden it feels immensely important. "Don't worry, Lynsey. I won't come back here, not now I know how much you hate me." He speaks and as he walks out the door he can hear his mum shout 'good', can picture her bitter smile and he lets a single tear slip down his cheek before he wipes it away and goes to locate his sister.

–OXO–

He's at home now, lying in bed with Steven and the other boy knows what happened with his mum but Cheryl doesn't; of course he couldn't tell her how it's apparently his fault their mother is in that hospital but Brendan thinks it's the best place for her. He doesn't know why she's turned against him completely but he feels like she is in the best place – there's nothing the outside world could do for her and if she thinks people enjoy being raped then she deserves to be there. She deserves to rot.

He hasn't cried over her and he isn't going to either; she doesn't deserve his tears and he's had enough pain in his life to be able to deal with this – besides, he now has everyone he could need. Three amazingly, understanding friends, his sister and Nan and most importantly he has the best boyfriend he could possibly wish for.

"You sure you're okay?" Steven whispers as he nuzzles into his neck and pulls Brendan closer; entwining their legs together and wrapping his arm around his waist and Brendan turns his head to look Steven in the eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine and–"

"Brendan, are you sure because you don't need to hide your feelings. I'm here for you and I won't–" He moves his hand up to cup Steven's cheek and presses a light kiss to his mouth, stopping him from talking as he rolls them both over and settles himself on top of Steven's body.

"I promise you, I'm fine…" He presses more kisses to Steven's face and mouth, slips his tongue in before moving down his boyfriend's body and placing his lips to Steven's neck. "Now, can you stop talking please because I kind of want to…" He trails his hand slowly down Steven's body to emphasise his meaning – takes hold of Steven's dick and begins pumping it slowly.

"Bren…" Steven moans as Brendan moves further down his body and he takes him in his mouth; immediately sucking the length of his dick into his mouth and he can taste Steven's bitter pre-come but he loves it. It's the thing he wants to taste all day, every day and he could never tire of it – could never have enough and he wants it all, he wants more and so he carries on sucking until Steven explodes down his throat.

"Fuck Brendan…" Brendan moves back up his body and kisses him deeply – shares Steven's taste and when they are both breathless with the kiss, they break away from each-other. "I love you…" Steven whispers as he presses kisses into Brendan's chest and they snuggle closer before Brendan places his lips on Steven's forehead.

"I love you too." He mumbles as he pushes Steven's fringe away from his face and just before Brendan falls asleep, he can't help feeling lucky; even after everything he has been through – he has Steven and that makes up for everything.

**I think you guys might like the next chapter…maybe ;) **


	11. Chapter 11

**I forgot to put this in the last chapter but I cannot believe you guys have written me over one hundred reviews! That's truly amazing, thank-you!**

**Okay, I'm seriously not happy with this chapter but I hope you guys like it…**

**Quick mention – Shout-out to the very sweet 'TheStendanExperience', I suggest you check out her fics as they are beautifully written and perfect in every way possible – she is also amazing at writing filth, if you are into that ;) You should definitely check out 'Starting Anew'. She keeps coming up with amazing ways our boys should have reunited or fixed their problems. Give her fics a read! Chow x**

…

He jolts awake suddenly and when he stretches out his arm, he knows why straight away; Steven isn't next to him and he cannot sleep without that boy anymore, he's the only thing that keeps him at peace.

He sits up and rubs his eyes tiredly, blinking them open as he looks around the room for his boyfriend and when he spots him, he sighs. He's stood by the window again and Brendan already knows why; he has this strange theory about aliens. Swears to Brendan that they have been stalking him since he was about six and Brendan's sceptical – has never been a big believer of 'other life forms' but the way Steven behaves _scares _him. The other boy is terrified that they are going to get him one day and he says they want him – that they watch over him and he says he can see them sometimes; that he looks out of the bedroom window and there is one standing there. Just looking up at him and pointing and of course Brendan thinks it's poppycock but he isn't going to argue about it.

However, that is not the only thing Steven believes; he thinks Owls belong to alien life forms – that they were sent here to spy on humans and Brendan had thought he was joking until he saw the serious expression on Steven's face.

"Come back to bed…" He groans and Steven startles, whips his head around before walking towards Brendan and pulling him out of bed. He sighs because this occurrence isn't unfamiliar either; Steven is going to try and show him the 'alien' or 'UFO's' and when he gets to the window, there's going to be nothing there. This has happened at least seven times in the last two weeks. "Steven…"

"No, Brendan look." Steven points down to the garden and sighs, once again there is nothing there and Brendan simply moves behind Steven and wraps his arms around his waist, resting his chin on his shoulder before kissing his neck softly. "I swear it were there…" Steven whispers and Brendan can see tears forming in his eyes; he doesn't know what it's like to see things that disappear and it must be pretty tough on his boyfriend – thinking people don't believe him so he turns Steven in his arms and cups his face.

"I believe you…" He mumbles and Steven beams at him, blinking away his tears as he pulls Brendan into a kiss and pushes him back to the bed. Steven immediately straddles him and deepens the kiss, tangling their tongues together and running his hands across Brendan's chest; carding his fingers through the hair that lies there. Brendan moves his hands to Steven's waist and flips them over until he's on top; Steven wrapping his legs Brendan's back as their naked groins create a delicious friction and they're gasping into each-others mouths as Steven rocks his hips up to meet Brendan's thrusts.

He moves his hand in between their bodies and rests his weight on one elbow as he slicks pre-come down both of their shafts; easing the dry friction and this new slide is making his orgasm rush up on him; making pleasure coil around his spine and their lips are slack together, panting into each-others mouths and when they kiss, there's too much spit and tongue but it works. It makes the whole thing more pleasurable and he lets his head fall on Steven's shoulder just as he comes, the other boy following almost immediately after him and they lay like that for long minutes; coming down together and Steven's stroking up his back slowly as they ease down from their high.

"Fucking hell…" He groans and turns to the side, Steven instantly wrapping himself around Brendan's body and leaning his head on his chest; it's too early for them to move about and clean up so they'll just leave that until later and right now Brendan just wants to stay like this. Steven pulling him close and holding on. "It scares you, doesn't it?" He mumbles and he's not even sure if Steven heard him – doesn't know if he was actually meant to let the other boy hear – but then Steven lifts his head and Brendan can see his brows furrow in the darkness.

"What scares me?" Steven questions before laying his head back down and rubbing Brendan's chest aimlessly. Brendan thinks for a second – isn't sure how he's supposed to word it because he can tell Steven is shit scared of the things he sees but whenever Brendan tries to talk to him about it, he shuts down; pushes him away and says it's nothing and that he's fine but Brendan can see, can't he? He's always been able to see things when it came to Steven and he doesn't understand why the other boy chooses to shut him out on this.

It's like, no matter what Brendan says Steven still thinks he doesn't believe him on this; yes, it is incredibly hard for him to get his head around it because he's never seen anything like that – he's never experienced the things Steven experiences and the other boy says he must think he's crazy but he doesn't. Not in a long shot. "The things you see…they scare you, don't they?" Steven sighs before rolling away from him and facing the wall – this is what he does every single time, just pushes Brendan away and refuses to talk about it. "Steven, why won't you talk to me about this?" He places his hand on Steven's shoulder and turns him to face him, pulls him up until they are both in a seated position and only then; when Steven is facing him, does he take hold of his boyfriend's hand and squeezes it reassuringly. "Tell me…"

"Yeah they do scare me but you don't believe me, any people I have told have thought I'm a freak…" Steven whispers but surely he knows Brendan wouldn't think that? He couldn't ever think that because out of both of them, Brendan is the biggest freak; although, Steven is helping him to think differently. These past two weeks have been perfect; Seamus has backed off, his Nan has been amazing to him and they have bonded extremely well and school has been near enough perfect. The only thing that has been off is Steven's 'alien' episodes.

He cups Steven's face and kisses him lightly before talking. "I do believe you, I promise I do and I don't think you're a freak, I never could okay? I love you and all your quirks…" He smirks at the last part and Steven smiles at him before kissing him again and laying down – pulling Brendan with him and they lay like that for long minutes until eventually sleep takes them again.

…

"Brendan…Brendan wake up!" Steven is shaking him awake and he groans as he stretches in bed and his joints pop; he doesn't know how long they've been sleeping for but by the tired-induced headache and watery eyes, he guesses it wasn't for long. "Brendan, it's like ten o'clock and do you even know what day it is?"

Fuck.

It's his birthday today and he really isn't in the mood to do anything, he would rather stay in bed all day and sleep but Steven is pushing for him to answer. "Yes, Steven. I know what day it is…" He sighs as he turns around and pulls Steven towards him, buries his face in the other boy's neck because maybe if he's sneaky, he can squeeze an extra five minutes sleep out of the boy. His plan doesn't work. "Brendan, that isn't going to work. Get up…come _on_." Steven pokes Brendan's cheek and eventually Brendan relents, sitting up and crosses his arms over his chest – in what could only be described a 'tantrum' fashion.

"Don't see what all the fuss is about." He mutters and Steven grins at him before it turns into a filthy smile, something that gets Brendan's blood thrumming and Steven kisses him passionately; morning breath be damned.

When Steven breaks away, they are both breathless and the other boy plants one final kiss to Brendan's lips before standing up. "If you don't want to make a big fuss, then I guess you don't want your present?" Steven smirks and that gets Brendan thinking, he didn't think Steven would have brought him a present so he can't even begin to think of what it could be. He smiles at his boyfriend as he pulls on his boxers and his eyes trail over his body; he's completely bruise free now and even his scars seem to have calmed down a bit. They are obviously still there but they are no longer inflamed and instead lay flat against Steven's skin. He takes in the boy's golden complexion and smiles; he is _his b_oy and Brendan is his, they belong to each-other and no-one will ever change that or get in the way of it; it was inevitable from the start and Brendan wouldn't have it any other way. "What are you smiling at?"

Brendan blinks out of his daze and smirks at Steven. "Oh, nothing…anyway, what is my present then? Let's have it." He says and Steven blinks his ridiculously long lashes at him before shaking his head and smiling.

"Nope, you can't have it until later." He states and Brendan sighs, crossing him arms and feeling a little annoyed because he wants it _now_; patience has never been his strong point. Steven bites his lip before walking over to Brendan and sitting on his lap, wrapping his arms around his neck before kissing him all over his face. It feels nice and it makes Brendan smile; this boy – his boy – giving him this much attention and Steven presses a chaste kiss to his lips before standing up, pulling on a pair of jogging bottoms and a t-shirt, and walking over to the door. "Get dressed because I think Chez has cooked you some special breakfast or something…" Brendan raises his eyebrows at him and scrunches up his nose, making Steven look at him incredulously. "It had nowt to do with me!" He cries and Brendan nods disbelievingly just before Steven grins at him and walks out the door.

Brendan sits there for a second, watching Steven go before standing up and carding his hands through his hair, brushing out any knots with his fingers. He's sixteen today but he doesn't want to be; he doesn't want it to be his birthday because they bring him nothing but pain. Ever since his mother was taken away, his birthdays have been nothing to celebrate; they've been just like any other day except he gets a present from Cheryl and an extra beating from Seamus. Although, this birthday is different because he's away from his father and he has Steven; the boy he would do anything for and vice-versa, that should make today a much more enjoyable experience.

As he pulls on some loose clothing, he cannot imagine what Steven's present could be; the other boy hasn't asked him what he wants and Brendan feels a nervous anticipation coursing through his body. What if he doesn't like what Steven has got him? He knows he probably will and even if he doesn't then he will just say he does and besides, maybe this is a good thing because the other boy's birthday is next month and he's going to need some ideas. He and Steven know everything about each-other but it's still going to be hard to pick a present for the boy; nothing is good enough for him and it's going to be near enough impossible to find something that is acceptable. He'll have to ask Cheryl for some help.

When he walks out of his bedroom and into the kitchen, the scene in front of him makes him smile. Steven is sitting at the kitchen table, still reading through 'Romeo and Juliet' and stuffing toast into his mouth as Cheryl ruffles his hair; enticing a laugh from his Nan as she's stirring a coffee and this is his family. This is everything he's ever wanted – more in fact – and he's going to cling onto it, enough every minute because his life depends on this; he needs this because he's had so much shit in his life and putting up with anymore will kill him. It will finally rip his heart out and he wouldn't be Brendan Brady anymore, he would be a shell and his whole life would change; he thinks he could survive if his Nan left again but if he lost Cheryl then that would hurt but he could live on. However, if he lost Steven then everything would change and any love he feels inside himself now would simply evaporate – disappear never to be seen again.

Cheryl spots him and smiles, signals for him to sit next to Steven before placing a bacon sandwich and a card in front of him. He looks at the card and fingers the red envelope; everyone is looking at him with anticipation in their eyes and when he opens the card, he realises it is from all three of them and each of his family members – including Steven have put their own message inside.

He looks at Cheryl's first and smiles, it reads –

_To the best brother anyone could possibly wish for, I hope you have an amazing birthday and I love you lots. Love Chez x_

Next, it is his Nan's message –

_Happy Birthday, Brendan. You deserve the best and I hope this is a special day for you. Love you always, Nana xx_

After that it is the message he has been anxious to read since he opened the card; it's the longest one and the one that is going to mean everything to him. The one from Steven –

_Bren, I know when we first met it were difficult but now I wouldn't change anything for the world. I'm so happy to have you in my life and I always want you to be here, you have changed everything and I never want to lose you. You mean everything to me and I love you with my whole heart, with everything I have in me. Yours forever, your Steven xxx_

By the time he has finished, tears are swimming in his eyes and when he looks up; everyone is staring at him, smiles on their faces and he reaches across the table to grab Steven's hand and squeezes it. The other boy beaming at him and Brendan thanks them all before eating his sandwich.

...

"So, what are we doing today?" Brendan asks and he and Steven are changing into their proper clothes; Steven pulling on jeans and a polo shirt while Brendan settles for a black t-shirt and trackies and they haven't even spoken about their plans today. Every time Brendan has asked what they are doing, Steven has ignored him and smirked; occasionally winking every now and then and he's walking up to Brendan now and wrapping his arms around his waist.

"Well…" Steven starts and he's smiling up at Brendan as though he is his whole world, as though he means everything to him and Steven presses a kiss to his lips before continuing. "I am going to get your present and you are going out with Malachy, Pete and Aidan…" That's new to Brendan, he didn't even know his friends wanted to spend today with him and they've been around him the past two weeks but they haven't mentioned his birthday. Haven't even breathed a word to him so he can't help but feel suspicious.

He pulls Steven closer to him and smiles, kissing along Steven's neck because this normally works; it may be a dirty tactic but Steven has this spot behind his ear that drives him wild. Makes him tell Brendan everything and if he could just reach that… – "That's not going to work Brendan…" Steven sighs and Brendan smirks before sucking his neck harder; trailing his hand down Steven's body until he can cup him through his trousers and he rubs, feeling Steven's cock harden under his touch but it seems today his tricks are not going to work and the other boy grabs his hand before planting a chaste kiss to his cheek. "Sorry Bren but they're gonna be here soon so we can't do anything." Steven smirks, pouting a little at Brendan.

"Who's going to be here?"

"Malachy, Pete and Aidan! Keep up." Steven pats his cheek and squeezes it a little before pushing Brendan out of the bedroom door and into the longue. Cheryl and his Nan are curled up on the sofa, watching some chick flick and he's about to sit down, just as the door bells rings. "That'll be them!" Steven chimes behind him and everything is happening so fast; Steven is pulling him towards the door and pushing him out, giving Brendan a kiss before closing the front door. It's safe to say, Brendan is slightly confused.

"Alright mate? Happy birthday!" Pete drawls, hugging Brendan slightly and Aidan and Malachy are looking at him too, patting him on the back as they walk away and tell him they are going to the cinema and Brendan is beyond confused. He tells his friends he doesn't even have any money and they tell him not to worry – it's their treat since it's his birthday and everyone is just acting so weird around him today; especially Steven, not telling him what his present is and Brendan cannot even think right now. Not when Pete is dragging him up the road.

–OXO–

The cinema isn't busy when they enter and Brendan sighs at the smell of popcorn and sight of posters; he would much rather be back home with Steven than here with his friends and that thought may be bad but he wants it. He wishes more than anything that he was with Steven because he already feels empty without him and he's only been gone for about half-an-hour; half-an-hour too long. Pete looks at him and smiles, patting Brendan on his shoulder before talking. "You pining already?" He questions and Brendan smirks at him before nodding his head; he loves how open he can be with Pete now and if he knew it was going to be like this – be this refreshing and free then he would have come out a long time ago. "How are you and Ste getting on anyway?"

"Perfect…better than actually." Brendan smiles, looking over to Aidan buying the cinema tickets and Pete makes some strange crooning, squeezing Brendan's shoulder and pulling a funny face before talking.

"That's really cute, who knew Brendan Brady would fall in love!" He says and that's the first time he and Pete have spoken about how much he loves Steven – well, spoken about love in general – and it feels like a big thing. He never in his wildest dreams thought his friends would accept him so whole-heartedly – not after everything his father has told him about 'queers' and the way they deserve to be treated but he was wrong; Seamus is obviously wrong about a lot of things because Brendan isn't the sick one, he is. Seamus is the one who will rot in hell for his sins and if God really made people the way they are then he was the one who made Brendan gay; he wouldn't be sent to hell just for being one of God's creations, would he?

He looks at Pete again and smiles, slightly telling the other boy, yes; he is in love with Steven because he'll never deny how much he loves the boy – never could and Pete looks thoughtful for a second before his brows furrow. "Hey…what happened with Alyson the other week? I completely forgot to ask you." The mention of the girls name makes rage course through Brendan's body, she was the one who was trying to split he and Steven up; she was the one who had kissed _his _boyfriend and he doesn't want to speak about her. Not when she makes him beyond angry.

"Nothing…–" He sighs and Pete looks at him, disbelievingly so Brendan changes the subject quickly. "Anyway, I heard you and Eileen are making a go of it?" He had heard Eileen talking to some girl about how Pete had asked her out and they were together; how she was irrevocably happy and had like Pete for a while and now all of her dreams were coming true. If all honesty some of the things she was saying had made Brendan feel queasy; it was far too cheesy for his liking. He lifts his head and looks at his friend again, Pete is twiddling his thumbs and smiling soppily and Brendan pokes him in the side to get him speaking again.

"Yeah, I asked her out and she said yeah. You know, I can't believe my luck mate – a girl like her..." He blows out a breath and smirks at Brendan before standing up and trotting over to Malachy at the pick and mix stand. Brendan watches him go and even though he is gay, he knows Pete is lucky. There is nothing wrong with his friend but Eileen has admirers coming out of her ears; she is one of the most beautiful girls in school and for her to like Pete back makes his friend almost as lucky as he is to have Steven. Although, no-one could beat how amazing it is to call Steven theirs.

It's so rare to find someone that is so much better than yourself but who loves you anyway; someone who will do anything for you no matter what and Brendan has to pinch himself sometimes to make sure this isn't just a big, very long dream. To be certain Steven is really with him and he walks towards his friends, thanking them for buying his ticket before walking into the viewing screen.

…

He sits down in the seat and this is only the second time he's ever been to the cinema, it feels so strange because the first time was with his mum and he quickly remembers that time just as the trailers begin to play…

_*"Brendan, what film do you want to watch?" His mother asks him and he's stuffing popcorn in his mouth, a grin spreading over his eight year old face and he points to the poster of some film he doesn't even know the name of but his mum smiles at him and nods her head._

_He stands there and watches her order the tickets, feeling extremely lucky because it's just him and his mum again; it's always just them two and he loves his mum more than anything in the world and he knows nothing can ever break them apart. Not Seamus or Cheryl or anyone because they mean the world to each-other and a mother's love will never stop. _

_His mother walks over and takes his hand, guiding him into the room and plonking him down onto the seat when they get there; he watches as the titles play on the screen and his mum puts her arm around him as the film begins playing. _

_He remembers that day being one of the happiest of his life.*_

…

Brendan walks out of the cinema screen and sighs, the film was shit – just as he suspected and he just wants to get home to Steven now; he misses him more than he thought was possible and his stomach is churning because he's not with his boyfriend. He looks at Aidan and Malachy jumping all over each-other and Pete is behind him on the phone to Eileen; planning their next date and Brendan sighs again because he's bored, he wants to go home and he walks out of the cinema, his pace fast because fucking hell he's going home right now.

"What's the rush?" Aidan laughs and he stops Brendan from walking, makes him turn around and Brendan smiles at him before talking to all three of his friends.

"Listen, I had a great time – the best but I really need to get home now." He tells them he will speak to them soon and thanks them one more time before turning around and walking – jogging – home.

–OXO–

When he walks into the flat, the smell of food hits him straight away and as he walks into the kitchen, he hitches a breath. Steven is stood by the oven, stirring something in the saucepan and he clearly hasn't heard Brendan enter because he's too busy singing along to some Cheryl Cole shit that is playing on the radio and Brendan sneaks up to him before wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his chin on Steven's shoulder, turning his head and kissing the other boy's neck lightly.

Brendan looks around and he's only just realising the atmosphere; the lighting is soft, dimmed to perfection and neither Cheryl nor his Nan are anywhere in sight. When he looks to the kitchen side he notices a cooking book open and the recipe that he is looking at is for 'Irish stew', if he is right then Steven is cooking for him.

"What is this?" He mumbles and Steven turns until he is facing him, wrapping his arms around Brendan's neck before kissing him lightly and talking.

"Well…it's your birthday and I wanted to surprise you so I've cooked you this–" He signals to the stew on the stove and smiles softly at Brendan before continuing. " – So we're gonna eat this and then there's another surprise after…just don't go in the bedroom, right?" Brendan nods and takes a seat before staring at the closed bedroom door; he can't help wondering what could be behind there and he wants to know now. He wants to know what Steven has done because it's obviously a big thing, it must be because he's not allowed in there until he's finished his dinner and there's another thing; where is his sister and Nan?

"Steven, where's Chez?" He questions and Steven's walking over with the dinner plates, putting one in front of Brendan and he thanks the other boy before Steven answers his question.

"She's gone out with your Nan…" He replies but there's something in his expression that tells Brendan this was planned; that it has been planned for a while because Steven's eyes are darting around a little, he can't look Brendan in the eyes and he keeps opening and closing his mouth before he quickly looks back to the bedroom door.

Brendan sighs before taking hold of Steven's hand over the table and making the boy look at him. "Do you wanna tell me what this is all about?" He asks and Steven stares at him for a second, gulping and he keeps fucking looking at that bedroom door and all Brendan wants to know is what is behind there so he stands up and walks towards the door.

He turns around to look at Steven before opening the door and when he does, he feels like he stops breathing; he was not expecting this at all. Candles are carefully placed around the room, lighting it up slightly and there's soft music playing – something Brendan couldn't hear because Cheryl Cole was shrieking over the top of it and he looks to his chest of drawers and his chest constricts. He feels Steven walk in behind him and place a kiss onto his neck, circling his arms around Brendan's waist and when he talks – it is merely a whisper in Brendan's ear.

"I want us to sleep together, Bren. That's what all this –" Steven waves his hand, signalling to the romantic atmosphere that is filling the room. " – Is about, I've been wanting it for a while and this is what the surprise was…this is why you had to go out because me and Cheryl were planning this.." Brendan turns in Steven's hold and cups his face, looking him dead in the eyes before speaking.

"Cheryl knows about this?" He says, incredulously because how can his sister be okay with this? How can his sister be okay with he and Steven having sex and suddenly he understands. He remembers Cheryl and Steven talking in hushed whispers yesterday and it must have been about this, they must have been planning this but why the hell would Steven talk to her about it? "How come Cheryl knows?" He asks and Steven looks at him under his lashes, smiling slightly before replying.

"I had to tell her because she had to go out…didn't she? And I needed her to help me choose the best…" He points to the condoms and lube on the drawers and Brendan smiles at him; trying to hide his anxiety because he's nervous as hell, he doesn't know what to do here and it's not like he hasn't thought of this – Christ it's been in his head twenty-four seven for over two weeks but this is big. It's massive and he feels completely unprepared for it.

"Is this what you really want…" He questions and Steven nods his head, biting his lip and gulping slightly and he must be as scared as Brendan right now; must be terrified because this is the first time they have ever decided to do this. They have all of the stuff they need and this is it, this is going to happen now.

He begins to lift Steven's top slowly and the other boy helps him, takes it off and puts it onto the floor before ridding Brendan of his t-shirt and when they are both stood there topless, Brendan pulls Steven into a languid kiss; pulling him onto the bed and laying the boy down before crawling on top of him.

They kiss for what feels like an age, gently caressing each-others sides and occasionally rocking their hips together until they are both hard and when they both feel like they are ready, they remove their trouser and boxers before lying face-to-face. "Are you sure you want to do this?" Brendan drawls as he leans forward and kisses Steven's neck and the other boy says yes, tells him how much he wants to do this so Brendan moves down his body until he is able to bend Steven's legs up; makes the other boy hold himself open while he laps his tongue over Steven's hole and the other boy groans straight away, his hips jolting as his hole tries to pull Brendan's tongue in.

He carries on for a moment, feeling the other boy's hole loosen at his touch and it only takes a minute for him to push inside; slicking Steven up. He groans at the taste and settles there for a second, just letting his senses be filled with Steven before pulling his tongue out and then pushing back in; making the boy wet for his fingers. None of what he is doing right now is new, they've done this loads of times and he knows exactly what to do here; knows how to reach that one spot inside Steven that seems to drive him crazy – god knows why but as Brendan pushes a slicked up finger in, he hits it perfectly. Making the other boy's back arch and a deep, guttural moan spill from his lips and Brendan kisses up his body as he presses another finger inside; thrusts them once – twice – before working three fingers inside Steven's body, kissing the boy through any discomfort and Brendan can feel his blood thrumming because he knows what is coming next, he is going to be inside the boy and he's finally going to feel those muscles clenching around his cock.

"Brendan…I'm ready…" Steven states, looking into Brendan's eyes and nodding and Brendan takes a deep breath before sitting up and reaching for the condoms and lube. Steven sits up and takes the condom off him, pours some lube onto his hand and slicking up Brendan's cock before rolling the condom on and pouring more of the lubrication over it and when everything's done they look deeply into each-other's eyes.

"What…urm…position do you want to do?" Brendan asks and Steven looks him up and down for a second; considering his options before he signals for Brendan to lean against the headboard and straddles his hips. They look into each-other's faces, searching the other's eyes just before Steven reaches behind him and takes Brendan's cock in his hand; looks into his face one final time before sinking down onto it and _fuck_. It's tight and warm and it's everything Brendan had hoped it would be, it makes his head spin and his vision cloud and he doesn't even know what to do with himself; all he can do is lean his head on Steven's shoulder and pull the boy closer to him.

Steven takes a moment to adjust to the new stretch and when the other boy feels ready, he begins to circle his hips – letting out a tiny yelp as Brendan hits _that _spot and Brendan can hardly breathe with it. This is everything he's wanted and the emotion in his chest is almost over-powering, it's making him cling onto Steven and lift his hips up to meet the other boy's movements and Steven cups his face; kissing him the best he can until they are just breathing into each-other's mouths and this is too much, he feels too close already.

The other boy begins moving faster, panting, using Brendan's shoulders as leverage and digging his nails in and Brendan is holding onto his hips and he can't fucking takes this, Steven's inner walls are milking his dick and he feels like he is going to explode but he knows his boyfriend isn't there yet so he holds off, tries to think of something else, other than the immense pleasure he is feeling because if he concentrates on that then he is going to come far too quickly. "Brendan…go faster!" Steven cries and Brendan does, shoves Steven down onto his dick and moves his hips up harder until Steven is crying out and clawing down his back, sobbing into the skin of his neck and biting down hard and Brendan slides his hand between their bodies; grabs hold of Steven's cock and pumps it erratically until the other boy grabs him and shoves his tongue down his throat. Moaning into his mouth and when Steven comes, Brendan follows almost immediately and as they come down, they are whispering 'I love you' to each-other.

They sit there, clinging together for at least five minutes until Steven rolls off of him and lays down; curling himself around Brendan's body as his breathing finally returns to a normal speed and Brendan quickly takes off the condom, tying it and placing it on the side before turning around to look at Steven.

"That…were incredible." Steven states and Brendan smiles at him, tucking the other boy's sweaty fringe behind his ear as a well of emotion courses through his body and he wants to tell Steven how much that meant to him, wants to say how much he loves him and how amazing that was, so he does and by the time he has finished talking; Steven is looking up at him with glistening eyes. "I love you, Brendan."

"I love you too…" Brendan presses a kiss to Steven's forehead before closing his eyes and listening to the other boy's steady breathing, feeling sleep overtake him as Steven sighs contentedly...

…

When he wakes up Steven is sat next to him and stroking his cheek, smiling down at Brendan and he stretches out in the bed before sitting up too. "Hello…" He mumbles and Steven bites his lip, looking nervous before slipping his hand under his pillow and pulling out a long, black box.

"Urm…Brendan, I err…I got you this too…" Steven hands him the block and what? He didn't even think Steven had got him anything else; earlier was more than enough and he doesn't know what to expect because what do you normally get in boxes like this? Jewellery, that's what you usually get and he swallows down the lump in his throat before looking from the box to Steven's nervous expression.

He inhales deeply before looking away from the other boy's face and looking down at the item in his hand and when he opens the box, his chest constricts and his heart swells. Inside, nestled in a bed of red satin, is a necklace; a new cross and it's beautiful. It's so much better than the last one he had – silver with a ring around the middle and he doesn't know what to say; he can't get any words out because whatever he says would never be good enough and Steven is taking his silence as a bad thing because he beings to talk in a rushed tone. "Brendan if you don't like it then I can take it back and I know it's not the one your mum gave you but I thought you would like a new one and if you don't like it then that is –" Brendan stops the boy babbling by kissing him, he's never been good with words and he always thinks action speak louder anyway and Steven smiles as he kisses him; pulling him closer and when they break apart, Steven takes the necklace, unclasps it and fastens it around Brendan's neck. "Is it okay then?"

"It's perfect, Steven…thank you." Brendan replies, smiling as Steven blushes slightly and the other boy opens his mouth to say something but the front door opens and Cheryl's voice comes filtering through.

"Brendan? Are you here?" She shouts and Brendan calls back to her, telling her they will be right out and he looks around the bedroom for his clothes before locating them and pulling them on. He turns around to look at Steven and smiles; the other boy is already dressed and stalking up to him with a grin on his face. Steven plants a kiss on his lips before moving to walk out the door and Brendan stands there for a second, admiring the view before walking after him. When he walks into the living room, Cheryl and his Nan are moving his and Steven's plates to the side, he had completely forgotten about the dinner and as Cheryl walks over to the bin, he has a sudden urge to stop her.

"Chez! Leave them, we can reheat them later…" His sister nods, putting the plates in the fridge and he feels Steven's arms wrap around his waist, pulling him back towards him and Brendan smiles as he leans into Steven's hold.

He loves how they can be so open now and that no-one cares if they are together; Steven is a part of his family now, he loves him more than anything in the entire world and they are connected in every way possible now. He's beyond happy at the moment and he has a sudden idea, something that would feel amazing right now and he turns in Steven's arms to tell him. "Do you wanna go for a walk?" He asks, really wants to walk Steven down by the river because he's used to going by himself; has often walked along that place without company and it's like the hill. It's a place he can go to clear his head and he has this image of him and Steven walking hand in hand on the grass and smiling at each-other.

"Yeah? Like right now? Where are we gonna go?" Steven questions, nuzzling into Brendan's neck and Christ; is it normal to love someone this much? With everything in your body and barely being able to express that love because there's too much there. The force holding you and this other person together is too strong and you know deep down that you would do anything to stop this person leaving you; you would kill someone if they came between you and that feeling is scary. The lengths he would go for this boy seriously pushes the boundaries of legal and he knows if anything happened then he would do anything in his power to keep hold of Steven.

"You know the river? Well we can walk down there…" He looks into Steven's eyes and the boy is smiling, a genuine smile that is only reserved for him and he presses a kiss to Steven's lips quickly because how is he supposed to resist?

"Yeah, okay –" Steven replies when they break apart and the other boy turns around and walks over to his shoes; Brendan follows and pulls his own trainers on before shouting to Cheryl – telling her they are going out for a bit – and walking out the door.

–OXO–

This is everything he imagined, it feels perfect – walking with Steven as their hands are clasped together and it seems the world is working in your favour. It's like the streetlights have been perfectly dimmed to give off an orange glow, the breeze feels warm against your skin and there's a faint sound of owls in the distance. Although, that had got Steven worked up and droning on about his alien theories again. "This is so nice…" Steven says, squeezing his hand tighter and it is. It's better than nice and he feels complete with this boy – he feels amazing and invincible when he is in his company and he knows when he is with Steven, he can do anything.

"It is…" He stops them by a tree and pushes Steven up against it, he needs to kiss him right now – has a sudden urge to and when he does, it feels like a kiss that could end the world. A kiss that is fuelled by love and it's definitely one of the best kisses they have shared but Brendan reckons they can beat it one day; after all, they have the rest of their lives to try.

When they break apart, they rest their foreheads together and keep their eyes closed, not wanting to break how fucking perfect this moment is but eventually the air begins to turn cold and Brendan drags Steven closer, kissing him once on his nose before moving away, pulling Steven by his hand and smiling as they walk down the road.

"Let's go home, Steven." He whispers, feeling the new cross his boyfriend brought him knocking against his chest and Steven simply kisses him once on the cheek before mumbling 'okay'.

...

**Quick thing - the alien part in this (at the beginning) is simply just something Ste sees as I like to add a part of myself into each chapter...yes, I have basically just told you that I see aliens... you can call me cray cray if you want :P so don't worry, I'm not going all supernatural on you guys!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Okay, thank you so so so so much for your reviews and I'm super sorry for the wait! This chapter has been a nightmare to write, blame writer's block! *Cries*, hopefully the next one will not take as long! Love you guys, chow xxx**

It's nearing the end of April now and the past month has been very…unique. Not unique in a bad way though – in fact, it's been so good Brendan has had to question whether he's actually been dreaming once a day.

He, Steven, his three friends and Eileen have been spending at least five days a week together in and out of school and they have become closer than ever; Pete and Eileen are loved- up, he and Steven are loved-up and Aidan and Malachy…well, they are just Aidan and Malachy.

Seamus has been in touch, asking why he cannot come around to Cheryl's flat and every time his sister has told him the same thing – she wants to wait until she and everyone else is settled in properly before he can come around – and for some strange, bizarre reason; his father has listened to her and stayed away. However, not before stating he needs some help at the pub and asking Cheryl if he and Steven could help him; of course, his sister said they shouldn't been working there and took his and Steven's place. Much to Seamus' displeasure.

Cheryl has told him, Terry has been hanging around and sneering at her whenever she got close; obviously, this was when Seamus wasn't around and couldn't witness the man's stares but he's still done it and that pisses Brendan off. According to Cheryl, Terry has fully healed from Brendan's beating and that's something else – Brendan at _least _wanted the older man to bear a scar; after everything he has done to Steven. Seamus and Terry seemed to have bonded extremely well; both sick in the head Brendan reckons and that's why they have become the best of friends – they are far too similar to _not _like each-other.

He can only imagine how furious his father is inside; last time Brendan saw him – over a month ago – it had been when he told Seamus he wouldn't be working with him and walked out of the house with as many belongings as he could carry. He knows his dad is going to be feeling humiliated – belittled – and Seamus' friends are probably having a field day with Brendan walking away ad laughing in his father's face; Seamus is probably the laughing stock of his entire group and Brendan knows if he gets his hands on him then it could be serious. His dad will beat the shit out of him for doing this and that is why Brendan is going to stay as far away as he can and for as long as possible.

School has been great – amazing – and he keeps surprising the teachers with his good behaviour and great work, the teacher he thought hated him has been saying she is grateful for his attitude change and it's all thanks to Steven. He keeps him grounded, stable and he's been able to help Brendan with any work or problems he may have been having before and now, he's beginning to actually enjoy school; something he thought he would never say.

No-one has been treating him any differently because he's gay, even Gaz has left him and Steven alone since their 'incident' and the only person who seems to have a problem is Alyson; that of course, was a given. The stupid cow is still following Steven around like a lost puppy, like she actually has a chance with him and she must realise even if Steven wasn't with Brendan then he wouldn't be with her; she must know he's gay so there will never be a chance with her and quite frankly, it is annoying him and his boyfriend. He will have to do something about her soon because it is doing his head in.

However, even with all of this going on – he and Steven have had more than enough time for each-other; in fact, they even had time to get tested at the clinic ad since they are both clean – which Brendan thought they would be – they have no reason to use condoms. They've had sex every morning and every night ever since that first time and Brendan can't get enough; if he could spend every second inside Steven then he would because it is the most magical feeling he has ever experienced. It's like he's floating but plummeting at the same time and all he wants to do is hold Steven closer; doesn't want the moment to ever end and when it does he wants to do it all over again.

Cheryl knows exactly what they do – obviously she does considering she helped Steven plan the first time – and she doesn't care, actually; whenever they finally venture from the bedroom, she gives them a smile and fluffs up their hair. Like they haven't even done anything and Brendan cannot show his gratitude; it's not only Cheryl that is like that – his Nan is exactly the same and simply gives him and his boyfriend a hug when they walk into the room and all Brendan can do is smile because right now, he's the happiest he has ever been…

…

He stretches out in the bed when he wakes up, looking down at Steven who is already smiling up at him and he swears he'll never have enough of this sight; he could never get bored of it because it's beyond perfect. "Hello." He drawls and Steven replies with a kiss, leaning up and capturing Brendan's lips with his own before slipping his tongue in and Brendan already knows where this is leading; it's going to the same place it always does which is why, last night, he already put out all of the things they will need.

He groans as he flips Steven over and lies on top of him, instantly reaching over for the lube and slicking his fingers up before opening Steven's legs and pushing a digit inside. They do this so regularly now that Brendan immediately locates that spot inside Steven that drives him wild; that spot that they have now identified as his 'prostate' thanks to some research and as soon as Brendan hits it, Steven lets out a choked sob.

He could do this all day; finger Steven into oblivion because the way the other boy writhes under his touch, the way he grips the bed sheets or claws down Brendan's back is addictive. It makes him want to sit here and simply fuck Steven with his hands until the other boy is begging for him to stop but he can't; he can't because he's selfish and he has to be inside him, he _needs _to be because when Steven's inner muscles are clenching around his cock, it is like nothing else matters – like he is on cloud nine because the pleasure he feels is too strong. Sometimes, he actually wonders if he'll even be able to make it inside Steven without coming; the noises his boyfriend makes are so hot, he could come without even being touched which is why – no matter how long he wants this to last – he has to be _inside_.

However, this morning he's feeling in a teasing mood and he wants to get Steven there until he's begging; until he's screaming out for his release and sobbing with the need to come so instead of pushing his cock straight in, he crawls up Steven's body and kisses him before whispering against his lips. "You know… I could fuck you with my fingers all day –" Steven groans and shakes his head, pleading with Brendan just with the use of his eyes but it's not enough so he leans back until he's on his knees and lifts Steven's leg over his hip to drive his digit in deeper. "You would like that wouldn't you?" He says, it isn't really a question and Steven knows it isn't. "You would like me hitting this –" He pushes his finger in deeper and massages right over Steven's prostate, making the other boy arch his back as a deep moan spills from his lips. " – Over and over, _all _day and do you know what I would do? –" Steven shakes his head and Brendan twists his finger before shoving a second one in. " – I wouldn't let you come, I would keep doing this until you _begged _me because it's so fucking hot when you do that and even then… even then you would have to _really _convince me you wanted my cock." Steven sobs and thrashes his head to the side, lifting up on his elbows and spreading his legs even wider as he looks down at what Brendan is doing to him; he's gritting his teeth and panting as he wraps his hand around Brendan's wrist and tries to control the fingers that are curling inside of him.

Brendan knows he's pushing it, Steven can only handle so much stimulation until he's spunking all over his own stomach and so as soon as Steven begins pleading with him, Brendan twists his fingers a couple more times. "Please Brendan, please I need you inside me… I need you!" Steven cries and Brendan removes his fingers before slicking up his cock and rubbing the head over Steven's hole; he's pushing him to breaking point, he knows he is which is why when Steven flips them over – straddling Brendan – before sinking down onto his cock, it doesn't come as a surprise.

No matter how much they do this, Steven is always so fucking tight and it knocks the breath out of him; the way Steven throws his head back, his arse pulling Brendan in deeper and all he can do is cling to the other boy – anchoring himself to this world because Steven takes him higher than he has ever been. Higher than any drug or alcohol could ever take him and as the other boy scratches down his chest, he sits up and wraps an arm around Steven's waist; leaning back on his other hand before fucking into Steven's hole as fast as he can.

"Bite me…" He groans, leaning his head back for Steven to sink his teeth into his neck and this isn't new; he loves it when Steven bites him – the marks covering his neck and shoulders prove that – and he supposes it's kinda masochistic but whenever he feels Steven bite him it makes everything one hundred times more pleasurable. The pleasure he feels from Steven's hole milking his cock and the pain he gets from Steven's bite collides in his stomach and it makes him tingle all over; makes his toes curl and his dick throb because as soon as that shot of pain runs through his body it makes him come. Spunking hard into Steven's arse and filling him up and Brendan can't help but scratch the other boy – something Steven likes as well because when he does the other boy comes; thick, hot liquid spurts all over Brendan's chest and Steven's stomach and all he can do is fuck the boy through it before the moans of pleasure become ones of discomfort.

Afterwards it's always this, what they are doing right now; holding each-other as they gain their breath back and Brendan's still buried deep inside of Steven, his hips jerking every now and then when the other boy's hole clenches around his dick and only when their hearts have returned to normal speed, does Steven climb off of him and lay back down.

There's something else they do though and it's something Brendan is going to do right now – before any of the juice is lost –. Steven looks at him and smiles, knows exactly what he wants to do so he opens his legs again; lets Brendan crawl in-between them just before he leans his head down and licks over Steven's hole. Collecting all of his come that is leaking from it and Steven's tastes mixed with himself is overpowering; it makes his head swim and causes his dick to make an attempt at hardening again and when Steven pulls him back up – kissing him deeply, it makes Brendan sigh contentedly.

…

"So… what do you want to do today?" Steven asks, curling closer into Brendan's side and their 'activity' earlier seems to have taken it out of them because they've been led here for the best part of an hour; sitting in silence with the odd nuzzle or kiss here and there and it's Saturday, they have no plans and Brendan doesn't even want to move. He and Steven have made no plans today, it seems better to just decide when they actually wake up and right now Brendan can't think of anything…unless…

"How about we go to town?" He asks and Steven stretches out next to him, nodding his head and Brendan already knows what he wants to buy – something for Steven – and he knows the perfect thing, since Cheryl took a picture and sent it to him. His family know about Steven's obsessive with the swallows now and everyone thinks it's kinda cute – that thinking swallows resemble love and freedom is a sweet thing and Brendan agrees; this boy – his boy – is truly remarkable and he's going to thank God every day for bringing Steven into his life.

He watches as Steven stands up, walking over to the wardrobe and taking out some clothes and its interesting waiting for Steven get dressed; ever since he has been sleeping with this boy, it's been slightly strange watching that perfect body disappear underneath clothes. If Brendan had his way, then Steven would stay in his bed – naked – forever. He sighs before getting out of bed and walking over to the other boy, wrapping his arms around him and taking the clothes from his grip because if they're going out right now, then they definitely need a shower.

"Come on…" He murmurs in Steven's ear and he feels the shiver of anticipation that runs through Steven's body; knows he dropped his voice to make it sound like pure filth in the other boy's ear and that's exactly what he wanted. He wants Steven to know what _he _wants right now because he's already up for more, is fucking insatiable when it comes to this boy.

He takes Steven's hand and pulls him to the bedroom door, – both still fully naked because they know the flat is empty – and by the time they reach the bathroom, Brendan is already sporting a semi; his dick getting hard because he knows exactly what is about to come. He loves having sex in the shower – fucking _loves _it – and he and Steven don't do it very often; the last time they tried to sneak in for a steamy session, Cheryl had shouted at him, telling him it was unhygienic and that she was okay with he and Steven sleeping together, just as long as it was in the privacy of their own bedroom. But now that this place is empty, he can shag Steven anywhere and his sister wouldn't even know… the thought of it causes him to lick his drying lips.

As he turns on the shower and steps under the jets of water, he smiles at Steven; knowing the other boy likes this just as much and as soon as Steven gets into the shower, Brendan pulls him towards him and makes him face the tiles, pushes on Steven's shoulders to make him bend over. "You know I never have enough of you, don't you?" He drawls, sinking down to his knees and he knows Steven probably doesn't need to be loosened up because of earlier but he wants this; needs to taste Steven again because he has the best taste in the whole fucking world and Steven's whimpering as Brendan licks up the backs of his legs, sucking up any water droplets that have accumulated on Steven's golden skin. "Answer me…" He practically purrs as he licks further up and dips the tip of his tongue between Steven's cheeks. "Steven?"

"I know… I know you never have enough of me… please Brendan." Steven gasps, backing his arse against Brendan's face and he gives him what he wants; parts the two globes of peachy flesh before shoving his tongue inside and Steven heaves a groan – coming from somewhere deep in his chest – as these new sensations shoot up his spine. Brendan moans at the taste and pushes in further until he cannot go in any deeper and when that happens, he sucks; sucks around Steven's rim as hard as he can and lets the other boy's whimpers and gasps fill his ears.

When he thinks Steven's had enough, when he's writhing and panting and incoherent nonsense are spilling from his lips; when he's begging Brendan to stick his dick in him, Brendan does just that. Stands back up – slicking his dick with spit and the falling shower water – and when he knows there's going to be an easy slide, he shoves his cock all the way in, balls deep in a single movement and Steven screams against the tiles, fisting his hands and slapping back down against the wall before he stands up and wraps an arm around Brendan's neck, balancing himself with his other hand pressed onto the tiles as he fucks back into Brendan's thrusts.

It's frantic, both of them needed their release because this is torturous pleasure; it makes their toes curl and their movements hurried and Brendan has Steven's hips in a vice like grip, pulling Steven down onto his cock and he pushes deeper and deeper inside and Steven is shouting out Brendan's name as he hits that spot in him, over and over again.

The sound of their skin slapping together is filling the bathroom and he's glad no-one's in right now; he's glad no-one can hear his grunts and groans as he slams into Steven – batters his hole with his cock until Steven is bawling out words that don't make sense – until he's moaning and saying _Brendan –fuck– please – I can't– _and even with his desperate moans Brendan doesn't stop, he knows Steven can take this and he knows he's enjoying it so he carries on. Thrusts deep and circles his hips to be certain he's hitting Steven just _right_.

When he knows he's going to come, when his body is locking up and his hips are going out of sync; Brendan leans forward and takes Steven's throbbing cock in his hands, begins wanking him off instantly and Steven is leaning his head back on his shoulder, gritting his teeth and crying out in pleasure and this is one of their best fucks yet. It may be the fastest but that is exactly what it is, – a _fuck _– and it's what they need because with one last thrust and a final jerk of Brendan's wrist, they both come – only seconds apart. Brendan spunking in Steven's arse again as Steven releases against the tiles, the water soon washing it away.

"Fuck…" Brendan lets out an elongated moan as the last of his aftershocks shudder through his body and Steven has his hand in Brendan's hair – fisting it – as his body trembles because of his orgasm. Steven leans forward and Brendan watches his spent cock slip from his hole, even if he has just come, he still feels like he isn't satisfied and even if he fucked Steven all day he would want more; even if he went again right now, then it wouldn't be enough and he sighs wistfully before picking up the shower gel bottle.

He watches Steven's breath hitching; his body twitching every now and then in post-orgasm bliss and as he witnesses Steven groaning through even _more _sudden spurts of pleasure, he cannot help but feel proud of himself. He does this every time – surely after Steven has come, that should be the end of it, right? It's not, it never is. Every time Steven comes, there's this straight after; the orgasm that fades slowly and Steven turns to look at him, grinning. "You alright?" Brendan smirks at him and Steven nods his head, leaning away from the wall and standing on his unsteady legs before moving to wrap his arms around Brendan.

"I love you…" He whispers and Brendan squeezes him back, kisses the top of Steven's head before mumbling _I love you more _and of course, Steven shakes his head – completely denying that Brendan could _possibly _love him more – but he doesn't know does he? He will never fully understand just how much Brendan loves him because it's impossible to explain. There are no words on this earth that could show Steven just how much he means to Brendan and even if he said he would give the world for him; even if he swore he loved him more than the value of this entire universe, it still wouldn't be enough. Nothing will ever be enough so instead, Brendan has to settle for agreeing with Steven; telling him they love each-other the same amount while his body silently rejects those lies.

–OXO–

Town isn't busy today; in fact, there's practically no-one here and Brendan's more than happy with that. It means he and Steven can mess around without people tutting and sneering at them and it's exactly what they are doing; they're pushing each-other around playfully, tripping each-other up before wrapping the other in their arms and kissing them passionately. If Brendan is being honest, he doesn't care if people see them like this; all the strangers will see are two people – two boys – deeply in love and there's nothing wrong with that, Brendan knows that now.

"Brendan, what are we even doing here?" Steven asks as they stop outside a book store and Brendan simply smiles before walking in. He spots the book he wants to buy Steven straight away and swiftly steers him away from it, makes him walk over to some section he doesn't give a shit about and makes Steven promise he will stay here before walking away, grabbing the book and taking it to the counter.

When he's paid for it and it's safely hidden away in a plastic bag, he walks back over to Steven and finds him sitting in a chair, smiling at a book about… snails. "Why are you reading that?" He asks and Steven jumps in his seat before holding his hand to his chest and smiling up at Brendan, quickly scooting over in his seat so there is enough room for the both of them. Brendan quickly walks over and sits next to him and Steven curls up against him before explaining.

"Okay, you're gonna think I'm dead weird but when I were younger, I used to keep snails as pets…" Brendan holds back a laugh by biting down on his index finger and Steven looks up at him before continuing. "I know you think it's funny but I weren't ever allowed pets so I hid them in my bedroom… of course, my mum flipped when she saw one crawling up me bedroom wall!" That's it, Brendan can't hold back any longer and he begins laughing, so hard he's scared he won't be able to stop and Steven pouts and him before he places his hands on Brendan's neck and pulls him into a kiss, swallowing his laughter as he shoves his tongue into his mouth.

Brendan moans against Steven's lips and pushes his tongue in further, moving his hand to the back of Steven's head to draw him closer and it's almost like he is searching his mouth; feeling the slow rubbing of their tongues as they slick together and Brendan slows it down until its languid and passionate. Both of them sharing oxygen and salvia and this is just _love_; this kiss isn't fuelled by lust or sex or dicks… it's about the love that they share and how much they care for each-other and as Brendan pulls away, he presses one, two, three final kisses to Steven's lips before smiling at him. "That was nice…" He mumbles and Ste leans over to kiss him on the cheek before taking Brendan's hand and pulling him up; Steven keeps hold of Brendan's hand as he leads him out of the book store and when they reach outside, he finally notices the plastic bag in Brendan's other hand.

"What's that?" Steven nods to the bag and Brendan simply smirks at him before shaking his head and tapping Steven's nose.

"It's a secret; you have to wait until we get home to find out…" Brendan whispers into his ear and he sees Steven beginning to sulk, of course, this just makes him smile because Steven is fucking hot when he pouts like that. "So, what are we gonna do now then?" He asks and Steven leans up before biting Brendan's lip gently and walking towards a food shop.

"Come on, let's get something for dinner!" Steven calls back and Brendan shrugs his shoulders before running after his boyfriend.

–OXO–

Brendan glares at Steven as he feels a flick of flour hit his cheek and he dips his hand in the bag, grabs a handful before turning and smirking at the other boy. "No… Brendan please…" Steven is backing away and Brendan stalks towards him before suddenly lunging forward and stuffing the flour down Steven's shirt; pissing himself as Steven squeals at the shock of it. "You're a bastard… I never used that much!" Steven cries and Brendan simply shuts him up by shoving him against the wall and kissing him.

They decided to make pizza – since Cheryl will be out for another few hours with his Nan –, there is no-one to complain about the mess, no-one to interrupt them from doing whatever and this has been the best day he has had in ages; spending all day and every second with Steven will always be the best thing imaginable and he thinks Cheryl may be staying away to give them this time together. To let them be a couple and just enjoy each-others company and Brendan is extremely grateful for it.

He pulls away from Steven and kisses his forehead, taking in his flushed cheeks before turning around and placing the pizza into the oven; when it's in there and the time is set to go off in an hours' time, Brendan turns around and looks at the mess in the kitchen. Looking at the flour on the floor, the tomato paste on the worktop and the vegetables lining the sides and Brendan looks at Steven, smirking before pulling the other boy towards him and kissing him as he backs towards the bedroom.

This will be the third time today, the third time he's been inside Steven and he hopes the boy will tell him if it hurts; will tell him to stop if he's too sore but with the way Steven is pushing him down on the bed, straddling his hips and yanking open his shirt, Brendan knows he wants this just as much. He watches with lust blown eyes as Steven begins biting and sucking up his neck before he reaches his ear, tugs on it and whispers pure sex into Brendan's ear. "I want you to fuck me…" He mumbles and it's like a beeline straight to Brendan's groin, his cock twitches at the words and Steven goes back to sucking his neck, trailing his hand down to cup Brendan over his trousers and rub but he hasn't finished talking; not yet. "I want you to stick this–" He rips open Brendan's trousers and releases his cock from his boxers, stroking over it before continuing. " –Deep inside me and I'm going to scream your name so loud Brendan… I want you to fuck me until I feel like I'm going to pass out and when that happens I'm going to ride you until you come right inside me…" That's all he gets to say because Brendan is flipping them over and pulling Steven's trousers down before grabbing the lube bottle, slicking too fingers up and shoving them inside.

"You're fucking filthy…" He groans as he pulls on Steven's top, whips it over his head and presses their chests together as he keeps twisting his fingers inside Steven's body and when he's loose enough, Brendan slicks his dick up and pushes inside.

It's not as fast this time – it's still fucking – but it's not as desperate as it was in the shower and it goes on for at least twenty minutes before they both come; their lips slack together and breath heaving and they lay there until the alarm on the cooker goes off.

…

"That were dead nice…" Steven mumbles, curled up into Brendan's side and they're back in bed now because they've already eaten; both of them too tired to really enjoy the pizza they made and of course, that was their own fault. Who really needs to have sex three times a day?

"Hmm, today has been good, hasn't it?" Brendan states, stretching out in the bed before walking over and flicking the TV on – putting on some random shit because it's just background noise for them to fall asleep to, it's not important and he pads back to the bed before slipping back under the covers and putting his arm under Steven's head.

He faintly hears Steven mumble something about it being the best day yet and Brendan nods his head, feeling sleep licking at his ankles and he's about to crash but there's a pounding on his door; something that startles him and Steven. "Who the fuck is that?" Steven sighs, moving to get out of bed but Brendan stills him with a hand on his arm and gets up instead; telling Steven to stay in bed as he wraps his dressing gown around him and walks to the front door.

Cheryl is due home any second now so it must be her, he's guessing it's her anyway and all he can do is swallow the gut-wrenching fear that is coursing through his body; telling him something isn't right here and when he opens the door, he realises he should have gone with his gut instinct.

"Hello Brenda… can we have a _chat_." Seamus drawls, pushing past Brendan as he enters the flat and Brendan can smell the alcohol on his father and he's about to shut the door but someone else pushes their way through – Terry, of course.

Brendan shuts the door and walks into the living room, looking between the men and praying they don't go into his bedroom, that they don't head straight to Steven and of course, his prayers are not answered. No words are said as Terry dashes towards his bedroom but Brendan gets there first, runs inside and tries to slam the door shut; ignoring Steven's shocked cries but obviously the two older men are stronger than him and they make their inside. Terry dragging Steven out of the bed by his hair and Seamus throwing Brendan against his drawers, making him hit his head and his vision blur.

He tries to stand up, wants nothing more than to help Steven but he can't move and the last thing he sees before passing out isn't Terry beating his boyfriend senseless – God, that's is happening, Brendan can't lift up to look but he can hear it and it kills him –. And the last thing he sees and feels isn't his father tugging his dressing gown open, pulling his boxers down and ridding himself of his own jeans – preparing to rape him in front of Terry and Steven. No, the last thing he sees is Cheryl. Cheryl bounding through his bedroom door and screaming at the sight in front of her.


	13. Chapter 13

**I am ashamed, I have made you guys wait so long for this :( I hope it doesn't disappoint! Thank you so much for your reviews, they mean the world to me. I'm starting college next Monday so updates may be even slower, I promise you that I will try my best though because I love writing and I'm not going to give it up for anything! I love you guys, chow xx**

…

"Get out."

He faintly hears those words as his consciousness comes back to him and when he rubs his head and sits up, he remembers everything that happened. He remembers how Terry and Seamus had burst into his sister's flat, how they had gone into the bedroom and how Terry had immediately started to beat Steven up, and he remembers what his father was going to do; the most unforgivable thing in the world, all over again.

It was Cheryl that had spoken and there was a strange hitch in her breathe, –like she was crying – and when Brendan manages to haul himself up into a sitting position, he realises that she is; sobbing in fact, tears streaming down her cheeks and it's only when he looks around does he realise he couldn't have been knocked out for too long.

Everyone is in the same place, his dad kneeling in front of him, trousers and boxers down his thighs; Terry is stood over Steven fist just coming down to his side and the younger boy is trembling under him, blood pouring from his lip and eyebrow but it looks like he gave as good as he got because Terry's got a bleeding nose and Steven's knuckles are bloody.

He looks down at himself and realises how he's naked, how his dressing gown is hanging open and his underwear has been lost somewhere and he feels instant shame; something he shouldn't feel because he's done nothing wrong here, it was his father that was going to do something but as he covers himself back up, he realises he's shaking and cannot look into his sister's eyes.

"I fucking said, get out." Cheryl cries and he wants to know who she's talking to because it cannot be their father, she can't just let him get away with it because Cheryl's not like that; she would never let someone get away with something like this and when he looks up, he sees her pointing at Terry. "Go."

"Cher–" His father tries to talk but Cheryl looks at him sharply, her eyes showing every emotion she is feeling; disgust, guilt, anger, sadness, betrayal and finally fear. Brendan is guessing the fear is of the situation, of what she has seen because she doesn't know how long Seamus has been doing stuff like this; she didn't know what kind of monster her daddy is and now she does, now she knows the one thing Brendan has been trying to hide from her his entire life.

Terry looks around, staring at Seamus and asking what he should do with his eyes but all the other man does is look away; looking down at the floor as Terry stands there completely unmoving and it's only when Cheryl screams at him, does he walk towards the bedroom door.

Brendan thinks that's it, Terry is getting away with everything and he doesn't understand why his sister is doing this, why she's just letting him walk away when he's evil and deserves to be arrested but then he sees it. The look in Cheryl's eyes and she grabs Terry's arm just before he walks past her, "if you ever come back then I promise you, I swear to god, it will be the last thing you do…" Cheryl whispers in the man's ear and Brendan sees the colour drain from his face; Terry actually looks scared of his sister's threat and who would have thought that would be possible? Terry Hay being scared of a woman he once hit.

But then Brendan realises, that's the thing with these kind of people; if you stand up to them, if you don't back down or you play them at their own game, they get scared. They run away and as Brendan watches Terry practically run out of the flat, he can't help but laugh; a sound that comes out strange and twisted to his own ears.

After that, there is silence. Steven pulling himself up and wiping the blood from his lip, Seamus standing up and pulling his clothes back on and his Nan silently stepping in the room; he doesn't know what to do with himself so Brendan stands up and walks straight over to Steven, instantly pulling him into his arms and he can hear his dad practically growling and snarling to the side of him.

"It's not what it looks like, sweetheart…" Seamus drawls, that calm composure back in his voice – in his stance – and Brendan squeezes his arms around Steven tighter, looking at his sister as sudden tears spark in his eyes. His dad walks towards Cheryl, stretching his hand out towards her and Brendan thinks she's going to pull him into a hug, is going to forget everything she's seen but as soon as Seamus gets too close, she's pushing his away, making him trip backwards and the shock on Seamus' face is priceless.

Cheryl looks to him then, a small, comforting smile on her face but Brendan can see it doesn't reach her eyes and he can already see what is going to happen now – can tell by the look on Cheryl's face – and he's going to have to explain exactly what happened, is going to have to tell Cheryl what has been happening to him for years because his sister has witnessed it with her own eyes, she's seen everything. "Brendan… w-what's going on?" Cheryl asks, a single tear dripping down her face again and Brendan feels Steven squeezing him; subconsciously letting him know he's here for him and that strength that Steven is passing to him is making him forget about Seamus' glare as he begins talking.

"Me… me and Steven were in bed–" He hears Seamus make a disgusted grunt but he ignores it, he's got three people in this room that love him and it's giving him the comfort he needs. "–And there was a knock… I thought it was you so I opened it and it was… S-Seamus and Terry and then they just came in and d-dad… he was going to…–" He can't say the words, there's no way he'll be able to say them when he can already feel the vomit creeping up his throat and he looks at his sister and he's about to say that but then Steven speaks.

"He was going to rape him, j-just like he has been for years…" Steven sobs and Brendan feels a chill run through him as he hears Cheryl's sharp intake of breath and then suddenly there's a crash and it's followed by the sound of Cheryl throwing up; just like Steven did when he found out the truth.

He doesn't know what to do, Seamus and his Nan are just staring at him and Steven is crying silently against his chest, squeezing him until Brendan feels like he can't breathe but there's no way he's going to tell Steven to loosen his hold, he feels like he needs his comfort more than anyone right now. "I hope you're happy with yourself, buy." Seamus snarls and Brendan cannot meet his eyes, he's not ashamed but it's… he feels guilty because he's just ruined the whole of Cheryl's childhood; all of the good memories are going to be contorted, changed into thoughts of what she could of done, how she could have saved him and how she should of known; how she may have been in the next bedroom and nothing's ever going to be the same again.

Cheryl's still heaving in the bathroom, still throwing her guts up and everyone is still frozen, just staring at each-other and the tension is so thick, Brendan can't take it anymore so he pulls Steven with him and walks into the corridor – heading to the bathroom and when he gets inside, Cheryl has stopped being sick and she's washing her face with water before she looks up at him, mascara still down her face. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" she cries and it rips Brendan's heart out, tears still streaming down his sister's face and he can hear Steven sobbing behind him and this whole situation is just so fucked up.

"Why are you sorry? You've got nothing to be sorry for." He wants to reassure, he wants to let his sister know that he doesn't blame her for not noticing because he did a good job of hiding it; he hid it because he didn't want Cheryl to see and she has to understand that because if she doesn't, it's going to torture her for the rest of her life.

"For not seeing it, for not seeing what he was doing to you…" She cries, lifting her hand to wipe her nose ad Brendan feels his gut clench, his own nausea creeping up his throat and this was always going to happen, she's blaming herself now and it's the one thing he didn't want her to do. "Why didn't I see it?"

"I didn't want you to see…" Steven slips around to his side and lays his head on Brendan's shoulder, moving his hand down to interlock their fingers and Brendan doesn't think he could do this without him; he could never have told Cheryl what was happening without Steven because he didn't have that strength inside of him but Steven does, he has enough strength for the both of them.

"I'm your sister… why didn't you tell me?" Cheryl questions and this is the first time Brendan has looked at her, there are some many reasons why he didn't tell her. Because everything would have changed, because she might not have believed him, because her childhood would have been destroyed and lastly, because he loves her too much to have ruined the childhood she knew.

"Because I love you –" he answers, and Cheryl looks dead in his eyes, fresh tears glistening them and there's understanding there, something passing between them so secretly that only the two of them know and Steven is silent against his chest now but he isn't finished. "–If I told you then everything you believed in, everything you cared for, everything would just… just come crashing down, you know… how could I do that to my older sister…" Cheryl looks down for a second and when she looks back up, when she meets Brendan's eye-line again he can see what she's about to ask and he doesn't want it, he's not prepared.

"When?" She asks and Brendan sighs painfully, shaking his head before he speaks again and he doesn't even want to look at Cheryl anymore.

"It doesn't matter."

Cheryl sniffs, taking in Brendan's answer but it's not good enough for her, for some reason she has to know and it doesn't look like she's going to give up until Brendan tells her. "Was I there? Was I in the house?" She asks, a sob catching in her throat and Brendan looks down at the floor; he can't answer her because he can't lie and his silence is just the confirmation Cheryl needs. "I was wasn't I?" She says, and Brendan doesn't deny it because there's no point anymore, not when she knows so much already.

"Not all the time…" It comes out nearly a whisper, pain threading through his voice and Steven is crying again, his tears wetting Brendan's shoulder all over again and Brendan squeezes his hand, trying to translate some comfort between them but nothing seems to be working and his efforts just seem to make Steven cry more.

"I was in the next bedroom to you–"

"Please don't do this. Please."

Cheryl's crying again, sobbing even and she's retching low in her throat and the next time she talks, Brendan is shocked to his core. "I was jealous, can you believe that? I was jealous… when I used to see him playing with you; I wanted to be you so badly. I wanted to be daddy's favourite." She admits, and Brendan just doesn't want to hear it, he doesn't want to hear how Cheryl used to want such things because if she had been him… well, it doesn't bear thinking about.

"If he was with me, it meant he wasn't with you." Cheryl cries again, turning her head away as new tears fall down her face and Brendan wonders how many tears people have shed today, how many more tears the people he loves can cry because they've sobbed so much today. Both Cheryl and Steven breaking their hearts but he still has more to say. "So I didn't run away." That makes Cheryl cry even more but she's trying to sniff those tears back, trying to stay strong for her little brother.

"At Nana's, there was this one summer when me and you were there, I remember, and you were so happy… you had this big stupid grin on your face the whole time –" it makes Brendan smile, just that tiny bit of happiness, those fond memories spinning around in his head but when he hears Cheryl's next words, that smile fades. "–And then he arrived, it was meant to be a surprise… I was happy, but you, you stopped smiling."

"Chez…" Brendan walks towards her and Steven lets go of him, albeit reluctantly and when he reaches his sister, he instantly pulls her into a hug. "It's okay… I'm okay now." Cheryl cries against his shoulder for a second before straightening up and brushing his hair off of his forehead, trying to offer him a smile and motioning for him to follow her out of the door; he does, once again taking hold of Steven's hand when he walks past him.

When they reach the corridor, they can hear his Nan and Seamus talking, only it's not in the bedroom; they have moved into the kitchen now and Brendan can tell his Nan is trying to control her anger. She's talking in a raised voice and as they walk into the kitchen, they can hear her say how disgusting Seamus is and how he's the devil.

Cheryl walks over to the sink and pours herself a glass of water as Brendan and Ste stand next to her and when his sister looks at Seamus, there is disgust and coldness lacing her eyes. "How could you?" She sneers at their dad and Seamus actually smiles, a vile, bitter laugh spilling from his lips.

"He was practically begging me for it." His father snarls and Brendan feels the vomit creeping up in his throat again, his stomach doing flips because how can his father say something so disgusting and when he looks at Steven, he can see the anger in the other boy's eyes.

"You're sick, do you know that? You did that to your own son!" Steven shouts and he's ripping his hand away from Brendan, his fists bunching at his sides and Brendan's seen Steven like this before, he knows Steven has anger problems just like he does and he's scared about what his boyfriend could do. Scared he could get hurt if he does something stupid right now.

Seamus looks at Brendan and smirks, something sinister lurking behind his eyes. "Me and you know the truth don't we, boy? Haven't you told your little faggot how much you like it?–" Seamus takes a step forward, his hands in his pockets and Brendan quickly looks towards Cheryl and realises his Nan has walked over and his sister is crying in her arms. "–Haven't you told him how you would always bend over willingly and plead with your little eyes, looking up at me and silently telling me how much you loved my dick in your arse?" Brendan hears Cheryl heaving again and there's a tear dripping down Steven's cheek as Seamus walks even _closer_ – to the point where he can reach out and stroke a hand down Brendan's cheek and then suddenly, there's movement and everything is happening so quickly and then Seamus is on the floor, a person on top of him and stabbing his father over and over again and there's so much blood and screams of pain and Brendan is dragging this person off of Seamus as he looks down at his Father's bloodied and dead figure…

…

It's been an hour, his father's body is still on the kitchen floor and everyone is sitting in the living room; Steven sat in the corner, rocking back and forth and Brendan doesn't know what to do to help him. There's blood, so much blood everywhere, it's flooding the kitchen floor, covering Steven's clothes and there's only one thing Brendan's thinking about right now; he has to get Steven cleaned up so he walks over to him and crouches until he meets the other boy's eye-level.

"Steven –" He whispers and Steven looks up at him, tears and blood and snot covering his face and Brendan doesn't want him to shed any tears over what he's done, Seamus deserved it and Steven simply saved him; always saving him this boy. "–Steven, we need to get you cleaned up, get all of this stuff off of you…" The other boy nods, a tiny motion of his head and Brendan takes hold of his hand, pulling him up and steering him towards the bathroom before getting Steven undressed when they get inside and putting him in the shower.

Steven's not moving, doesn't have the capabilities to understand what has happened in the last hour and it's up to Brendan to wash him, cleaning all of the blood off of his body and shampooing his hair and sometime, in the middle of doing this, Cheryl walks in and picks up Steven's clothes, telling Brendan she's putting them in the wash before walking back out and Steven's crying again; silent tears dripping down from his eyes and Brendan's at a loose end, he just doesn't know what to do.

When Steven's clean and every trance of what has happened is gone from his body, Brendan takes him to the bedroom and dries him – making him wrap the dressing gown around himself before putting Steven into bed and then he remembers… the book he brought Steven, if he gives it to him now then at least, just maybe, it might take the other boy's mind off of what has happened.

"I brought you this…" Brendan walks over to the plastic bag and takes the book out, flipping it over in his palms before walking back to Steven and handing it to him. Steven looks at it for a second before opening the pages, treating the book as if it is fragile glass and when he looks up, he smiles – something he hasn't done since lunch time.

"I love you…" Steven says before looking back at the book and Brendan kisses his forehead before leaving him in peace. He has to find out what is going to happen now because Steven isn't going to go down for this; Brendan would rather he be sent down instead of the other boy but when he walks back into the living room, it looks like he won't even need to do that.

"I'm an old woman; I probably won't even be in prison for a year… we can't let them know it was Ste, not when he saved him…"

"What's this?" Brendan asks, walking into the room fully so they know he heard and his Nan looks at him for a second, Cheryl is in near hysterics and suddenly it all makes sense. Roisin wants to take the blame, she wants to tell the police what _she _apparently did and when Brendan looks at her hands, he almost recoils in horror. She's covered in blood now, it's all up her arms, all over her clothes and the knife is in her hand; the sharp metal glinting in the light and Brendan doesn't want Steven to go to prison but he doesn't want his Nan to either, not when they are finally building bridges again. "Nana, you can't!"

His Nan walks over to him, a small, comforting smile on her face but Brendan is going crazy on the inside; he wishes he could change everything, try to stop this fucked up situation but it's too late. Roisin is telling him how it's all sorted, how the police are on their way and if right on cue; there is a knock on the door, the police shouting from outside and then the door is being busted down and Cheryl is screaming and they're dragging his Nan away as she's saying goodbye and there's nothing he can do, this is out of his hands…

–OXO–

It's the second funeral of this week, Seamus' was the first – only a brief visit to make sure the fucker actually was dead, to make sure he was being buried six feet under and Brendan had cried; not out of pain for his dead father but because he was relieved, happy that the man that destroyed his childhood was dead and couldn't hurt him anymore. Steven was stood next to him the whole time, squeezing his hand in support and he feels better now; realised that Seamus deserves what he got and even Cheryl has told Steven not to feel guilty but the other boy told him something the night before the funeral. Admitted that he keeps seeing Seamus' eyes, the light draining out of them as he stabbed him over and over and _over _again; according to the autopsy, Seamus had nearly one hundred wounds, every single one deep enough to have killed him on their own and that's the thing that made Steven feel sick; the fact he couldn't have stopped if Brendan hadn't of pulled him off. The way he would have kept going and going until Seamus was nothing more than a mangle of flesh but he doesn't blame himself anymore, not when Seamus _touched _Brendan again.

However, today is the day everyone is sad… it's only been five months; the post-mortem on Seamus' body had taken that long to come through but it's not his funeral, no, that was Wednesday… today it is his Nan's. He hasn't seen Roisin since the day she was dragged away, she refused all visiting orders and now it's too late. According to the police and the hospital, she had been dying from breast cancer long before she was arrested; she had known about it and the doctors had only given her a year to live and now it's too late; he'll never see his Nan again so today is the day everyone is sad.

He, Steven and Cheryl are stood outside, watching the coffin be lowered into the ground and then suddenly the Vicar is speaking. "We are gathered here today to witness the burial of Roisin Nolan. A loving mother, Grandmother and friend, we commit her into the hands of God and may she find peace in the sanctuary he offers." After that there are prayers, Brendan and Cheryl barely getting through it as the sobs are lacing their voices and when everything has been said and done; they each throw a pile of dirt onto the coffin as the Vicar finishes his speech. "We offer this body to the ground, earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust." The Father walks away after that and Steven hugs onto Brendan tightly as he holds Cheryl's hand; the younger boy staying strong for both of them, even as a tear falls down his cheek and later, when they are walking away and going home, Brendan sees Steven turn his head to look at Roisin's grave one final time before he faintly hears him whisper 'thank you'.

–OXO–

Another month has passed now and he and Steven have just got there grades from their GCSE's; Brendan passing every class while Steven fails Maths but apart from that, they both have enough to get into college. Things have slowly gotten back to normal; they're going back out with Aidan, Pete, Malachy and Eileen, they still can't get enough of each-other, and the best thing is, Terry hasn't come back and Pauline is clearing up her act; she's off the booze and Steven sees her once a week now, something no-one would have thought possible but it seems to be working and Steven is happy, happier than he's ever been he says.

They're at school right now, doing some group project but Brendan and Ste are barely listening – too busy looking at each-other and Brendan only looks away when he feels Will Savage poke him. "Brendan, can you two at least help?" Will smirks and it's strange, Brendan never thought he would become friends with the 'psycho of the school' but once you get to know him, it seems William isn't so bad after all; in fact, he's actually quite amazing. Smart, funny and kind – people obviously just misunderstood him.

"Okay William, keep your head on." Brendan smiles back at him and Steven rubs his foot under the table before curling his hand around Brendan's thigh and resting his head on his shoulder. After that, school goes as it's meant to; both of them getting on with their work without people telling them to sop eyeing each-other up and in their last ever lesson, their farewell one, the teacher says she's proud of Brendan for turning everything around and getting the grades he deserves. They share a hug, not something Brendan really wanted to do but he's okay going along with it and after that, Brendan, Ste and Will all walk out of the school gates, heading towards their homes.

"Bren, can we go to our place?" Steven mumbles and Brendan grins at him, they haven't been there for so long now and Brendan suddenly realises how he's missed it; just spending hours on the hill with Steven for company, fucking him into the grass and they both say bye to Will before walking in the opposite direction.

When they reach there, Ste smiles at him and pulls him into a kiss; immediately clawing at Brendan's clothes and soon enough they are both naked; items of clothing strewn all over the place and Brendan settles down in-between Steven's legs as he eats him out. "Fuck… Brendan, deeper!" Steven moves his hands to Brendan's head and pushes his tongue in until it can't go any further, until Brendan is sucking on his rim and screwing his tongue inside and Steven is bawling out in pleasure, his knees trembling as Brendan sits back up and slicks his cock with spit.

"You ready?" He asks and Steven nods, his eyes rolling back into his head as Brendan pushes inside and this is never going to get old, this is just the most perfect feeling he's ever felt and when they both come, it's with them breathing 'I love you' and wrapping their bodies together.

–OXO–

That night, when they are lying in bed and Steven's head is against his chest, Brendan feels like this is it; this is what he's been waiting for… that is until Steven says something that breaks his heart.

"Brendan… I need to tell you something…" Steven says, and he sits up, holding Brendan's face in his palms and Brendan feels stupid because he didn't even notice Steven crying silently against his chest and now he's worried, this is when Steven breaks up with him. "You know I love you, don't you?"

Brendan nods. "Yeah, and I love you too…" Suddenly Steven bursts into tears and Brendan pulls him towards him, hugging him silently as Steven cries against him and Brendan doesn't know what this is about but there's a feeling of dread low in his stomach. "Shush, what is it?"

"I'm…–" Steven sits up and wipes his eyes before kissing Brendan quickly and breathing deeply, he's steadying himself to say something big and Brendan obviously doesn't know what that something is but it's making him feel sick; a suddenly sadness filling him and when Steven speaks, he feels tears dripping down his cheeks. "–I'm leaving tomorrow… me mum, she wants to move to Manchester and I'm… I have to go with her…"

Brendan climbs out of the bed and starts rubbing his face, trying to clear the tears away but they keep coming and Steven is sobbing on the bed as he watches Brendan pace the room. "You promised you wouldn't leave me…–" Brendan looks at Steven again and his heart breaks, he's about to lose the one person he can't live without and he _can't _if Steven leaves then everything he knows, everything he lives for and his ability to love will just disappear. "I can't lose you, Steven…" That makes Steven cry even harder and Brendan can't take this so he walks towards him and kisses the other boy, trying to think of any way he can stop them both hurting but he knows this is it, his life is over now.

They make love that night, over and over again until neither has the energy to do anymore and when he pulls Steven close and the other boy is asleep against him, there's only one thought in Brendan's head; 'I've lost you'.

–OXO–

The taxi is beeping at them, telling Steven and Brendan that it's over now; that they have to part from each-other… maybe even forever and they're clinging to each-other so tightly and Brendan isn't letting go, he _can't _let go, not of the person that means everything to him.

"Please don't go, Steven. Please… I–I can't live without you…" Brendan cries, more tears falling into Steven's hair and Steven is just as bad; the wet drips wetting Brendan's shoulder and this can't be happening, it just _can't_.

"I have to… this is… I have to be there for my mum…" Steven pulls away, cupping Brendan's face as he presses three final kisses onto his lips and Brendan can't believe this is happening and Cheryl's behind him, telling him it's okay but he's still clinging to Steven, still trying to tell himself that this is just an awful nightmare and he's going to wake up in any second.

"Please don't do this… I _need _you Steven. You've… you're my whole life… please don't leave me…" Steven shakes his head and pulls him into one final hug before whispering,

"I'm never gonna feel any differently about you…" and when they part, he looks into Brendan's eyes, kisses his cheek and speaks for the last time. "I'll come back for you one day, I promise…" Steven walks away and Cheryl has to hold Brendan back as he's screaming after him, telling him he loves him and that he can't do this to him but his attempts are futile and as Steven steps into that taxi and it begins to drive away, Brendan breaks down in his sister's arms; wondering why god would be so cruel to him.

He looks at the departing vehicle one final time and sees Steven's palm against the glass, mouthing 'I love you so much' and Brendan feels his knees buckle underneath him, his legs giving away and as Steven disappears from sight they both realise they are never going to be whole again because there's just lost the other half of themselves. Their love for each-other staying with them but their ability to ever love anyone else vanishing and they both cry silent tears as they realise they've lost each-other. Maybe forever.

…

'_Love of my life, my soul-mate. You're my best friend. Part of me, like breathing. Now half of me is left…" _~ Hope, 'Who Am I to Say'.

…

**Okay… so, did you cry? I cried when I planned that and when I was writing it… don't worry though, there is one more chapter left and 'Broken Beginnings' is the first instalment of a trilogy… that's me telling you that I like a happy Stendan, a Stendan that is **_**together**_**! That may be a hint… please review!x**


	14. Chapter 14

**Okay, I have a confession… I messed up! I was meant to put this on the end of the last chapter but I completely forgot… which is why this is so short… in the sequel, when Brendan and Ste talk to each-other about the years they spent apart, you will find out more about what happened while they wasn't with each-other but for now; here is a tiny chapter! Forgive me… thank you for your amazing reviews and I'm hoping the first chapter of the sequel will be posted soon… chow!xx**

**10 Years Later**

He wakes up and looks across to the body next to him, the blonde hair sweeping over his forehead, the stubble and lean body and Brendan feels nothing. He's just looking at this person he has spent a year of his life with and all he sees is a fuck buddy; someone to shag just for pure pleasure, it's not like that person he had all those years ago.

He thinks about him every day, wonders what he is doing with his life now because, he would be lying if he said he didn't miss him; they may not have even spent a year together but the time they did share… that was enough time for Steven to steal his heart and now, just like all those years ago, he realises he doesn't have any more love to give. He could never love Kevin because his heart already belongs to someone else.

Kevin begins to stir awake and Brendan crawls in-between his legs, he's still open from last night and it doesn't take long for Brendan to put a condom on and slip inside him; he would never not use protection now, even though he and Kevin are both clean, that skin-on-skin connection is meant to be with someone you love; not someone who you use.

He begins fucking Kevin instantly and the other man opens his eyes and smiles but Brendan doesn't want to see it, so he leans down and kisses him, groaning into Kevin's mouth and he begins thrusting faster but it's not Kevin's face in his mind, it's Steven's. He always pictures him when he's doing this; it's the only way he can stay out of celibacy, he couldn't survive without sex but he couldn't have sex if he didn't imagine he was fucking Steven so that's what he has to do, travel back ten years so it feels like he's with Steven again but it's so hard. He misses him so much and sometimes, he can't even get through a day without zoning out and imagining what the other man is doing, it's been killing him for years.

He thinks how Steven would look now, how his cheekbones would be just as pronounced, how his ears would be the same, the ears Brendan used to love nibbling on and how his skin would still have that golden colour and mostly, more than anything, he imagines what he would look like it the middle of orgasm now and that thought alone makes him explode, having to bite his tongue to prevent himself from calling out Steven's name and after, when he's finished, he stands up and walks to the shower; he knows Kevin won't be there when he gets out.

–OXO–

"You really like swallows don't you?" He's in the office of his club and Anne is stood in front of him, smiling as he changes his shirt because she spilled wine down him and he doesn't know what she means until he realises; the swallow tattoo on his chest, the fact his club is called 'The Swallow' and how he lives in a secluded area called 'Swallowfields'. He's never told anyone why he has an obsession with the small birds and that's because, if he did then he would have to say _why_, he would have to tell them about Steven and he doesn't know if he can bring himself to talk about that person, not when Steven still means the world to him.

He hums in confirmation and Anne smiles at him before reaching to pour herself a glass of wine, it's allowed, she owns half of this place and the reason Brendan had the balls to open a club was thanks to her. He met Anne a year after Steven left, he was fucked up, drinking and fucking everything that moved and she helped him; she may be a year younger than him but she has the ability to ground him, make him see what is importantly and she's his best friend. Anne and Warren Fox, the people who know everything about Brendan… of course, there's only one thing – one person – they don't know about.

"So, me and Warren were thinking, we're going out for some drinks tonight. Do you wanna come? You can bring Kevin…" Anne smirks, sipping her wine and she knows the situation with Kevin and she doesn't approve; Kevin's in love with him, has been for a long time and you would have to be blind not to see it but Brendan doesn't care. He could never love anyone else and that's why Anne gets annoyed at him sometimes, she's scared he's going to break Kevin's heart but in all honesty, he couldn't give a shit.

"Yeah, urm… what time?" Brendan mumbles, buttoning up the rest of his shirt and he could do with a night out today, the thoughts of Steven have been upsetting him all day and he just wants to go out and get absolutely smashed; hammered so he's more drunk than he's ever been and maybe, he will be able to get him out of his head.

"Around eight's good, right?" Anne grins at him and Brendan nods his head before walking back to his desk and sitting down, watching Anne go as she picks up her phone and tells Warren he's going with them.

–OXO–

He's at this new club in town, Warren, Anne and Kevin are sat around him; drinking whatever shit they fancy and Kevin's bladdered already, swaying on the chair and looking at Brendan and something feels different tonight; something between him and Kevin is different and when Kevin speaks, he wishes he could just disappear. "I love you, Brendan…" Kevin whispers into his ear, sliding his hand over his chest and Brendan moves away as though he's been burned, has to push Kevin away because he could never love him and Brendan's so fucking drunk and he doesn't mean for it to come out the way it does but it's too late.

"Well I don't love you… I could never love you, Kevin." Brendan takes in Kevin's grief-stricken face and walks away. He's not a horrible person, not in a long shot but he can't deal with someone telling him that when he doesn't reciprocate those feelings, and he just makes it outside when he feels someone tug on his arm; he doesn't need to look to know who it is.

"What the hell is your problem, Brendan? Listen, you're my best friend but that in there, that was cruel! Are you even capable of love, you know, that man loves you more than anything and you treat him like shit!" Brendan turns to look at Anne and he can understand why she's angry but she doesn't understand, not when he hasn't told her anything so now… now might be the time he has to tell her.

"I did...once." Brendan yells it, emotion and anger overflowing but that last word – that once – is merely a whisper. He knows that loving someone once is too much; too much a frequency because that once can kill you. Love is something you should shield yourself from, not welcome with open arms because love is evil. It ruins you, kills you and destroys you. It kills something inside of you that you will never get back, no matter how hard you try because when you lose that person you love –it rips your heart out, stabs it and then shits all over your body. After 'love' has made you feel as light as a fucking feather and makes you the happiest you've ever been it leaves – leaves you to be a fucking wreck on your own. It blackens your soul, makes you cold – bitter – and love is the only thing that has really, truly broken Brendan. Love has hurt him more than his father, his mother or anyone ever could.

Anne stares at him in shock for a second before pulling him towards a nearby wall and sitting down, he's just so drunk and Steven is in his head again and when Anne asks him who he was talking about, he tells her. Says how he met the love of his life all those years ago and how he left him and how he still hasn't come back, even though he promised him he would and he feels tears falling down his cheeks as he tells his best friend he still loves Steven, that he always will and nothing will ever change that and when he finishes talking; Anne pulls him into her arms and strokes through his hair until he feels calm again.

Which is why, the next day when Brendan is driving to work, he decides to make a quick detour and go to the hill; somewhere he hasn't been for other six years and when he gets to the bottom, he feel tears in his eyes but he quickly wipes them away before walking up. When he gets to the top, he wishes he didn't go at all. "Steven?" He watches the other man turn around and Brendan feels his heart stop, he thought he was seeing things, maybe he had mistaken someone for Steven but he hasn't… stood in front of him is the one man he will always love.

"Brendan?" Steven walks towards him and lifts his hand to Brendan's cheek, stroking over his moustache and searching his eyes and then suddenly they are hugging; Steven crying against his chest and Brendan's heart is beating so fast, it's almost coming out of his body but he doesn't care, all he cares about is clinging onto this man in front of him because he's missed him for ten years of his life and now he's here, now he's within reach.

"What are you doing here, Steven?" Brendan whispers, stroking his hand through Steven's hair and when the other man looks up at him he motions for them to sit down and when they do, Steven automatically grabs Brendan's hand.

"I… I broke up with my boyfriend three months ago, Doug his name was –" Brendan feels his stomach clench and he automatically hates this Douglas, he's had Steven, Brendan doesn't know how long for but he's still had him. "–I told him I love someone else… always have done…" Steven looks up at him and smiles silently and Brendan's missed that smile so fucking much, more than anything in the world. "–And that someone is you Brendan… which is why I'm here, I've come back for you Brendan…" Brendan's heart drops into his stomach and he looks into Steven's eyes, sees how they are shining at him and Brendan has to swallow several times before he can speak.

"You've… come back for me?" Steven nods and suddenly a grin is breaking out on his face and Brendan pulls him towards him to kiss him, just lightly at first but then Steven deepens it and suddenly everything is perfect again, suddenly Brendan feels whole.

When they break apart, Steven whispers how much he loves him, always has done and Brendan says the same before kissing Steven again; listening to the wind in the tress and the faint sound of swallows and finally, both of them feel complete.


End file.
